A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update, but I honestly have very little time. And I don't like writing unless I really feel like it. So far, I know that the last chapter (and this one as well), is trash. All of what I wanted is on there, but it could've been a lot better grammar and story-wise if I would've taken more time. But haven't I taken enough? If this story is moving too fast, PLEASE TELL ME. Because it's a huge pet peeve of mine, once again, I know these characters in my head so much and I have planned this story out from chapters 1 - 2393947 (it won't really be that long, but danm close.) that I may rush things up only because, I already know how they feel, how they act, why they do so, etc.. Remind me, if it seems that I skip over these vital moments. A huge thanks to all those who have reviewed, favorited, and story alerted. It means so much to me, I had no idea anyone would read this. This was more of a therapy project for me. If you can read my new penname, and clue in together the story, then you'll know why this story is very, very near to my heart, hitting right at home.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, only Lia, because, well, Lia is me, in so many ways.

Songs: Down - Blink 182

"Your vows of silence fall all over
The look in your eyes makes me crazy
I feel the darkness break upon her
I'll take you over if you let me"

It's funny just how wrong, or right your assumptions of what is going to happen turn out.

Take for example. My meeting with the Cullens. Whose last name, I admit… was pretty cool. Bella was one lucky girl.

Never before had my self-esteem taken a stab as to when I met the three abnormally gorgeous female vampires of the clan.

Especially, Alice. Yes, Rosalie was beautiful, in a sports magazine, everything a girl could want, kind of way.

But Alice was everything I wished I could be. Thin, petite, graceful, fluid, long limbed and expressive.

She would've made an amazing ballerina. So naturally, I hated her for it.

My eyes were glued to her movements, her thinness, her elegant neck. The jealousy, I'm sure, palpable from miles away. I was grateful that her husband said nothing, and neither did Edward.

Jealousy aside, I really liked her. She was a fireball, her excitement and enthusiasm feeding into me. You just couldn't help but to smile right along with her.

We talked endlessly about Paris and designers. We even planned a shopping trip to Seattle with me, her and Rosalie.

Bella wasn't going, because she was spending the day with Edward.

"We need to go shopping together, we just have to."

"Ohmygod! Yes, Rosalie would love to come along to, wouldn't you?"

She shrugged, a trace of a smile on her lips.

"Sure, I guess I do need some new heels, I broke my last pair of Manolos when me and Emmett where.."

"Ok, stop right there, no need for me to form naughty mental images of heel fetishes."

I laughed good-naturedly, "That is gross. Well, I guess since you two are pretty hot, the mental image isn't very unattractive." I suggested.

Rosalie laughed, muttering something along the lines of, "I'd trade her in for Bella any day."

Alice gave her a warning look, since, you know… Bella was about two feet away from us, and Rosalie hadn't really muttered it very inconspicuously.

She shrugged once more, "I don't need to censor what I say just because she's in our vicinity, she can leave if she doesn't want to hear me."

I had the sudden urge not to giggle into my hand, so in my pained efforts, I snorted, loudly. Which gave round to a fit of laughter between me and Rosalie.

Bella was blushing, again. And Alice was looking at us two in a disapproving manner. The look seriously did not suit her.

"Do you want to come shopping with us Bella?" Alice's hopeful eyes turned to her chocolate ones, wide, doe-eyed. Gag me.

"No thanks, me and Edward are going to our meadow that day."

Their meadow. They had their own goddanmed meadow. What the hell was that?

I wanted nothing more than to rip Bella Swan to tiny sized shreads, and feed her to Edward, piece by piece.

I reveled in that beautifully satisfying mental image.

"So I take it you liked my family?"

I turned around, shocked. And a little embarrassed, how long had he been standing there?

"Oh, for a while actually, ever since your little flashback, to be exact."

I narrowed my eyes.

"Little? Any particular reason why you want to talk to me now? You were ignoring me the entire time back at your house, spending your entire day cooped up in your room with Bella."

"I'm obviously going to spend time with my girlfriend, more so than any of my friends."

My heart gave out a pang.. Of anger.

"Oh, so it has to be spent in your room alone huh? Because that just doesn't scream 'I'm a trashy whore!' I would think Bella had more class then that. Especially, when your parents are home. Disgusting.

He laughed sarcastically, I wanted to stab him.

"Just because you have had that kind of experience doesn't mean that everyone spends their time doing those kinds of things in their room. And besides, vampire hearing?"

I threw a pillow at his head, he dodged it.

"So now I'm the whore huh? Stop being so defensive about your precious Bella, putting her on such a high pedestal. In case you forgot, she left you for a mutt, then comes crawling back to you. If that doesn't scream slut, I don't know what does."

