A/N: wow! 14 reviews for the last chapter? you guys are awesome! now only 16 more to go for a hundred! i hope you keep them coming :)

anyway, chapter 19 is divided into 2 parts because if i don't then it would be too long and i get restless reading really long chapters. this is draco's side of the story. this happens on the same day chapter 18 did (friday, day before the wedding). another reason i divided the chapter is because i wanted to upload something right away and the second part isn't quite perfect yet (i'm half way done with it, but i'm not completely satisfied yet). i want the second part to be meaningful (to draco at least).

so i hope you like it.

I don't own harry potter and anything related to it.

Draco hadn't opened his eyes, yet he knew it was morning already. The sunlight seemed to penetrate his closed eyelids, giving him the onset of a colossal headache. He kept his eyes closed knowing the assault the sunlight would bring the moment he opened his eyes. He knew for sure that he was on his massive king-sized bed with the finest Egyptian cotton sheets, but something wasn't quite right. Was he dreaming of her again or was it just the massive hangover from last night and all the other nights as well?

Ever since the day Hermione blatantly declared that she didn't want to have anything to do with him, he'd drown his sorrows in a bottle (or more) of firewhiskey. He was never one to get pissed, thinking how bothersome it was to deal with a hangover the day after, but it seems it was the only thing he could do to temporarily ease the pain. He'd pick the hangover rather than the heartache any day.

He never knew that loving someone could hurt this much. If he did, he doubted if he would ever have ventured out into the world of emotions. His life was so much easier when all he knew was hate. When he was cold and uncaring, all he had to worry about was himself.

Every day, all he'd thought about was to just obliviate his memories of the past month, the memories of their time together and just go back to the way he was before. Somehow, he thought that loving Granger from afar, without him ever finding out that there was a chance she loved him too, was better than having the memory of what they could have been, plague him for the rest of his life now that he knew he had lost her forever. But he could never bring himself to turn his wand onto himself and utter those words. It was all confusing to him, really. He wanted to forget, but he didn't want to. Was he losing his mind? Even though it was painfully unbearable, he could never want to forget that one month he had shared with Hermione. She had introduced him to a world he had not known. It was a wonderful feeling, the happiest he's been in his whole life even though it was now the cause of his pain. How confusing can this get? He knew he'd never love another the way he'd loved her, he just hoped that the memories of that one month would keep him alive and sane until his dying day.

Hermione must have been very happy to know that he was getting married tomorrow. That was what she wanted for him, wasn't it? He didn't love Astoria, didn't even have any ounce of feelings for her and he knew he was never going to fall in love again if it wasn't Hermione so why not just marry into his obligations and save the time? He was pretty sure Astoria didn't love him too. This way, he'd make his father happy. After all, all he ever wanted from his father was the love and approval he never received. All he wanted was for his father to be proud of him after all the years of cane-beating for always coming in second to a mudblood. Yes, that was the best thing to do. His father would be proud of him for being a man and bringing honor to the family name and Hermione would be rid of him forever.

Draco tried to move around when he felt a warm body next to him. He instantly concluded he was still asleep and dreaming. It wasn't a foreign concept since she'd haunted his dreams the past few days even if he was intoxicated to no end. If only in his dreams will they be together, then he will gladly take anything just to re-live those happy moments with her.

"Hermione…" he called out to her, hoping his dream would never end. Somehow this was different. He could feel her, really feel her beside him.

"Don't you know it's disrespectful to call your fiancé a different woman's name especially when you're making love to the said fiancé?"

Draco opened his eyes, not caring about the painful sting of the sunlight and the headache that was growing in magnitude. He grabbed his wand and waved it towards the heavy curtains to cover the windows, only leaving a small gap to illuminate his vast room.

He sat up and grabbed the potion his mum had left for him after the many nights he'd been pissed. He drank it and instantly felt the effects, his headache not totally gone, but much more bearable than before.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Now, now, Draco. Is that any way to talk to your future wife?" Astoria made herself comfortable on Draco's bed, not caring that she was exposing more than what was modest. Draco pulled his silk pajamas on and opened the curtains to let the sunshine in, but really it was just to get away from Astoria. Knowing that he had sex with her last night while he was drunk repulsed him. Sure, he had had sex countless of times before like any other man his age, and it had seemed like a contest of who could bed the most. He had amazing sex and mediocre sex, but it meant nothing. It was like he was unconsciously looking for the right one, that one person he would feel most connected to. And he felt that in Hermione. He never knew the difference of having sex and making love, but Hermione showed him and it was a special bond between them. They had loved each other. He was never the same after Hermione. He didn't want to just have sex. He'd want it to be meaningful and full of love. And it doesn't exactly include Astoria.

"I asked you a question."

