It was the first potions lesson back after Ron's death and Hermione was dreading it, Harry was with the Weasley's so it was just her and the big empty worktable
"Miss Granger" Snape snapped for the third time "Do you know the answer to my question or were you to busy off in your dream land to hear me?"
"Sorry Professor" she mumbled rubbing her temple "I."
"Miss Granger, detention Saturday at 7, just because your friends with the 'chosen one' does not mean you can slack in my lessons"
"I know Professor but I assure you I was not slacking"
"Are you arguing with me Miss Granger?"
"No I."
"You what Miss Granger? Your sorry for being an insufferable little know it all, you're sorry for being part of the 'golden trio',"
"Yes well it's not the Golden Trio anymore is it!" she growled grabbing her bag and heading for the door
"Miss Granger, my office now, and don't even think about arguing, you will just make it so much worse for yourself" at this she slammed the door and stormed down the corridor to his office before sitting on the floor next to his door and silently fuming, the end of period bell rang and moments later Snape rounded the corner his cloaks billowing menacingly behind him, anyone else would have fled at the sight of him but Hermione just stood and faced him as he unlocked his door
"In" and she silently obeyed not knowing how much more she could take before she burst shutting the door behind him he rounded his desk and studied her intently "You haven't been taking your potions have you Miss Granger?" his voice almost civil but it still had its usual bored, snappy tone to it
"…. Yes"
"Do not lie to me Miss Granger!" he snapped "Why are you being so damn selfish! You nearly died hell Mr Weasley did die! And you're too busy moping around to realise that you're not the only one mourning and the people who care about you as well have enough on their plates without watching you wither away in front of their eyes, it's been two months and you're going to have to open up to the pain now otherwise it will be to late when it finally hits you and it will be so much worse, that there will be nothing anyone can do for you and we will all have to watch as you slowly wither away and there is nothing worse than that Miss Granger I'll tell you that now. I know it's hard but God damn it Miss Granger, you're going to have to pull yourself together, you are one of the most insufferable little know it all's I know, it's going to be difficult but I for one am not going to let you wither away and waste your potential, because it will infuriate me so much if you do."
"Oh so this has nothing to do with the fact that you generally care, no it's all about your emotional well being isn't it? You know not ONE person has asked me if im okay, and even if they did I would wonder if it's just me being snappy and they generally care or if their just asking me because of everything I've been through either way it would be nice. You know I may be being selfish but I've have never felt so alone in my life, and your telling me to 'face the pain' well I'll tell you now, if it hurts, this much, and im not taking the pain, then im not going to be able to cope with that pain by myself, and I don't know what to do Professor, so sorry, sorry for being off and sorry for not taking my potions but I feel like they are an easy way out of the pain, he died for me so I think it's only fair that I don't cheat in my recovery"
"Miss Granger?"
"What?" fighting back the tears
He swallowed his pride "How are you?"
"Professor?"
"Yes"
"Utterly and truly terrible Sir, how are you if I may be so bold to ask?"
"I am none of your concern"
"And what makes me your concern?"
"That fact that I am your teacher and it says in my contract if we see any student in distress or emotionally unstable we must intervene"
"You don't usually seem to care"
"Yes well it's because im usually the source of their distress"
Hermione smiled weakly, almost chuckling
"Miss Granger, I do believe, I've never seen a smile so sad"
"Oh" was all she said before getting an intense look of thought on her face. Snape left her for a couple of moments before breaking her line of thought, judging by the look on her face that it wasn't a pleasant one
"Miss Granger?"
"Yes Professor?"
A frown on his face "I think its best that you end that train of thought where it is"
"Yes, so do I Professor"…. "Professor?"
"Yes Miss Granger" he sighed
"It doesn't matter" she said sadly "I'll see you tonight for my detention" that's all she seemed these days, sad, her voice suggested that there was nothing to live for anymore, her hand reached for the door knob
"Destroy that which destroys you Miss Granger"
Her hand stopped in mid air "You see Professor I would," her back to him still "but I fear" turning she made eye contact "That would mean destroying myself" and at that very moment he had not once before understood her more than that very moment…. Turning on her heel she left, in disbelief that she may have just admitted her biggest insecurity to none other than Severus Snape.
