Letter Ten

I talked to C.A. Today spencer and she put a lot of things into prospective for me. We talked about the problems we were having when I last saw her. About how you had called me immature when really you were being very immature about things as well by not taking certain things into consideration when we were going to move in with each other because you didn't want to wait because you've waited long enough, or getting angry when I used the word no or said you can't have something right then. She also said that I gained a lot of maturity when I lived with my former ex because things are so much different and harder when you living with someone. What I am really saying is we are both immature in different areas but I feel like you put this whole break up on me that it was all my fault and I let you. I want to put the blame all on me and I think you knew I would. You said that I blamed you for everything that went wrong and I know I didn't. I may have teased you about something's but you knew I was teasing you because you teased back. C.A. said you were using information you knew from my last relationship agents me trying to justify the breakup. I was at fault with something's but so were you the reason I pushed you to your family was because you'd always complain how they didn't feel like they got to see you enough and you would make me feel bad about and made me feel like it was my fault that you weren't getting to spend time with them. How I never changed the push you away thing you never changed about making me feel bad that you didn't get to spend time with your dad the first fight and your brother the second fight. I am not blaming my actions on you I could have handled my behavior to that better but you could have done things better as well. This isn't also me saying that we obviously can't work things out or that this just proves we should stay broken up I don't feel that way at all. At least now we can identify what's going on and work at it, even if we need someone to mediate things the point is we love each other so why give up on what we have and worked to create. I actually want to be in a commented relationship and I'm surprised that you think a relationship can only have one wave there are multiple waves in an ocean you got to take them one at a time, eventually the sea will calm down but not forever.

I went to my first rowing class yesterday. We learned how to get in and out of a crew boat, we took our first strokes, and also learned how to erg. It was amazing and a lot of fun I defiantly think I'm going to like rowing. I wish I had listened to you sooner and tried it with you. I remember how much you loved to row and the first time I came to see you at one of your regattas. You were so bubbly and excited once you got off the water you were doing something you loved and I hope we get to share another moment like that again. I still sleep with you rowing shirt or I sleep with the horse sweatshirt you gave me. C.A. Told me I should change the sheets on my bed, you know the red satin and cotton striped sheets you bought me for Christmas because you ripped a giant whole in my old ones one night when you were about to cum. She said you scent, so faint I cant smell it, but my brain still can and the pheromones cause a chemical reaction which is causing me to have a harder time letting you go. It also explains why I miss you more at night and when I first get up in the morning. I still get sick in the mornings when I wake up. I Got to go meet Aiden we are cleaning the apartment today.

I miss you spence,

Ashley