A/N: Another revise, I told you I would come back and edit this. I hated the original.

"I'm naked, I'm numb.
I'm stupid, I'm staying.
And if cupid's,
got a gun, then he's shooting."

I woke up, I changed, I waited.

Two days ago, or maybe it was three... I couldn't remember, Edward had promised, but Edward had lied. Bella was back, so he forgot.

Bella was probably talking about me, Bella was probably talking bad. I was a selfish, spoiled little girl. I did not deserve his friendship. She would convince him of this.

Bella was pretty, Bella was nice, Bella cared. I didn't. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to be so cold. I wish I was nicer, I wish I could be like her, I wish I had enough happiness. Enough to share it with others.

My eyes were broken and they made my insides ugly, I couldn't see the beauty in the world, I couldn't see the beauty in others. So I waited.

In my grey comforter, in my dull room, in my messed up body. I waited and I felt horrible.

I wanted to be nice, I didn't want to hate so much. I wanted to be nice to Bella because Bella had always been nice to me. I wanted to smile at her and then hug a stranger and call my mom and tell her I was sorry for yelling and blaming and crying.

I wanted to stop crying. I wanted to stop feeling like shit every time someone talked about weight or food. I wanted to stop dreading waking up in the morning, I wanted to remember how to live behind rose colored glasses. I could not remember how long I had lived in black.

I wanted to please daddy after messing up. I wanted to be perfect for him. I wanted to be the prettiest and nicest and thinnest and smartest just for him and my family.

I waited.

I waited and came up with a plan for my stay in Forks, and it went like this:

800 calories
90 pounds
24 hours of ballet
4.0 GPA
00 jeans
Study until I pass out
Rehearse until my feet bleed
Starve until my bone marrow decomposes.

My list equaled perfection. My list was ideal, my list made be stronger. My list made be see clearer.

Someone cleared their throat and my list was gone.

The door opened slightly, and two people walked in.

Bella and Edward, Edward and Bella. Together, holding hands. Together, being happy, together.

I don't know who took my bags, I don't know who picked up the papers and who signed the slip. I later found out that Charlie had done this earlier in the week, because he couldn't pick me up today.

I got into a shiny car and leather seats and the smell of brand new. Brand new for my new life and my new plan and my perfect list. Bella tried to talk to me and irritation spread so I closed my mouth and I said nothing. I was 110 now, in one week it would be 108, and then 105, and then 100, and then 98, then 95, 93, 90.

90 was perfection and that was when I would stop. The first time they admitted me I had forgotten how to stop. This body weighed 85 pounds. This body could not handle a teeny bmi of 14.8 and so it passed out behind the wheel.

No one told me how to stop, I did not look good enough to stop. I stayed in a treatment center close to mommy and she visited me once a week.

I got out and I slipped two weeks later. I really tried. Tried hard. But no one tells you it's impossible after you're down the rabbit hole.

Mommy never noticed because she was always out of town and I was always out. My friends did not push me anymore because they gave up. A useless case, there was no sense in beating a dead horse.

We drove past the water in Edmonds to the green of Forks. Bella and Edward talking quietly and me with my iPod's volume turned as high as it could go.

Talking about me, them, diet plans and weigh-ins and all the other stuff Uncle Charlie was too uncomfortable to deal with. I was an uncomfortable subject. I was difficult.

After an hour. maybe two... I couldn't tell the time, we got to the house. The house, meaning, Bella and Uncle Charlie's home. The home that was not mine.

We got out and someone helped me with the bags again but I couldn't really remember because I kept thinking of my list, my plan. My way of surviving in this hell hole.

Forks was different, Forks was small. Forks was not New York City or Santa Barbara or Seattle or even Edmonds. Forks was like Mammoth or Lake Tahoe, only way tinier.

The house was not the apartment in New York, the estate in Delaware, the mansion in Santa Barbara, the dorms in Seattle, or the rooms in Edmonds.

It was small and comfy and warm and brown. It smelled like stale tobacco and gunpowder even though Uncle Charlie didn't smoke or shoot his gun all over the house. Maybe it didn't even smell like gunpowder, did gunpowder even have a scent?

Bella's eyes were cautious. Bella was treating me like a ticking time bomb. Bella was talking and I wasn't listening.

"…room is upstairs."

"huh?" I asked, trying to clear up the fog in my eyes.

"I said your room is upstairs. Edward's putting your stuff up there right now, do you want to go see it?" She was talking in a soothing voice, as if I were a china doll.

I nodded my head, too tired to talk. The drive had made me sleepy.

"It's upstairs, first door on your left." She said in that same soft voice.

I acknowledged her as I turned towards the steps.

