Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Avril Lavigne owns the song lyrics at the start of the chapter.

Authors Notes: Thanks for all the love so far. I adore hearing what you think. Thank you to my Beta's - LisaDawn75 and Tammygrrl.

Don't Ever Look Back

Chapter Three.

Well, I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it every day.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you've left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah, yeah oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh oh oh

(Nobodys Home – Avril Lavigne.)

1st October 2005

I woke up to the voice of my father yelling. Our house was fairly small, and he was shouting so loud that my door almost shook. I rubbed at my eyes and looked at the clock. Nine a.m. I'd had a grand total of three and a half hours sleep, no thanks to the little bundle laying in his bassinette beside my bed. Sam was, of course, sound asleep. Typical.

I tried to listen to what had angered my dad so much. I got out of bed and winced slightly. Dammit, I didn't realize that even after a month, I'd still be so uncomfortable down below. At least it didn't hurt to use the bathroom anymore – but first thing in the morning, stretching wasn't too much fun.

"I don't give a shit what you think. I suggest you talk to your deadbeat of a son, and tell him that he has to man up. It takes two people to make a baby, so don't put this all on Bella. He was a part of this, too... No, Mr. Biers, I don't think YOU understand. I am sure she wants Riley to see his son... hello... hello? Dammit!"

I didn't know if it could get any worse. During the pregnancy, my dad had pushed me to talk to Riley more and get him to at least pay attention to me and to face up to the fact that he was going to be a father. Of course, he wouldn't, and my dad didn't like that. It wasn't until he had a huge row with Riley's father the first time, and Mr. Biers had informed Charlie of my reputation, that he finally got the message and left it well alone. I didn't know if he believed it or not nor if he thought that I could have been lying to him, and Riley wasn't the father anymore.

Two days beforehand, he'd started to try and get involved, once again. I'd told him not to bother, that I didn't care, and I'd rather do it without Riley's input, but Charlie was adamant that Riley should be helping me out with costs for diapers and clothing.

I peeked at my son once again, who had managed to get one of his stubby little fingers into his mouth. He was still sleeping, but I knew that it wouldn't be long until he was awake again and yelling at me, ready for his feeding. At the thought of him eating, my breasts ached and stung... I hoped he would wake up sooner rather than later as the lady lumps wanted some relief. My new E-cups were awesome to look at, but they hurt like fuck – and cracked nipples were not so much fun.

I crept out of the room and headed downstairs to see my dad. Charlie spun around as he heard me enter the kitchen. He was picking up the battery and back cover of the cordless phone. "I'm sorry, Bells. Did I wake you?"

Yes. "Yeah, but it doesn't matter; it was about time I got up. Sam will want to eat soon, anyway."

Charlie hummed and walked over to the coffee pot, pouring a mug for me and handing it over. I smiled gratefully, put in some vanilla creamer, and sat at the table.

"Dad... please, just leave it, now. I get the picture; he doesn't want anything to do with Sam."

Charlie sat down beside me and rested his elbows on the table. "Baby, he helped get you into this situation... you had to get your life into perspective to have a child, and I think that he should have to do the same."

"But, Dad... I don't want him in our lives. I want to take care of Sam. I don't need Riley for that."

My father rubbed at his temples and looked at me. "Bells... I know I've asked this before, and I'm going to ask it once more, then I'll leave it. But are you positive that he's the father?"

"Yes. I promise you that Riley is Sam's dad. Yes, there were others, and you know I'm not proud of that. I hate what I'd become, and I regret each and every one of them. But Riley was the only one where... where we didn't use anything... and it was just the one time." I blushed beet red, really not wanting to have a sex talk with my forty year old father.

"Okay... okay, Bella, I believe you. I just wanted the clarification, and I just needed to hear it one last time. I'm proud of you for bringing Sam into the world. I get that being a young parent is hard, and I'm going to help you all I can."

I nodded and looked down at my coffee mug. "Thanks, Dad, but I mean it when I said to leave Riley alone. I don't want him anywhere near us. I don't want anyone near us."

"Okay. You win. I won't call them again."

"Thanks, Daddy."

As if on cue, a little wailing made me jump. Sam had woken up and was probably famished after his four hour nap.

Charlie was true to his word. He didn't contact Riley or his family after that. Neither did I. If I saw him in the town, I'd turn the stroller around and head the other way. I didn't even want him to look at either of us. Boys avoided me like the plague, which I was glad of, because there was no way in hell I was ever dating again. I'd never trust a man.

April 2011

I woke after the worst night's sleep in months. All I could see in my hazy and broken dreams was a tall man standing fifty yards away from me. I could make out his pressed, white shirt and his crazy array of hair. He never said a word to me – just stared through me with penetrating green eyes.

I rolled over and pulled the comforter around my body. The sun was starting to come in through the crack in the curtains. I snuggled back down into my pillow, sighing deeply in an attempt to relax myself and get back to sleep. The last time I'd been plagued by such strange dreams was not long after Sam was born, and I'd wake up crying. In my dreams, Sam and I would be sitting together out on my father's porch, and all of a sudden, Riley would appear and drop onto his hands and knees before me, apologizing for the way he had behaved. He would go on to tell me how he wanted to make things work. In my dream, he would hold out his arms, and I'd pass our son over to him. I would then wake up and cry until I could cry no more.

