A/N: This chapter, well, what can I say about it. Is this just a useless a/n? Possibly. I realize Lia is kind of annoying and Bella-ish (whiny, etc...) in this chapter. But, I can't really sugarcoat it for you. People with emotional and mental diseases are, well... emotional. I don't know, but she isn't perfect and as I explained before, she is rather selfish. Anyway, I just think she really wants Edward to realize what's going in. Which, I understand, is very hypocritical of her. See? rambling again, someone, tell me to shut up.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any recognizable labels.

"With all of this I feel now
Everything inside of my heart
It all just seems to be how
Nothing I feel pulls at me at all
Again I waited for this to pull apart
To break my time in two"

- All Of This, Blink 182

Edward had left.

Edward had left and now he was gone and I couldn't even bring myself out of my stupor long enough to stop him.

Jacob.

It was because of me.

How could I explain to him how his anguish ripped mine apart? Surely if it were anyone he cared about he would understand.

Jacob. My sun. My best friend.

"What are you doing here Bella?"

"I need to see Jacob" I choked out, barely containing my tears.

"You know you aren't welcome here."

"Please Billy, I just…I just need to talk to him, please!" My hysterical sobs shook throughout my body, sending waves of grief straight into my heart.

"The elders have agreed that you aren't needed in this reservation anymore, furthermore we do not want you here anymore, and I am not letting you see or talk to my boy ever again, do you understand?" Billy's foreign voice was laced with resistance.

"Bella?" I heard a smoother, happier, more desperate voice ask, "Bella, is that you?"

"Jacob!" I shrieked, my dam opening again as a fresh stream of tears poured through.

"No!" Billy shook again, blocking the entrance.

"Just let her in dad! I need to see her, she wants to talk to me!" Jacob pushed his way through the door as Billy slammed it shut.

He immediately embraced me. Smothering me with his heat and his radiance and, god, how I missed this, how I missed him.

"I'm ssssooo….sssoo sorry Jacob, please, understand." I managed to say, I wasn't sure, I couldn't hear myself through my crying.

"Shhh, shhh, it's ok Bella, I forgive you." His voice was soft and soothing. Making me feel unworthy of his comfort, making everything worse.

"Nnnoo, no it's not ok!" I pleaded.

"You're hear now Bella, that's all that matters."

"I'm not what you want me to be…" I muffled through his shirt.

"I'll take any part of you, anything you want me to give Bella, you are more than enough."

I looked up at him in awe. Adoration, bittersweet joy, worship…love. All there, there in his eyes.

"I don't deserve you for a friend."

"I don't care Bella, I don't care. I just want you, I'll take what I can get. Bella, I love…"

"Shhh!" I silenced him, dreading the words that would come out of his mouth.

"I know Jacob, I know."

Edward had been furious. Furious at Alice, furious at Jacob.

But not at me. No, he was never angry… never at me.

But, disappointment felt worse.

I could not regret the decision I had made. But something tugging in my heart told me it was not enough. It was not enough to have Jacob as a stand-in, a friend when he was destined to be more.

I was selfish.

It was not enough to only be friends with Jacob because Jacob deserved so much more, and it tore me apart that I would not, could not give that to him. But you did once.

Jacob deserved the sunshine he gave me and the love and adoration of a soul mate. The love fate had chosen to hand the both of us. The love that I had discarded for a different life.

I tugged at the ends of my pillow as I remembered the commitment I had made to Edward.

Edward, he had been furious. And, in his glorious wrath, he did the only thing he knew how.

He forgave me, holding me while I wept.

I sighed again, feeling guilty for all the pain I had caused him. It wouldn't have hurt him as much if he understood that I could not, would not leave Jacob.

I gripped the bed sheets harder as I remembered what would happen soon. The decision I made finally taking it's toll, hitting me with it's full intensity.

Marriage. Weddings. Fiancé. Eternity.

Edward.

And somehow, even after all of my pleading, I had come to the realization that I was nowhere near ready for this.

I had called Jacob as soon as I got home.

I was strangely, giddy when I thought of spending the day with him. I had missed the days when we would both hang out in his garage, drinking warm soda and starting new projects.

