Author's Note: What do you mean basically nothing happens in the last chapter? Well you want something to happen check this out! This chapter gets truly terrible, soaring to new heights of perversion not even reached in the actual show. Enjoy!

Chapter 8: Turning Back Time

Naruto realized he really need to get back to Hinata about that second date. He really ought to have asked her by now, but it had taken a day to put his plan together, and he didn't dare ask her out again before it was finished. Getting home late two nights in a row would definitely set Jiraiya off.

The first night it hadn't been a problem. After breezing into the house way past the usual time he'd managed to pass it off as a few extra hours spent with his pack. This wasn't unusual, especially since it was the beginning of the school year, and so when Jiraiya had asked him, "What, no little hoties caught your eye?" he was able to laugh and tell Jiraiya that his lateness had nothing to do with a girl. However, he knew that answer wouldn't cover too many late nights so long as the Perv was being watchful, so at dinner he'd subtly slipped Principle Tsunade into the conversation, hoping for a reaction.

He got more of a reaction that he could have hoped for.

"Hime?" Jiraiya had asked, clearly interested, when Naruto had mentioned Tsunade's name. "You mean the little Princess actually went and became Principle of that school!"

"Yeah," said Naruto, wondering how Jiraiya knew the name, "You've met?"

"Met!" Jiraiya laughed, "We went to that school together! She was always the little good girl, straight A student, teacher's pet, and of course a member of every Homecoming and Prom Court there was, if not the Queen! I tell you she had a thing for me though."

"Really?" asked Naruto, excited, "You two were a thing? You ever get cozy with her?"

"'Course I did!" Jiraiya replied, somewhat indignant, "My senior year I got cozy with half the freshman class, and most of my own by then! Hime, though, she always played hard to get. I only ever got into her delicates on graduation day."

"Jiraiya-sensei, don't teach him stuff like that!" snapped Naruto's father. He of course was the current mayor, a tall, well-built man with long and spiky blond hair like his son's. He was particularly good looking and charismatic like Naruto as well, and he was a rather powerful businessman, so with his title it was really no wonder that his words even on casual remarks carried a lot of weight.

"Aw, come on dad," Naruto whined, trying not to let the subject drop, "I just wanted to know why she'd been asking about him!"

"Hime's been asking about me?" Jiraiya repeated, perplexed.

"Yeah," Naruto replied, bending quickly over his food so as to not seem too interested, "I saw her at school . . ."

"You get hauled to the principle's office already boy?" Jiraiya demanded, to which Naruto shook his head.

"I just met her in the halls," in insisted, "and she asked me if I'd seen you lately and how you were doing. So anyway, you guys went out?"

"On and off all through high school," Jiraiya replied, but his tone was already wavering as he began to drift away into some lost memory. "Hime, huh?"

Naruto couldn't believe his luck. Not only was Jiraiya interest in Tsunade, they were an old high school thing! Immediately a plan began to form in his mind as Jiraiya continued to space out and his father picked up his scolding for teaching his son to have sex in high school. Not that Naruto had any interest in having sex in high school, he was far more interested in making sure he didn't have too, since he knew Jiraiya would get onto him if he knew Naruto had passed up the opportunity. He grinned evilly to himself. Who knew? Maybe he could engineer a way for both him and Jiraiya to get the girls they wanted.

--The Next Day--

"Everybody have everything?" Naruto asked sliding his backpack off his shoulder as the pack all filed out a back exit. The fire door, thankfully not wired to an alarm in years, led them out behind the school, to a secluded area where one wall of the school had been left totally bare, no windows or anything at all to disrupt the endless expanse of red bricks.

"Paint?"

"Check.

"Paint Brushes?"

"Check."

"Spray Paint?"

"Check."

"Incense?"

"Check."

"Music?"

"Check."

"One pair of black lace undies?"

"The biggest cup size we could find."

"Everybody prepared to sign their names?" Naruto asked, turning to his friends as they began to unpack their backpacks of all their various supplies

The pack all nodded. Each held up either a jar of paint and a paint brush or a can of spray paint.

Naruto grinned. "Then lets make a mural."

Having gone to first period it took the pack most of second period to complete their little art project. When the bell rang for third period they all hurried inside to class and waited eagerly as the day ticked by, each wondering just how long it would take for their work to be discovered.

