A/N:

Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is MichelleMMarie—the naked man to my big ass cake. Happy Birthday! ILY!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
*Selfish*

A loud crash on the porch and a blinding light shining into the bedroom startled me awake. Looking out the window, I saw Edward's truck parked haphazardly up on the porch. Wasting no time, I ran into the living room, only to reach for the door at the same time as he burst into the house.

Looking him over, his eyes were bloodshot, and he reeked of alcohol. As if I wasn't here, he walked right by me and flopped down on the couch with a deep grunt.

He was drunk.

Beyond drunk.

I'd been worried and unsure of myself all night. But now, I was just angry. Very, very angry. How dare he stay out all night, drinking, while I came up with the worst scenarios for his long absence? Not to mention, how could he risk his life driving in such a state?

I could still hear the truck running, so I took a few minutes to reverse it off the porch and cut the engine. When I returned to him, he had an arm slung over his eyes, but I knew he hadn't passed out yet.

"You could've gotten hurt," I reprimanded. "Don't ever drink and drive again."

He let out a tiny snort, remaining in the same position.

I sighed, my anger diminishing. I knew why he was like this, and I didn't much blame him for it, because it was all my fault. He'd taken the news that I was married pretty hard. I only wished that instead of going out and getting plastered, he would've stayed and hashed it out with me.

"Edward," I spoke gently, kneeling by his head, "talk to me, please."

He didn't respond, choosing to remain still with his arm shrouding his eyes.

I hung my head sadly. "Alright. I get it. Just...come to bed and sleep this off," I suggested. "Want me to get your pajamas for you?"

When, yet again, he offered no reply, I touched his arm. He quickly yanked it away and flipped on his side, away from me.

My eyes became moist with the hurt his harsh rejection caused. "Don't be like this," I begged in a whisper. "We still care about each other."

"No," he finally said, his voice rough from the liquor.

"No?" My voice cracked. What was he saying?

"The second you told me you were married was when I stopped caring about you."

Those words…they were my undoing, hammering through any hope I had of him understanding. In that one statement, I realized the man I'd come to know wasn't here. Maybe he never would be again.

"How can you be so hateful?" I questioned quietly, and escaped into the bedroom, where I spent the remainder of the night soaking my pillow with heavy tears.

X-X-X-X

The next morning, I was up at the crack of dawn, not having slept all that much. After getting changed, I left the confines of my bedroom and saw Edward was still asleep. I didn't look at him for more than two seconds, deciding that I would try not to think about him today, especially after what he said last night.

Suddenly needing some air, I left the cabin. Dawn provided a majestic glow in the woods surrounding. There was a bit of fog, but not enough to block my path. I wound around trees, just going where my instinct led me, until the sound of the close by river could be distinctly heard.

I froze, my heart racing, just like it did the last time I was near it. Everything in me said to turn back around. Get as far away as possible. However, my feet rebelled.

Before I knew it, I was walking to the river, not thinking about it; just going. Louder and louder the rush of water grew, until I could see it, just up ahead. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I stopped a few steps from the water's edge. Suddenly…I wasn't so scared anymore. In fact, I felt more at peace than I ever had.

It was glorious.

Rays of sun shone onto the rough surface of the river, while wild birds flew overhead in a beautiful V formation. I could see why the river was popular for river-rafting, because it looked quite dangerous. A thrill seeker's wet dream. Literally.

I slipped my shoe off and approached the river's edge. Slowly, I dipped a toe into the freezing water, eliciting a shiver from me. I couldn't have imagined just how cold I'd been before I'd washed up. It must've been to the point of numbness.

Looking up the river, I pondered how far up I'd come from. It couldn't have been too far; otherwise, I'd surely have drowned or frozen to death from the cold. And that was when I realized just how lucky I'd been to wash up here, where Edward found me and took me in. Anywhere else, and I wouldn't have lasted long.

He really was my savior.

The impact of that startled me. And if he never wanted to speak to me again, if he wanted me to pack my stuff and leave his house today, I'd do it, because I owed him that much. I owed him my life.

