A/N: Happy New Years! Here's my present.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything recognizable.

"Your words are like knives
They peel my skin and pierce my soul
Your body will burn tonight
Though your heart may still remain cold

And I will blame myself
For Holding onto what I hoped would keep you by my side
I will blame myself""

"It's always been you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, the only thought I could process was that Bella.. wanted.. me. And she always had, she had never stopped loving me, just as I had never stopped loving her.

And that was enough.

I drove away from my home in Seattle, racing as fast as I could to the little rainy town where my heart had started beating again after 98 years.

This was really happening, everything was going to be alright. The world had been tilted back on it's axis, I could breathe again.

4:50 am

I climbed through Bella's window, quickly, knowing I would make no noise.

I couldn't register my surroundings, all I knew was that Bella was only a couple of steps away from me, she was not a hallucination, nor a figment of my imagination.

She was here. Her scent assaulting my senses, so much stronger than I remembered, a symbol of our unbreakable love.

Not even an imprint could tear us apart.

Before I knew it her mouth was on mine, a choked sob muffled by her fierce kisses.

I forgot about my control, I didn't need to remember, for I would never kill my love, my Bella, my everything.

"I missed you" She whispered

"I love you" I returned.

She kissed me once more, mumbling incoherent apologies, chastising herself for wasting all this time, time without me.

I spent the rest of the night with her, comforted with our old routine, welcoming back the intoxicating scent of freesias and strawberries, the scent of home.

I know understood why I couldn't feel my heart before this, why it's dead weight hadn't been carried everywhere I went, it was because my unbeating heart had been left in the care of the beautiful girl laying beside me. My heart had never left Forks.

She fell asleep, my name tumbling from her lips, a content sigh following, the only sound before everything grew quiet, the only sound before I felt an inkling of boredom.

Watching someone sleep was not nearly as fascinating as entering their dreams.

Once again, the loud shriek of the alarm clock was my only welcome to the dark and gloomy day ahead of me.

Last night, Edward had played a song for me, a serenade, no one had ever done that before.

The thought of Edward's long fingers fluttering across the ivory keys was enough to lift my spirits.

There would be no more purging, no more cutting, I was getting out of here in five days, I had no more room for screw-ups.

The cobwebs retreated back to their corners and the sun shined through, bathing the desolate room in bleach-white light.

I put on my favorite bracelet, the one Edward had given me. Looking at it fondly, how had I managed to befriend such a perfect person?

For the first time in my life, I had met someone I approved of. He was smart and witty, sarcastic and wise, nothing like the ignorant boys back home, nothing like any boy anywhere.

With a newfound outlook to my day, I climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

I combed through my hair, feeling my tendrils hit my knuckles. It was softer now, fuller, like the way it used to be. It shined brighter and had more of it's original color back. I knew it was the food, I wish it would've been enough for me to even think about trying recovery.

I went through my daily makeup routine, then flipped my hair back for good measure.

I put on my new size 3 (ugh) skinny jeans and black flats, perfectly accenting my creamy white blouse.

I walked briskly toward the cafeteria, in my usual manner. Head held high, shoulders back, quick steps. They say you can always spot a dancer walking in a room.

I grabbed a hard boiled egg and a cup of fruit, throwing in a muffin for good measure. I was playing along just fine.

Determined to show just how completely normal I was, I filled up my cup with orange juice and took a large bite of the disgustingly greasy blueberry bread. I sat down nonchalantly, acting as though nothing had happened the last time I was in here.

I saw Ashley from my peripheral vision, staring daggers at the side of my head. I smiled, letting her know I was on to her little game.

I had the sudden urge to take out the disgusting yellow orb that hovered in the middle of the boiled egg and throw it in the trash, but I knew who was watching, so I took a bite, through yolk and all.

Gross.

I drank acid and ate trash until my stomach was full.

Good girl.

I got a pat on the back and only two pills. Used to be that I had to down five rainbow pills everysingleday for breakfast.: Prozac for my serotonin levels, Zyprexa for my anxiety and obsessional thinking, Ambien so I could fall asleep, and most recently; fluoxetine, a medication used for Schizophrenia, to lessen my "delusional" fear of being fat.

Yes, I was a full blown mental patient.

