Trailing down the corridor behind Snape, Hermione ignored the whispers and the looks she got as the few stragglers from dinner, who were hanging around in the corridors, she was so glad she had her own room otherwise she would have had to endure this on a much larger scale for a much longer period of time. Noticing the whispering Snape dropped back so he was walking next to Hermione and it stopped immediately
Hermione whispered "Thank you" and he just nodded stiffly, matching his pace with hers
Snape placed a plate of food in front of her, before sitting opposite her and taking in the room, to his left she had a fireplace of black marble with two worn red armchairs (the ones they were sitting on) tilted towards it, one either side, and a matching worn red sofa facing directly at the fire, the floor was black carpet and there were books resting on one her small tables next to the armchairs, one was open with a ribbon holding her place while they all had worn spines, tell tale signs of books that had been red often. To the right of the fireplace there was a heavy dark wood door that was slightly cracked open it lead to what he supposed was her bedroom. To his right there was a basic kitchen of black marble. He smirked at how obvious the added bookcases were, (he knew they were added because they were crammed anywhere and everywhere they could fit). Hermione stood hesitantly as her ribs were stiff and hurt more.
"Excuse me Miss Granger"
"Yes professor" she said crossing her fingers
"Get back here and finish that meal"
She sighed as she sat down
"Miss Granger I didn't take you for one to break the rules"
"Professor im sorry to say I have broken many a school rules"
"Yes but I just supposed Potter and Weasley forced you into it" he noticed her breath catch slightly at the use of his name
"Why?" She asked "Don't you think I can stand up for myself?"….. "I do have a spine you know. Unlike many and im not afraid to use it"
"I don't doubt that you do, but people do ridiculous things to avoid being alone"
"So are you saying you think I thought that they wouldn't have been my friends or cared about me if I didn't go with the flow?"
"That's exactly what im saying Miss Granger"
"Im not explaining myself to you" she growled standing
"You don't need to explain anything Miss Granger" he said watching her put her dish in the sink and slowly turning to face him
"I don't?"
"No"
"Is that because you don't care and you don't want to hear it? Or because you know?"
"It's because I know Miss Granger, and I won't be answering any questions on that matter"
"Okay Professor" she nodded, the fact that she didn't interrogate him further and she must have sensed this "You know, im not the irritating little know it all you think I am" she stated matter of factly
"Humph, I'll believe that when I see it"
"Very well" she sighed
That night Hermione had a troubled sleep, at first she dreamt of a shadow coming over her, kissing her, letting its hands roam, what worried her was how strangely happy she felt in this dream, the happiness then very quickly turned into fear, the shadow on her hands into crimson, the rest into Ron's body, next to his laid Harry's and Ginny's their hands millimetres form each other outstretched, next was Sirius, then Tonks and Lupin in an embrace, then the rest of the Weasley's and the order among them laid her parent's. Here in front of her laid everyone she ever cared about, their bodies broken, she screamed collapsing to her knees before beginning to weep.
"Miss Granger" came Snape's voice, his hand on her shoulder, shaking her out of her slumber
She woke gasping for air and tears streaming down her face, a gut wrenching sob issuing from her mouth before she control herself, rolling over and weeping into her pillow, Snape's arm reached out but then he pulled it back in, and fetched her calming potion from the side
"Miss Granger drink this" he ordered, she shook her head, taking deep rattling breaths as she tried to calm herself "You don't need to prove you don't need potions you silly girl, now drink it before you hurt yourself!"
She choked out "No" it took her several moments to calm herself enough to stand and act composed but Snape had to catch her as he fell towards him, stumbling from the pain in her ribs.
"Do you want a pain potion for that?" he said smirking at how they both knew he was right
"No thank you Professor" she said smirking back not moving from leaning on him
"Miss Granger your being ridiculous, now take the potion before I give you a month's detention"
She sighed and gulped it down,
"How are you ribs doing?"
"I don't know" she admitted
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I mean, I don't know, I haven't looked at it since I got back from the hospital wing"
"Why you silly little girl!"
"I break down, you probably think it's a pathetic thing to cry over, but it just brings back so many memories"
"You're going to have to look at it one day" he said matter of factly
"I know, I just don't intend to any time soon"
"In that case you need to go to Madam Pomfrey for a check up"
"Since when have you started to care?" she snapped "I am not going back there she just causes me more pain"
He huffed "Stay here and eat something, I'll be back in a minute and Miss Granger, don't even bother lying to me about whether you have eaten or not because I will know and eating will seem easy compared to what I will make you do…. Actually considering the state you were just in come with me and we will eat later"
"Don't you trust me?"
