Letter Thirteen
Spencer have you ever listened to the song " I Still Love You" or "2am" by Alexz Johnson? If you haven't you should. There are quite a few songs of hers I wish you would listen to. I have always had a hard time getting my feelings out and can never feel like ive expressed everything I want to which is why I always loved to make mixed cd's. I always loved her music shes been an inspiration to me and my music. Listing to her music helps me feel better sometimes when I am sad, but it also makes me wish you could hear these songs to and maybe it would help you understand how I feel. I know you don't care how I feel, about us, about anything really. I still care though and even though everyone says I need to stop I just cant figure out how. How do you stop loving someone? Believe it or not there is a book at the book store on how to stop loving someone I think im going to go and buy it. I am also going to pick up a book on how to communicate because that's something ive had trouble with in all my previous relationships so its something I obviously need to work on. I still have hopes that in time if I can show you I have changed you will be willing to try us again. Aiden told me last night that ive changed already, but I know its not enough of a change for you.
Kyla and I decided we didn't want to rent an apartment and we are going to buy a place by a lake that is near UCLA. We are meeting with a guy this weekend to go view some of the places for sale. It is so exciting that we are going to move but I am sad at the same time because I feel like you should be a part of this and I wish I had your opinion on a lot of things. It is also going to be weird that im going to move and you won't know where I live. It really doesn't make that much of a difference since I know you plan to move out of your parents house this august and move in with a couple of guys. Im not going to know where you moved either or who it is you move in with. Part of that scares me because im afraid you will date one of your roommates and also you don't always see the bad in people. I just worry about you a lot even though its not my place to worry any more I just don't want to see you get hurt or stuck in a bad situation. Even if that did happen you still probably wouldn't talk to me.
You would have been so proud of me the other day at my rowing class. The coach kept complimenting me and one other girl. Everyone kept calling us the stars of the class when it was over. He even told one of the coxswains that help us that I wanted to learn how to cox so shes taking a special effort to help me learn. I really wish I could tell you that I am rowing now I would love to see your face and hear your thoughts about it. I just pray that I will get to tell you one day and that you would want to come see me row. We are going to race with the other class in a week or two and that is going to be exciting. Aiden said he might come to watch and I am hoping Kyla wont to be busy and come to, the only person who will be missing is you Spencer. There is so many things that are happening in my life and it makes me sad that I am not able to share things with you. It also makes me sad because so much is happening in mine it makes me wonder what is going on in yours.
I still love you,
ashley