Beckett sat at her desk on Monday morning filling in some overdue paperwork. Castle was no-where to be seen and the thought crossed her mind that maybe he going to be a no show today.

She heard the familiar ping of the elevator doors and recognised his gait as he made his way over to her desk. Looking at him awkwardly she said, "Morning Castle." accepting the coffee he was now handing her. At least he turned up with a coffee. That was good sign, right?

"Morning Detective, guys." He added, nodding his head at Ryan and Esposito, deliberately breaking eye contact with her. "So what do we have today, any gruesome murders, any jealous girlfriends butcher their boyfriends in the middle of the night for not putting the toilet seat down?" He was trying, trying so hard to be as cheerful as he usually was.

"Your theories are seriously thin on the ground today bro!" Esposito exclaimed, not failing to notice that something was off between the two.

"Castle, do you have a second?" Beckett asked. It was now or never.

Ryan and Esposito watched as they made their way to an interview room.

"What's up with Mom and Dad?" Ryan asked, looking at Esposito.

"I have no idea bro, but I think we should find out." He replied as he hopped off his chair and made his way to get himself a pretend cup of coffee.

Castle closed the door behind him and stood resolute. There was no way he was making this easy for her.

"Listen Castle … about Friday night." Beckett spoke. She half expected him to butt in, to say it was alright. They would apologise and everything would go back to 'normal' again. What she wasn't expecting from him was the sound of deafening silence.

He stood there, hands in his pockets, watching her struggle to get the words out.

"Don't you have anything to say?" she asked, waiting for a change of expression on his face.

"You're the one that asked to talk, so what's on your mind Kate?"

The use of her first name told her that this was now personal and there was no going back now. "What did you mean exactly when you said that some adults have a problem saying how they feel? That was directed at me, wasn't it?"

Castle took his hands out of his pockets and rubbed his face. His eyes dropped a little, losing some of their anger. "Yes, well you're not exactly forthcoming sometimes Kate." He replied honestly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded to know, her voice increasing in tempo.

"I don't want to fight with you," he admitted, and it was the truth. The last thing he wanted do to was hurt her with his words, but it looked like this conversation was going south quickly, "What did you want to say to me Kate?" he asked again.

"I just wanted to apologise for running out on you the other night. You were so sweet to me and I, well I behaved …" she tilted her head to one side, the corners of her mouth faking a smile, "I behaved not very adult like. I'm sorry Castle, I really am grateful."

"So you kissed me out of gratitude then?" he wanted to know, the anger now building up inside him again as he ran his hands through his hair.

"No, that's not it … " she stopped talking. She really did have so much to say to him but she was finding it hard expressing it the way she wanted. She was already messing this up. She had gone over the conversation in her mind all weekend, and this was not how it was supposed to go.

"Look Kate," Castle said, his voice steady, "You don't want to talk about this again then that is your choice. I can't make you, but please don't expect me to behave like nothing has happened, not again." He started moving towards the door.

She knew exactly what he was talking about now and deep down she had always known that they would have to revisit this. "What do you want me to say Castle?" she asked him, nervousness written all over her face.

"I'm not asking you to bear your soul to me Kate, but an honest conversation is the least I deserve. I'm sick of this dance we do around each other. We have whole conversations with our eyes and expressions without actually saying any words. Don't you find that frustrating as hell? I know I do."

"What are you talking about, what do you think we are doing now?"

"What we are doing now?" he repeated back to her, "What we are doing now is still not talking about it. The first kiss we shared, the almost freezing to death in each others arms, the dirty bomb. God Kate, do I need to go on?" he spat out, "Hell, you kicked me out of your apartment the first time I mentioned it." He reminded her, "All the times we've came close to dying and yet, we still don't talk about it. Just when I think we are getting somewhere, perhaps coming to an understanding that this friendship means more, you shut me out. You close down and retreat back as if nothing happened." He was fuming now and he seriously had to calm down before he said something he would regret.

Kate just stood there, taking all he was dishing out. She knew she deserved it, he had called her on her emotions so many times and she hadn't followed through. She was hurting now, aching inside as to the pain all of her actions in the past had caused him.

"You're seriously just going to stand there and say nothing Kate?" he challenged her. Watching her, he was waiting for some reaction other than sheer dread at having this conversation.