Therapy was next. The bane of my existence, I had let the good doctor in once, and she had sent in her workers and dug shovels into my brain, excavating for buried treasure. She committed mental surgery, I preferred the word rape.

I said all the right things, asked all the right questions, and pretended pretended pretended

I did my homework in an empty white room, save for the desks all arranged in a circle. I impressed the teacher with my plethora of history knowledge and extensive information on just how political machines worked.

I got a shiny, shiny A on my Chemistry Exam, and turned in my half-assed essay on the Rhetorical Strategies used in Thomas Jefferson's Essay on George Washington. Half-assed or not, I knew I would get no lower than a B.

I ate more and more for lunch, filling up on sandwiches and baked potato chips that weren't really healthy, no matter how much the plastic wrapper advertised it was.

I drank two percent milk and munched on carrots during snack time, and ate all of my pudding for dessert.

I deserved a certificate, a medal, a t-shirt… something.

I couldn't contain my excitement as I walked down the long hall to my room, tonight was movie night, not that I really cared for such boring group activities. My Friday nights were spent with an angel.

I wrenched the door open, anticipating the beautiful figure that was always waiting in my room.

I almost called out his name, almost. My eyes betrayed me, not for the first time. I couldn't see him, my eyes were lying to me again.

Oh wait, he just wasn't here.

I sat down on my bed, unable to process this revelation, trying to figure out what had kept him. Something trickled down my spine, an ugly premonition. I didn't like it.

I shook away the feeling, trying to tell myself that what I felt and what really would happen couldn't be the same. I pushed down the thought that reminded me that my instinct was usually always right.

What was my instinct? Something had happened that caused Edward to not be here, he was never late, he couldn't be, he was a vampire, after all. No, there was a reason he hadn't shown, something that couldn't end well on my side.

I stayed on my bed, contemplating my next move, when my door suddenly opened.

I quickly looked towards the visitor, hoping against hope that it was Edward walking in.

It wasn't, it was Dr. Cullen, the same look of compassion masking his face, the same one that screamed pity.

"Why don't you come down and watch the movie with the girls? They're watching Audrey Hepburn movies tonight, Breakfast at Tiffany's is about to come on."

I was instantly assured that he knew what was going on, and he felt pity, for me… No, this certainly wasn't good.

I suppressed the annoyance and embarrassment that suddenly boiled inside of me, and accepted his offer.

"Well, if it's Audrey…" A strained smile formed on my lips, I knew he wouldn't buy it, but I couldn't do much else.

He led the way down the hall, I couldn't stop the sinking feeling that was settling on the pit of my stomach.

I sat down next to a small redheaded girl who's name I couldn't remember. I didn't care, I really hoped she wouldn't try talking to me.

The opening credits rolled on, the familiar music softly playing in the background.

I visibly relaxed against the soft red cushions, drifting away on a moon river.

Holly Golightly was everything I wanted to be, and everything I almost was.

She was charming and impulsive, feisty and flighty, and a genuinely good person who seemed to get herself into a lot of trouble.

As the move progressed, the more and more my mind began to mistakenly drift towards Edward, lingering there, wondering where he was, why he wasn't here, who he might be with. My heart started pounding faster, my overly dramatic emotions rising. I forced the feeling down, stop overreacting.

I needed a higher dose of olanzapine, the numbness that came from the drug was seducing me, wrapping around my body, a cocoon that would shield me from all the hurtanxietyembarassment. Emotion.

Whatever happens, happens and all that crap, I didn't care didn't care didn't care. And besides, who said anything was happening? Just because I had been in this situation more times than I cared to count, it didn't mean it was happening again. Edward was probably just busy, not busy with her, mind you, just busy. It was not happening again.

But it probably was. I admitted silently, like a priest knowing he was going to hell for committing adultery. I had a hard time accepting my fate, praying against everything I knew that it wasn't and that Edward wasn't with who I thought he might/probably/ most likely/ might not be with.

"He's all right! Aren't you, cat? Poor cat! Poor slob! Poor slob without a name! The way I see it I haven't got the right to give him one. We don't belong to each other. We just took up one day by the river. I don't want to own anything until I find a place where me and things go together. I'm not sure where that is but I know what it is like. It's like Tiffany's."

" Tiffany's? You mean the jewelry store."