I had actually learned something about cars, and even helped him fix a small problem in his rabbit.

I felt a brief pang of nostalgia as I remembered the bonfires we used to share on First Beach. The carelessness that came with no responsibility. It was all fun and games and jokes with the wolves.

There was no fear of him leaving, no fear of bleeding.

For once, I had actually felt deserving of someone's love, and eventually, I had come to the conclusion that me and Jacob would one day marry. Maybe it hadn't been the intense love I felt for Edward, but it had been enough. Those days seemed so far away. I had never expected to get married so young. I thought of how long me and Jacob would've waited, maybe sometime after college, after we both matured.

Edward wanted to get married now. Edward was superior and I was undeserving.

Hadn't I craved maturity? Hadn't I looked down upon childishness and teenage freedom? Hadn't I criticized Lia for being everything I wasn't? Then why did Then why was I running towards it at the moment? Why was I running away from the responsibility that I had sworn myself into?

Why was I afraid of commitment with the one person I loved more than the world itself?

"With all of this I know now
Everything inside of my head
It all just goes to show how
Nothing I know changes me at all
Again I waited for this to change instead
To tear the world in two
Another night with her
But I'm always wanting you"

Edward POV

"That's it Lia, tighter fifth…tighter, try again."

I saw her release the breath she had been holding as the pressure on her toes screamed in pain.

"Alright, Lia, from fifth…. Brush out, fondu in… attitude en face, keep the knee there, you shouldn't be moving it, extend Lia, I want you to reach higher, present your heel…. That's it. Reach… keep reaching, and…. Tight fifth."

"Alright, that was better… just remember not to prolong the passe to attitude for longer than it needs to be. Your leg needs to be extended and held, not kicked out after you wasted all your time lifting it."

Lia nodded attentively, taking in every word.

I was still amazed at her work ethic, her abdominals were hurting, her legs were still shaking, and I could almost feel the pain from the pressure her big toe was enduring.

"Lets move on the grand battements, we'll skip frappes today and do echappes instead."

The creaking on the ground was the only sound besides the soft piano in the background, Lia wasn't holding her breath anymore, and her small gasps were in tune with her dancing.

"Above the music Lia, not on it, it's too heavy."

Too heavy

"You're right on the music Lia, I don't want that, it looks like you have 10-pound weights on your legs, above the music Lia, above it!"

10 - pound weights

"That's how you do it Lia, see how much lighter it looks?"

She smiled brighter to show her understanding but her mind was screaming.

It was amusing, because the more her muscles screamed, around the time Mr. Boal would tell her to repeat the combination a second time, the lighter she danced. Her smile would grow brighter and her arms and neck more elaborate.

"sautuee seconde, to fifth closing back, then closing front. Sautue's to the fourth, fifth, second, fifth, fourth, then fifth again followed by 16 changements,15 entrechecats, and we'll finish with a royale to get you on the left leg, twice through.

Lia's eyes widened a bit, and I understood it once she started moving, because that combination was just insanely tiring.

"You're getting tired Lia, stop showing it on your face. Push off with your toes, they look like bacon right now, that isn't your turnout Lia, show me your turnout."

Mr. Boal stopped the music as Lia finished.

"I know it's tough, but we must make some efforts, it's when we get tired that we make progress, and you relaxed the moment you got tired."

Lia POV

I curtsied and said my thanks to Mr. Boal as he exited the room.

Tentatively, I lowered myself on to the floor and began untying my pointe shoes. Edward was by my side in an instant.

"I'm a little afraid to take these off," I admitted.

Edward smiled, "It's not going to be pretty, I think you managed to scrape some skin off of your pinky toe."

I shrugged, smiling back, "That always happens to me, it used to start bleeding until I started taping it, but it still stings."

I took my last shoe off and rolled up my tights, noticing how my big toe was all but squashed, it looked like a square.

Edward scrunched up his nose as I laughed.

"Your feet smell atrocious." Edward explained,

"Doesn't this whole place smell like sweaty feet?" I countered,

"True." He laughed again as he helped me up. I put on my comfy, soft, warm, inviting, heaven-on-Earth booties.

