Don't own Bleach or its characters. Do own this particular bout of insanity, though. Dunno how this story is being received before, but I have to get out this next chapter because… well. I just have to.

NOTE THE STORY NAME CHANGE. I think it fits the story better. You will see why.

Do enjoy.

Lies of The Beautiful

Funny thing I've learned in the past few years is nothing ever really goes as I ever wish it would go. Of course, that might be somewhat my own fault. Or sometimes it's dad's fault. Or some wayward Fisher Hollow. Or, recently, the Soul Society or the Visard's or Aizen and his strange posse of messed up Hollows that wear human faces and bodies and prance around seemingly so goddamn normal with the exception of being off their freaking rockers.

But I suppose all of us are a bit past falling off the proverbial sanity cliff. We kind of have to be, it comes with the job.

I wonder when I started thinking of all of this as a job. Probably around the same time that I stopped caring I suppose. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Anyways, I should have known that I should have kept my wishes to myself by now. Shouldn't even bother to voice them in my own head full of nothing. Sometimes I find myself missing that little taunting voice, that little nagging thing I hated for so long. It's ridiculous, really. I can't stand it, but it's almost as if I have lost part of myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very glad that I don't have his presence looming over my head or the threat of him always popping out all the time, but it's…I don't know. Exactly as I have said. Like I've lost part of myself. It's so ridiculous.

But, therein lies my entire problem. That one word sums up anything and everything in my life. Boring, insane, and downright ridiculous.

Whatever.

I keep complaining, and that's pointless really. It's not as if anyone hears me, and if they did…it's not as if they would actually care at all. People are selfish I have noticed. I used to not be. I can't say I am not now. And why not? The Soul Society used me to defeat their enemy when they couldn't do it, the Visard trained me to try and add me to their ranks, and Aizen…

I think about him a lot these days. I guess it's kind of inevitable really. With those fucking eyes. Always so cold, always so calm and collected and calculated for everyone else. Always so fake with tenderness and fake with care. And yet he never sent me those fake glances, never presented me with anything other than his true face. The one of evil, the one of careful consideration and ample contempt.

I can see your heart.

Stupid, thankful eyes.

I tug at the blades of grass beneath me, sitting on that hill where she died so long ago. It's muggy out, but I don't really mind because it's a heavy heat that replaces the echo of those eyes and the weight of expectations. I close my eyes, take a deep breath. It smells like rain is coming. I hate the rain. Now the rain reminds me of Zangetsu, and I don't talk to him anymore. Just like I don't talk to that Hollow that looks like a bleached out version of myself. He's not there anymore, or muffled so greatly that I can't hear him, and I know that he is brooding in the torrential downpour that must be draped over my inner world like a big grey blanket of sadness. He used to always tell me how much he hates the rain. Said he would do everything he can to help me, as long as he doesn't have to see it rain.

So much for that. I had destroyed that. Our place, our sanctuary where he and I could meet face to face and converse or battle, or press him for information on how to get stronger. And those eyes, finally seen from behind those ridiculous glasses, giving me one last longing stare of sadness as I accepted the blade he thrust at me. And all for the sake of the Soul Society and the Real World. All to fight Aizen for one last time, and see those stupid accepting eyes that looked so much like a reflection of Zangetsu's eyes as he said good bye to me.

See? Ridiculous. Aizen is an evil man. Zangetsu was my closest friend and partner. I traded one for the other and ended up with neither. Ha, what a joke my life has become. One big, bold exclamation point for people to snicker at or feel sorry for or look up to. Bah.

And so, even though I know I should never do it, and I know that nothing ever goes the way I want it to, I still look up to the fading light of the day to spot the first little hint of a star and, foolishly, I voice my wish out loud like I know I shouldn't even though there is no one around me.

"Just give me something, anything to get rid of this…. Life."

I'm not even sure what I mean, but really, I should learn how to trust my intuition. I should learn to keep my stupid trap shut, because even though I was wishing towards the sky, I didn't actually think my answer would come falling from it.

I really need to learn.

…

After getting over the initial shock, and the somewhat disoriented haze of misbelief, I was able to act. So here I am, back in Urahara's shop way before my second training session is due, staring at the problem at hand. I had thought that he was dead. I mean, I had left him in Heuco Mundo without a second thought, completely and utterly convinced that he was dead.

Apparently dead people have a way of coming back to life. Irritating little habit.

Urahara is standing beside me, looking down the length of his nose with his arms crossed over his chest. A very un-Urahara stance if you ask me. His hat sits off to the side, on the floor, allowing that awful hair to fall all over the place. At least I can see his expression; he doesn't even bother to hide it behind his fan.

He is clearly not pleased. Though he is not frowning, his face is blank and from experience I know that that means he is not fond of the situation. There's really nothing I can do about it though. I couldn't take him to my house, that would bring danger to my family. And I surely couldn't ask Rukia or anyone else from the Soul Society for help. So I brought him to the one bleeding heart that I know would help someone even if it would be against the Soul Societies knowledge or beliefs.

Which brings us back to right now.

Urahara is looking at me. He doesn't even turn his whole face towards me. He just looks from the corner of his eye with that unreadable expression and I don't know what he is expecting me to say. It kind of pisses me off. And I think that something must pass over my face because within the next heartbeat he is asking the question that is on his mind.

"What exactly are you wanting to do with him?"

I look away, back to my little problem. I don't know. Why is he asking me? I don't even know why I didn't just leave him where he had fallen. Which, humorously enough, was right on top of me. But, I could have just moved him out of the way and gotten up and just walked away. Would have been easy enough.

But no. Something had stopped me and so here I am, burdened with yet another thing that I would have to keep secret from everyone. A never ending vicious cycle. You'd think the sisters of fate would be tired of me by now. Guess not. I must be their favorite little human toy or something.

"The Soul Society will find out he's here, eventually. They'll want him."

I thin out my lips and look back to Urahara. He's still watching my with that expression that I can't read, with his arms still crossed over his chest. He hasn't moved an inch, while I know that I have been lightly shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Restless. I can feel it. The change. I don't know why it has decided to come about now, and in the form of him, but I'll take it as is.

"We can ask him about the increased Hollow activity here. He might know something of what's going on in Heuco Mundo. It's the best source of information we have, short of plowing into the damn place ourselves."

I don't know where the words come from, and apparently Urahara is as surprised as I am because I see the slightest little flicker of something in his eye and he is looking away from me then, idly drawing his fan out from the folds of his clothing and snapping it open in front of his face. His protection. I have said or done something that affects him so much that he needs to hide his expression. Wonder what it is.

"Very well. I will move him down into the training area before he wakes. I believe we will have to keep him hidden there for a while or he might actually try to escape. I won't tell anyone yet. But eventually it will need to come out."

And then Urahara leaves me standing there alone, looking at the motionless lump on the futon.

Well. Maybe he will be thankful that we saved him.

I really should know better than to think the things I do.

….

This and many other stories will take a while to be updated. Last Thursday I was mobilized as a relief force for the Hurricane that slammed into the east coast, and that is where I am now. It is amazing that I have even been able to pick up connection… but I am trying. As of now I won't be home until Friday, and I am trying to update some of my other stories then. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!