And it did, Bella infuriated me with her hypocritical personality. What a pathetic, sanctimonious, trashy, retarded skan…

He was so close to me now that our lips almost touched.

I leaned back, letting out a gasp. His eyes turned darker.

"Don't you dare talk about Bella like that. EVER. In my presence, again."

I stood my ground,

"You don't scare me, Edward Cullen."

He let out a low growl, menacing… terrifying.

I gasped again.

He wavered for a second, his anger diminishing, but not completely.

I had just trash talked his girlfriend, after all.

He looked into my eyes, back and forth back and forth. Never releasing his firm grip on my shoulders, or backing up. He was the only thing holding me from falling on my bed.

After a few seconds, maybe minutes, he loosened his grip.

"Well, you scare me."

I tore myself away from him, knowing that I didn't really get away, he just let me.

His eyes stayed on me as I lithely raised myself off the bed.

"What are you going to do? Hit me?"

I had no idea where those horrible words came from, but my need to be pushed, felt, touched, something… made me desperate.

"How could you think such a thing?"

I folded my arms, folding into myself.

"For a while there, it looked like you wanted to.. Because you just love her don't you? She's so much better than me, I must be trash compared to her. So go ahead, hit me, smack me right in my face for daring to speak badly of God's gift to heaven," I got up right in his face. "Do it."

"So is this what all this is about?"

I ignored his question, gripping unto the hysteria that was overwhelming me, nearly screaming, "Do it! Hit me!"

"Your insane Lia!"

He grabbed me by my shoulders this time, thought not as hard as before, I tried, to no avail to sink my nails into his skin, urging him to grip me harder. This was not the first time I had felt this way. Every time someone screamed, someone called me stupid, someone told me I was out of line. I wanted nothing more than to feel some kind of physical pain for all the harm they were causing me, every word jarring my skin.

"Regain the little sanity you have left!"

I swallowed arsenic, biting into my poison. Breathing erratically, a sadistic kind of infuriating calmness washing over me.

I blinked at him

He was still looking at me.

"I will never hurt you Lia."

I laughed, right in his face.

"Will you stop acting crazy and listen to what I have to say!"

I sobered immediately, still trying to retain my giggles.

"Stop. Just stop it Lia. Stop acting this way. Me and Bella being together changes nothing between us, I still love you just as much as before. Your still one of my best friends, I care about you, Lia, and when I told you I wouldn't leave, I meant it. I never will, ok? So just stop this. You've only been here one day and your already hurting Bella, and me, and as much as I know that you don't like here, try to be at least a bit considerate of her feelings, because she cares for you as well."

I looked at him critically, "So what, are you my dad now?"

I tilted my chin towards him, my eyes growing bigger.

"Your never going to understand are you?"

"Apparently not" I answered coldly.

He got up from his bed, letting go of me. I felt colder. I remembered that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, being in the Cullen home, none of them ate. And Edward was too busy fooling around with Bella to pay any attention to me.

He turned around sharply.

Muttering "Charlie is supposed to be taking better care of you."

"Charlie has gone fishing, can you believe it? I just moved in here and he goes fishing. So much for Bella being responsible, she can't even think straight when she's around you."

A smirk formed.

"For your information, she's downstairs making pasta as we speak, and your getting a double serving for skipping lunch. Don't make us out to be fools Lia, your perfectly capable of requesting food when your hungry. People don't forget to eat."

"Well apparently I can't remember."

"Stop acting like you care about your health, the only reason your saying this is because you want Bella to look bad."

No, I just want to say something so you won't leave my room.

"And," he added. "You will eat that extra serving, we're making sure of it."

I nodded sarcastically.

"Yes sir. I'll do everything you say, please don't punish me."

"Stop playing around Lia, this isn't funny."

"I didn't realize I was laughing."

I crossed my arms around my chest, never breaking the glaring contest.

"I don't even know why I'm still in here, you just want to fight don't you? That's all you ever want to do, it's you against the world."

"Then leave" I motioned my hands to the door. "I'm not making you stay."

He remained his ground, searching my head. Stripping me down, I wrapped my arms tighter.

"But you don't want me to leave do you?" He said it softer this time, sympathetically.

Yes, yes, god yes. I miss you.

I shook my head. Looking purposefully to the floor.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, ever the emotional self. I fought and became angry, but at the end of the day, I couldn't stand people being mad at me. Even if it was someone I hated, even Bella.

"Don't be." He came closer to me.

Tentatively touching my shoulder, "Come downstairs with us, Bella's a wonderful cook."

I ignored the stabbing pain issuing somewhere in my body. Jealousy, always jealousy.

"I know," I said with a smile, looking back up at him. "But how do you know? You don't eat remember? Or do you just like pasta because the marinara sauce looks like blood?"