"Mmmmmm" I moaned, closing my eyes as I digged deeper into my shoes, "just like heaven."

"Soft and only you," Edward replied, hiding a smirk.

"A Cure fan too huh? So the 80s was tolerable?" I asked as we walked back to my car.

"It was better than two atrocious eras before that,"

I shook my head, "I can let that slide for the 70s Cullen, but I WILL make you a 60s appreciator by the end of this year, I promise you."

His eyes twinkled with mirth.

"You of all hippie-hating people, honestly… I've never met anyone whose hated peace and loved the Beatles."

"There two completely different things, I assure you, besides, Sinatra was still around in the 60s you know."

"That doesn't mean his music was part of the era…"

"Why was Bella crying last night?"

Edward POV

"Sorry" was the first word that came from her mouth after her blurted statement.

I immediately shook my head.

"Don't be." I said absent-mindedly grabbing her hand as I started the car.

"You don't have to tell me anything, I tend to lack a thought-filter when you're around."

Still, I would really like to know.

"I though we were past hiding secrets?" I said.

"I don't think we had to try and pass it at all, I distinctly remember us jumping into the deep end from the get-go."

"I trust you." I said with such conviction that it astounded me. Because at that point, I knew I could literally tell her anything, anything, and it wouldn't change a thing. There was no fear of rejection, there was no fear of scaring her away. There wasn't the precautions I took with Bella.

She looked into my eyes then, her mouth slightly open,

"I trust you too." She said in the same tone.

We both smiled softly at each other, I was pretty sure that I hadn't smiled so much for my entire existence than how much I smiled since I had met her. I adored this girl. Absolutely adored her.

"She went to see Jacob." I said, still locked in her eyes.

That whore, that stupid little bitch.

I shook my head, "don't" I said softly, because I still couldn't handle her talking about Bella that way.

My fiancée, the women I loved more than life itself.

She crossed her arms defiantly, taking her hand out of mine.

"I'm not sorry, she should know better." Lia backfired.

"It's not…"

"Her fault, yeah, yeah… I get it." she waved off my comeback as she raised the volume of the radio higher, Nights in White Satin playing.

I frowned, sensing her obvious displeasure as a string of curse words filtrated her mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked, as I tried to make eye contact.

"Nothing." She said simply,

I sighed.

"Can you please tell me Lia? I can't stand it when you're like this."

"I hadn't realized I was bothering you so much, I didn't do anything wrong." She countered, looking out the window.

"I really want to know."

"Did you know what I did for Christmas when I was seven years old Edward?"

I sensed one of her sarcastic remarks looming,

"What?" I responded,

"I, being the naïve little fool I was, decided it would be a great idea to leave cookies and milk out for Santa Claus. I hadn't been very good that year, and I thought that would make it up. But you know what happened?"

"What?"

"I woke up on Christmas morning to find the damn cookies and milk in the same spot I had left them." She snapped.

"So I'm assuming that I'm not going to receive what I want just by wishing it?" I replied, seeing the picture of a young, very angry, Lia chomping away at Chips Ahoy cookies, the ones Santa Claus had failed to eat.

She didn't reply.

"I've been meaning to take you to the beach, maybe we could do that this weekend?"

She snuck a glance out of the corner of her eye, "Really?" she asked in a small voice.

"If you want to, of course, it would be just the two of us."

"Really?" She asked again, a little louder this time.

"Yes, I think it would be… fun. Do you know how long it's been since I've done such a thing?"

"You mean going to the beach? A long time…but why?" She replied, her bad mood all but vanishing.

"Because of the sun, and a day at the beach isn't exactly very entertaining when it's cloudy." I returned, thinking of the beaches back in Chicago, the memories so blurry they seemed dream-like.

"This is going to be great! I'll teach you how to catch crabs and body surf and I can bury you too! We'll have so much fun Edward, trust me. It'll be the best day at the beach in all of your old, long life." She replied, a glimmer in her eyes as she let me hold her hand again.

Your old, long life…

Her heartbeat accelerated as the twinkling in her gaze all but vanished.

