rooftop endings
written by atrociously beautiful
edited by anticollision
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about: Suigetsu/Karin
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rooftop endings
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When I was a little girl, I used to imagine soaring high up in the sky—brushing the tops of the trees with my fingers and swallowing the clouds. I used to picture myself smiling down at my loving family. I'd be feeling excited, because, shit, I was soaring high. I was flying with the birds, caressing the sun and fighting the wind.
But that dream ended fast. I was a child then, I didn't know what I knew now.
You can't fly far with paper wings.
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"Karin, please, I'm trying to concentrate."
Aforementioned girl rolled her eyes at her mother. After pressing a serviette to her face to wipe away a recent meal's remnants, she slung a pink bag over her shoulder and strode out of the house.
Sunglasses shaded Karin's eyes from the blinding sun as she walked towards the tallest building (the one on the busiest street, at the most chaotic hour in the day). With a smirk on her slightly tanned face, she made her way towards the abandoned structure at the very end of the street.
Her heels clicked and clacked up the flight of stairs, her hand grasped the rusty railing, and her blood red eyes were fixated upon what was ahead. At last, she made it to the top of the building. She dropped her bag by the door and walked towards the ledge, transfixed.
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This is the point where you think, "Fuck, she's going to jump." Sorry to disappoint, but I didn't jump. I sat. Yes, I just sat down, my legs hanging over the side.
I just sat… I sat and I thought.
I thought about how everything was going wrong—and so totally right—in my family, in my circle of friends, and in my life. I thought about how my mother was neglecting my father. I thought about how because of that neglect, Dad's out there cheating on her with some whore he picked up. But I also thought of how my cousin was going out with Sakura, my best friend. Sasuke was happy. For the first time, he was happy.
I thought about how my life was spiraling out of control—not downwards, because I hadn't reached that level yet. Although, it wasn't exactly spiraling upwards and into the heavens. Maybe spiraling was a bad word to use to describe. No, my life was circling around me, without my control. It was just circling: going from okay, to good, to bad, to worse. I couldn't control it, and at that point, I decided I didn't want to.
I liked coming here to think; the clouds relaxed me, the sounds below became music, and nothing mattered up here.
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"You're not going to jump, right?" A voice startled Karin, and she quickly grabbed onto the ledge, scared. With a glare etched on her face, she turned around, fully prepared to cuss out the fucker who startled her.
The words died in her throat as she stared at him.
"Suigetsu," she croaked out. Said boy smirked at her and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Well, Doll-face, I'm not prepared to catch you or call the police if you decide to jump. So warn me ahead of time; that way I could leave and pretend I didn't see it." He smiled in a bitter way and leaned against an old air conditioning unit.
Karin huffed and turned around, a pout on her lips. Suigetsu chuckled, but made no move to come any closer to her.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she asked angrily.
The mauve-eyed male chuckled again, "I saw you walking over here and I thought you were going to jump."
Karin made a face, "I thought you wanted to pretend it never happened." She crossed her arms and scooted closer to the edge.
Arching a pale-teal eyebrow, Suigetsu intoned, "It hasn't happened yet; and if it does, I'll still pretend it didn't."
The redhead sighed quietly and pushed her glasses farther up the bridge of her nose. She was sweating, and she really hoped he didn't see it.
She sincerely hoped he didn't see that he was making her so nervous.
"I'm not going to jump, asshole."
The brazen boy shrugged but she couldn't see it. "Precaution, Toots."
Turning around swiftly, Karin could feel the tears that were already gathering in her eyes. "Don't call me that," she hissed.
Suigetsu looked down uneasily, his fists clenching in his pockets, "Karin…"
"I don't want to hear it… I-I…" The girl looked down, "I just don't want to hear it." Taking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes.
"The situation—it's irrelevant now," he spoke softly, his eyes downcast.
A bubble of hysterical laugher erupted from Karin's mouth, she sniffled, and her red eyes flashed open. "Just leave. I don't want you here," the girl spat acerbically, soon shutting her eyes again.
"If you really didn't want to see me, you would have left," Suigetsu snapped, glaring at her with amethyst eyes.