He laughed this time, a real, loud, laugh. The one I was used to hearing.

"There's the girl I love."

I felt a little pathetic, I felt a little like the eight grader who was in love with her best friend with a girlfriend.

I smiled once more, "Come on." I grabbed his hand, pretending to pull him down the stairs.

"Lia, you are the most bipolar person I have ever met in my life, ever."

I turned to look at him, "You'll get used to it."

Edward POV

I visibly tensed as I heard Lia's request. Was she really that messed up in the head? She wanted me to hit her, she wanted me to. Even if it was only briefly, but her mind and body begged me to. So much that my body's reaction wanted to too. It was jarring, to say the least. The scariest thing I had ever felt.

"Your insane!"

I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, her magnificent fury ebbing away at her eyes. She got closer to me, so, so close.

And I was enveloped by Chanel perfume and black roses and ebony hair. By danger.

"Do it! Hit me!"

My body was painfully aware of the intense desire of physical injury yearning from the one mere millimeters away from mine. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, touching mine with every beat.

I fought with myself to not strike her across her face, what was wrong with me? What was wrong with her?!

"Regain the little sanity you have left!" I was nearly begging her, I needed her to back away from me, I needed to think, to control myself, to control her.

I heard her swallow loudly, the desire growing within me. And before I broke, she moved away. Blinking, her wide eyes endlessly staring into my own. Curiosity shining through.

I took a few seconds to regain my composure, breathing unusually heavily due to the circumstances that had just occurred.

"I will never hurt you Lia."

Before I had time to say anything else, she began to laugh. A desperate, hysterical, scary laugh.

"Stop acting crazy and listen to what I have to say!"

But she didn't, she listened to nothing, she continued to giggle, continued to push, continued to deny and blame and hurt.

I had no choice but to give up, if only temporarily. I couldn't stand to see her act this way, like a complete stranger, like nothing had happened between us. Us?

I couldn't leave though. Try as much as I could, I couldn't step away from this room, from her, if I left, I knew there would be an unspoken barrier between us, one that would take forever to get through.

I didn't know what there was left to say, everything that seemed to come out of my mouth was somehow the worst thing to say. She tangled me in her web, misinterpreting anything and pulling me under with her.

But as usual, Lia made the mess, only to clean it up again.

"I'm sorry."

Please don't leave, please don't be mad.

My whole form crumbled under her soft apolog

y. My topaz eyes melting, staring at the girl before me.

Soft, sharp, cold, warm. I wanted to hug her, scream at her, touch her, leave her and never return.. but I could never stay mad at her.

And with those two simple words, all was forgotten, put in the past. Because this was Lia, and I was Edward, and that's just how we worked. We fought, fought hard, and then made up. We were friends, and we understood that we needed to vent.

I was in a horrible mood during the time we met as well, but now, my heart was fixed. Lia wasn't.

She joked, I joked back. And a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, even though the resentment had only lasted a couple of days, it had weighed heavily on my heart. I couldn't stand it, not being on good terms with her. It was emotionally stressful.

And it was like old times again, we walked down the stairs, hand in hand, laughing.

Bella looked up to our smiling forms, before finally resting her gaze on our entwined hands.

I immediately let go, me and Lia looking at each other like two kids getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

She blew it off, "oops."

Bella gave her a patronizing stare, Lia just smiled brightly.

"It sucks that you aren't coming with us to the mall Bells, I wanted to 'bond'."

Bella sighed, "Just wait till Alice is done with you, you won't want to go near a shopping center for at least five years."

"Oh come on, you know how much I love Burberry, especially since moving here, I actually get to wear the coats now."

"Well, you asked for it. Don't whine to me when your shopped out."

Lia sat down on the dining table, shrugging her shoulders delicately, "don't care, just as long as I'm not stuck here alone. That would just be depressing."

Bella walked over to her, setting down a heaping serving of blood-covered noodles. The pasta practically oozing out of the porcelain china.

Lia looked down at the food, then back up to the bread bowl, looking like it was the most repulsive thing she had ever seen.

"Here, take one, it's garlic bread, your favorite."

Lia shook her head, "Garlic bread isn't my favorite."

Please Lia, just try. I had the urge to grab her hand again, grab it and let her know I was there, I don't know for what exactly, I just wanted to let her know.

Bella just stared at her knowingly. "Well, you love eating it with spaghetti don't you?"

"Doesn't mean it's my favorite," Lia muttered.

"Take one." Bella urged, insisting with her eyes.

Lia hesitated only for a fraction of a second, noticeable only by me, before she grabbed a grease-covered bread with two fingers.

Lia POV

SPLAT! The greasy carb dumped on top of the other greasy carb.

