Letter Eleven
Hey spencer I had a nightmare another nightmare last night. I was stung by wasp and was in the emergency room and I was laying in the bed I told Aiden to call and tell you that I love you and then went into cardiac arrest so they kicked Aiden out of the room and he was upset so he called to tell you and all you could say was your sorry but you're at work. It wasn't a nightmare because I was attacked by wasp it was a nightmare because I was dying and you didn't even care you were completely cold. The sad part is knowing that it would be the same in real life you're so sure you don't need me or want me that if I died it would be like a stranger dying.
None the less I did have a great day yesterday with Aiden. We cleaned the living room spotless, you wouldn't recognize it because I don't think is been this clean since Kyla and I moved in. Remember that fridge you got for us at your work we finely moved it into the kitchen. Aiden and I went around asking everyone if we could barrow a dolly and wound up with 2 dolly's that didn't really help us. He pushed it to the kitchen door but we either couldn't get it past the door knob or the handles wouldn't go through so we finely had to take the handles and we got it into place. That was an adventure in itself. We throughout the old TV and a lot of things we didn't need. I did run across a poem that I had wrote for you.
What I wouldn't give to wake up to your smile,
To go to bed in your arms,
Falling asleep to your heart beat holding you tightly in my arms.
If I could spend a day in bed with you,
I'd spend it always touching you getting lost in your beautiful aqua eyes.
I want to hold you and night and never let you go.
Wake up to your smiling face with a kiss and a hello.
Life with you is better than any dream.
I can't remember if I ever shared that with you or not but I am now. It's just to bad you probably will never get to read it. Aiden and I are going to clean and pack when he has time off of work and work on one room at a time. Soon will have everything ready to go and hopefully move closer to UCLA.
Aiden and I went to the park and ate sandwiches then flew our kites that you bought us. I remember when you came home with then as a surprise for us because you wanted us to have real kites not our trash kites that we rescued from the dumpster. That is one thing I really miss was you always wanted me to have nice things and you took care of me that way, even though I didn't need it you still loved to spoil me. After it got dark and Aiden and I did not want to relive the bat experience again, where bats come and attack the kite string, we decided to go bowling. We had a blast Aiden kept saying he couldn't bowl yet the first game he kept bowling strikes. The second game I broke 100 and beat him and I wooped his ass on the third game with 114 to 40 something. Yesterday was the first day I missed you but didn't feel like I needed you. I really hate to say that because I still love you but I am starting to come to terms with still loving you but moving on from you not always being there. I can move on from the break up and let myself be happy without having to stop loving you. I know you don't love me anymore you made that clear when I last talked to you but I think I will always love you and I know that's the one thing you don't want. I hope you watch the bowling videos Aiden put up they are so funny and the people behind us were so drunk and kept shouting obscenities or talking about chocolate bunnies and melting them on their chests. It really was a fantastic night something I really needed and I am so grateful for Aiden and the support he has giving me putting up with everything and all my emotions. I wish you could see the living room and I wish you could have gone bowling with us but I cant keep letting me missing you keep me from having fun and being happy Aiden showed me that last night. I have my rowing class to go to I wish you could see me on the water having fun and hopefully one day you will.
I love you spencer and no matter how cold you are to me and how much distance and time you put between us isn't going to change that.
Ashley