"It wasn't a choice it was an order now get moving" he growled and headed towards Dumbledore's office
"Please, professor, I'll have a shower and then you'll be back, it will save you from waiting to eat, we can eat as soon as we come back"
"No, it's not an option now come with me Miss Granger, don't make me use force" he spun around and she almost walked into him
"You wouldn't"
"Really Miss Granger, do you really want to find out?" his whole body inches from hers
A tiny part of her wanted to say yes, wanted to find out if he would, but then the other part of her knew it wasn't wise to test him, especially not this early in the morning and he knew this, so with a sigh she shook her head slightly
"Now there's a good girl" he growled patronizingly and spun beginning to walk again, 'oh this was going to be a fun day' Hermione thought sarcastically trailing behind him half heartedly, thinking about curling up on her sofa in front of the fire, with a blanket and a coffee, she wasn't a hot chocolate girl anymore, ever since Ron died, they always use to have hot chocolate's together late at night at the Weasley's, the kind with whipped cream and marsh mallows, with chocolate sprinkled over the top, watching the sun set, with a blanket over their shoulders, and staying up much later than anyone, sat on the steps to the Weasley's garden, cuddling. How bittersweet it all was, those times seemed like years ago, the world had changed so much since then. The one person she had ever truly loved had been ripped away from her since then. From his family. From his friends. She just felt like screaming at the top of her lungs. Why? What did he ever do to you? What did any of them ever do to you! Why did you let this happen! How could you stand there all high and mighty and let him die! She's not sure who she wanted to shout it to, put she knew she needed to. Snape turned around to check on her, and the look in her eyes was enough to break anyone's heart, no one should be so young yet so broken, no one should be so scarred, no one should have to witness that, no one any age should experience even half the pain she is but they are and they do, he rounded and walked next to her staying at her pace.
In a very unsnapeish manner he swallowed his pride once more, made sure no one was near and asked almost caringly, but only almost "Are you okay Miss Granger?"
She started out of train of thought, extremely teary eyed, glanced over at him and smiled weakly before nodding, almost crying but holding in the tears, just, using all of her self control to push away the tears, steadying her voice before saying "Im just a little tired" and by the looks of her she was more than just a little tired
"Miss Granger, you screamed in your sleep last night" he stated matter of factly and watched the embarrassment wash over her,
"Oh…..I….I just…..It must…." She couldn't think of anything to say "I screamed…. I mean in the dream I was having….. Everyone….. They were all lied out dead in front of me…..it was horrible" a tear escaping her eye
"If that's a dream, I would hate to know what your nightmares are like" he smirked trying to ease the tension and she smiled lightly "Yes so would I" they were on the steps to Dumbledore's office now and the lack of sleep and food from the past few days was beginning to catch up on her, the spinning of the stairs making her feel slightly light headed, she subconsciously leaned against Snape a little and he frowned "You should have ate before we came out"
"You should have ate before we came out" she frowned back, she preferred this Snape but knew he wouldn't stay for long, he shook his head in disbelief, frowning "Now you're just getting to comfortable around me"
"Sorry Professor" she said standing as the stairs came to a stop and he raised his hand to knock on Dumbledore's door
"Will he be up this early on a Sunday?" asked Hermione curiously
"Don't be silly girl of course he will be, he's the headmaster" he snapped 'ah there was the Snape she knew, or at least a glimpse of him'
The door swung open and admitted them in "Ah Professor Snape, to what do I owe this pleasure? And I see you've brought Miss Granger along to?" he said inclining his head to her and she smiled slightly back
"What is it I can help you with?" his wise voice asked
"Miss Granger is the topic of conversation once more"
"Oh and why is that?" he asked glancing towards Hermione whose head had dropped slightly and seemed to be suddenly very interested in his table leg
"She can't seem to bring herself to look at her ribs herself, as it brings back to many memories but she will not go to Madame Pomfrey for a check up, and I know this seems petty considering the state of things, but if her ribs get infected, it will eventually spread to her heart and we may not see it in time to stop it from, inevitably killing her"
"Why won't you go to Madame Pomfrey Miss Granger?"
She looked up at him "Don't get me wrong Professor she is an amazing doctor, and I appreciate everything she's been doing for me but she examines in a way that is thorough but extremely painful"
"Ah I see"
Snape's voice came again as Dumbledore surveyed her over his half moon spectacles "So is there anyone else that could examine her?"
