"Hey, Montana, wait up a sec," Danny said, his Converse clad feet squeaking across the hallway. Lindsay sighed and stopped walking, keeping the files beneath her crossed arms and close to her chest, knowing she was giving off a defensive posture but also knowing Danny could take it. He didn't balk under pressure, which is why she guessed that he and Austin fit so well together.

"Can I talk to you? You got a minute?" he asked, stooping down just a little to look into her eyes. She gave a slight nod and he took her elbow, almost pulling her into their office. She hesitated by the door; she knew him well enough to know what he wanted to talk about, and to know that she was going to need a close escape hatch. She might get yelled at and she steeled herself for it, taking a deep breath while he started to talk.

"I know you and Austin had a fight."

She just nodded, her eyes drifting down to the ground.

"She won't tell me what happened. And normally that wouldn't bother me, it's your business. But somethin's off with her, Linds. Somethin's not right. I need to know what happened so I can help her."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the desperation on his face anymore. Danny Messer was not an overly sentimental guy, nor did he coddle his wife or think she couldn't handle anything. He knew she was strong and he trusted that she was strong, and if he was worried about her then it was really bad.

"Danny, I want to tell you because I think you need to know, but I just can't."

"Why not?"

"I said horrible things," she started, swallowing the lump in her throat and willing the tears not to fall because if they did they would never stop.

"I kind of gathered there was a lot of horrible on both your ends, Linds. But why can't you tell me?"

"Because if you know what I said, you'll hate me. And I can't take that right now, I just can't."

The tears broke and he crossed the room, not sure what to do for her or where he stood or even the specific reason for her crying.

"Montana," he said, reaching out and giving her shoulder a squeeze. "I'm not going to hate you. You're my partner."

"I hope that's true."

"It is. Look, if you can't tell me what happened, can you at least tell me what I can do to make this better for her? Please, Lindsay."

"I don't know, Danny," she said with a shake of her head. "Just… tell her I lied. Tell her I'm wrong and tell her I didn't know what I was talking about. And remind her how much you love her. Don't let her forget that."

"Are you two going to be okay?"

Her breath hitched at that; she hadn't really wanted to think about how this would end up because it would take the patience and kindness of a million saints for Austin to ever forgive her or trust her again.

"I don't know, Danny. We might not be."

She was hurt, angry, and her pride had taken quite the blow; the last place Austin Messer wanted to be was crossing enemy lines by entering the crime lab but she had a report she needed Mac to sign and it couldn't be put off. Her stomach was in knots as she took the elevator to the lab and as she walked carefully down the corridor to Mac's office she kept her eyes peeled for Lindsay. It wasn't that she hated her friend but she was still healing, still forgiving and she couldn't handle a face off right now.

Austin found Mac in his office and tried to ignore the worry in his eyes as he signed off on the forms. He opened his mouth several times before finally closing it and giving her a sympathetic smile before she left. Everyone was worried and she knew it. They had never had a fight before and they had went from being okay to not speaking in a blink of an eye. It was like the entire world was sent reeling from the shift in Lindsay/Austin paradigm.

Her arms crossed defensively over her chest as she walked down the hallway she almost slammed to a complete stop as she saw Lindsay across the hall. Their eyes met for longest of mere seconds and it made Austin want to run over and wrap her in a hug. She wanted to take the pain that Lindsay was feeling, promise her that everything was fine, and let it all go. Another part of her, however, was incredibly angry and she wasn't ready to let go of that just yet.

She managed to jerk her eyes away from her friend and made a break for the stairs. It was a long walk down but she needed the time to clear her mind as her boots pounded against each step. When she finally exited the office building she raced across the street to the precinct. Flack was sitting at his desk and looked up at her when she came in. She tossed the file folder on his desk, "I've gotta go."

"Okay," He agreed without hesitation, "I'll cover for you."

"Thanks," She gave a soft smile and grabbed her keys before turning on her heel.

As if on autopilot she had made her way to the Bronx where the batting cages were across from Yankee stadium. She paid the usage fee, grabbed a bat, and made her way to her allotted cage. Austin dropped her bag on the floor as the sounds of aluminum bats hitting the balls filled the air. She crossed behind the mesh and took her place on the mark before slamming the button to start the pitches. The machine threw her a myriad of different pitches and she slammed most of them as hard as she could until her shoulders began to ache.

Austin felt him before she heard him, "Whatever you got to say in her defense, Adam, I'm not ready to hear it."

"Fair enough," Adam Ross sat on the bench by her bag as she continued to hit the baseballs. "I believe you have every reason to be upset and I'm not here to convince you to forgive her."

