For the first time in my life, I was sad to hear Carlisle's voice.
"Are you alright?" Carlisle asked.
"Oh Carlisle…" I choked down the line. I was so close to breaking point. The last months had taken their toll on me.
"Esme, my love, what's wrong?" His tone was calm and soothing as ever but I couldn't hold it together.
"I'm fine." I tried to lie, not wanting to worry him. "It will pass." I heard a car door slam at his end of the phone.
"I'm on my way home." Carlisle replied. Even in my distress, that was one of the things that I loved most about him. He did not insist that he should come home, he just did it. "What's happened?" There was a pause. "Is it Edward?" I gasped back my sudden wave of panic.
"I don't know, Carlisle." I told him, frantically. "Alice said...said he...he might…" I was unable to get the words out.
"Where is everyone else?" Carlisle asked me. I tried to pull myself together.
"Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett are hunting. They took Rose's BMW. She said that they'd be back sometime this afternoon. I don't think they've gone far."
"And Alice?" Carlisle questioned. "Did she see anything?"
The choking fear overcame me again. I couldn't breathe. That was not a problem except I couldn't speak either. I heard the car engine speeding up and then slowing. I attempted not to think about any of my worries but they would not clear my head. Even the sound of Carlisle's key in the front door did not calm me down. Where was Jasper when I needed him? Although, I admitted to myself, he probably wouldn't have made much difference for long. When Carlisle came in, I was clutching a sofa cushion, crying tearlessly. He took me in his arms straight away and hugged me against his body. For a few moments, the panic didn't ease but as Carlisle stroked my hair gently and patted my back, my fears did subside slightly.
"I'm sorry." I croaked, as soon as I could speak again. "I shouldn't be worrying everyone like this. No one else goes to pieces everyday." At the sight of the piano over Carlisle's shoulder, I almost lost control again but averted my eyes quickly. Don't lose it, Esme, I warned myself. Carlisle shook his head at my words.
"You cannot help your feelings," he told me. "You love Edward." Somehow, it hurt less when Carlisle said his name than when Alice did. I put that down to his radiating tranquility and constant compassion.
"So does everyone else." I reminded him. I was being unbelievably selfish by reacting so dramatically. Perhaps I was going completely over the edge. Carlisle did not need additional talents to read my mind.
"You are not being selfish, Esme," he assured me, gazing into my eyes. "We all have our own ways of coping."
"But Emmett and Alice don't worry about him constantly. They don't overreact like I do. You love him yet you can still go to work and act normally. It's only me who waits by the phone all day, only me who would be suffocating on my tears if only I could die…"
"Esme," Carlisle started, in a serious tone. He gave me a look, one that I hadn't seen for decades. Since my rebirth…
"I'm so sorry." I placed my hands on his face. "I'm being so stupid." He shook his head with a finality that ended my apology.
"Never apologise for your feelings." Carlisle was right. I was so glad that I had him to keep me sane. "Now, would you like to tell me what happened?"
I took a deep breath and began.
" This morning,Alice and I were at home and the others had gone hunting. Rosalie phoned Alice and said that they'd be back this afternoon. Suddenly, Alice jumped up and said that she had to go out. I asked her what was wrong but she was vague. It was like...like she was trying to act calm but there was something seriously wrong…" I broke off for a moment. Carlisle was still gazing at me but he was deep in thought.
"Did she say where she was going?" I shook my head.
"She took your Mercedes because it had a full tank but she...she took her passport too. When I questioned her, she shrugged it off and told me that it was just in case she wanted to go somewhere else. I was confused and couldn't understand anything that she was muttering to herself. About an hour ago, she phoned and told me that everything was fine. I panicked, of course and asked her what was happening. Then, Alice gave me instructions on what to do if Edward phoned and asked to speak to her. Why would he phone today, I wondered? But Alice was so mysterious about it. Perhaps she'd seen something and he'd heard her…?"
Carlisle was silent for a long while, lost in thought, still stroking my hair absent-mindedly. Finally, he spoke.
"I can't come up with an obvious conclusion as to what's going on but I'm sure that nothing is seriously wrong. Alice would have said something." He studied my face a little more closely then smiled slightly.
"Esme, when was the last time you hunted?" I thought back. I couldn't honestly remember. It was sometimes hard to notice a ringing phone when hunting. I hadn't wanted to miss any calls.
"I'm not sure," I admitted, trying to think of an excuse. "It wasn't that long ago." Carlisle smiled again.
"I don't think that your eyes would agree with that, somehow," he joked, gazing pointedly into my black pupils. "We'll go hunting when the others get back. We won't miss any phone calls." Carlisle always knew what I was thinking. Always.
"Alright," I agreed. "We won't go far, will we? I need to grill Alice the second she gets home." I half-smiled. Carlisle's golden eyes softened.
"There's the first smile I've seen on your face for months," he noted. I grew serious again.
"Carlisle, do you think he'll ever recover?" I asked, unsure of whether I wanted to hear the answer or not. Carlisle knew who I was asking about. Even if he hadn't, it would have been obvious. The vampire in question was one that occupied most of my thoughts, most of the time.
"I honestly cannot say. I've seen vampires recover from such circumstances before. Time is a great healer."
"It doesn't always work that way…" I had been trying not to think of Carlisle's old friend Marcus, of the Volturi, who had never regained his former happiness after the death of his partner. As Carlisle's eyes met mine, I saw that we were thinking of the same thing.
"All cases are unique." Carlisle reminded me. "Everyone will react differently to certain situations."
"But you know Edward…" I forced myself to speak his name aloud. Carlisle nodded and sighed.
"I have never seen him in a fraction of the agony that he suffers now. Edward is strong but he can control himself best when he has something worth fighting for. In time, I hope that he will discover something to help him though this."
"And I hope that you are right." I told Carlisle as I lifted my head to kiss him.
The sounds of the car pulling up outside did much to brighten my mood further. Emmett's playful laugh echoed throughout the empty house. Three of my children had returned. A few of my more irrational fears vanished.
"...can't believe you ruined another shirt, Emmett." I heard Rosalie complain. "You get through more clothes than Alice and I!" Carlisle and I laughed as Emmett strode through the lounge in a tattered white shirt.
"Emmett, I'm always telling you, put a spare shirt in the back of the car." I tried to say to him. Emmett just snorted and continued upstairs. Honestly, if he was anymore relaxed and easy-going…
"Is Alice back yet?" Jasper asked. Carlisle and I both turned to face him.
"No. Did she tell you anything?" Carlisle replied. Jasper shook his head.
"Just a text message saying that she was going out somewhere. I haven't heard anything else." I exchanged a worried glance with Carlisle. He put an arm around my shoulders.
"Don't worry," he instructed me. I immediately felt Jasper's calm attempting to banish my fears. I did my best to give in to the feeling. "We're going hunting." Carlisle told Jasper. "Rose, I want you to answer the phone if anyone rings."
"Are we expecting a call?" Rosalie questioned.
"Just something Alice hinted at." Carlisle replied, not letting them know that there was anything going on. "Esme and I will both have phones with us." Rosalie nodded.
"Okay. Answer phone, keep Emmett out of trouble." That second one was standard. "Anything else?" I nodded.
"If Alice calls, tell her that I need to speak to her." Rosalie's attention was diverted from the mirror on the back of the door and she span around to face us.
"Is she in trouble?" Rosalie gloated, looking very smug. "That's a first." Carlisle shook his head.
"Shall we?" I took Carlisle's hand and we both started running. As Jasper's calm was left behind, my worries, rational and irrational, all surfaced. I focussed only on Carlisle beside me. Relax, Esme, I repeated in my head. Esme, stay calm...