"Petal!" a distant voice yelled, the rush of the river overpowering it.

"Edward?" I questioned in a hushed croak, not able to find my voice.

"PETAL!" He was closer now. Any moment, he'd find me. There was some sort of desperation in his tone that had me glued to my spot.

Finally, he emerged from the trees in a flurry and stopped when he saw me. He was still dressed in the same clothes he wore yesterday, appearing haggard from his night of drinking. I looked upon him timidly, unsure what to say or do.

"I thought you left," he spoke in a rasp. He was too far away, and the river somewhat drowned out his voice.

"No," I replied simply, though afraid he would ask me to go.

He took small, deliberate steps to me, his tired eyes remaining locked with mine. With every inch he grew closer, my breath became shallower. When he was a foot from me, he stopped, and his face fell, showing the depth of his despair. He closed the distance between us, and I was instantly wrapped in a tight hug. I held onto him, gripping the back of his shirt as if I hadn't seen him in years.

"I didn't mean it," he spoke quietly into my ear. "You're all I care about." He pulled back, lifting my face up to look at his remorseful one. "There's nothing in this world I care about more than you. Nothing."

"Edward," I breathed, wanting him to stop, because he didn't need to explain.

He pressed short kisses around my face. "It killed me. I lost my mind." His fingers wove into my hair and cradled the back of my head as he placed a final kiss on my lips. "You belong to someone else, and I couldn't stand it. It was as if—"

"Enough," I interrupted, pulling back. "You don't have to explain. I know how you felt, because I felt the same thing when I first found out. I don't blame you for going off at me. I deserved it."

He shook his head. "You didn't deserve what I said. I shouldn't have told you I didn't care about you. I was lying and trying to hide the fact that I was dying inside."

I rubbed his cheek with the pad of my thumb. "Remember what I said to you not too long ago?" I brought up. "I said that if I ever remembered anything about my other life that you'd still matter. Edward…you still matter."

His gaze was intense upon me as his fingers idly played with my hair. The intensity died, replaced with a thoughtful look.

I dropped my forehead to his chest, where I could feel his heart pounding. "I don't know what to do," I spoke softly. "Tell me what I should do, because I'm at a loss."

I could hear him swallow thickly, and suddenly, his arms weren't around me anymore. He walked to this river's edge, looking out across the water. What was he thinking so intently about?

"If I asked you to stay…would you?" he inquired, his voice taking on a much deeper, steadier tone.

I stared at his back for several seconds. Though I already knew my answer, I wondered how that would affect the lives of others I didn't know. Family members that were more or less strangers.

He turned around, his expression more serious than I'd ever witnessed. "Would you?" he repeated.

I nodded.

He was quickly in front of me, cradling my hands to his chest. "Then stay. Be with me. Here. Don't ever leave. I'll give you everything you want. All my money is yours, whenever you need it."

I gasped, taken aback by his passionate words. In all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen him so emotional, almost to the point of insanity.

"Please, say you'll stay," he begged, his grip on my hands tightening.

With our eyes transfixed on one another, I felt like I could see right down to the very core of him. I wasn't entirely sure the extent of his feelings for me, nor did I know the extent of mine, but of one thing I was certain…he cherished me. Adored me. But it was much deeper than that for me. I couldn't imagine a life without him, and if I went back to my family, I knew—without a doubt—there'd be no room for Edward in my life.

There was a choice that needed to be made here, and not an impulsive one, either. This choice had to come from the heart. However, there was only one stipulation. If my heart had not been my own for some time now, then my choice should be simple.

Could I really be this selfish? Would it be wrong to be so completely selfish in the way I wanted to be now? There was no denying it was wrong, but the question was…did it matter?

Maybe the choice had been made the instant I'd washed up.

"I'm not going anywhere," I stated.

He breathed in deeply, his worried eyes becoming brighter. He let out a sigh of relief, and his forehead met mine. "Thank you," he whispered, encasing me in his arms once more. "Thank you so much."