A hammering on her door as Hermione laid face down burying her head in her pillow, brooding over everything, thinking, ignoring it, using the pillows to cover her ears as each hammer went through her, echoing in her head, making her headache worse. Silence a sigh of relief until the knocking was accompanied with a call from Madame Pomfrey "MISS GRANGER!" silence
"Poppy what an earth are you doing!" came Severus voice earning a whispered "shit" from Hermione
"Miss Granger, was not at dinner and she's refusing to come out of her room"
"It doesn't mean you can bang the castle down!" he growled "Now I have to sort this out because Dumbledore sent me to see what the disturbance was and to resolve it. I would expect it from a child not a grown woman…" he glared at her for a moment as if egging her on for a reply, his mood already foul "AND AS FOR YOU MISS GRANGER YOU BETTER OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I BLOW IT OFF IT'S HINGES, YOUR HEAD GIRL STATUS IS TAKEN AWAY, AND YOU HAVE A YEAR'S DETENTION WHICH I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE SURE ARE A LIVING HELL!"
"How dare you!" she growled swing open her door, "You have no right!"
"Oh Miss Granger I think you'll find I have every right! Especially since im the one that has to come down and sort this out! And it is my detention we will have to reschedule now because I have to personally escort you and make sure you eat something! Also now because of you! One of use will have to come down here, Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, just to make sure you go! And because Madame Pomfrey needs to always be in the hospital wing it's going to have to be me! And frankly I don't have the time or the energy to be worrying about a selfish little girl who doesn't care about anyone else but herself!"
"Professor if I didn't care about anyone but myself then I wouldn't die inside every time some mentions Ronald Weasley, every time I see his empty seat, every bloody time the littlest things FUCKING REMINDS ME OF HIM, SO DON'T YOU DARE SAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE, IF I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE THEN I WOULDN'T BE FIGHTING IN THIS FUCKING WAR!"
Madame Pomfrey had a look on her face as if she had just been slapped,
"Miss Granger I am shocked to hear such language coming out of your mouth, and Professor I really think you should give her a break, if she gets too worked up she'll just have a relapse"
"Thank you for your input Poppy" he snapped "but I really don't think it's needed, I am perfectly capable of handling this situation by myself, now I believe you are suppose to be in the hospital wing tending to some people" his teeth gritted
"Severus I"
"Goodbye Poppy" he growled and she huffed before turning on her heel and leaving, knowing she would only aggravate him more if she stayed
"As for you Miss Granger, get down to the great hall right now!"
"HAVEN'T YOU LISTENED TO ANYTHING I'VE SAID" she said pain visible in her eyes before saying quietly "I can't professor, I can't go down there, I just can't and im sorry, im sorry for being weak but I can't" the tears begging to escape her eyes
He immediately calmed down as she turned around to hide the tear that escaped her eye, he struggled to keep his voice stiff with his usual bored uncaring tone to it, this girl had an effect that no other did, he put it down to her being in so much pain, she was too young to be broken like he was, yet here she was, broken and hurting
"Miss Granger?"
"Yes Professor" she said her voice strained as she tried not to let it crack
"What can we do to make it easier for you?" he voice lacked his usual venom
"You can understand the fact that I can't go down to the great hall but I don't want to eat by myself, you can support me and not give me a hard time for being upset and not myself, you can help me get motivated and you can talk to me because I know you understand"
"Those are all things I can do though"
"I know professor"
"But why?"
"Because I feel like you're the only one here who actually understands how I feel, and will tell me the truth"
"Miss Granger, im not playing your mentor, no matter what the situation"
"I don't want you to play mentor." She almost snapped "I just need someone who understands how I feel. Who's been through what I have. Even if there not willing to open up or be there for me as I cry. To just know that there is another human being on this earth who feels the same way as me is enough."
"Miss Granger"
"Look im sorry Professor, it was a stupid idea, I'll talk to Dumbledore about alternative arrangements"
"Im afraid, if this 'stupid idea' helps and Dumbledore hears about it. Then there will be no other alternative Miss Granger. Do you know what sort of situation you've put me in here, I promised him I would report anything you say to me that could hint towards something that can help, we all did but now that means spending so much more time with an insufferable little know it all" he sighed
"Why are you acting differently?"