She swung hard into a fast ball. "Then what are you here for?"

"You're my friend," he shrugged. "I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Do I look like I'm okay?" Austin asked as emotion clogged her throat and she hit a ball so hard it bounced off the far wall. "No, Adam, I'm not okay. My best friend unknowingly said that I'm just like my brother, hell, she might as well have told me I was Jack Hawthorne. She was right too. I'm no better than the lot of them. I leave, I don't care about people, and I bring everyone down with me."

"Aust," Adam felt just a tinge of anger at his wife but he was fully aware that she didn't know what she did – at least not to the full extent. "it's okay to be mad but don't let yourself believe that you're like them."

"I've got his blood running through my veins, Adam." She hit two consecutive fast balls. "Who the hell knows what I'm capable of. I'm already a leaver... what's next?"

He stood, walking over and lacing his fingers through the mesh. "You're not your brother, Austin... and you're sure as hell not your father."

"I know," Austin promised as the last ball came flying towards her and she used every ounce of momentum to send it flying hard across the room. The machine whirred down and she leaned against the bat as she removed her batting helmet. "I just need time, Adam... I love her to death and I'm not walking away from the friendship. I just need time."

"Understood."

Her chest was tight to near bursting at the same time it felt so inexplicably empty. Every breath hurt and there was a pain in her stomach that she couldn't seem it get rid of. The darkness that greeted her when she arrived home was excruciating, and she quickly made her way to Colton's room to check on him. He was sleeping peacefully, his cheeks red and his snores light. She spent a moment just staring at him, feeling herself calming just a little as she looked at him. She stroked his hair back and kissed his cheek, then righted herself and went into her own bedroom. Adam was stretched out on the bed on his stomach, sleeping just as deeply as Colton had been. She hated to wake him up but she needed him.

Quietly, she shed her clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor before crossing the room to the bed. She stood there for a second, then crawled in on his side, because that was the way he was facing. Gently she grabbed his wrist and lifted his arm, settling it around her and taking a deep breath. He smelled like Old Spice Swagger and sleep and it should have brought her peace but instead it just brought tears.

"Babe?" he asked tiredly, rolling onto his side and pulling her into his chest. "What's the matter? What happened?"

"I really messed up."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw Austin today. And she wouldn't even look at me. I didn't expect her to say anything but just… I messed up so bad, Adam. I hurt her even more than I thought. She's never going to want to talk to me again."

"Linds, she will too."

"No she won't. Because she trusted me. And now she's never going to trust me again."

"Lindsay you know that's not true."

"Yes it is."

"She just needs time."

"I wouldn't want to see me again. Not after what I said. She should run as far away from me as she can."

"Do you think you're some kind of monster?"

She nodded as a few sobs tumbled out and she buried herself in his chest.

"Sweetheart, you're not a monster. And if you expect her to forgive you, you're going to have to forgive yourself."

"I can't. Not when I hurt her that bad."

He sighed, hating how much this fight was tearing them both apart. He'd seen Austin enough to know that she wasn't doing any better than Lindsay was. They were both absolutely miserable, but there was nothing that either he or Danny could do about it.

"Honey, it's so fresh still, it's gonna hurt bad for a while longer. But it's gonna get better. I promise."

"No it's not. It shouldn't. You didn't see what how she looked at me. It's the worst thing I could have ever said. I hurt her so bad, Adam. So bad. She should never forgive me for that. Ever."

"But she will."

"How can you even love me?"

"What?"

"How can you love a person that can be so horrible to someone?"

"Lindsay, you were hurting too. You said things you didn't mean and she knows that."

"I hate this," she hiccupped, her fists clenching against his chest.

"You hate what, honey? Say it."

"I hate this stupid depression!" she spit out, her body tensing at the word. He knew how hard it was for her to say, to give a name to it. She wanted to think that it was just her, she wanted to hold that guilt because that made more sense. But that wasn't fair and she had to acknowledge the fact that it was something she couldn't control.

Her fists stayed balled against him as she cried in frustration, trying to let out all the emotions, but just finding more buried under her tears. He held her tight, wishing he could at least take away the guilt because that was what was making this so bad. He knew if the guilt got worse and Austin did eventually want to talk things out, Lindsay would try to run her off, saying it was better for Austin to not have to deal with her. And he knew that kind of reaction was only going to make things worse.

"Lindsay, please listen to me right now. I know you want to protect her and I know you think you're the problem, but that's not the case. And I know I don't know her as well as you do, but I do know one thing. When she decides to love someone, nothing can change that. And she decided to love you."