"But what about my family?" I queried. "My father is looking for me. And my husband—"

He pulled back abruptly. "Don't ever say that word," he growled fiercely, eliciting a surprised look from me. Almost instantly, his expression softened significantly. "You'll lay low."

I'd spoken those same words to Alice, and now I realized how irrational they sounded. "How long indefinitely can I go unnoticed, Edward? Someone will recognize me at some point, considering I'm all over the news."

A long exhale came from him. "You don't have to worry about anyone from the tavern snitching. They won't tell a soul, because they all know if they do, I'll come after them. But if it makes you feel better, you can quit working there and just stay here."

"Quit the tavern?" I asked sadly. The tavern was like my second home. How could I give it up? But I knew I'd have to. It was the only way to truly keep a low profile. "Does that mean I can't see Alice anymore?"

"You can still see her. Just not during business hours."

I nodded, depressed at this drastic change. But I'd do it all if it meant being with this man.

"Hey," he spoke comfortingly, lifting my chin. "It'll be fine, okay? We're going to make this happen. You'll see." He brought me into him, cocooning me in his warmth.

My eyes drifted to the river of their own will, and without warning, I was lost in my head.

I was looking out over the darkened river, the moon full and bright overhead. Goosebumps appeared on my arms. I just wasn't sure it was from the cold.

"Bella?" a soft voice asked from behind me. Instinctively, I knew who it was. "Honey, are you okay?"

Turning around, my eyes came in contact with a lean, sandy-brown haired man with light eyes that even in the darkness was recognizable as clear blue.

"Why are you crying?" he questioned. His voice was a soothing whisper. "I saw you were gone, so I came out here to check on you. What did she say to you?"

My eyes fell to the ground as I sniffled. I couldn't look at him. I felt…guilty.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, pulling me out of a new memory I'd gained. One of my…of Liam White.

This was the first time I'd remembered something about him, and I wished I could undo it. Before, he hadn't seemed as real without a memory attached, but now, I knew he was a large part of my life. My other life. The life I was leaving behind.

"Make me forget, Edward," I requested. I didn't want anything to do with my past. I didn't want my memories coming back and making me feel emotions I didn't want to feel. I just wanted to forget.

"Forget what?" he queried, worried.

My fingers grasped onto his shirt. "Please, just…I need you to make me forget," I pleaded.

His hands slowly came up to the sides of my face in understanding. My eyes shut of their own accord, anticipating him. I felt his warm breath on me before his lips rested delicately against mine.

The hesitance we both conveyed at first didn't last for long, and soon, our kiss escalated into a passionate embrace, full of need and desire. Our fingers gripped onto each other's hair, and our bodies were pressed firmly.

Suddenly, I was being lifted into the air and carried at a swift pace through the woods. The wind swished around me. He was moving us quickly, his mouth still attached to mine. I knew where he was taking me, and I didn't mind. I wanted to be taken there.

Once in the house, he shut the door with the back of his foot and entered the bedroom. The kiss came to an abrupt stop when he gently set me on the bed. I looked up at him, my eyes reflecting exactly what I wanted. His expression showed how much he wanted this, but he seemed to be lost in his head as he stared down at me, unmoving.

Using my elbows, I slithered up to the middle of the bed, my dress hiking up my thighs. That got his attention, his eyes flickering from my legs to my face and back to my legs again.

Taking the initiative, I reached for one of the belt loops on his jeans. With a quick tug, his knee popped up on the bed, and his hand came to rest on my shoulder. I slowly unbuttoned the denim, taking my time, followed by pulling down the zipper.

"Is this okay?" I asked, looking up at him.

His eyes were unblinking upon me. He only offered a small nod.

With permission granted, I pushed the jeans down to his knees. He was wearing a pair of royal blue boxers, and beneath, I could tell just how okay he was with this. I wanted to touch him, but I also wanted to even up the score a bit, so I sat back against my hands and waited.

Come on, Edward. Take off something of mine.

