Thanks for all the great reviews!! I love reading them! This is chapter 4- hope you enjoy it and remember, keep reviewing! XX (And thanks to Kari Twilight Mist for the 1917/18 correction! X)

El Leon Y La Oveja

P.S. If the Romeo and Juliet quote is slightly off, sorry! My copy of the play is elsewhere ATM so I had to do the lines from memory. Send the correction please if they need it!! X

I was frozen in shock, despair and guilt for a period of time. Exactly how long, I had no idea. I wasn't able to register anything that was going on around me and Jasper's furious waves of calm were not penetrating my distress in the slightest. I could have been alone, or sitting in a room filled with thousands of people. It made no difference to me because the one person whose company I most desired was unlikely ever to put in an appearance again. The thought burnt at my mind and I shook my head, cursing myself for being so obtuse, so unaware. I had not been thinking of this outcome; I hadn't realised that Edward had reached such a low point. What an irresponsible mother, a pathetic excuse for the woman who professed to love him, who claimed that she cared for her son. How could I have failed Edward any more devastatingly? He was worthy of a far better mother than I and now, all thanks to my obliviousness, he would not live to receive the love that he so deserved. If tears were possible, I would surely have filled a bottomless pit with my misery.

Carlisle, in all our panic and despondency, was, as usual, the only one who managed to regain some kind of control. He moved to sit beside me on the sofa but I hardly noticed his presence and for the first time in my existence, his touch did nothing to soothe me. It was only when I saw his worried expression, worry for me, on top of everything, that I realised that I was shaking and sobbing dry distress. Even for my soulmate, my one true love, I could not force my depression to subside, not in the slightest. I was only partly aware of Carlisle and Jasper conversing in low voices. Suddenly, the need burned inside me, worse than any thirst that I had ever felt. I needed to know the details, had to hear exactly what was happening to my beloved Edward.

"Jasper..." My voice was dry and the word came out constricted and choked. Somehow, he managed to decipher what I was saying and he placed a hand on my arm.

"The worst part of it...is that...Bella survived. Alice saw her jumping but it wasn't at all what she had thought. But Rose told Edward before we could correct everyone. So now, Edward's about to do...do that for nothing..." Jasper was unable to continue. Carlisle gazed into space, his mood clear in his expression. I cried out silently. No. It couldn't be worse. It just couldn't be. But it was. Not only was Edward going to die but now, he was going to die for nothing. There was no earthly reason for his death. I begged wordlessly to Jasper, yearning for information, to hear what my family were doing to save my Edward.

"Esme, Alice and Bella are on their way to Volterra now. They're going to try to help him." Jasper was trying to calm me but his words couldn't have had a more opposite effect. Alice, another of my babies was to visit Italy too? She was taking Bella along with her? That must mean that there was a little hope of saving my Edward. But a very miniscule hope. I fought with my composure as it threatened to slip. Carlisle's arm tightened around me.

"What chance do we have?" he asked Jasper, who knew exactly what he meant. Jasper looked down at his lap before lifting his head to meet Carlisle's eyes. Carlisle sighed, as if he was expecting the answer that Jasper gave us.

"I won't lie. It's not going to help us asked me to prepare you...she told me that the odds weren't good." I gasped and choked once more as my words stuck in my throat and I was restricted by my tearless hysteria. I deliberately avoided looking at Carlisle's face. The one person, who would be suffering more pain right now, apart from Bella and I, would be Carlisle. He and Edward had been together ever since 1918 and hardly separated since. The loss of his first son would destroy him, in more ways than any of the rest of us could ever understand. He'd been distraught enough during Edward's rebellious phase and even then, he knew, deep down, that Edward would return one day. Now, we were being told that there was a small chance that Edward would survive the next few hours. It was too awful to even think about but it had become my new reality.

I didn't want to imagine Edward in Volterra, standing in front of the cloaked Volturi guards, begging them to give him an escape from his pain, an escape from the torture of eternity. A twisted version of Romeo and Juliet swam into my mind and I tried to push it away. No success. The last line of the play floated maliciously into my thoughts and lingered there.

'For never was a story of more woe

Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.'