Last period found the boys in, ironically, art class, each attempting to draw a stuffed squirrel situated in the middle of their table. At five minutes to final bell Naruto was getting worried. "I hope school doesn't end before someone finds it!" he whispered, "First time in my life I actually need to get sent to the office, and just my luck nobody cares that I've done something wrong!"

"Naruto Uzumaki, Kiba Inuzuka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi and Shino Abruame all report to the Principle's office immediately!"

"Perfect timing," Shikamaru smirked, dropping his pencil on his half-finished squirrel, "this is way too much work anyway."

As always, the Pack left the classroom to tumultuous applause.

"I wonder how she liked it?" Kiba laughed, sauntering down the hall as though not at all concerned with getting into trouble.

"By her tone I'd say she didn't really appreciate it," Naruto replied easily, walking just ahead of Kiba, leading the pack. "My big question is how's she gonna like our next little surprise?"

"Only one way to find out," Kiba snickered, pulling out his iphone, "where you want I should hide this?"

"Under the desk," Naruto instructed, "the incense go in the corner behind that plant that's been dead since we were freshman. Shikamaru, you're on underwear duty, just make sure they'll be found."

As the boys all meandered into the front office the receptionist, a mousy looking woman named Shizune, waved them over to her desk. "What were you boys thinking?" she whined, placing the phone she'd been holding to her ear on her shoulder instead, "Tsunade is having a fit in there! You've really done it this time, what'd you have to go and do this for!"

"Have you called my parents yet?" Naruto asked, utterly unconcerned with Tsunade's apparent tantrum.

Shizune sighed. "I assume you father isn't home this time of day?" she asked, pushing a button on the phone and then setting the receiver back in the cradle. "Should I just call Jiraiya? He'll probably get here in just a few minutes if I call now, and you may want him to save you."

"Definitely!" Naruto smiled warmly at Shizune, his fingers quickly sorting through the tangle of wires on her desk and unplugging one while she wasn't looking. "Oh, and don't worry about Principle Tsunade, Shizune. I have a feeling she's about to really lighten up!"

"Why doesn't that make me feel any better?" Shizune asked skeptically. "You may as well go in. All of you, before she breaks something."

A door to Shizune's left burst open, revealing a very angry, very busty blond. "All of you!" she screeched, "In my office now and explain this!"

As the boys filed into the large principle's office they could see, laid out on the desk, pictures of the product of that morning's labors. Naruto had to admit, looking at the one nearest to him, it had been some pretty nice work. It really did do its subject justice, thanks of course to Shikamaru's superior planning and attention to detail. The pack had painted a, rather life-like, mural of none other than the principle herself, wearing the pair of black lace undies that Shikamaru was now slyly slipping into her desk drawer. In the picture she was bent over, glancing over her shoulder so that her ample chest was clearly visible, and yet the word 'juicy' was also readable across the back of her panties. Jiraiya, Naruto decided, would be very interested to have one of these "crime scene photos" for himself when this was over.

"Do you honestly think this is funny, Brat!" Tsunade raged, slamming her hand down over the pictures. Her face was flushed red with anger and her breasts seemed to strain against her bra as her chest heaved.

Naruto watched the twins' bid for freedom with mild interest. Hinata was a busty one herself, Naruto like Jiraiya being a breast man, but even she had nothing on this woman. "I thought you'd like it, Tsunade-hime," he said at length, being careful to add Jiraiya's suffix to her name, "we did it in your honor, after all."

At the mention of the word "hime" Tsunade straightened up sharply, her eyes on Naruto no less angry but now also questioning. "Who gave you permission to call me 'hime,' brat?" she demanded after a moment's suspicious silence.

"Isn't it a respectful title?" asked Naruto as innocently and politely as he could while also trying very hard not to look at her still straining breasts in favor of her eyes.

"Yes," Tsuande said carefully, "but where did you get it from?"

Naruto shrugged. "Just someone," he told her unconcernedly, now looking at the small space between the bottom of her desk and the carpeted floor, no doubt where the music for his little arrangement was already counting down the minutes until it began. The heady scent of incense wafted into his nose, telling him that Choji had just placed a rather strong smelling flame-less candle behind the dead plant in the corner.

"Actually I can't help being a little disappointed," Naruto put in, mock hurt lacing his tone, "we did work very hard on it, Tsunade-hime."

