TAAAAADAAAA! Chapter 5 is now up! I can't believe it that people actually like me writing I am VERY surprised and elated haha! Thanks to LemonDorpsWoolSocks for your idea but I can't add Andromeda just yet because she has left Hogwarts already and ran off with Ted! I will try and add her though! Thank you lalakid87 I love to be told I am a MAGNIFICENT person haha it truly made my day! Keep reviewing and enjoy! Again if you have any suggestions do tell!

Clareabell

Chapter 5-

My first semester of Hogwarts was the best nine months of my life. I was, to my great surprise, passing all of my classes. But best of all Lily was in my potions class and she was my partner. When I saw her sit next to me I could hear the hallelujah chorus. She was perfect. I could have spent the whole period watching her work but I was not a complete dunderhead, however I do dare to dream.

"Sev…You okay?" Lily was looking at me worriedly. I had been staring again.

"Oh…yea…yes all good…uh…Did you stir in the unicorn tears?"

"Yes I finished the potion haha! You weren't listing to me so I just went ahead and finished. If you don't start working I may just get a new partner Slughorn loves me I'm sure he will move me anywhere!" I knew she was joking but it hurt none the less.

"I'm sorry Lily I've just got lots on my mind. I promise it won't happen again!" I shot her a pleading look.

"Sev I'm just kidding! Merlin get a grip man!" She laughed lightly and went back to stirring the potion.

Trying my hardest not to look at Lily I looked around the room until I found Cissa. She had already finished her potion as well and was watching us whale stirring it she smiled a friendly smile which I retuned. I watched her she seemed older, and worn. It was if someone had sucked the life out of her. I quickly brushed away those thoughts. It was none of my business and Lily was beside me. Cissa can take care of herself.

The bell rang. I gathered my courage and turned to Lily.

"Hey, Lily do you want to sit on the grounds with e and have lunch?" Calm, cool, and, collected why must you always fail me?

"Oh...sorry Sev but I'm sitting with James and his lot today maybe next week! See ya!" with a final happy wave she left me crushed in the potions room.

I sat alone on the grounds silently eating my lunch pouting, and brooding over the fact that Lily didn't want to sit with me.

"May I sit here?" I looked up to see Cissa.

"Of course Cissa." I faked a smile and scooted over to make room for her.

"You know you should just tell her you like her. Honesty is the best policy, not that it isn't obvious you adore her." She smiled her cat like grin once again, her mask slowly melting away.

"I'm not even going to try to understand how it is you know everything Cissa." When you knew Cissa like I did these sudden outbursts of truth where common. You get used to it. I sighed.

"I don't think that's a good idea Cissa…I mean what is she rejects me? She doesn't even like me back…" I was close to tears. Childish I know.

"If you truly believed she was a lost cause then you would have moved on already. Anyways if she rejects you she rejects you and you move on. Lily isn't the type to hold a grudge so I am assuming your friendship would still be intact. Go for it." She smiled and nudged me.

"I couldn't get over her." This is true I can't get over Lily but that is because she was my dear, dear friend. She will always be so. But I did move on. Cissa saw to that.

"Of course you can. First you would forget her smell. Then her face. After a while you would struggle to remember the exact color of her eyes. Finally you would forget her laugh. And one day you will wake up and she will be gone. She would just be another friend." She was looking up to the sky now smiling.

"Cissa your wrong I could nev-…" She had held up her hand to stop me.

"Severus be happy you have the chance to love. Be happy you have the right to choose. Use that right and take that chance before its gone forever." She was still looking up at the sky I noticed how beautiful she was. The feeling came over me again. The 'Lily' feeling. The feeling of want, need, and complete admiration. I struggled for words but I didn't know what to say. Again all I could come up with where questions. So I asked one.

"Don't you have that choice as well?" She turned her head gracefully and looked me in the eyes. She smiled.

"Some of us are not so lucky." For a brief second I could see a flash of great sadness in her eyes. She spoke again and the look was gone.

"I could help you with your Lily problem if you want." She turned her head to the sky once again the sunlight shining off her with blonde hair.

"REALLY?" I practically did a backflip in midair. She could help! She would help! I was saved!

All thoughts of her previous statement where pushed to the "I don't care because it has nothing to do with Lily" part of my brain.

"Of course I will help you! You are my best friend! Meet me in the common room 12:00 and I will start tutoring you…We-"

She was cut off by the same shrill cry of "Nacissa!"

"Oh…Excuse me I have to be going. Meet me tonight." With that she ran to her sister and walked up to the school.

Cissa and I continued our nightly studies for the rest of the year. She taught me how to be a gentleman, flirt, and all about the magical world of girls. We seemed to be making progress Lily sat more and more with me at lunch. She was paying more and more attention to me everything was going according to plan. One thing was wrong though I still had no courage to actually tell Lily my feelings. One night we discovered how long this might take.