"Professor, you know the answer to that, no one else has the experience other than you and Madame Pomfrey"
"What about Professor McGonagall?" asked Hermione
"She is an extraordinary witch, but alas she doesn't have the knowledge in medicine that Professor Snape does"
"Oh"
"Professor Snape, you may be a man, but if you get to the muggle doctors, or even some wizarding ones, men do look after and examine women"
He frowned "Very well, I sincerely hope we haven't wasted your time to much" he sneered sarcastically and stood leaving Hermione trailing behind
"Well that was the biggest, waste of my time" he growled partially forgetting Hermione was there 'and pathetic' he added in his head, 'if I knew he was going to allow that I would have just examined her in the first place!' he needed a distraction before he fumed too much and Hermione gave him that distraction at just the right time
"So…What are we having for breakfast?"
Whoa, she really had been hanging around with Potter and Weasley to much "I don't know Miss Granger….. What do you want for breakfast?"
"Im not sure Professor, not a lot im not really hungry, I don't really have an appetite" she said pulling the chain she kept her key on from down her top and Snape quirked his eyebrow
"Miss Granger, why…"
"I won't lose it; no one can find it, no one will accidently come across it and no one knows it's there, so im trusting you to keep it quiet and not tell anyone"
"I didn't intend to, why would I?"
"Maybe the question should be why wouldn't you?"
"Well you certainly have a different way of looking at things"
"You have to be able to look at things differently" she said matter of factly as she opened the door "From both sides, then and only then can you gather all the information" she said
"You sound like Lupin" intense dislike in his voice as he closed the door
She collapsed on the sofa and laid her head against the back of the seat, closing her eyes
"You say that like it's a bad thing"
"Humph" he grunted and went to the kitchen, Hermione summoned a blanket and wrapped it around herself curling up on the sofa in front of the fire,
"Here" Snape said handing her a brew of some sort, Hermione raised her eyebrow, "I haven't poisoned it, it's just a calming tea,"
"What makes you think I need calming?" she snapped "Oh right sorry, im just tired" she replied to the I told you so look on his face
"Drink it" he said handing it to her, "It will help, then try and sleep…. I'll make some food and if you're asleep by the time it's done I'll save it for later"
"Okay, thank you Professor" she said sipping from it while gazing into the fire, he handed her a plate of bacon, egg, buttered bread and took her cup off her, "I didn't know what you wanted, you don't have to eat it all, just eat as much as you can"
"And what about you?"
"I'm having the same as you" he said sitting down on the armchair across from her
"I'll move if you want to sit on here"
"No, you stay there" he said
"Ah right of course sorry, to close for comfort and all that"
"I assure you Miss Granger, I have been closer than opposite ends of the sofa with people and have still been more than comfortable" a smirk playing at the edge of his mouth
A million thoughts raced through her head, so did a million sentences and she choose one she thought was safe "That's not necessarily anything to be proud of Professor" a slight disapproving tone to her voice
"Okay, Miss Granger, maybe your right, but pray tell me, how many men have you been with?" he was out to get her, but she didn't know why he had been perfectly okay a minute ago
"I really don't think that's any of your business" she snapped, blushing, she didn't know where this conversation came from or why she was having it with Snape of all people, all she knew was it was making her rather uncomfortable
"Hmmm I thought so" he smirked enjoying how much this was torturing her
"What do you mean I thought so?" she questioned
"I mean, I thought you hadn't been with anyone, and do you know why I thought that?"
"Oh do enlighten me" she snapped
"Because you shy away from boys and any advances they make, you wear your uniform perfectly, your skirt is never higher than it should be, the mere subject makes you blush"
"It does not!" she exclaimed he was basically calling her a fridge, how dare he! "You certainly know how to charm a lady don't you"
"Oh Miss Granger, im not trying to charm you, if I were you would be in my bed before you knew it" he was cocky
"Not everything has to end up being in bed!" she exclaimed "Anyway, what's saying no one can charm you?"
"Because my feelings have been surgically removed Miss Granger, and locked in a place where no one can touch them"
"Well if every so called charming session ends up in bed then there will be no need for feelings will there, just pure lust!" she exclaimed, outraged at his lack of respect for others, even if it was just a mask, she stood slamming her plate into the sink before storming into her room calling "Im having a shower" over her shoulder
Stripping she suddenly became very much aware that there was a man sat in her living room, her potions master none the less, flicking her wand at the door she locked it and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water flow over her muscles slowly relaxing them one by one, that man had an effect on her, good or bad she wasn't sure, all she knew was that if he tried enough, she wouldn't be able to move, except towards him, and she hoped that didn't happen, already feeling guilty for thinking that so soon after Ron, It had only been two months after all, she physically shook her head and distracted herself by washing her hair, and herself, avoiding looking at or feeling her half healed scar, she should of just took the damn potions, it would have been healed over by now and the pain would be much less. Stepping out she turned her back to the mirror and dried her hair with a flick of her wand, before wrapping her towel around herself and realising that she had forgot clean clothes "Oh shit" she whispered to herself unlocking the door and bee lining straight for her underwear draw grapping her green lacy knickers and the bra to match, which was made of silk more than lace, before running back to the bathroom and putting them on feeling slightly more relaxed she wrapped her towel around her once more before walking out of the bathroom, grabbing some jeans she pulled them on before flicking her wand at her towel which dried and flew to the hook on the back of the bathroom door, running her eyes over her wardrobe, Snape cleared his throat from the door way and Hermione spun around blushing at the state he had caught her in
"I just came to remind you that I would be checking your ribs after you shower, I was going to shout through the door, but obviously I don't need to"
"Oh okay" she said grabbing a vest top and jumper from the cupboard "Um top on or off?" she asking blushing a little more and Snape raised his eyebrow
"If im looking at your ribs what do you think Miss Granger?"