For some reason, he wasn't moving.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yeah?" he croaked.

"Are you alright?"

He cleared his throat, his brow furrowing. "I'm fine."

I smiled warmly. "Good," I said, and waited again, but he still didn't do anything. "Want to help me take off my dress?"

He nodded.

I took his hands and placed them on my shoulder straps. Together, we removed both straps, his fingertips grazing my arms. His breathing picked up, as did mine. Moving to sit up on my knees, the dress fell around my waist, baring my top half. His eyes dropped down to my breasts. He looked like he wanted to touch them, but at the same time, didn't.

"Edward, tell me what's wrong."

He regarded me, masking a tinge of fear. "I haven't done this in a while," he admitted.

"How long?"

"Four and a half years."

"Ah," I said, a little surprised. "You haven't wanted to?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't something I thought about…until…"

I nodded in understanding. Until I came along. "So, your ex-wife was the last person you…"

He sighed. "Yeah," he answered.

"Well…I'm in no rush," I assured, and moved his hand right on my breast. "You realize this is the second time you'll see me naked. Don't think I've forgotten."

That got him smiling, finally. He grasped me firmly, feeling the weight of me. "I didn't look, really."

"As if I believe you," I accused jokingly.

He chuckled and leaned down, planting his lips on mine. The mood was shifting. "Maybe I looked a little," he breathed, and pushed me on my back.

"Did you like what you saw?" I asked, trying my best to sound seductive.

"You were near hypothermia, Petal. I had no choice but to take your clothes off."

I smiled mischievously. "That doesn't answer my question."

He smirked. "I'm pretty sure I envisioned you naked on more than one occasion after that," he admitted.

I grinned widely and watched as he shimmied my dress down my hips and legs, leaving me in just my yellow cotton underwear.

He leaned over me, a newfound confidence emanating from him, and removed his shirt with one hand. His stomach and chest were toned and tight, showing just how physical a guy he was. My hands smoothed over the warm skin, running through the light hair on his chest.

After he fully removed his jeans, I pulled him down by his waist. He rested between my legs, settling right where I ached for him. Our mouths found each other's again, as well as our tongues, sending tingles up and down my body. His warm chest against my cold one caused my nipples to harden. A deep groan came out of him.

My fingers roamed down the expanse of his smooth back, until they reached the waistband of his boxers. I slipped my hands beneath and cupped his cheeks, making his hips push against me. His lips attached to my neck, sucking on me hard, his teeth scraping against my skin. In response, I squeezed the toned flesh in my palms, earning an animalistic grunt from him and another hip grind.

"Shit," he whispered.

"You like that?" I asked, my breaths coming out ragged.

"No—I mean, yes," he quickly corrected, and pulled back so his eyes lined up with mine. "What I mean to say is, I just realized I don't have…anything."

I quirked an eyebrow, not sure what he was getting at. "Anything?"

He sighed. "A condom."

"Oh," I said, suddenly downcast. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't." The guy hadn't had sex in over four years. Of course he didn't have condoms on him. "You can get some when you go into Redwood City on Friday."

He frowned for a beat, before looking sheepish. "Or I can go now."

I chuckled. "You want to go to town just for condoms?" I asked, to which he shrugged. "It's only four days away. We can wait." I pressed a kiss to his lips and moved out from under him to pick up my dress.

His hand jutted out, stopping me from throwing my dress back on. "I don't think I can wait four days, Petal," he said, his fingers softly teasing the skin of my arm.

I smiled slyly. "Think of it as a challenge."

His eyebrow lifted. "A challenge?"

"Yeah. Wait four days and have sex with the girl."

"Hmm," he hummed in thought, and rubbed his thumb over my hardened nipple. "That's a good prize."

I moved my face to his. "I think so, too."

He pecked the side of my neck. "What do you win?"

I ran my fingers through his hair. "I've already won my prize."

"And what's that?"

"You."

A/N:

WU was reviewed by SusanQ over at The Lemonade Stand. If you'd like to read, the link can be found on my profile.