I'll only be a small dent in his eternity, his eternity spent with…

"Bella will be changed, won't she? After the wedding?"

Changed, old, long…. Life. Lia.

Lillianne Marie Dupont was not built to last forever.

I gulped down the shock brought about by my revelation. The though of not having her. In sixty, seventy, eighty years. Too short, much, much too short.

It'll be much less than that the way she's heading.

Twenty, ten, five years. Starvation didn't exactly guarantee a long lifespan.

I gripped her hand tighter as I focused on the road, to no avail.

"Yes." I choked out, as Lia's thought process took the same turn as mine had.

She pictured Bella as a vampire, me, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme all in one roof. A twisted version of the picture perfect family.

"Oh, that's nice."

I heard the venom laced in her words as she snatched her hand out a second time.

Stupid, whiny Bellabitch. Always getting what she wants.

My frustration only grew as her mood swings reared their ugly head.

"Please Lia, tell me what's wrong." I pleaded, feeling the desperation seeping through my tone. Lia and I didn't have much time, I didn't want to waste a single moment of it.

"Nothing's wrong." She said. The same excuse she had fed me for the past three months.

"Don't question my intelligence Lia, it's insulting." I added, it came out bitter, much too bitter.

She narrowed her eyes dangerously, I had hit a nerve and I knew it.

"You want to know what's wrong? What did you tell Bella when you found out she was with Jacob huh?"

"I didn't tell her anything." I said through gritted teeth, tightening my hold on the steering wheel. I didn't want to have this conversation with her, not after Alice's confrontation.

"Oh really? Did you cuddle her Edward, did you hold her hand as she cried her damn eyes out for another boy? Did you tell her it wasn't her fault? Who did you put the blame on this time sweetheart? Tell me Edward, who did you blame for having a whore for a…"

"Enough!" I boomed, feeling the expensive leather beneath my fingers crack slightly.

"Stop hiding from the truth Edward! I'm not going to play your little game! I do that enough back home!"

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." I shot back, trying to block out her thoughts.

"Then I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Fine!"

"Coward." She finished.

We pulled up to the house in relative silence, her footsteps the only noise as she grumpily walked up to her room. Charlie was fortunately still at work. I thought about what to do for a moment, making my mind up, I sighed tiredly as I followed her up to her bedroom.

"Lia, darling… how have you been?"

"No reception in Madrid I see?" I answered, hoping to muster all the venom in my voice as possible.

"I'm so sorry honey, but you'll never guess what happened to my phone once we got through airport security!"

"I'm guessing you stashed another bomb in place of your battery?" I answered sarcastically, hating to hear her pathetic excuses.

"You shouldn't say that so loudly sweetheart, it's completely rude."

"Sorry." I replied, hoping to end this conversation.

"So how's Uncle Charlie? Are you liking Forks so far?"

"It's just peachy."

"I just saw Elizabeth's mother this morning while we went for coffee, she told me Ellie said hi."

"That's great." I answered, crossing my arms over my chest, protecting myself from the cold.

I felt Edwards cold breath in my ear as I shuddered.

"Your mother?" He whispered.

I only nodded, I was still angry, no, angry wasn't the word, frustrated. Yes, frustrated with him.

"Oh don't be so sour about it Lia, I'll tell her you said hi as well."

"Ok." I sighed.

"Listen honey, I know it must be difficult for you to be under the circumstances you are now. I promise you it was for the best. You didn't want to leave Pacific Northwest did you? I was only looking out for your training. If you really wanted to come back home and stay at your old studio, you could've done so, you could come back whenever you want."

Yeah, right.

"No thanks, I appreciate what you did." I answered distractedly, already bored with her mindless chatter. My mother was so fake she couldn't even be herself with her daughter, face lifts did that to you.

"Look honey, how about you come spend a week of your Spring break back home? Your father's been wanting you to spend a week in New York with him as well but I'd rather you come back to California."

"I might have rehearsals during Spring break." I contradicted. I knew it was a lie, but maybe my mother hadn't figured it out yet.