"I can't do this Castle; I can't have this discussion here." She shouted at him, moving towards him heading for the door. She glanced back at him before she left him standing there alone with a look of misery on his face.

Ryan and Esposito stood in the break room slack jawed after hearing that. "How the hell are we detectives and we missed all that bro?" Esposito asked Ryan, both of them shaking their heads in disbelief.

Not noticing Castle walk past them, Castle said, "Nothing to miss guys, there never is. I'm going to head home; I've some stuff to do with Alexis." He lied; he just wanted to get out there. "I'll see you guys later."

Beckett found herself walking toward to the morgue to see Lanie. Not one to pull any punches, her friend always told her like it was. Maybe, just maybe they would work out together how to fix this mess she had gotten herself into.

Swinging opening the double doors she found her in her usual position, examining a body.

"Hey girl, what brings ya down to my neck of the woods?" she enquired, "No writer boy with ya?" Lanie immediately noticed the upset look on her friends face, "Oh no, what did he do this time?" She asked, taking off her rubber gloves and putting them in the trash.

"I've made such a mess of things Lanie, I always do when it comes to him. Argh!" she let out a growl in frustration.

Lanie listened intently as Kate told her everything, everything from Friday night right up until a few moments ago.

"And you just left him standing there?" Lanie asked her, not quite believing the turn on events.

"I know, I know," Kate answered back; "I felt like the room was closing in around me, I had to get out."

"You know I love ya girl, and at the risk of you being all pissed off at me, I have to say that Castle is right." Lanie spoke, her voice soft.

"What?" Kate asked shocked, her eyes wide.

"He's right Kate. You do it me too," she admitted, "Tell me I'm wrong and there are things that you don't keep to yourself? I see ya struggle girl and I don't push ya cos I know when you're ready you'll come to me. It's frustrating for me too so I can only imagine how Castle feels."

"I can't believe you are taking his side."

"You know it's not about taking sides, so don't you even try that with me." There was no anger in her voice, only concern.

"Sorry Lanie, It's just … "

"I know girl, this love thing can be pretty scary when it's the right one."

"I'm scared Lanie." She finally admitted.

"Of what, getting involved with him? You know he would do anything for ya, hell he's not been hanging around for the last three years or so for the good of this health."

Kate pushed her hands through her hair and sighed heavily, personal conversations like this always took their toll on her.

"Let me ask you this," Lanie questioned, "Do you trust him?"

"With my life." She answered truthfully.

"Then why not with your heart? And please, don't tell me that his 'reputation' is the reason for that one."

"Well he's not exactly discrete at hiding his 'encounters'." She replied, emphasising those words with her fingers in the air, "I don't want to be another notch on his expensive bedpost."

"Kate, he's a red blooded male for god sake. Did you expect him to live like a priest? You've dated other guys so don't tell me you seriously thought that he would just sit by and pine for you? You and I both know that is not how it would be."

"You're not helping here Lanie." She said, a small laugh escaping her lips.

"Look girl, tell him what you told me, the whole scary part of it and see where it goes. I know you, so don't think about how miserable you're gonna feel when it doesn't work. Think of how fantastic it will be when it does work out, think positive for once and remember I'm here if you need to talk."

"Thanks Lanie, you're a good friend."

"What's this good crap, I'm a great friend." She shouted out, watching Kate as she made her way back out. "Oh boy," she sang out to the corpse on the table, "This could get interesting."

Kate scanned the room, trying to locate Castle. Lanie was right, she was always right. She didn't want to watch from the sidelines anymore, it was time to get into the game.

"Hey guys, have you seen Castle?" she asked Ryan and Esposito.

"Yeah, he said something about doing some stuff at home with Alexis. Said he would catch us later. Everything alright?" Ryan asked, really knowing the answer to his own question.

"Everything is fine, just wanted to run something by him. I guess it can wait till tomorrow though."

Kate sat at her desk, her hand under her chin supporting her head. She tried hard to concentrate throughout the rest of the day but really it was fruitless, her mind was on Castle. She thought back to how wonderful she had felt on Friday night and now, now she was torn up inside. She knew that feeling was not going away until she sorted things out with him, she had to see him.

A/N Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews, you guys rock! I hope you are still enjoying reading this as much as I have had writing it. Thank you also for the advice on the length of some of my sentences. I do tend to go on when talking, so only natural it would extend to writing. I re-read this and made some changes, so hopefully it's not too bad now.