"Differently in what way Miss Granger?"
"You're talking to me, almost civilly, like im a normal person, not someone you can speak down to because you look down on us all day making mistakes in your classroom"
"Well I think I'd have to be a pretty horrible person to treat you any differently due to current circumstances. Don't you?" he was taunting her and he was enjoying it
She hesitated "Yes sir, I do think you would have to be" she was slightly confused and her brow was beginning to furrow "Anyway as I was saying Professor, I'll go and talk to Dumbledore and sort something out"
"Very well" he growled and turned violently on his heel "This way" he gestured and strolled out the door, his cloak billowing menacingly behind him. Hermione trailed behind him, walking only as fast as her ribs would let her. "Hurry up girl!"
"Im sorry Professor but I think you're forgetting who has the huge gash and at least 4 breaks and 6 fractures on their ribs here"
"Well you wouldn't have that issue if you drank your potions would you?" He snapped
"Professor, I would because…"
He cut her off "Frankly Miss Granger I don't care, you have gotten me in a situation that I cannot get out of and I do not enjoy being in it, so will you just do us all I favour and be quiet" Hermione sighed her temper bubbling just beneath the surface, what was happening to her? Why was she snapping so easily and talking back to teachers it wasn't like her, she put it down to the grief
Arriving a Dumbledore's office Hermione tidied her uniform, tucking her shirt in and tightening her tie, she better had at least make an effort for him, Snape saw her out the corner of his eye "I think your uniform is the last thing on his mind"
"Yes it's called respect Professor"
"And where is your respect for me?"
"I do have respect for you sir, it's just well," she blushed "We were arguing and it was in my own quarters"
"Humph" he growled as Dumbledore's door swung open admitting them
"I've been expecting you Miss Granger but why are you here Professor?" he said gesturing to the seats in front of his desk
"She's been…." He began as he sat "Let's say, neglecting the rules"
"Miss Granger is this true?"
"It's not what you think; it's just I….. I broke a promise I made Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey and I feel terrible about it but I just couldn't face it"
"Face what?"
"Going to the great hall for food"
"Why not, Miss Granger?"
"Because he's not there, neither is Harry or Ginny or any of the Weasley's, and I…. I feel so alone among all those people, all I can see when I go down there is the three of us and I can't do it Professor"
"And what about you're Potions Miss Granger?"
She sat a little straighter "What of them?"
"Have you been taking them?"
She took a breath beginning to lie "Of" before slumping slightly; trying to avoid aggravating her ribs further "No, I haven't"
"And why not Miss Granger?"
"Because I feel like they are an easy way out of the pain, he died for me, the least I can do is not cheat in my recovery"
"The least you can do is look after yourself"
"I am" she almost snapped but only almost
"Your neglecting your medicine"
"Im not neglecting anything Sir. I am simply opting for the Muggle way of healing. I am Muggle born after all"
"Say his name Miss Granger"
"What?" she asked, thrown off guard.
"Say his name, name the boy who died for you"
There was silence in which Hermione opened her mouth several times before closing it, swallowing on a very dry throat and forcing out "Ronald Weasley" tears springing to her eyes at the very mention of the name and that seemed to be enough for Dumbledore
"Professor you will have to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with Miss Granger in either hers or your quarters, make sure she is healing properly, and keep her company for the meals and when else she needs it, im sure Miss Granger can help you with some of your work burden"
"Professor I appreciate the gesture, but is there not someone else who could perhaps do it? It just, I know Professor Snape isn't particularly fond of me or the idea of spending more time with me then necessary"
"No there is no one else" said Dumbledore his voice strong but had not lost its friendliness, this immediately sparked Snape's interest 'he has hidden plans, that senile old man'
"Professor will you escort Miss Granger back to her room and make sure she eats her dinner, maybe a potion if you can persuade her as well" he said shooting a warm smile at Hermione. He stood without a word except "Miss Granger" to summon her before turning towards the door with a swish of his cloaks and leaving
the same as always :)