"I was simply taking care of my husband-to-be. You were drunk again last night, been drunk every night since you came back from wherever godforsaken place you came from. Of course I had to take advantage. Who knows when I'll get that chance to make love to you again? You've never even touched me since you've been back considering how you left me in our hotel room. But then again if you plan to get drunk every night after we're married then that's fine with me. I can't believe after two years you're still dreaming of that mudblood." She spat out the last part with as much venom as she could.

"I'd prefer if you didn't use that term. And just to make things clear, you are nothing more than another body to fuck. If I were given a choice, I wouldn't ever want to touch you again. Whatever this is between us is nothing more than a business arrangement by our fathers."

"Why? You didn't seem to have any problem spewing the word back in school. Anyway, you can get pissed all you want and I'll be there, the perfect little wife to lovingly take care of my husband…" Draco flinched at the thought of Astoria lovingly taking care of him. As if she even knew what those words mean.

"Don't worry Draco, I don't love you too. It's all about the name, the money and the sex. Even though the last bit wasn't that good the first time we did it." She said arrogantly.

It was always down to that in these circles. Power and money. He hated his life now more than ever. He was doomed to end up like his parents; trapped in a loveless marriage and a life time of loneliness and resentment for each other. Was he going to be abusive like his father? Was he going to bring children into this world and not care about them? He often wondered how his parents had stayed together this long without killing each other. Divorce wasn't an option in the Wizarding world since it is binding and can never be broken once undertaken. But to be like that wasn't a life at all.

Astoria noticed that Draco had gone quiet, his stormy-grey eyes darkening. He was getting mad and she remembered all too well the last time they had gone into a full-fledged fight about the same thing they have been arguing since they have been brought together for marriage.

It was two years ago, just days after Lucius was released from Azkaban that they had both been properly introduced to each other to be married. They were both thrown into that engagement head first without any prior notifications. They didn't love each other, that much was clear to her, but she didn't mind marrying into the Malfoy family.

She tried her best to get Draco's attention, but he was always so aloof towards her. He never looked at her, never talked to her, never acknowledged her presence. Days before their wedding, their parents had this wonderful idea to let them go on a trip to have time for themselves.

The first night they were away, she cornered him, finally confronting him.

"What is wrong with you? We're supposed to be married in a couple of days. It wouldn't hurt to talk to me. You haven't even kissed me!" She was yelling at his back as he stood by the railing on the balcony, cradling a glass of firewhiskey. He wasn't drunk yet, but he had consumed a large amount already.

He turned to face her, his face unreadable. He pushed her crudely to the wall and roughly kissed her.

"Is that what you wanted? Or did you want more?" Having said that, he ripped her clothes off and pushed her further into the bed. He was rough with her, not caring that he was hurting her. She didn't fight back because she wanted this. Perhaps if they did it, he would change his mind about her, accept her as a wife that would stand by his side the way Narcissa stood beside Lucius.

It wasn't Astoria's first time, but she was still a girl who wanted it to be romantic, to be magical. Instead, Draco treated her like a common prostitute. She shed a tear that night.

Draco saw the tear that slowly streamed down her face. He was instantly awakened from this angry haze that was clouding his judgment. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but he had lost control after all the pent up anger and hate in him exploded. The firewhiskey and her provocation made matters worse. He hated himself for losing it like that, losing it like his father had many times. When Lucius was angry, he'd beat Draco with his walking stick and hit his mother for trying to talk him out of it.

He closed his eyes and thought about Hermione. He'd never meant to hurt her, but what he did was just to keep up pretenses. His father would kill him if he knew Draco had other feelings other than hate for the mudblood. He apologized to her in his mind, unaware that he had uttered her name.

Astoria had heard him and pushed him off of her in disgust. She had her wand at the ready, pointing it to Draco's chest. But Draco was quick and also had his wand.

"I can't believe you were even thinking of that mudblood! You'd rather marry her with her tainted blood over me? Your father is going to be so disappointed in you."

Draco realized that he didn't want this life. He didn't want anything to do with it. He didn't want his father controlling him anymore.

He looked at his fiancé with apologetic eyes. His expressive eyes told her how sorry he was for treating her the way he did and in that moment she hoped that they would be okay. Without a word, Draco disapparated, leaving Astoria staring at the space he once was occupying.

Astoria knew that he wasn't coming back and she didn't want to be shamed by his actions so she made it look like he was abducted. She fixed the room like there had been a struggle, even throwing a few curses on the walls to make it authentic. She even created this story of how three hooded men had barged in and taken him. He was, after all a very important wizard.

Astoria was brought out of her thoughts with the click of the door. And just like that, he had left her again.

A/N: i hope you liked it even though nothing really happened in the chapter. i'm still desperately begging, PLEASE REVIEW. did you like it? hate it? or whatever! just review :)