Letter Twenty-Tree

Hey Spencer,

I had my second dressage lesson today and had an awesome time yet again. I learned how to post during a trot and impressed my trainer, I mean completely floored her, because I picked it up so fast. It was so funny because one of the girls already on the UCLA dressage team was there and was watching my practice and my trainer kept saying "Can you believe shes had no formal training and she has never posted before." I just a problem with making sure I was posting on the correct diagonal but she said that comes with time. Its hard trying to keep track of which leg is out front and which is back when your sitting on top of the horse. When I mentioned what I was going to need to know for tryouts she told me not to worry I already made the team! I was so excited who would of thought that Kyla's mom wanting me to take lessons would of led to me joining the dressage team but I have been having so much fun with it.

Kyla and I also found the cutest house right down the road from UCLA its 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms about 3600squft. We went to go see it and we both feel in love with it so we are going to go and put an offer on it Monday when Kyla gets back from visiting her mom. She is going up there every weekend now to help out around the farm and her grandmother who is living there now to. You would love it Spencer it has a nice size back yard and a horse farm at the end of the street. I really do miss you Spencer I still think about everything and I always wonder what your up to, if you ever think about me. You contacted Aiden again asking him if you left anything over at my place he told me he told you that you only left a shirt. He is upset that you are putting him in the middle of this and if it wasn't for me he would tell you off. You wanted him to ask me but he said that I was finely moving on and that bringing you up in front of me would just put me back. He is kind of right I couldn't stop shaking when he told me it was you. You had no idea I was sitting next to him when the text came in. He wants to tell you to stop bothering him but if he does you might start messaging me and we both agreed that that was a bad idea as well. I don't want to talk to you Spence it hurts every time it just takes me right back to the pain I felt on the first day it reminds me that I lost you. Ever listen to "Until The Day I Die" by Story of The Year it's a good song.

I will love you Spencer until the day I die,

Ashley

Letter Twenty-Four

Spencer,

So I had my Discovery day at Disneyland I drove Aiden into work with me since he had to be there early like me. It was fun we pretty much just walked around the park to see where everything was. I got my earning my ears badge so I will wear that for the next two weeks until I complete my assessment for my ride. I also found out there going to have me working the car ride so I get this cute little race car uniform. The real fun began once Aiden got off and we decided to spend the day playing in the park. I got more photos with the princesses and Mickey and Minnie. We went on a bunch of rides and just walked around. I learned a lot of stuff that goes on back stage it was fun. I start my on the job training tomorrow. They have me scheduled for six am for the next two weeks except for tomorrow I go in at one. Can you even imagine me willingly getting up that early?

Spencer I am trying to show you I said I would change and I am going to do just that. It may never be enough for you I might never get you back. I just want you to know I did what I said what I would do I am improving myself I wont be that person you left I will be better I want to be better. I want to be better not for just you but for me as well because I didn't like who I was and I don't blame you for leaving that person im just mad because you never gave me the chance to try and fix things.

Ashley

Letter Twenty-Five

Hey Spence,

Wow is my race car job at Disneyland an overwhelming one. I met my trainer today her name is Megan and she is really nice. She was disappointed I wasn't a cute boy but I told her she should be just as excited to get a cute girl like me. All the people I will be working with are great! Everyone is friendly and it seems like a tight knit bunch. The job is pretty overwhelming there is a lot that I have to know and do. It is a little stressful because we are dealing with a lot of people, and a lot of people who have a hard time understanding us, which makes things more difficult because we need to keep everyone safe. There are a lot of rules about everything like dealing with the ride and dealing with guest. Everyone seems to want to ask me questions when I was learning how to do the greeter job outside, I blame my earning my ears badge. I will be working Friday through Sunday every week thought I am going to see if I cant drop Friday due to school. Megan and I have the same schedule so even when I am done training I will be seeing her every day I work. I think the most fun I had was getting to close the ride because we stand outside and watch the fireworks. You know how much I love the fireworks , remember how you used to drag me backwards through the crowd so I could watch them and you could get us out of the park. I miss those moments as little and insignificant as they seemed then they mean so much more to me now.

I wish I could share all these new memory's with you,

Ashley

Letter Twenty-six

Spencer,

How are you I wonder? Have you thought about me any? Kyla and I put our offer in for the house they also made a counter offer which was ridiculous so we reencountered and are now waiting to see if they except. If we get it we are going to repaint the inside and it needs a few things fixed here and there but its nothing to horrible. We may even rent a room out to another student. Or if Steve and his wife sell there house they might move in with us. I will be a little sad about moving thought because Madison is moving into the condo across from ours. You remember how she has been in Texas the past two years and I always talked about her but you never got to meet her well what are the odds that we would break up and then she would move in across from me. I am sad you wont get to know her she has played a big part in my life just like Aiden and you have. Though I can see you coming to our place once we moved out and Maddy coming out and giving you an earful once she realizes who you are. Though I will say shes mellowed out since shes been in Texas and it seems most of my friends are more conferenced about keeping you away from me now, making sure we don't have contact. I should really be more afraid of you trying to make amends with me and me never knowing anything about it because they would try and talk you out of it in fear of you hurting me again. Granted I don't believe you would want to ever be gay again now that your on the straight and narrow and you don't have to deal with all the ignorant people plus your mom being so happy your with a guy it just makes your life easier. How could you possible tell all your new friends your gay anyways coming out wasn't easy for you before you would have to do it all over again and I know that would be to much work for you. Im sorry Spencer I am just still bitter about the whole boyfriend thing and the fact that you didn't even wait you just jumped into it. It also doesn't help that I am writing this after I found out my dressage class got canceled so I am a little disappointed, but my lesson for tomorrow is still on. Rowing is over till tryouts in late August so I am already missing it as well.

I love you,

Ashley