Liliane Marie Du Pont, after my father. Changed to Swan because my mother wanted nothing to do with him after their divorce, changed because her new husband was wonderful enough to want to adopt me. They divorced, and my mother stopped going to family balls, charities and fashion shows in New York. She dismissed the third most powerful family in the world and kept half. We moved out of the New York estate and into sunny, sunny California. Where she married a corporate lawyer with a humble background but a six-figure income. Downgrade if you ask me.

I kicked and screamed and yelled inside my mind when it became Liliane Marie Swan Du Pont. My new last name stripping me of my identity. I said nothing like a good little girl and called daddy who promised to buy me something special on his next trip to Paris.

I seethed when I found out that Bella Marie Swan shared two names with me. I hated how plain she was. I hated his side of the family, the ones who knew nothing of labels and charity galas and politics. Conversations laced in truth rather than fake courtesy and beer instead of chardonnay. It was disgusting. I never dared to say who I really wanted to live with, didn't dare complain that I missed my prestige. My stepfather knew people, we lived in a high-income neighborhood, I had rich friends and more designer clothing than I could count. But I wasn't a Du Pont anymore, no matter how much that side of the family said I was. I was a Swan, I was below. I shared my middle name with four other cousins, cousins who lived in middle class towns and went to normal public high schools.

Annoying, ignorant family members. Someone had found their way out, and that someone had married my mother. My mother was in love, I loved my mother, therefore I stayed. Besides, I had good, fun, hilarious friends. I knew that life under a magnifying scope would've been preferred, but at the same time, I was content at where I was. I loved my mother, why leave her, I knew I wouldn't last, I'd be back in her arms in two to three months.

"Lia!" I heard a voice greet from inside the room, breaking out of my tirade, I unhazed my brain long enough to see who was so ecstatic to see me.

Uncle Charlie.

I felt myself smile, there was something about him that I always found endearing, it was a funny thing. I got so attached to all the men in my life, yet I kept all the women away with a ten-yard stick, needles at the end.

I ran to him, enveloping him in a hug, "Uncle Charlie!"

The funny thing was, he wasn't a very emotional person, he was much like Bella, reserved. Yet I couldn't stand Bella, and here I was, speaking kindly of her male form.

"Glad to see you kiddo, safe and healthy." He muttered the last part, not really sure if that was something he was allowed to say. The folder somewhere on the kitchen counter listed rules and diets and possible triggers I needed to stay away from. because they though it would,could,might work. Too much hope, no reality, everyone had lost it.

He stared ahead as Bella and Edward went off into another part of the house, in an, might I add, overprotective father mode. I stared along with him, then turned my head back, showing off my smirk.

"He's lovely isn't he? Handsome. Smart too, a real gentlemen." I teased as Uncle Charlie let out a grunt.

He left the room as I bid him goodbye, taking in my new space.

It was horribly lower middle-class, a place I had no trouble imagining Bella and Uncle Charlie decorating, they probably ordered Dominos pizza and everything. Disgustingly average.

Life was going to be super duper fun. I couldn't wait to bitch stare all the Forks High students.

I smiled sarcastically, wishing for not the first time, that I could stop acting like such a bitter harpy.

I sat down in my bed, rubbing my head, I was getting so tired of all these mood swings. Happy/Angry/Sad/Catatonic; repeat, repeat, repeat.

I was such a burden, I felt a twinge of embarrassment, I was pretty sure that no one here wanted to deal with me, with this. Who would want to? My mom couldn't even handle it, why else would she have let me stay here?

I heard Edward and Bella climb up the stairs once more. He still hadn't said a word to me. It felt like so long ago that we were friends. A sudden bubble of emotion threatened to build up inside of me as I remembered the last time we had really been friends, or whatever it was. I pushed it down, to no avail. The tears were held, but I felt hollow, suddenly out of the loop. I didn't belong with them, their own entity. I was so far away.

I lay down on my bed as I heard the two climbing the last steps on the staircase. I knew Bella had already sensed something was wrong with me, but she was used to my mood swings.

"Your room's right next to mine." She opened a door on the corner.

"Good to know," I muttered, really taking in my surroundings for the first time. I had to remind my eyes to look sometimes.

The walls were a blue, once more. But they weren't the gray monotone I had known before, these walls had a hint of purple, a hint of cheap sophistication. My black and white lace comforter was already on my bed, along with my Audrey Hepburn and Coco Chanel wall frames. I looked to my left, a bookshelf with all the books I couldn't bring to the center with me had already been organized. In the room was also my laptop, a calendar of NYCB and my cell phone charger. Behind Bella, I briefly saw Edward dig through his pockets.

"Here." He handed me a small burgundy blackberry, my phone.
Suddenly, Bella muttered something to him as she walked away.

"Where's she going?" I asked, still not bothering to get up from the bed.

"She went downstairs to grab the rest of your bags."