Karin laughed again, "No; leaving is your job, remember?" She stood up and balanced on the ledge. And instead of looking down like most people did, she gazed upward and smiled.
"So, what?—you're going to jump? Dying is your latest fashion now? Is that it? Are you not strong enough now? Because you sure seemed strong enough that day when you told me to get the fuck out of your life. Oh, but you don't remember it that way, do you?" He was breathing heavily, the words came out in a rush, slurring together. The vein on his neck pulsed, and then he brushed white hair out of his view.
Slamming her eyes shut, Karin murmured, "Suigetsu, how far can you fly with paper wings?"
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I really hated Suigetsu. I hated everything about him. I hated the way he would call me "Toots" or "Doll-face". I hated how he would smirk at me.
I hated how he made me love him.
Oh my god, I fucking hated him.
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"Typical, so very typical, you're the kind of girl that makes me fall in love. I hate it; I hate you."
Karin sneered, "Answer the question, Suigetsu."
The aforesaid person looked at her with a pained expression. "Not very far, I imagine."
Jumping down from the ledge, Karin walked up to the boy. He tried hiding his unease at her proximity—she hadn't been near him in months.
"That's my point!" she exclaimed. "Up here, I feel like I can fly; that I'm touching the sky! Nothing can hurt me here: you can't hurt me, my mom can't hurt me, my best friends' fucking happiness can't hurt me!
"But you're here now and it kills me. It kills me because I know that it's not entirely your fault. I know it's mine too, but, dammit, you left. You didn't fight—"
He cut her off, "Fight? You were miserable with me! You didn't want to be with me. You felt obligated, fucking obligated! I thought we could be happy together. We were best friends, we were right for each other. We could have been happy together—"
"This is not a fairytale!" Karin screamed, "We wouldn't have that happily ever after! As a matter of fact, we would have been a nightmare together. Fuck, we were a nightmare. You weren't happy." She was riled now as she said again, "This isn't a fairytale!"
"I didn't want a fairytale; I wanted you!" With those last words, he stormed out of her sight. Karin heard his boots thudding against the metal staircase as he exited.
When she couldn't hear his chains echoing in the hallway, or his boots thudding against the stairs, she collapsed and cried.
He was hurting, and it was her fault.
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I didn't go back for a couple of days. I knew he would be there. He's the type of person to wait.
What he was waiting for, I didn't know.
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When Karin did go back to the rooftop, she wasn't surprised to see him there, leaning against the old air conditioning unit like before. She made her way to the edge, her bag next to her, and her high-heeled feet dangling.
"Sit with me."
It was a soft demand, and Suigetsu didn't want to obey it. Nevertheless, his feet took him towards her and he lowered himself to her sitting-down height.
"In my bag," she began with a raspy voice, "are all the pictures we took." The ginger reached into her bag and pulled out a small, tattered photo of them smiling. With a deep sigh she flung it; the wind caught it, and it flew away.
"Paper wings can't fly very far, but old memories can," she mumbled.
Suigetsu closed his eyes and reached into her bag. "No, they can't. They never leave." And with that he flung another picture.
It continued for almost an hour in silence. Neither spoke because if they did, that last moment of theirs would be ruined and meaningless.
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"Bye," he stalked off the roof, with shoulders slumped. Karin sighed and felt her heart clench. She felt guilty. If she wasn't so selfish, they would have been great.
She heaved another sigh and grabbed her newly empty bag. Without a second glance, she left.
She didn't come back.
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I didn't come back—ever. It pained me to even think about it. But I knew that it was the right thing to do. And I think he knew, too.
The next time I saw him was a couple of months later. He nodded at me, and walked away hand in hand with some pretty girl. It hurt a bit, but I knew it was going to be okay.
I was going to be okay.
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AUTHOR'S NOTES
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i know, i know. it wasn't the greatest piece, but i tried and i'm semi-happy the way it turned out. i promise i'll get better. no, really.
I wanted to thank everyone who's reading, reviewing and what the fuck, writing this story. i seriously love all of you. i do.
kthnx.
~nicole