"Well maybe she should decide not to."

He sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere when she was like this. She needed some time to be self-deprecating and shoulder the blame because that is just how she functioned. Everything had to be her fault first or she would get defensive and make sure nothing was her fault.

"Don't run her off because you're scared of yourself. And don't pretend like you did all the hurting either. I know you don't care about that as much as you care about what she's feeling, but don't act like you don't matter. That's only going to make her mad."

"Okay," she whispered as his arms came around her and he rolled them over so she could lay on his chest.

"It's going to work out. I know it will because I know how stubborn both of you are. And yeah, that's probably what created most of this mess in the first place, but it's also what's going to have to clean it up."

"She trusted me and I failed her."

"You haven't failed her yet. Look, there's a little part of her that I understand really, really well. It's part that you would understand if you would just let yourself feel it."

"What part?"

"Linds, she's been left behind. A lot. By people that were never supposed to leave her. People that never held on and never came back. You can try to protect her or think its better for her to be without you, but let me be very clear here. She is going to see that as just another person she loves leaving her. And I know that you don't want to be that person. So as hard as it is, you've got to hold on to her. If it's really better for her to walk away, she needs to be the one that does that. And I can guarantee you she won't. But if you want to be the best friend to her that you can be, you won't make that decision for her. Alright?"

She nodded and sniffled as he wiped her tears away.

"I miss her," she confessed quietly. "I really miss her and I don't even know how to function without her. And I know how stupid that sounds but it's true. She's been there every single day for years. I haven't let someone that close since… since what happened. But all the sudden she was just there and now she's not. I don't know what to do anymore. When did I become so reliant on a friendship? How did that happen? Why do I feel like I'm thirteen years old?"

"Sweetie, I think you finally let yourself deal with what happened and realized it was okay to have that friendship again. It's normal and it's good and you need it. Both of you need it. I know you miss her. You should miss her, it would be weird if you didn't. She misses you too I'm sure."

"No she doesn't."

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"I don't see her sitting at home crying about this or wondering if we'll fix it or anything like that. Maybe it's just me feeling sorry for myself."

"Pretty sure that's the case."

"Do you think it'll be okay? I mean do you really, really think that?"

"I do. She's not a leaver honey."

"I know that," she said, wincing as she was reminded again of what she had said. "I know she would never leave me that selfishly, but I know she could walk away because it was what she thought was better."

"Believe me, that's not going to happen. You just have to give her some time, okay? Things will get better and before you know it things will be back to normal. It'll all be over. I love you, Linds. No matter what."

"I know. Thank you."

The door closed behind her with the softest of clicks. She could smell dinner cooking in the kitchen and her heart melted at the sight of her girls sprawled on the floor as Isabeth regaled Sarah with a story in a language Austin couldn't understand. She paused to cover their hair with kisses before shedding her leather jacket and toeing off her shoes before going in search of her husband. She found him perched on the counter as he stirred the boiling pan of tomato sauce that was on the stove next to him. Her eyes raked over his beater covered chest and the old jeans that sagged low on his hips and had holes in both knees. She wanted to lose herself in him and let him take away every bit of pain she felt.

Danny slid off the counter, turned off the burner and extended his arms to her. She walked forward without another thought as she fell against his chest. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she rocked them back and forth, almost dancing. His lips were light against her temple as they swayed.

"Let me in, Austin, don't lock me out now."

"You're always in," she promised as her fingers trailed lightly over his forearm before she found his hand and interlaced their fingers. "I just don't think I can handle anymore hurt right now."

"I've got you," he promised. "Let me protect you for awhile, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered back as her lips rested against the column of his throat as he hummed a familiar tune.

They danced awhile longer. Danny held on tightly as she let the few tears slip and land like bullets on his shoulder. He pressed soft kisses from her temple, across her jaw, down her neck to her collarbone and back again. Her fingers danced across his broad shoulders, up his neck, through his hair, and down his back. She pulled back after a few minutes and brought his lips to hers. Their mouths continuing the dance that their bodies had abandoned. He kissed her until her lips were swollen, her hair was mussed, and breathing was nigh impossible. He let her breathe for a moment before repeating the action. The sacred dance continued until a very hungry eighteen month old demanded food.

They sat around the dinner table; Danny cutting up Isabeth's pasta and Austin feeding Sarah mashed up sweet potatoes. When the girls had been pacified and their food had grown cold they were finally able to eat one handed as his left hand held her right across the table. Nothing was magically better but for the first time since the fight began Austin didn't feel so incredibly alone.