Beckett stood poised outside the door of Castle's loft. She'd taken her time in driving over there, trying to work out in her own mind what she was going to say. She had to get it right this time.
She stood playing with her leather glove, building up to knocking on the door. As she was about to wrap her knuckle on it, she felt a puff of air as it opened. "Beckett!" Castle exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"
They both stood there, staring at each other not moving. "Dad." Alexis interrupted, "Manners." She said pushing passed her dad into the hallway. "See you tomorrow and don't forget to pick me up." She reminded him, giving him a quick kiss as she made her way past Kate. "Bye guys."
"Have fun sweetie," he shouted after her; watching as she disappeared into the elevator. "Would you like to come in?" he asked Kate, moving passed the door offering her entry.
"Thanks." She said, brushing past him.
Castle closed the door behind them and followed her into the living room. He made his way to the kitchen area and began tidying up, keeping a deliberate distance between them.
"Can I get you a drink, something to eat?" he offered, pulling the fridge door open and grabbing himself a beer.
"Yeah, one of those would be great thanks." she replied, taking the beer from his hands.
He walked past the island in the kitchen and headed towards the couch. Taking a swig from the bottle, he placed it down on the table, sitting at the same time.
Beckett watched him with interest and copied his actions. She chose not to sit next to him this time. If she was to have a conversation, she wanted to be able to see him face on.
She fiddled nervously with the cap from her beer and Castle let out a laugh. "What's so funny?" she asked him, the ice broken.
"You," he responded, "I remember the last time you played with your bottle cap. You were trying to tell me something then too." His voice was soft and she was finding it hard to judge exactly what he was feeling. Gone was the anger from earlier. That was one of the many things she loved about him, his ability not to hold a grudge. He should have every right to still be annoyed with her. Yet, here he was making her welcome again.
"I didn't think you noticed that? Ya know, back then?" she prodded.
"I must admit, I didn't at first. But I'm not as dumb as I look and I figured out eventually why everyone was so pissed at me."
"Why didn't you say anything to me then?" she queried. She really did want to know the answer to this question. It had been on her mind ever since he came back that fall.
"Honestly," he said, "Because in the back of my mind I knew it would've gone exactly like this one. I didn't want to take the chance that I might lose you. I would rather be in your life and have you irritated with me than not have you in my life at all."
Kate was surprised at his complete honesty. "Yeah well Castle, you were right. I'm not very forthcoming sometimes. That doesn't mean I don't want to be. It's just hard ya know?"
He continued to observe her, only now she was peeling at the label as she finished talking.
"Kate." He whispered.
She put the bottle on the table and rubbed her hands on her jeans, wiping the condensation from them. She stood up and walked behind the chair. She could always think clearer when she was pacing.
Castle allowed her this time to gather herself. He knew that this was hard for her. He wasn't quite sure what she was going to say next. All he knew was that she was here and if giving her this time was what she needed, then that was what he was going to do.
"I didn't like how we left things earlier." She admitted, still pacing back and forth.
"Well I wasn't the one who ran out Kate." He pointed out, still no anger in his voice.
"I didn't run Castle," she corrected him.
"Well excuse me for stating the obvious here detective. But I was the one left standing alone in the room, not you." Sarcasm laced his voice, "You made the decision that we were not going to have that conversation, not me."
"I never said I didn't want to talk about it Castle," she reminded him, "I said I couldn't have the discussion in the precinct. What, you think I want the whole place hearing our business?" She could feel the irritation rising in her and this annoyed her. This wasn't what she came here to do. Why did every personal conversation always start off so good and end so bad?
"Please, could you stop pacing? You're making me sea sick." He pleaded, extending his hand for her to sit down.
Instead she remained in place and positioned her hands on the back of the chair. "You think I don't have anything to say after what you spat out at me earlier?" she asked.
"How would I know Kate, you never talk to me."
"You think you know me so well Castle. So tell me, what is my next move? Really, I'm just dying to know." She insisted, anger now close to exploding.
"Well, once the conversation starts getting personal," he pulled himself from the couch, "You'll make up some lame excuse and leave, like you always do. Once you've left, I will be wondering what the hell I did wrong. Just like I always do." His voice remained calm, trying to soothe the annoyance he saw in her.
"This always seems to be the catalyst for our fights, doesn't it?"
He had no response for that, she was right. If he agreed with her, it might set her off again. He really was tired of all the fighting. He let out a loud huff and sat back down in defeat. "I don't want to keep having this same fight Kate, it's too exhausting!" he exclaimed.
"I know," she conceded, "I don't want to fight either. I need you to know something though."
She walked towards him and surprised him by sitting beside him, albeit not too closely. Clearing her throat, she looked at him. Those angry blue eyes from before were gone. In its place she saw calm clear waters.
Her stomach started to knot. Eyes drawn together, they couldn't break contact. This was the silent conversation he had been talking about previously. So many emotions and so many unspoken words. Words that were now long overdue.