Would it really be a case of 'and we all lived unhappily ever after'? Edward and Bella could both end up losing their lives in the process. Alice could be killed or captured and held by the Volturi. Was it likely that Aro would hand out death so easily? Perhaps not. I pictured his cold expression, from the one time that I'd met him. Even on the day of mine and Carlisle's wedding, he had an air of malice about him. There was an unnatural chill that came with his presence and I didn't doubt for a second that even if he refused to destroy Edward, Caius would oblige, only too willingly. As for their guards...I shivered at the idea of my son facing them alone. I gasped again as I imagined Alice's desperate attempts to save her brother, as Bella, poor, fragile, delicate, lonely Bella, watched in horror as the Cullens failed to overcome the Volturi guards...

I snapped out of my thoughts quickly. There was no way that I wanted those ideas in my head; they would only torture me further. I grasped Carlisle's hand for support.

"What can we do?" I asked Jasper. "Anything. I'll do anything." I was pleading and part of me knew that it was beyond hopeless. I did not care. Anything to bring them back unharmed, all of them. Goodness knew what Charlie was thinking. Bella must have left without saying goodbye, without giving him a proper explanation. He would be unbelievably worried about her. Should I call? At the thought of having to make normal conversation with another living creature, I almost broke down. It would be too hard for me to speak aloud without breaking or losing my control completely.

"Esme, there's nothing we can do." Jasper answered, apologetically. "Emmett and Rose went to try and get him to see sense but I called them back. Edward won't listen to anyone now. Our only chance is for him to see Bella, with his own eyes. Alice is trying to get her there before it's too late."

"Too late?" I repeated, my voice shaking. Jasper sighed.

"Alice sent me a text and she's seen the future...up to a certain point. You see, Edward was going to go to the Volturi and ask for...well, what he wants. Alice has watched their decisions and they decided to refuse his offer." I would have jumped with joy but obviously something was still very wrong.

"And so he's decided to provoke them." Carlisle finished. He was guessing but as soon as he spoke, I realised that would be exactly what Edward would choose to do next. Jasper nodded, slightly surprised.

"How did you know?" he asked. Carlisle exhaled heavily, looking very unhappy.

"I know Edward," he replied. "As soon as you told us that he had heard about Bella, I immediately thought of Volterra. Of course, I pushed the thought to the back of my mind but I was curious to know how Edward had reacted." Carlisle sighed, his eyes sad and downcast. "I suddenly realised that Volterra would be Edward's exact choice. When he was a newborn, I explained to him just how hard it is to destroy one of our kind. I sensed that last summer, during the incident with James, that Volterra was on Edward's mind. It occurred to me that without Bella, he may not have had the will to carry on with life. Eternity is a long time to spend living in guilt and sorrow."

We were all lost in thought for a few moments after that.

"Did Alice happen to mention to you what her plans are should she...fail to succeed?" Carlisle's voice was pained as he spoke but I appreciated his courage at asking. None of us wanted to imagine the loss of Alice, least of all, Jasper.

"She promised that she'd do everything that she could to get herself and Bella away safely. But she warned me that it could be dangerous." Jasper paused as he winced very slightly. "I'm just trying not to think about that possibility." Carlisle nodded, his soft eyes swimming with sadness and heartache. I hated to see him that way but I couldn't even control myself, let alone muster up enough strength to console my husband. Just the fact that I was not alone was helping. Very, very slightly.

"So now, we...wait... to hear something?" I asked Jasper. It seemed an impossible task; I had never imagined that just sitting at home could be so challenging. Carlisle sensed my pain and I knew that he would feel the same, if not worse. I wrapped my arms around him and Jasper and pulled my family towards me. Holding all that I had, as close as I could. In my heart, I felt the gaps where my missing children should have been. One for my long-dead baby, one for Rosalie, one for Emmett, one for Bella, one for Alice, one for Edward. Until we were safe, I would not let Carlisle and Jasper go. Without my family, I was nothing. I had nothing truly precious to me, aside from them.

With each jolt in my heart, I missed my children. With each pang, I was petrified for them. I wept and worried and waited...

Waited...

Waited...

Waited...