Of course, it never happened. The rumors around Forks lessened, and I didn't get as many dirty looks when I took Sam out. People were getting used to the fact that I, the Chief's little girl, had a baby in tow.

It was shortly after, when the nightmares started. Riley would come back and take Sam away from me. I'd never see either of them again.

It was those dreams that made me vow never to let another man into my life. I never even as much as looked if a guy paid me any attention. I'd lost count on the amount of times my work friends would question my stupidity and rudeness when a guy had flirted with me as I stacked the apples or wheeled out the cartons of bananas. I didn't know that they'd been interested, because it wasn't something I'd been looking for.

I'd never felt that tingly feeling down below. I'd never wanted a foot pop, and I'd never considered starting a relationship with a guy; well, apart from Mr. Depp, but I think almost every woman would like a piece of Captain Jack Sparrow. Fuck that... the guy was even hot as Willy Wonka – as freaky as that dude was.

So, I didn't quite understand what my sudden fascination and infatuation for Sam's new teacher was. I couldn't deny that I thought that he was hot. It was everything about him – his voice, his eyes and, the way that when we were talking; he looked deep within me. The passion for his job and his obvious care for the children was apparent.

I laid in bed and thought of our last meeting where he told me that he understood about the gossip, and he knew what it was like to be judged for what you were or the choices you'd made in life. Although our situations were different – very different – I guessed that in a way, he was right, and he did understand. I'd heard the women and men in the school yard talk about him, airing their distaste when they initially heard that Mrs. Cope's replacement was to be a brand new, recently qualified, male teacher.

There had been concerns about his age, his interests, and his marital status. Of course, once some of the mothers got a chance to meet him, their opinion changed. I was certain that it wasn't his fun teaching methods they had been appreciating, either.

It must have been tough to move to a new town and start a job in such a controversial role. I wondered if he had a girlfriend – I'd not spotted a wedding ring, but he was bound to be taken – or if he was gay.

I couldn't even understand what the hell I was thinking. Why was Edward Masen having such a huge affect on me? When he'd reached out and shaken my hand, it was as though a bolt of electricity had shot through my body. It had heated and burned in such a good way. I wondered briefly if he'd felt it, too, or if he was just one of those annoying people who gave people static shocks all the time.

I rolled over in frustration and pulled the comforter over my head, groaning. As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw his face again – his slightly scruffy chin, the sexy glasses, and his long fingers. I raked my fingers through my hair and then had visions of him sitting on a tiny chair with scores of five and six year olds at his feet while he strummed gently on his guitar. I guessed that he was a pretty good singer, too, and pictured him humming a soft ballad.

The spot between my legs felt heated without my own touch. Over the years, I'd come to realize that I couldn't go long without feeling any relief, but it was always self-helped – or with a little Mr. Depp, but even thinking of Edward... the heat and dampness was almost unbearable. I rubbed my thighs together, not allowing myself to give in and make it go away. It was wrong. So wrong. I had no right to be thinking of my son's teacher like that. It made me no better than those skanky bitches from the school.

There was no way in hell that I was going to be able to get back to sleep. It was five forty five on a Saturday morning, and I was awake. Sam liked to sleep a little late on the weekends, and he'd gone to bed a little later than usual the night before after having a great evening with Charlie. He insisted to his grandpa that he stay up and waited for me to come home, so that he could hear what Mr. Masen had to say about him.

I'd told Sam that I was very proud of him, and that Mr. Masen said that he thought he was a really good and smart kid. Sam had beamed and then blushed. "Good, I'm glad he likes me, because I think he's really cool."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, came out of the mouth of my almost six year old – the kid who was usually shy around men and only spent time with my father. My kid thought the young teacher was cool.

I'd be more inclined to think of him as hot. But we can pretend that he's cool, too – for Sam's sake.

"Well, Mr. Masen sure seems to like you too, Sam. So now you need to keep up the good work. You're going to love all the things he has planned for you for the next few weeks."

"Like what!"

"Ah, I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. Sworn to secrecy by your Mr. Masen."

"Awww, Mom!"

He'd gone up to bed after that at nine thirty, so he would probably sleep in until at least eight.

I got out of bed and crept out of my room, past Sam's small box room. I peeked my head around the door, and as expected, my little angel was still snuggled up with Huggy, his ancient teddy bear.

I moved into the kitchen and closed the dividing doors, switching on the coffee maker and grabbing a bowl of cereal. There wasn't even anything worth watching on the television at such a stupid time.

I sat back with my coffee and fell deep into thought – once again about Edward. Why was I feeling that way? Did the sudden interest in men mean that I was slowly getting ready to open up and fill that void once again?

I laughed quietly to myself. I'd never considered the lack of a man in my life to be a void before. I figured the guy must be a magician; he had my kid under his spell and had somehow worked his creepy, dazzling mojo on me.

I knew I had to really snap myself out of it.

Until next time :-)