"Nonsense Lia! I talked to your school director, he told me you have two weeks off in May. You must come to visit! I insist! Don't you miss us? And all your old friends"

I suppressed a snort, she wouldn't be so fond of my friends if she and her husband actually spent time watching where I was going.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea." I replied uneasily as a flash of worry danced across Edward's honey-colored eyes.

I stared at his smooth, pale skin. Glowing in the dim moonlight entering through my window. His hair was disheveled, as usual, and his lips were slightly parted. Damn.

"Huh?" I asked as Edward smirked.

"I said that this is not debatable Lia. You're coming here and that's final. You need to start paying more attention when you're being spoken to."

I sensed a lecture.

"Listen mom, I have to go, loads of homework, but I'll call you tomorrow ok? Bye."

I hung up before she had time to respond.

"Hi." I breathed.

"Hello." Edward replied, lazily drawing out the words.

His lips forming into that devilish smile. Jesus Christ.

He moved closer, lightly tapping his fingers across the bottom of my knee.

"You know, I was under the assumption that you were angry with me." He looked intently at my leg before lifting his eyes slightly to gaze at my own.

"I never said I was angry. Frustrated, more like it." I tilted my head to the side as I suppressed a yawn. Wow, since when did I start acting like Bellabitch?

"I hate it when you do this to me." He whispered.

"I hate it when you let her walk all over you." I countered, despising how whiney and controlling I sounded.

"I hate it when you talk about her that way,"

"I hate it when you defend her."

"I hate it when you think she's more important to me than you are."

I stopped my tongue from biting back as I processed what he gad just said.

"What?" I spluttered, unable to form a response.

He lazily drew small circles on my forearm "It's true. I know your under the belief that Bella is on a higher pedestal than you, and you couldn't be more wrong." he whispered.

"I care for you Edward." I muttered, trying to think. But all I could do was breath in his scent and fight the urge to inch just a little closer.

"as I care for you." He whispered, looking back up at me.

"I don't like to see you hurt the way you do." I whispered back.

"And you think that what you do to yourself doesn't hurt me."

"Don't." I warned.

He leaned back, blinking slightly.

"Those are two completely different things. Besides, I would never intentionally hurt you."

"She isn't doing it intentionally," he contradicted.

I scoffed, "where is she now, on another friendly, platonic visit to her ex's house?"

I crossed my arms, satisfied when he didn't respond.

"I guess it's settled." He finally muttered, standing up.

"Nothing is settled. But I get it." I replied harshly.

"Pray tell, what you get Lia." He added, shifting slightly on my bed as I heard the front door shut below me.

"I respect that you're head's too up her ass to see what's really going on. They're your decisions, I'll no longer berate you for them, since it obviously upsets you so much."

"And what is really going on Lia? Or are you just coming to conclusions because you can't stand Bella being shown in a good light?"

I ignored his comment, "I respect your decisions," adding on just a little too sarcastically.

"I hope you don't expect me to respect yours." He countered acidly.

he stood up from the bed, walking away from me.

"You should go greet Bella, she's back from her "friend's" house, you know. So I think you need to get out, you know, maybe ask her why she's still refusing to wear your ring."

My tone was calm, bitter, hovering over disdain

He walked quickly back to the spot besides me, making me flinch.

"You can be so hateful sometimes do you know that? Don't you think I know what's going on? I know damn well, I don't need your selfish attitude on top of this."

"I'm not…" I began

"Save it Lia, I don't want to hear your excuses. All you do is talk badly of her, it's funny how you say you care about my happiness, when it's obvious you care for nothing but yourself. You just can't stand the fact that I chose her."

"Get the fuck out." I demanded with such strong conviction that Edward's eyes widened.

My heart thudded painfully against my ribs.

"Gladly." He muttered as he shoved by me, shutting the door forcefully.

I threw the stupid photo frame of me and my mother at the door as I heard a satisfying crack. I was breathing loudly as the full weight of Edward's insulting tone hit me.

Heading back to bed, I pushed the tiny iPod speakers into my ears and turned the volume as high as it could go.

But that didn't stop the terrifying sobs that wracked through my body, the anger letting itself out in the only way it knew how.

Stupid/bitch/stupid/fat/stupid/ugly/stupid/whore.