"Look…Cissa I'm just not ready…" It was the last week of school and I had yet to tell Lily.

"We will try again next year." She smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

We did try again the next year. No success. Third year not much better. Fourth year the same. And in Fifth year everything went wrong.

We all were older and wiser. Cissa had matured into a beautiful young woman who looked at least twice her age and acted just as such. Lily was as mesmerizing as ever. Every time I saw her my breath caught in my throat. Then it happened. I finally got the courage to tell Lily. I walked up to her thinking we were alone. I taped her shoulder.

She turned around. "Oh! Hey Sev! What's up?" She smiled. And it all slipped out.

"I love you… I love you." Shit. Shit. Shit.

James Potter my sworn enemy stepped from behind a tree.

"Hey Snnivelly what are you doing talking to my girlfriend?"

My heart broke in two. Girlfriend. James and Lily. Shit.

"Sev…I meant to tell you it happened over the summer… I'm so sorry." Lily was on the verge of tears.

"Don't say sorry to him the little prat! I'll show him whose boss! LEVISCORPUS!"

I was lifted into the air by my ankle all of my books dropped on the ground and so did my pants.

"James stop!" Lily shouted crying.

James ignored her. "Hey everybody look!" He shouted. Gryffindor's, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and, Slytherins alike all gathered around roaring with laughter. The last bit of my heart was torn away.

"James! Put him down!" Lily pushed James down causing him to release the spell.

"Sev…I'm so sorry…Sev…" She tried to help me up but I pushed her to the ground.

"YOU THINK I NEED HELP FROM YOU? YOU FILTHY MUDDBLOOD?" I ran as fast as I could hot tears pouring down my face. I entered the common room and collapsed on to the wall. I sat there sobbing for who knows how long. I heard soft footsteps come from the staircase.

"Severus? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Cissa sat next to me and pulled me to her chest making soothing noises as she patiently waited for answers.

I spoke. "Lily…I told her…James…James and Lily are together…He heard…And he he…He hexed me…Lily tried to help but I was just so angry…I pushed her and called her…a…a…a….Mudblood…Now she hates me and I am the laughing stock of the school…Oh Cissa!" I sobbed into her shirt. I was hopeless utterly hopeless. Nothing could help me.

"Shhhh…Shhhh…It's going to be alright…Shhh Severus its okay." She held me there like a mother would a child and slowly I calmed down.

"I think I'm better Cissa…Thanks." I moved her away and became aware of what was beside Cissa. A suitcase.

"What's that for?" I stood pointing at her. I was horrified the only person who was truly there for me was leveeing. My mended heart was broken again.

"Severus let me explain…Please sit. Its time you knew."

I sat and urged her to go on.

"Ever sense I was three years old my life has been planned for me. I was promised to be married to Lucius Malfoy. The wedding was set for the day I turn sixteen which is tomorrow…Remember when I told you that you were lucky to have a choice in your life and in the person you love? That was right after I had been told I would not finish Hogwarts and instead be a house wife. Bellatrix and my parents were adamant that I marry Lucius. Not only for his money and power but because my eldest sister, Andromeda, had just run off with a Muggleborn giving our family a bad name. I was their last hope in order to climb back up to the top of the Pureblood social society. I would be taking it in stride but…It's been hard…For I fell in love with someone else…"

Time to take a break from the story to inform you of some things. How could I have not seen she was in so much pain thorough all of those years? How could I have been so selfish to not notice my best friend was in deep pain? Easy because my mind was so clouded with thoughts of Lily I didn't see what I had right before me a friend who was always there for me something Lily was not. I bet now you expect me to tell you that I told Cissa I loved her to and we kissed and lived happily ever after? I am sorry to say this is not what happened. Like I have told you my heart was broken. Shattered into a million pieces. The only girl I had ever loved hated me and was in the arms of the enemy. I knew Cissa had meant she loved me but I had no room for love anymore. This is where I made the biggest mistake of my life.

"I love you Severus…" There were tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Cissa…It can never be…I love Lily always have and always will and you are about to get married…It can't be it just…Cant…I'm so sorry Cissa so sorry…I just don't have the heart to love anymore…You better go."

The look on her face was like a knife to my heart. She bent down and kissed my cheek.

"Take care Severus." With that she left and I knew Cissa had just forever faded into grey.

-Clareabell

Sad ending I know but don't worry things will work out next chapter! The next one might be later because I am taking a ton of Honors classes and am always swamped with homework! I promise I will try to update asap! PLEASE REVIEW!

Lots of love

Clareabell!