"Your right, it was a stupid question, im sorry" she said shaking her head, holding herself straight, chest out and chin up, trying to act as if being topless in front of a man didn't bother her at all, thinking back to the conversation they had before she stormed off to her shower, Snape seemed to be thinking this to
"Miss Granger, if it will make this easier for you, I didn't mean any of what I said before, it sickens me, what the death eaters do, but I just have to act like it doesn't and by acting that way all the time, it just makes it easier to slip into role straight away, okay." He said in a very tight voice, obviously not willing to open up anymore, struggling to open up as much as he did, Hermione nodded her head, appreciating that, and he saw her visibly relax, her chest still rising and falling slightly faster than usually, she tried to calm her breathing, closing her eyes, she heard him step towards her and she kept her eyes closed, as he placed his hand on her stomach,
"Take a deep breath for me" he said and she did her chest rising, "And out" but her ribs fell what looked like unevenly, but really they had just healed wrong, she opened her eyes when she felt his hand leave her stomach, her skin almost burning from where it had been, to find him bent down, studying her ribs intently, before pulling his wand and muttering a spell then standing
"How is it?"
"It's not infected and I cast a spell, so the cut should be fully healed by the morning, you will have a scar, but you will get use to it over time, but some of your ribs have healed unevenly, because you obviously haven't listened to a word we have said"
"Oh…. So does that mean they are going to be re broken?"
"Yes"
"Oh" she moaned and pushed her hair out of her face "Will you do it?"
"What?"
"Will you do it now?"
"Madame Pomfrey has all the pain killers strong enough"
"I am not going back to her, I can't be doing with the rants she has, please Professor?" she almost pleaded
"Okay, lay down" he ordered, rolling his eyes at her stubbornness "Ready?"
She nodded and with a flick over his wand she heard her ribs crack before she actually felt it, taking a deep breath, and biting her lip to hold in the scream, drawing blood, he flicked his wand "Brackeo emendo" and they healed she laid there for a while scared to move and Snape couldn't help but notice her chest, and the way it rose and fell with each breathe, he looked away, mentally slapping himself before grabbing her a loose shirt from her wardrobe and throwing it at her,
"I'd stick with loose clothes for now just to be safe"
"Okay" she nodded sitting slowly and sliding her arms into the shirt, doing it up hesitantly before standing, "Thank you"
He just nodded before turning and leaving, the blush Hermione had somehow managed to hold back, flooded to her cheeks "Oh my God, my Professor just saw me topless, and it was Professor Snape, what the hell have I come to? I should not have to have some here to look after me, to make sure I eat, to make sure I heal properly, to make sure I look after myself, I despise this me, but right now this is all I can be, he would despise me, especially the part of me Snape has control over"
SSPOV
He was sat reading a book, his thoughts straying back to the Granger girl every now and then before he reined them back in, hearing her enter he chose to ignore her, or at least until she had buried her head in his chest and being weeping madly into it, God he was confused, he placed the book on the side, pages down as to hold his page, and hesitantly put one arm around her, before the other arm followed…. He was hugging her! What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he acting so unsnapeish? Maybe he was coming down with something
HGPOV
a tear running down her cheek Hermione saw Snape sat on the sofa a book in one hand the other resting along the top of the sofa, she bee lined straight for him sat next to him, burying her head in his chest and before he could question what she was doing, she started weeping into him, expecting to be pushed away, she was shocked when his arm wrapped around her…. And if that wasn't enough the other one soon followed, relaxing, she completely feel apart in this man's arms, gasping for air every now and then as to fuel her sobs, her throat burned and her lungs screamed out but she couldn't stop, her whole body shook furiously from the force of her sobs, and the amount of pain in them surprised Snape, he just supposed, she would find it hard but would get on with it, not that it would cause her this much pain, but then again the wiser you are the more you hurt because the more you know, she cried for about an hour and not once did Snape leave her side, he could remember the days when he needed to cry to someone like this but he had no one, and he knew how horrible that was, sometimes even though he would never admit it, he still did need someone to cry like that to.