" That's right. I'm just CRAZY about Tiffany's"

I sighed, sympathizing with Holly. Desperate to find something to own, someone that would belong to me. I wanted to find someone to go together with too. Whatever it was, it would certainly feel like dancing.

I let out another sigh. I was a scorned women, truthfully, I couldn't see myself in love, couldn't see myself married. I was easily disillusioned by beautiful boys, only to be let down, my heart thrown at my face, sometimes by my own doing. No, I wasn't meant for love, love was for simple, pure people, like Bella.

Love wasn't jealous, or boastful or conceited, love wasn't selfish, and it certainly didn't relish in other people's misery.

Love was everything I wasn't, everything I never felt for anyone. Had there ever been a time in my life where my head wasn't filled with bitter musings? Where my emotions had not been laced by anything deceitful? Had I spent my entire life in black?

The answer; yes. Therefore it wasn't in it for me. I was too ugly for love.

"I'll tell you one thing, Fred, darling... I'd marry you for your money in a minute. Would you marry me for my money?"

"In a minute."

"I guess it's pretty lucky neither of us is rich, huh? "

I smiled, loving her for being so familiar, so much like me. She was a women in search of money, because she had thrown away any nuisance of falling in love. Now that, I could do. I couldn't have love, but money…. Well, let's just say money wasn't meant for good people.

I would certainly marry Edward for his money in a minute.

I let out a laugh, covering up my mouth so as to not bother the girls around me, I was so shallow it amused me.

He was right. I would be sure to tell him of this revelation the next time I saw him. If you see him. Don't be silly, your moving to Forks next Sunday. Of course you'll see him.

I really would marry Edward for his money, and I wasn't ashamed to admit it.

"No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling? "

"sure."

"Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!"

Oh Holly! That feeling is happiness! And it's standing right in front of you!

My eyes started to water, as I gazed longingly at the screen, wishing I could belong to someone.

The mean reds, they really were horrible. Anyone with a mental disorder could tell you that much. You felt so alone, so lost, you had lost your map and couldn't find your way home, didn't even know if you had one anymore, had one to begin with.

I suddenly wanted to bring a dvd player into my room and watch this movie over and over again. Burning the images and words into my brain.

I half laughed/cried when Holly and Paul went to get the Cracker Jack ring engraved at Tiffany's, feeling strangely lighthearted, yet envious.

I imagined me and a handsome stranger doing the same thing, a sweet reminder of all-consuming love.

The movie continued, it was almost ending…

"I love you." "So what." "So what? So plenty! I love you, you belong to me!" "No. People don't belong to people.""Of course they do!" "I'll never let ANYBODY put me in a cage."

"I don't want to put you in a cage, I want to love you!"

"It's the same thing" I whispered right along with her, knowing that she belonged to Paul anyway. I was no longer in the recreation center. I was in the car, I was Holly, except, I had no one to say that to. I had no one who wanted me, not that way, not with such intensity.

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself."

I relished in the simple truth of Paul's words. And came to a quiet understanding, Love was the only thing people had, the closest thing to magic. It didn't matter who or what you were in love with. All that mattered was how that made you feel, and by simply evoking such strong emotion, it owned you.

I belonged to ballet, just like Edward belonged with.. And not to, No, I couldn't think of that. I was getting into a hole that I know I would not dig myself out of, where I to end up inside said hole.

I was suddenly angry at myself, for harboring such blasphemous feelings. Feelings that had been felt before, a number of times, so much, in fact, that I could no longer identify them from real or fickle. Edward was another Nate, another stupid boy who I had fallen head over heels for. Another stupid boy who certainly wouldn't choose me in the end.

Feelings that had quickly evaporated in the past, feelings that I was ashamed to admit to feeling, feelings that I was scared could be fleeting and erratic once more.

My heart was pounding again, I needed to get out of here.

The lights flickered on, and everyone was dismissed to their respective bedrooms, glittering girls lingered in the empty spaces, I was the first one to leave.

I still held some tiny glimmer of hope that Edward may/might/was waiting for me.

I creaked open the door, and all hope vanished.

Edward POV

I spent the entire day with her, laughing, teasing, and loving, renewing our boundaries, and remembering where we left off.

It was as though everything was back to the way it used to be, before he had entered into her life.

I was basking in the glow of first love, and this time I wasn't letting her get away from me.