"and you didn't go and help her? I though you were a gentlemen." I bit back.

I had thought a lot of things. I added in my head.

"I stayed to give you your phone."

I scoffed, bullshit. Typical, he was acting like such a teenage boy that I was beginning to want to rip his head off, shoot him, grind his bones into bits and pieces.

"You know, I used to love this thing. I would carry it around everywhere, use it all the time. I would beg my mother not to take it away from me when I got in trouble…. But, I don't really know why, I stopped knowing a long time ago. This thing has been useless to me for months."

He continued to stare, his eyes boring into mine.

"Well it seems like people certainly haven't forgotten you, your phone isn't useless after all."

"No one has bothered to call or text me for months, after I stopped going out. I really don't need this." I made to give it back to him.

But it was more than that, I was terrified to keep it. Because it reminded me of things I didn't know why I was so bothered by. It was just a phone, but a cell phone
Meant a social life, meant normalcy, and the thought chilled me to my bones.

I held my hand out, giving it back to him, he grabbed it from my hand in one swift motion, and put it to charge.

Not once touching my skin. The emptiness grew bigger. I almost felt my heart getting swallowed by it.

Bella came in my room at the exact same time.

"Thanks so much Bella, for my room. I had no idea it was move-in ready, it was really nice of you and Uncle Charlie." I gave her the biggest smile I could manage.

She returned it, "No problem, we knew you would never get around to it, and well, we want you to be, you know, comfortable." Her arms had suddenly become useless to her, and her feet started shifting from side to side.

She was so bad at receiving compliments.

I sat down on my new bed, not knowing what to do now. I looked at the clock.

It was 2:30 pm.

"Can we do something?" I asked suddenly.

Both Edward and Bella turned to look to each other, I was spontaneous, what can I say.

"Sorry, I'm just anxious, I've been stuck inside for a month. I'm free now, you know?" I laughed a little as I said this.

"Well, what do you want to do?"

"You still have to put all your stuff away," Bella reminded me.

I waved her off, that could be done later. As late as possible.

"There's nothing really to do here Lia." again, with the reminders.

"I don't know, don't you have any friends? Something?" I was desperate to leave.

Bella and Edward continued to look at each other, whispering softly.

I stayed on the bed, pushing my feet into tendus.

"Do you want to go meet Edward's family?"

Had I expected this? Yes.

I still tried to hold back my excitement.

"Sure, I suppose so, since they are your only friends." I gave her a smile to show I was teasing, it didn't make much of a difference, the words were still true.

Bella pov

I had no idea why, but I felt like something wasn't right.

Lia and Edward were friends weren't they?

So why where they acting like they didn't even know each other?

Why did she throw her bags at his face? Why hadn't he come down with me to get the rest of her stuff? He was always around me, never leaving my sight. Why had he done so now?

Just as I came back in the room, I saw Edward swiftly move away from Lia. My suspicions growing, that is, until I saw that he was plugging in her phone.

Get a grip Bella.

So Lia definitely knew about Edward, she had made no surprising acknowledgment to his speed.

We offered to take her to Edward's house, she responded with her usual banter.

I tried desperately not to resort to her level and roll my eyes. Edward could feel my annoyance with her, he found it amusing.

I stared him down, trying to communicate with my eyes that her childishness wasn't cute, nor should it be encouraged.

He laughed…. Out loud, just as she resorted to a fit of giggles.

I stood there, shell-shocked. What was going on in this world?

I looked between the two of them, my irritation transcending into a new level.

"Fine then," I turned around and left the two giggling idiots to themselves, well, at least that was my plan. Before I knew it, Edward was taking my arm.

"I apologize for my conduct back there Bella, I shouldn't have encouraged her, please, forgive me." He looked at me with his smoldering topaz eyes, knowing I couldn't resist.

I pouted, "It's not fair when you do that, you know I can't stay mad at you when you dazzle me that way."

"Dazzle? Did you just say he dazzled you?"

Momentarily stumped, I turned to find none other than Lia leaning on the doorway, staring at me and Edward, well mostly Edward.

Well.

I felt myself blushing furiously at her comment, egging her on.

"Seriously Bella? Dazzle? You just sound like you finished watching a tacky jazz/lyrical competition at Disney World."

I tried to think of a clever reply,

"Oh, shut up!"
Smooth Bella, really cool.

She laughed once more, her head thrown back, her soft curls tumbling around her. Edward was staring at a particularly interesting spot by her mouth.

I cleared my throat, hoping we could just leave already.

Edward shook out of his stupor,

"What's wrong?" I mouthed, growing worried, he always got like that when something wasn't going as planned.

He looked back at me, seduction and avoidance glowing in his irises.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

I took his hand as Lia followed us out to his Volvo. Wondering how the family would react to her presence.