"Im so sorry Professor, it's just I…" she said pulling away so she was sat next to him, he just nodded, silently telling her it was okay, God she was hurting, and he could relate to her, her pain was reminding him of the pain he had locked away so many years ago, to only bring out on certain occasions or days
"Who was there…. When they were trying to save him?"
"Lupin, Tonks, Molly and Arthur but we had to take them away, Sirius, Dumbledore, and Kingsley"
"Did Molly and Arthur, see him…?"
"Yes"
"Oh God"…"Will the pain ever go away?"
"Miss Granger, im going to be honest, the pain will never fully go away, but it will become easier to deal with"
"Oh"
"But you won't be alone through this process and even though you may feel extremely alone, you will never be, you will have your moments of vulnerability and your strength will waver, and you will cry like there is nothing left for you in this world, but you are oh so wrong to think that, trust me"
"I do" she whispered
"You do?" he asked I his bored voice but he was actually shocked and pleasantly surprised at the same time
"Yes, I don't believe in Harry's petty hatred towards you, I think that underneath that mask of yours, there is a good man, but you just don't show him, to anyone"
"Have you ever thought that you look for good where no exists?" he asked his hand coming up and subconsciously brushing the hair from her face,
"I believe I do sometimes yes" she said ignoring how that simple gesture made her suddenly feel nervous and her heart beat a little faster "But I believe people act to protect themselves and the ones they care about, and I also believe if you help people early enough then they can be saved from falling into complete darkness"
"And what do you believe about me?"
"I believe that you are a man who has seen many things, and has had not an easy life, who has also made some decisions he regrets greatly, and that under the mask you wear, there is a good man, and nothing you can say will change that, because you kind of just proved me right?"
"How did I?" he frowned
"You brushed the hair from my face" she admitted
"Oh and how did that make you feel?"
"I'd rather not say"
"Oh?" he asked raising an eyebrow
"Oh, no. I just meant, honestly, it made me feel, nice, I guess, but nervous, and guilty" both their stomachs clenched at the word nice
"Why guilty?"
"Because of Ron" she glanced out the side of her eye at him to see a questioning look on his face "I just feel like another person should make me feel nice again so soon, and I know nothing is happening and this all merely comfort also that you'll be back to yourself by tomorrow but still…."
"Still you feel like you shouldn't be able to feel anything else except the pain you do?"
"Yes" she sighed "But that was the first time I have felt nice and it was so good to feel like that, and I want to grasp those moments and hold on to them with both hands, but then I let go because I feel it isn't right…. I forgot how that even felt"
"No one your age should forget what feeling nice feels like" he stated matter of factly with a frown on his face
"Neither should anyone your age, no one should"
"You honestly believe that?"
"Yes I do"
"What about Voldemort?"
"Even though he deserves to forget, I believe he experiences his nice, from other forms… Bellatrix defiantly obsesses over him" she said a look of intense disapproval on his face
"Usually when girls mention other girls names in that way it's because they are jealous, please tell me you are not?"
"No defiantly not!" she exclaimed and laughed in disbelief "I have no idea what she sees in him"
"I believe she truly is crazy Miss Granger"
"I believe so Professor"
A few minutes passed and Snape still had his arm around Hermione not wanting to move in case that was what she needed
"How can you do this?" He asked "I mean, sit so close, be so close to me and seem so comfortable?"
"Because I am comfortable, I know you won't hurt me and I trust you"
"Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't trust me?"
Hermione rolled her head to the side on his shoulder; she could see the profile of his face but the thing she noticed the most were his lips, they were perfectly shaped and soft, gentle looking, extremely distracting "Maybe, have you ever thought you shouldn't trust me?"
He smirked and turned his head, not realising how close her face was, millimetres from each other he smirked "Maybe" looking at each other's lips,
"I… Im going to go for a walk a need to get some air clear my head… do you want to come with or do you need to catch up on work?"
"I need to catch up on work, I'll be in my office if you need me" he said slipping slowly into the role of teacher once more
"Okay Professor, I will come and find you when I am back, let you know im okay"
"Very well" he said holding the door for her "Goodbye Professor"
"Goodbye Miss Granger" he nodded and they parted their separate ways
Please r&r, let me know honestly what you think, to a limit, constructive criticism is welcome but no outright hating please :) thank you