I pulled at my hair painfully as I tried to think of something else, but the words continued to reverberate through my system.

This chant, this truthful prayer that kept me awake at night. It was the blame, the only excuse for why I acted the way I did. It was the end and the beginning. A cycle, I couldn't find anywhere else to put my guilt, or to blame for why I was acting so harshly.

I couldn't tell myself that maybe I should stop acting this way towards Edward, I couldn't sit down and reflect on the things we said and how it should've been avoided.

The only thing that was going through my head was thinner.

If you were thinner, everything would be better. If you weighed less, you'd be better. If you were skinnier than this would've never happened.

You wouldn't feel so moody and you wouldn't be so disgusted and then maybe you wouldn't be such a bitch all the time.

At 90 pounds I would feel stronger, see clearer, and dance on air. If I was 10 pounds thinner than the fog would clear from my brain.

Suffering. I deserved the suffering, I deserved those hunger pangs that woke me up in the middle of the night, my stomach hurting so much. I deserved everything that I put myself through, because I didn't deserve to eat, I didn't deserve to live. Zero. I would continue until I was zero. Nothing.

"Did you have fun at Jacob's love?" I asked, trying to suppress the anger threatening to burst.

"It was fine." Bella answered, biting her lip, wringing her hands together. I immediately embraced her, missing the smell of her strawberry shampoo.

I kissed her temple softly as the scent of freesia burned my nostrils.

I tried to block out the guilt of what I had just done. Of the way Lia had perceived my words; "I chose her." I chose her, not that I chose her over Lia.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked softly, noticing her discomfort. She bit her lip again, looking at the floor, as if contemplating whether to tell me something.

"There isn't anything wrong… it's just…" She looked sideways, letting out a small sigh as she continued to fidget with her hands.

"Bella, love, can you please tell me what's going through your mind? It's worrying me." I quickly unwrapped her hands from each other and wound them through my own.

"It isn't anything to worry about Edward, but… umm, well…"

"Love, please, just say it." I begged, as her hesitation gnawed at me.

"Jacob invited me to a bonfire on the rez this Saturday and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me going." She let out in a single breath, stumbling over her words.

An immediate warning bell rang above me,

You would not be so bold as to think your future has stayed the same.

Alice's words filled my ears, remembering how important these choices would be.

What could I say? If I said no, would she listen? She would be angry, no doubt. And Alice had been right, I wasn't her mother. But if I allowed this? Would I be pushing too far over the wrong ledge? Would I be leading her towards her soul mate? The man whom I had stolen the love of my life from?

The words left my mouth on instinct.

"If you really want to love, you can go, no need to ask for my permission." I didn't know

If that had been the right thing to say, but my hands were tied. What could I do? My displeasure had no business in this decision, my instincts had simply gone to salvaging my engagement. I gave her a chaste kiss, no lingering, not with her.

I hate it when you let her walk all over you.

"Il est entre dans mon coeur," she whispered, in tune with the music rolling through the car's radio, staring out into the massive sea.

Suddenly, two arms wrapped around her as the music continued, holding her in an intimate embrace as she leaned her head back into his chest.

"Une part de Bonheur, Dont je connais la cause." she continued "C'est lui pour moi. Moi pour lui Dans la vie,"

"Il me l'a dit, l'a jure pour la vie.…" he joined in.

He smiled into her hair, "Why do you always make me want to sing along with you?"

The vision dimly faded, returning me to my bedroom were Jasper was lying besides my frame.

I shook my head in disbelief.

That girls hair had been too dark, that girl's voice had been to sweet, that girl's accent had been too authentic. That boy had been too lighthearted, that boy had looked too comfortable.

That had not been Edward's Bella, and that girl had not been his fiancée.

I snapped out of my reverie long enough to find that Bella's future had changed once more. Because, since her brief throw with Jacob, her future had been identical to Edward's.

Anyone recognize the song Lia's singing in the vision? It's kind of really important. MUST SHUT UP. Honestly, I annoy MYSELF.

Thanks to all your reviews, and please, I love detailed, hypercritical opinionated comments. So feel obliged to leave one! (;