Thank you to Reviewers! And anybody else who has read this far!

If I owned Bleach, UkiUna would be canon. If I owned Star Trek, there would be killer unicorns trying to take over the enterprise. Enough said.

When Byakuya woke up, the sun was only just peaking up over the horizon, and hadn't managed to chase the stars away yet. Renji was snoring softly beside him, and Kaili was curled up in a small ball, murmuring something about unicorns taking over the Enterprise. What that meant, Byakuya had no clue. He did know, however, that the small girl had spent far too much time around Nemu and Mayuri. Preferably just Nemu though. Mayuri freaked Byakuya out.

"No," Kaili muttered, clenching her fists. "You are not allowed to eat Spock. You're s'posed to be nice! No eating Spocky!" Byakuya stared down at her, frowning. Was this a nightmare? Should he wake her up? Kaili giggled softly and Byakuya relaxed. Good. "Nice Unicorn." More giggles. Byakuya shook his head slowly. This was ridiculous.

What the hell's a 'Spock'? (If you to are thinking this... google it. Please, save yourself and google it! If you don't know who Spock is, well... you haven't lived!) Byakuya wondered. And why aren't the unicorns supposed to eat it? Is it poisonous or something? He crawled out of the tent, and went for a walk.

Kaili found him half an hour later in the empty field where Renji had held his little party the night before, sitting on a rock and staring contemplatively out at the sunrise. She crawled onto his lap, and cuddled up against him, sobbing softly. Byakuya had gotten better at dealing with little kids, so he just wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, resting his chin on her head. She still smelt nice, even though none of them had had a decent bath since… well since the day the Seireitei had collapsed, whenever that had been. Maybe little kids always smelt nice. It was a thought.

"I don't feel good." She whimpered. "I wanna go home." Byakuya sighed. This was just what he needed. A sick little girl on top of everything else. Wonderful.

"You can't," his voice was gentle. "You know that." He stood up, carefully picking her up and balancing her against his body. This was awkward. Also slightly embarrassing, demeaning, and uncomfortable.

Kaili wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging tight enough to nearly choke him. Instead of mentioning it however, Byakuya just shifted her up a bit, and began walking in the general direction of the medical tents. He really did hope that Unohana was up. Because this was going to get very messy, very fast if she wasn't. He had no clue how to take care of a sick child. He barely knew how to take care of a well one, let alone a sick one!

Kaili coughed into his shoulder and it took all of his self control not to wince. There was no way that he was getting sick. Not a chance. He'd rather have to live through another near-apocalypse.

"My throat hurts," she murmured. "I don't like it."

"I don't blame you," Byakuya replied softly. Kaili lifted her head to look up at him, and then let it flop back against his shoulder.

"Make it stop."

"I can't." Byakuya hoisted her up again, and turned a corner. "But Unohana will try, alright?"

"Uh huh."

Unohana laughed when she saw him.

"Byakuya Kuchiki," she said, stepping aside to let him into her tent. "Captain of the Sixth Division, Head of the great Kuchiki Clan. Able to defeat almost any opponent, manage two different systems at the same time and any emergency that might crop up. However, he has no clue what to do with a sick kid."

"Shut up," Byakuya grumbled. "That's not my job. It's yours."

"Now it's your job," Unohana told him, smiling gently.

"No, it's still yours."

"She's adopted you Captain Kuchiki. It's your job now, as…" she trailed off, staring at him seriously. "Acting father?" she tried. Byakuya stared at her.

"Unlikely."

"Unless you'd like to be the mommy," Unohana teased. "Who is acting mommy anyways?" she looked down at Kaili. The girl snuggled closer to Byakuya.

"Renji," she whispered.

"There you go. You're the daddy, Renji's the mommy. It works."

Byakuya stared at her, incredulous. "You're kidding."

"Only partly. Renji doesn't have to be mommy. He could be like… second daddy. That works too. Or you could both be mommy, but I doubt you want that."

"You're brains are still scrambled."

"Nope! It's your job to take care of sick little children now whether you like it or not. Well, this one at least." Unohana was laughing at him now. Byakuya groaned.

"I don't know how to take care of sick children! Hell, I don't know how to take care of sick anybodies!"

"Least of all of them yourself," Unohana said seriously. "I know. You're a wreck some days. I really can't see how anybody can not notice that. But they don't."

"That wasn't the point," Byakuya growled. "And you know it."

"Don't worry. I tell you what to do. You just have to do it. And be gentle and kind and all of that other fatherly stuff."

"You're not seriously still on that."

"Daddy Byakuya. Sounds good."

"What sounds good?" Renji asked, ducking into the tent. Unohana opened her mouth to answer, and Byakuya turned on her.

"Don't you dare!"

Renji sighed. "I'm missing something, aren't I?"

"Yes." Unohana sighed. "And I'm not allowed to tell you."

"It's not important," Byakuya told him. "At all."

"Just embarrassing?" Renji asked with a crooked grin. "Oh well. So, what's up?" Byakuya shifted again. As light as she was, Kaili's weight was beginning to make his arms cramp, although, in his defence, he wasn't used to holding his arms in that position for very long.

"Don't feel good," Kaili muttered into Byakuya's shoulder. "I wanna go home." Renji sighed and gently patted Kaili's head.

"You two are going to take care of her," Unohana informed the two of them.

"Not a good idea," Renji said. "I have no clue how to take care of sick children."

"Join the club," Byakuya agreed.

"Just do what I say and you'll be fine."

"No we won't," Renji muttered. Unohana frowned at him.

"You will. Now listen!"

They listened. What else were they going to do? Unohana wasn't taking any arguments out of either of them.

Just to be clear the whole Bya-Daddy, Renji-Mommy thing was a joke. It does not reflect my standing on the whole who's seme/uke (or is it spelt with an i?) dilemma. I personally think it works fine either way. I don't have any personal favorite... But, just out of interest, which do you prefer?

Right... If you didn't get the Star Trek references... wow. Just wow. You haven't lived!

-Stormy