Arthur wasn't sure how long he stayed there on the ground. It felt like days. His misery was so intense, that the cold was like a blanket, enveloping his grief. He never wanted to move.

Then, at some point, he felt warm hands on his shoulders, on his neck, embracing him, warm lips kissing his head, a body wrapping itself round him, holding him.

He allowed Gwen to bring him back, to re-surface him from the cold. By that point his tears were spent, and the hollowness had returned, replacing his anger and grief with dull nothingness. He wanted to feel again.

They sat there together for some time, neither one of them speaking, Gwen rocking him silently. When another strong tremor passed through the castle walls, he tightened his grip on her. Gwen glanced up at the ceiling with fear.

"It'll be okay," he murmured.

She looked down at him and smiled. "I know," she said, stroking his hair.

He returned her gaze blankly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For all this. It's not much of a kingdom I've built for you."

"You didn't build the kingdom for me, Arthur," she corrected. "You built if for everyone."

He looked into her eyes. "I want to build it for you," he insisted, and he leaned in and kissed her, long and tenderly, and god that made him feel.

Better.

They broke apart eventually, and she hugged him close, rubbing his back. "Come on," she said in his ear. "Let them take care of your father. Let me take you to your room. You need to sleep."

Surprisingly, perhaps, he resisted very little, and allowed her to badger him to his feet. He crossed to the bed and planted one more farewell kiss onto his father's cold skin, then she led him from the room, nodding to the guards as they passed.

Back in his own chambers, she took care of him, insisting that he wash, fussing over the wound, re-bandaging it when it got wet. There was food there, and she forced him to eat: he tasted nothing. There was wine too, though he drank very little of it.

And throughout it all, Gwen just sat there and talked to him, asking him questions from time to time, but mostly just chatting. It was normal. It was what he needed.

"You're looking a little better," she said eventually. It was dark now, pitch black; the middle of the night. But she showed no sign of tiring. There was still a smile on her lips.

Eventually he smiled back at her, but he felt exhausted and drained suddenly. "Thank you," he reached a hand across the table and took hers in his, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles tenderly. "I don't know where I'd be without you, Gwen. You are the one thing in my life I know I can truly rely on."

She smiled back warmly, but demurely. "Oh I'm sure that's not true."

"Believe me," he said, drawing back and sighing. He picked up a cloth from the side of the table and wiped his mouth. "After tonight I'm beginning to wonder if I can trust anyone any more."

Gwen frowned at that. "Arthur, Morgana wasn't your fault. She hated your father, and would have done anything she could to cause this. Don't lose your faith in the world because of her."

Arthur looked slightly glazed. "It's not just her," he said.

"Oh?" Gwen was confused. "Did I miss something?"

He sighed again, more deeply. "I had a fight," he admitted. "With Merlin."

"Merlin?" now she was really confused. "What on earth about?"

He blew out more air and made faces, moving his head around. "He – just – I can't trust him," he finished randomly.

"What do you mean? You know you can trust Merlin. He's probably the most faithful servant in Camelot."

"Well, he's not as faithful as you think, Gwen."

"Why? What's he done?"

He shook his head firmly. "You don't need to worry about it."

"No, Arthur tell me. What has he done to upset you so much?"

Arthur had been trying to wriggle out of telling her, but he realised suddenly that he was trying to protect his servant, and what the hell did that matter now anyway? "Merlin has magic," he said bluntly.

Again, the look on Gwen's face at the revelation wasn't quite what he'd been expecting.

"Oh. How did you find out?"

His eyes opened wide in realisation. "You knew!" he said in a very unmanly high-pitched voice. He got to his feet and pointed at her accusingly. "You knew about it and you didn't tell me!"

"Of course I didn't tell you Arthur. You might have had him killed."

"I…" Arthur spluttered indignant. "…wouldn't have had him killed!"

"Really? What did you do to him tonight?"

"I – sent him away," he blustered. "I told him…" he looked at Gwen, who had raised her eyebrows. He sighed. "I told him I didn't want to see him again."

"You did what?" she exclaimed. "Arthur, Merlin can't help having magic! He was born with it. And he uses it to protect you. I've heard dozens of stories about times he's saved your life, or stopped you being injured by some evil magical opponent."

"I don't want to hear it," he said holding up a hand. "I don't care what he's done for me in the past. He lied to me Gwen, and he let my father die."

"Let your father die? As I understand it, it was Morgana who killed your father." She got to her feet. "Arthur, don't place blame on people who don't deserve it. There's plenty enough to go around."

"Speaking of blame, how did you know?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips. "About the magic?"

"I found out when he was ill, when Alvarr put him in that cave and you brought him back to us. Gaius confessed to me that he had magic, and that it was the source of his illness. So we took him away, Lancelot, Gwaine and I. We took him to the druids. That's where we went for a cure. One of them told me that Merlin had a destiny, that he was important, vital for the future of Camelot."

She glossed over any mention of dragons.

Arthur didn't say anything.

"Did you really banish him?"

"I didn't – banish him. I just – said I didn't want to see him again."

She crossed her arms and looked faintly angry.

He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. "I may have been over-hasty," he admitted.

Gwen softened instantly, and came over to him. "You've had a terrible night," she said, taking his hands in hers. "It's understandable that you were upset. But Arthur, Merlin is your friend, and he's loyal, and if there's anything he could have done to save your father, I'm sure he would have done it. I know you're angry now, I know because I've been there. When I found out about his magic, I could barely look at him the same. Truth be told, I probably haven't been these past few months." She paused. "Truth be told, I've been avoiding him," she looked away from him, embarrassed. "I've tried not to, and he's the same Merlin he's always been, but once you know, it – changes things."