You know you want to eat it, you aren't strong enough, too fat anyway, might as well give up. 110? Disgusting, nothing will make it better.

I felt my heartbeat accelerating as I looped my fork into the spaghetti, feeling horribly helpless.

I hated this, I hated the feeling after leaving "Recovery" So engulfed in your own grease and oil that you couldn't even start to want to loose weight in the first place

One thing was for sure though, I was NOT staying at 110.

Bella didn't even pretend to not be looking at my plate, seeing my fork loop and loop and loop. She had read all the symptoms, all the odd behaviors. I couldn't fool her not right now at least.

But I was almost having a panic attack. My mouth was clamped shut, it would not open, it didn't want to.

I cut the pieces in half, then in quarters, than in..

"What are you doing?" I looked up from my plate,

Bella staring at me inquisitively.

"What do you mean?" My eyes a tad too wide,

"Why are you cutting your spaghetti into all those tiny pieces?"

I knew she knew why, I played along anyway, what else could I do?

"It helps my digestion, I can't just stuff it all in my mouth."

"You never used to cut up your food before." Before when? I knew.

"I don't know, just a habit I guess."

"Well, I don't want you doing that."

I felt my anger building, she was my cousin, not my mother. My pretentious, sanctimonious, bitch of a cousin.

Edward glared, always ready to defend his stupid little pet. It only fueled my anger, how original, as usual no one defended me.

"What's so wrong with me cutting up my food?" I glared at her, my eyes never wavering.

"You know exactly what kind of behavior that's showing."

I stuffed a heaping spoonful of spaghetti in my mouth. Chewing it loudly, gulping the guilt down my throat.

"Is that the kind of behavior you want me to show? Just tell me to eat like an animal, cause I will if you insist."

"I'm not telling you to eat like an animal, I'm telling you to eat normally."

The little..

"Jesus Christ, my first meal here and this is the kind of shit you put me through? The food went in my mouth Bella, is that not enough for you. Are you going to dictate the amount of sips of water I'm allowed to take per minute too?!"

"Stop being so dramatic Lia and eat!"

Calm, calm, I was calm. I was Juliet in the ballet suite, balcony scene. Gazing dreamily into the night sky, waiting for my Romeo to come in his cape and whisk me away and feel my heart beat.

I immediately smiled, feeling that overwhelming feeling of contentedness I always felt when thinking of ballet.

"This isn't funny Lia."

Her too?

"I'm not laughing, I'm smiling, and not at you, stop being so full of yourself." I snapped, my temper returning.

"Please ladies, can we just have a nice dinner?"

"Why yes Edward, I would love to continue eating as soon as Bella would stop bitching."

He threw me a warning glance, hurt that I had, yet again, spoken badly of his lover.

I shrugged once more, stuffing a piece of bread into my mouth.

I knew who I was visiting tonight.

I felt the ooze going down my throat, through my stomach, spreading into my thighs, the fat manifesting.. Doubling, tripling, dispersing itself throughout my entire body, my legs, hips, stomach, arms…

I suddenly dropped the fork.

"Oops," I muttered, hurrying to pick it up, cursing underneath the table.

I came up fast, looking at the two people in front of me.

They were talking intimately, eyes only for each other, their body language interacting. I almost felt like I was intruding, I quickly looked down at my plate, trying not to make too much of a scene.

My sudden movement broke their sacrilege, as Edward's head sharply turned towards my form. His reflexes amazing me, I had barely moved not a millisecond before.

"Almost done Lia?"

His eyes curiously on mine, silently pleading something, I didn't know what. But I had a good idea.

I nodded my head,

"I'm stuffed," I said quietly, his gaze erasing all my bitterness away, all my pent up anger.

That gaze, made me wish that it was back to when Bella was never mentioned of. When Bella had been a faraway thought, so close to his heart, but so far away. Away on a beach, spending time with a furry wolf.

What was it with her and getting all these boys? It wasn't fair, I had learned far too many times that life was not fair.

Life was not fair when my mother dumped me here, too worried for me to go back home. Life was not fair when Ellie slept with Nate, my false unrequited love, life was not fair when I got dumped, when I gained weight, when I cried, when I was so high that I couldn't feel my face, feel myself breath, when I was passed out on the bathroom floor, skin bleeding.

Life was not fair when I got in the shower, hearing Edward's Volvo back out the driveway, life was not fair when I dropped to my knees, worshipping the only god I believed in. Life was not fair when I got on the scale, stripped, the scale that was supposed to be used for my weekly weigh-ins, the ones to make sure I stayed fat, an ugly 110 lighting the screen.

Life was not fair when I looked in the mirror and saw a monster looking back.

Goal weight number one: 105 lbs.