"Just let me say this okay?" he nodded and she continued. "You do deserve an honest conversation. Just because in the past I've chosen not to speak about this, doesn't mean I don't feel anything." She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I've known in the last few years we've become closer, more than just work colleagues. You seriously think that I don't feel anything after all we've been though? Do you think I'm that cold?"
She waited for his answer. An answer he didn't want to make as he was flabbergasted that she was finally opening up to him. Well trying at least.
"I don't know what this thing is we have Rick. What I do know is I want to take the chance and find out. Explore the possibilities together. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's going to easy. I can't just change overnight, but I'm willing to try. It's always just been me you know. I've never had anyone to disappoint apart from myself ... until now."
Castle reached out and took her hands in his. "That's all I ever wanted Kate, a chance. A chance to show you I am someone you can trust. I would never do anything to hurt you." He moved in ever so slightly, their bodies getting closer.
"You know," she said, "Lanie said I should trust you with my heart. I talked to her after leaving you."
"I knew there was a reason I liked that woman." He joked. "What else did she say?"
Kate looked down at their joined hands. Castle was drawing lazy circles over the back of them with his thumbs. The very hands that had saved her from danger and death so many times in the past were now comforting. His gentle touches making her want to continue.
"She said I should be honest with you and tell you how scared this whole thing makes me feel." She looked at him with the eyes of child seeking reassurance.
"I'm scared too Kate. Scared one day you wake up and finally realise that I'm a giant pain in your backside and one you can do without." He didn't want to give a reason to back out now. She needed to know that she wasn't alone in her feelings.
"Castle, all we do is fight and niggle at each other constantly." She said.
"I know," he replied, "Besides, think of the fun we can have making up." A playful glint in his eye now forming.
She started to laugh now. She could always guarantee that he would make her feel better. "Yeah and there's the Castle that I know and lo …" She stopped herself from completing that sentence and it didn't go unnoticed by him. He wasn't pushing her and he could wait for however long it took until she felt comfortable with this. "We have so many things to talk about. I know you must have questions, I certainly do."
"Well I have just the one question for now," he pressed, "Would it be moving too quickly if I asked to kiss you? I don't want you running out on me again." He joked, earning him a dig in the ribs.
She smiled at him warmly giving him the permission he asked.
Castle removed his hands from hers and closed the remaining distance between them. Kate was already moistening her lips in anticipation. He slid one arm around her waist, under the hem of her shirt. His trailing hands scorching her skin.
His other hand moved up to the side of her face, cupping it. "God you're so beautiful." He beamed, taking in her magnificence. A minor blush appeared on her face and she dipped her head slightly in embarrassment. "What?" he asked, lifting her chin up to meet her eyes once again, "You are." He told her again.
"You're not so bad yourself Castle." She answered, slightly laughing remembering the last time she's used that line. This time though she was not getting up. This time she was staying, risking her heart.
Tilting his head to one side, he moved in. This wasn't a kiss fuelled with passion. It was soft and tender and filled with so much more … promise.
The temperature began to rise quickly in both of them as they continued to kiss. Kate reached up for his head, grabbing a fistful of hair. Tugging on it she gently she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. She felt Castle smile through it as she continued. Sucking on his lower lip she teased him with her tongue. Years of built up tension and banter now slowing coming to the surface.
He practically pulled her onto his lap trying to get as close to her as possible. Now that he had her in his arms, he didn't ever want to let her go. He could feel himself sliding down the couch as she began to fall on top of him.
Castle felt like all the air had been sucked from his lungs as he finally broke contact. He needed to break contact before this escalated into something more. Something his body was yearning for. He knew though that this was going to take time and patience and he was not going to blow this now by continuing.
Kate realised why he had stopped and then she remembered. He had the same look on his face from that night in her bed. She mentally kicked herself for being so stupid and thinking that she had been rejected that night. Even now he was still protecting her, protecting her from herself.
She kissed him once again on the lips and then to the corner of his mouth before snuggling into him. It was the only guarantee he needed to know that things were going to be alright. It was going to be a long road ahead with bumps along the way. Kate never committed to anything she didn't believe in though. One thing was for sure, she did believe in Castle … always.
A/N I know this is probably not how a lot of you thought this would finish. This was the only chapter I had to finish when I started posting this and it was the one that gave me the most trouble. Argh! I just felt it would be too unbelievable to have them declare their undying love right now and jump straight into something or even into bed. Not that I don't want them to. I hope it didn't disappoint and spoil it for you. It didn't want it to drag on and on. I'm sure your imagination can take them to wherever. I got so many more story alerts in the last few days that I kinda feel bad. Sorry you guys found this right at the end. Hopefully all you wonderful readers and reviewers will join me on my next fic? Whenever I think of what that might be.
Thank you to everyone for taking the time to read and review, I really do appreciate it. x