We spent our day in our meadow, picnic basket in hand, settling back into our old routine.

It was as smooth as any reunion could be, some things were forgotten, the simple things that before you were so used to that you didn't really think you had to try to remember.

I had forgotten how much she disliked my fast driving, Lia loved it, I started remembering our night in Seattle, how the speed of the car had giving her an adrenaline rush.

I had forgotten how much she hated surprises, her disapproving eyes when I gave her the most beautiful diamond earrings.

I had forgotten how much she fell on a daily basis, how weak and fragile she was.

No, I had not completely forgotten these things, I could never.

But I had forgotten how much it made Bella her.

After spending almost a month in the company of Lia, Bella seemed so much more...

So much more withdrawn, so much more graceless, so much more normal, so much less mysterious, so much more innocent.

But I loved her, and she loved me. And this was just who she was, what had made her so different, what had led me to her door.

"What are you thinking about?" Bella interrupted, looking at me with her perceptive eyes.

I knew I would have to tell her soon, and as Lia would say in a moment like this; "no time but the present."

"Nothing of great interest. Well apart from.."

"Yes?" She responded suspiciously, I knew I couldn't get out of this now, not even if I wanted to.

"Do you remember telling me of your cousin earlier? The one who's coming to live with you and Charlie on Sunday?"

"Yes, is there a problem with her staying?" she quickly responded, still eyeing me suspiciously.

"Well, it's a funny story, Carlisle works at the Center she's staying in at the moment."

"And?"

"Well, I've come to help him quite a few times, living in Seattle, it's rather close and.."

"You've met her." She whispered, eyes wide.

I nodded, she didn't answer.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping I hadn't upset her.

"Well, it's just that, I mean, did you like her?" She was now curious,

"Yeah, I did actually, she was really.. nice?" I wondered what she was expecting me to say.

She arched an eyebrow, disbelieving.

"Really?" She asked skeptically.

"Really, we hit it off pretty well, believe it or not."

"Really?" She continued, "wow."

"YES, really. Why do you say so?"

She was unsure of whether to voice her opinion. I cursed the gods for the umpteenth time, wishing I could hear her thoughts.

"Well, it's just that, Lia doesn't seem like the kind of person you would like to be spend your time with, quite the opposite, actually."

I knew Lia had warned me about her and Bella's differences, it was no secret that they were polar opposites. Bella evidently knew this, and therefore, came to the conclusion that I would not favor such a girl.

I wouldn't have ever thought I would like her either, yet she had become one of the most important people in my life. So much so, that Bella had to know about our friendship.

"She's become a really good friend of mine." I declared, using a tone that radiated conclusion.

"That's odd." She said, I felt a slight twinge of annoyance, Lia wasn't bad, she was just different than her cousin.

At least that much was known. How much did I really know her?

"Please, digress."

Bella paused, taking in a deep breath, unsure of whether to be truthful or let the topic go.

"Well, she isn't very nice, and she's materialistic, she can be really standoffish, and conceited, not to mention that she needs to be the constant center of attention," Her eyes narrowed at this, "she's pretty selfish, you could say."

I caught her obvious sarcasm in her last phrase.

I digested Lia's personality profile according to Bella quickly, nothing that I didn't already figure out for myself, but the way it spewed out of Bella's mouth made it sound eons worse.

I suddenly felt an impulsive need to defend her, Lia was just human, everyone had their faults, just as everyone had their strengths.

"She's very smart, she enjoys classical music and literature, she loves history as well as art, and she's extremely passionate about ballet."

"Yeah, I know she's talented, you don't need to tell me that."

I sensed an old family rivalry, one that could only be understood if you were in the other's place.

"She might not have the nicest personality, but she's a genuinely good person." I responded with a sense of finality, letting her know she wouldn't change my opinion.

I didn't necessarily believe she was trying to.

"Yeah, I guess she is, I'm guessing you also know of her… problem?" She said it as if that made her less of a person.

"Obviously Bella, it's a big part of how we bonded."

"Well, don't let her hear you say that." She sounded a bit.. Annoyed?

"Yes, I'm well aware that she doesn't like people feeling pity for her, she's stubborn, that girl, just like you."

"Please," her voice pained, "don't compare me to her."

I chuckled internally, at least they agree on one thing.

