Letter Twenty-Eight
Spencer,
Have you heard Gavin DeGraw's song "Not Over You" I heard it for the first time the other day and it made me think he must have wrote that just for me. Lately I feel like I haven't been moving forward, if anything im moving backwards. I cant help but think of you while im going through day and every time I do it hits me that you probably don't even think of me anymore, you probably don't even remember who I am. Well okay I am sure you know who I am but you never think of me or even care to think of me is what I guess hurts. I feel like I must have meant so little to you that what we had meant so little to you. You know the song "Nothing" by The Script I know that no matter what I say or do it will not make a difference and Aiden keeps trying to tell me that but I haven't listened. I thought that I could change your mind if I gave you a few months to cool off but if I were to go to you now you would probably say nothing to me, youd slam the door in my face or have your boyfriend do it for you. August is just turning out to be such a hard month for me. I had hoped I could win you back by now or at least try and start being your friend again. Though now that your with him I cant even think of you without getting physically ill. I am so on edge every time my phone goes off when I get a text that it will be from you. Who am I supposed to say that I want to be your friend I just cant be around you while your dating because I still want to date you and I cant handle watching make out with someone else. Will you never want to be friends again? Then again, you probably wont contact me. You probably deleted my number out of your phone and I know if you ever asked Aiden for it he would tell you to fuck off. Aiden is not that happy with you lately he really hasn't liked being put in the middle of things and I understand why he feels the way he does and I am just so grateful for him being such a good friend.
My first day at Disneyland working at my attraction by myself was great. I got to do all the positions I liked. Rotation just happened to work out that way. The last hour of my day was spent not having to deal with any guest either because it was storming really bad and we couldn't operate the track due to weather. It wasn't until Saturday that I had an issue while working the photocell position. Photocell is where we combine all of the lines and put them into a room to watch a video. Its defiantly my least favorite position to work alone, its not bad when you have someone to help you, but it bites when your alone. We were down all Sunday night due to weather and we had a blast closing we all ran around like we were agents undercover on a mission. Everyone at the track is fun to work with I defiantly am glad that I got assigned there.
Lab has been going well as well. I had to run my own gel by myself and it did not come out right. I had to rerun it twice and Nick, the grad student in charge of me, was frustrated with me but I finely got it right and all is well again. I got to go and see the mice and learn about them and how they are bred and kept. I will be taking over that job as well as running the genotyping; it is going to be a lot of work but well worth it in the end. I found out its to bad I am not going to medical school because both my professor and the professor next door to our lab are both on the admissions board. Being a doctor is defiantly not for me though I like the independence of research and running my own test and experiments.
Good night Spencer I miss you and I wont give up hope that you miss me to, or that you at least think about me. I am not holding my breath though. I finished my book Heartland by Julie Cannon and I am tempted to send you the book. Your my cowgirl and I miss you.
Ashley