Arthur put his hand to her face, lifting her chin round so that she was looking at him. "It does change things," he echoed. "But you're right. I'm just – everything's so wrong, tonight, Guinevere. The whole world is upside down. And I needed someone to just – be angry at. And magic… it's just – it's just everything that's wrong with my world, if that makes sense. It's like the sum of all my problems. Or that's what it seems like anyway. I don't know how to accept him with this – this thing hanging over him. He's like a different person now. It's like I've lost Merlin and been left with this… other person. It's not him anymore."

She held his gaze, open and honest. "I think," she said. "If any of us are going to survive this. I think we all need to overcome our fears and accept what is. He's still Merlin, Arthur. He's still your friend. Nothing changes that."

Arthur sighed tiredly, he felt near tears, and angrily pushed them away. He'd done with tears. Then Gwen was speaking again.

"Sleep on it," she said. "Settle it with him in the morning. Things always look better after a good sleep."

He nodded, his face decisive. "No," he said determinedly. "I'll settle it with him now."

"Arthur…"

He took her hands firmly. "I've waited too long to settle things in the past," he said. "I'm not making the same mistake again."

Arthur spent the entire walk to Gaius' chambers working out what he was going to say to his servant.

He was tired, and the parts of his brain that produced language didn't seem to be functioning as well as usual, but he still had something fairly decent figured out by the time he reached the appropriate door. It was all about their time together, how they all had secrets, and how things could be said in anger at times of high emotion etc etc.

He was less than pleased to discover on going in, therefore, that Merlin wasn't there.

"What do you mean he isn't here?"

"I mean exactly what I say, your majesty," Gaius told him in a flat voice.

Arthur turned, frustrated, and paced. "This is so typical!" he exclaimed, throwing up his hands. "The one time I tell him to do something and he actually does it. Where is he?" He turned back.

"I don't know."

Arthur shook his head. "He's there when I don't want him, he's not here when I do want him. He really is just the most – useless…"

"Oh for goodness sakes Arthur!"

The new King turned, amazed. He was so shocked at Gaius' tone and his words that he thought maybe this man was not the physician he'd known for years. Perhaps he was a double, a doppelganger. But it was indeed Gaius standing before him. And he wasn't done scolding yet either.

"For once in your life, can't you think of something other than yourself!"

Arthur's eyes narrowed, and anger flooded through him at being spoken to like that. But it was anger that dissipated almost instantly when he realised that there were tears on Gaius' cheeks. He'd never once seen Gaius cry.

He said, slowly. "Where is he?"

Gaius sank into a chair. "I don't know," he repeated, his aged voice full of sorrow.

Arthur came forward, fearful suddenly. "We argued," he said.

"I know."

"I said things I shouldn't have."

I know that too."

"I need to speak to him Gaius. Please, if you've got any idea where he might be."

Gaius put his hands together in his lap. "He's gone, Arthur. And he may not be coming back."

"What do you mean gone? Because of what I said? Where's he gone: out there? Morgana's men are everywhere, he won't make it more than a few paces from the castle! Is he trying to go home? Where?" Arthur's exhaustion was making his speech confused, and he sounded shrill in his own ears.

"You don't understand," Gaius told him calmly. "He's not just run away. Whatever you think of Merlin, Arthur, he isn't a coward."

"I don't think that," Arthur insisted, taking another pace forward. "But the things I said – he might have gotten the impression that I wanted him to leave."

"You said you never wanted to see him again."

"That's kind of what I was referring to."

"You upset him," Gaius said plainly. "More than you know."

"And I'll apologise when I see him if you'll just tell me where he is!"

"He's sacrificing himself for your kingdom!" Gaius snapped angrily.

"What do you mean?"

"You know of his magic?"

"Yes."

"And what are your intentions?"

"My intentions?" Arthur looked confused. "Gaius, whatever else I am, I am not my father. I mean no harm towards Merlin. I swear, I only want to talk to him. Please, where is he?"

"I told you," he said, then sighed heavily, looking older than his years. "Merlin found a spell of sorts," he said. "In all the research we've been doing. It's the only way to defeat the demon."

"But – that's good isn't it?"

"You do not understand magic, Arthur. It's not your fault. Your father would never allow me to instruct you in it. Would never allow anyone to even mention it in your presence. But it's not as simple as you seem to think."

"So educate me now," he said. "Quickly."

"It's a powerful spell," Gaius went on. "And it needs to be given to him by an ancient creature of magic. But it's so powerful, Arthur, so terrible, that no man has ever done what Merlin is planning to do, and survived."

"Okay, that sounds bad."

"The spell might kill him before he even gets the chance to use it, and it's a terrible death. He was afraid."

"Then why didn't you stop him!" Arthur insisted, his fear rising in a wave and turning to anger as it found a focus.

Gaius just fixed him with a look. "The events of tonight are your doing, not mine. You are King now. Take responsibility for your actions."

Arthur sighed tiredly. His mind hurt, and his heart hung heavy in his chest. This night was the stuff of nightmares for him, and whatever he did, nothing seemed to be making it better. "Gaius," he said. "I've lost my father tonight. I don't want to lose my best friend as well. Tell me where you think he might have gone."

TBC