Bella POV

He had become friends with her? With my irresponsible, spoiled cousin? God only knows how they would've ever hit it off.

I had spent enough time with her and her family in California to know that she was the most shallow, conceited, cold, sanctimonious, selfish, and impulsive person that I had ever known.

That wasn't to say I didn't care for her, she was family, and I knew that somewhere in her heart she felt the same.

But that didn't mean I liked the idea of them being around each other. I had my reasons.

I worried for her, she was quite reckless, not to mention dramatic. I couldn't imagine her and Edward together. How did he ever put up with her? I believed myself to be a very patient person, much more so than Edward, and even I got quickly tired of her attitude.

I was too ashamed to say that I envied her. I had thought I was special, after all. Out of all the humans in the world, Edward had approached me, talked to me, chose me. Lia had taken that away from, she had pushed me out of my pedestal and screamed "I could do that too!" The way she always did.

They had become friends. Edward had liked her enough to talk to her, to form a relationship with her. She had taken that away from me.

Like always.

The center of attention, charming, sophisticated. A fake little outer shell to hide how ugly her insides were. I had to step out of the way before she pushed me off, she had to shine.

And when Lia didn't get her way, there was hell to pay.

She had waltzed into my family's lives at age 11. Dancing her way into my mother and father's hearts. She was everything I wasn't.. Girly, pretty, outgoing, bratty, spoiled.

I was jealous of her, jealous of her looks and charm, her ability to lie so easily, the way she walked as if she was dancing, her many, many friends. The way it was always Lia this and Lia that, the way she would steal the spotlight in pink colored ribbons tied on satin shoes.

Sometimes, I believed that my mother enjoyed spending more time with her than me. They got along so well, she could've passed for her daughter.

You could imagine the shock when she was admitted, her skin cut open like a gutted fish, poor…starving girl.

She was in a sense, like a younger, irritable sister. Always glorified, always put first, but it was my duty to protect her, to take care of her. No matter how much she kicked and screamed along the way.

Edward POV

Thursday night, and the guilt set in.

I hadn't seen Lia since Monday night. Right before I left, running into my old lover's arms.

I was nervous.

I had no idea how Lia would take this, I was more than a little scared to find out.

I waited in her room with baited breath, the tension rolling off of me in waves. I quickly tried to calm myself down.

Why would she be anything but happy for me? We were friends after all, friends only wanted the best for each other, she would be glad to discover that I was no longer moping.

I suddenly heard the slow footsteps and hazy thoughts of a familiar human.

My nerves came back.

She grudgingly opened the door, eyes drooping.

She sensed someone in the room, her eyes slowly looked to her bed.

"Edward!" she gasped in surprise.

You left, where have you been? You lied, you said you wouldn't leave! I was so worried, what happened?

Her uncensored thoughts filled my head, I lowered my head in shame.

"I'm so sorry Lia, please forgive me, but something happened, and well.."

Bella

I raised my head sharply, the name crossed her head before she had time to erase it.

Her eyes flashing mutiny.

"How did…?"

"So, I'm correct?" Lia's demeanor suddenly changed.

Lia POV

I held unto my pride, I would not let him know how hurt I was, how jealous..

I had always been self-centered.

No, he would feel no more pity for me.

I was Lillianne Marie Swan DuPont, I wasn't below anyone. No matter how much it killed me, my pride would not suffer.

"So I'm correct?" I was surprised at how quickly I collected myself. Breakfast at Tiffany's fresh in my mind, I concentrated on Audrey Hepburn.

"Yes," He whispered, the infatuation and joy filtered in his eyes.

I gave a weak smile, as nonchalantly as possible.

"Glad someone received their happy ending. You could have at least told me where you were, that was obnoxious, don't you think?" I tried to sound genuine, but it came out just a tad sarcastic.

His eyes changed to an expression of worry.

"Your upset." He declared, moving towards me.

Pretend better bitch.

"Oh no! Not at all, I mean just a little jealous." I smiled for good measure. "Who's going to mope with me now? I still haven't received my Happily Ever After."

Not bad.

"You will Lia, trust me." He continued, "Everything is perfect, it's crazy isn't it? Love really does conquer all."

You should've seen the excitement that radiated off of him, I was so unselfish. I deserved an Academy Award.

"So, you and Bella huh?" I felt like a fool, I had no words to say. My nose wrinkled out of it's own accord.