"Don't call me 'hime', brat," she told him, and he couldn't help but notice as her anger began to fade, ever-so-slightly, in the face of the reminder of Jiraiya. This might be easier than he thought.

Trying to keep her attention on him and not the potent smell of incense permeating the room Naruto leaned forward. "You mean you really don't like our surprise at all, Tsunade-hi-me?"

"Don't call me hime!" Tsuande protested again, obviously flustered now. She ran a hand through her long blond hair, eying Naruto warily. "Only one person's allowed to call me hime, and its no little gaki like . . ."

"Me?" came a voice from the door. Tsunade, Naruto and the entire pack turned to see Jiraiya standing in the doorway, leaning on the door frame and looking at Tsunade with mild amusement.

"At last!" said Tsuande loudly, straightening her clothes and making Naruto suppress a snicker at the irony. "All of you, out! I need to discuss this with Jiraiya and make a few phone calls to the rest of your parents!"

The pack immediately high-tailed it out of the room, leaving Tsunade behind the desk and Jiraiya in the doorway. He stepped inside, and immediately the door banged behind him as Naruto closed it quickly, the pack keeping Shizune's attention as he locked it discretely, trapping the two adults inside.

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. Tsunade frowned for a moment, confused, before realizing that Jiraiya's eyes had strayed down to the desk, where the pictures of the pack's mural were still laid out.

"This!" she cried, snatching one off the desk and shoving it in Jiraiya's face, "this is what your godson did this morning!"

"Have you considered putting him in advanced art classes?" Jiraiya asked casually, taking the picture from her hand as his eyes flicked from the woman before him to the picture and back. "He seems to be quite talented."

"Talented!" Tsunade huffed, opening her desk drawer to retrieve the form for a suspension. "Well I suppose that's one word for it! Another is . . . is . . ."

Jiraiya looked up, wondering why she'd trailed off. What he saw was this; Tsunade, her breasts heaving, her eyes wide, her hand still on the handle to her now open desk drawer. And inside said drawer a pair of incredibly small black lace undies.

Jiraiya set the picture back on the desk, smiling slightly. "You know Hime," he said, his voice deepening a little, "if you wanted to see me all you had to do was call. You didn't need to make something up and bring Naruto to the office. I would have come."

"What . . . what the hell are you talking about," Tsunade asked shakily, looking from Jiraiya to the pair of phantom underwear in her drawer. Jiraiya began to make his way around the desk, his eyes glinting.

Outside, Shino and Choji kept Shizune busy while Naruto, Kiba and Shikamaru all listened at the door. "He's getting the idea," Naruto whispered, fighting the urge to laugh out loud. "How long till it starts Kiba?"

Kiba checked his watch, then suppressed a snicker. He held up three fingers, two, one . . .

"Aaaaat laaaaaaaast!" came the sultry voice from Kiba's iphone, filling the room with with one of the most cheesy romantic songs in history. Naruto shook with suppressed laughter as Kiba shoved his knuckles into his mouth and bit down hard. Shikamaru's face was determinedly straight, but he was emitting some odd noises from his nose that gave away just how amusing he found the situation as well.

After taking a minute to listen to Tsunade squawking inside, Naruto tore his ear from the door and motioned to the pack to head for the door.

"Wait!" called Shizune, looking worriedly from Tsunade's closed door to the retreating teenagers, "what about . . ."

RING!

"Guess that's the bell," Naruto cut in, waving to Shizune as the pack filed out before him, "we'll just let Jiraiya handle the rest then, 'k?"

"But . . . but . . ." Shizune protested, looking lost.

"Don't worry Shizune," Naruto said kindly, "Tsunade isn't calling you on the intercom is she?"

Shizune shook her head.

"Then I guess that means we can go!" Naruto finished brightly, "See you tomorrow!"

And with that the Pack exited the office to join the throng of students heading for the front doors, leaving a very confused Shizune behind them.

Author's Note: Why is it whenever I write Tsunade she's always having a tantrum? I suppose that's just how I envision her best. Naruto is the ultimate mischievous perv in this chapter. Yeah yeah, I made Jiraiya a little smoother than he really is, but I didn't want to get too . . . far. There are no lemons in this story, just a bunch of pervs.