"She's the one Lia, I can feel it. I know you two have your differences, but please..."

I silenced him, I didn't really want to hear what was coming out of his mouth.

"Your very lucky." she's very lucky.

"I'm the luckiest man in the world, Lia!" He let out an exuberant laugh.

I let out a radiant smile, making sure it reached my eyes. Fickle and poisonous, it dripped from my teeth.

"I don't know what to say, but just know that I'm happy for you, for the both of you, you deserve all her love and more." much, much more.

He moved quickly, wrapping me in an embrace.

"Thanks Lia, you don't know how much your approval means to me." He was whispering this time.

"Oh, come on, no need to thank me, what does my opinion matter? Go to her," I needed him out of here soon.

"Are you sure?" He looked at me carefully.

"She is your girlfriend Edward, I don't think spending the night in someone else's bed is very appropriate." It came out somewhat hostile, I tried to say it in a teasing manner.

He seemed to approve, another smile in place.

"I'll be back on Saturday morning, to help you pack."

"Will you be here tomorrow?" damn fool, I just had to add that didn't I?

My pride was cracking.

"I'll try to ok Lia?"

"Ok." I whispered, just as soon as he left.

Now what? I stood there, unsure of what to do, I lost my map, I didn't know where to go anymore.

He was gone, and my pride broke.

I went through our entire conversation, in a daze, in a hurry, obsessively, sentence to sentence, response to response.

his words piercing my skin, like knives. Right through my core, slicing up to my heart, ripping me in two.

I didn't need a razorblade tonight

I hated myself, I hated Bella, I hated him, I hated my life, I hated this place, I hated my feelings, I hated my parents, I hated Carlisle, I hated everygoddamnthing related to me.

I lay back in bed, the sheets stained with the scent of winter.

The familiar, music and crying myself to sleep ritual settling in. I felt so utterly alone so undeniably pathetic, not unlike the first night I spent in this cold room.

The spider webs settled in, cracking the ceiling, dripping a thunderstorm, blasting my ears out. I was bleeding.

Another time era when I was always pretending, around everyone. History repeating itself, a sickeningly comforting feeling, knowing I was back to the old routine.

I knew that pretty soon, I wouldn't be able to pretend any longer. I knew that me and Edward would fall out, I would no longer be able to play nice to dear, sweet Bella.

I would most likely not try very hard at all.

My hateful self would come out in a matter of weeks, I already knew, could already see the future. Bella would suspect nothing, I had always been a hateful bitch to her. Nothing would change.

I was freezing, I was too tired to turn on the heater, I was too tired to sleep.

My head threatened to burst under the massive headache that was forming. I wanted to throw something against the wall, so I did.

It was my stupid alarm clock, I heard the satisfying crash as it met the wall.

I knotted my fingers into my mouth to keep from screaming aloud, the routine all too familiar. Warm beer and cold women, Scorned, turned into a bitter harpy.

I was stupid.

stupid for falling head over heels so easily, so many times, a carousel mocking romance, mocking me, shallow enough to not see past their beauty.

I couldn't count how many times I had given my heart to beautiful men only to have it discarded.

In fifth and seventh and eight and ninth grade, looked over for better girls, girls who weren't me. Second best.

My father, left for a younger wife, a new baby, forgetting his "little princess." Second best.

Falling in love with a best friend who favored his girlfriend, turned into hate instead of friendship. Second best.

So naïve, so eager to please, so needing of reassurance. Second best.

Tricked deceived, forced out of love, love that was not real, too selfish, too blind to see past the "I want." Eager to play the game, to go for the chase. When the chase ends, what's left?

Empty handed, cold dead heart, the beating slowing down, too tired, worn out from playing too much, playing a game no one else was eager to join, playing the only game I never won. second best.

The other girls far more pretty, sweet, interesting, real, better. Second best.

When it came to boys, I never got what I want. Whenever the prize was won, it turned into rotten trash covered in faux gold.

Volatile feelings, so easily fleeting, butterflies in my heart flew away.

Undeserving of real love, too blind to see real beauty.

Empty, lost, clueless. Never better, always topped.

And who would ever want you?

This was no way to feel when your best friend was reunited with his ex girlfriend.

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Inspiration:
Like Knives - City and Colour