9. Everything Changes

Tristan hit the delete button and pounded his head on the desk above the keyboard in frustration. That was his fourth attempt at a reply to the e-mail he'd received from Paige, and each message he typed seemed worse than the last. Why was this so hard? It's not like he'd never talked to a girl before.

"Uh… the typing thing usually works better with your hands and not your face."

He turned around toward the library door and saw Serenity standing there. Grinning sheepishly, he snapped his fingers. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

She snorted and came over toward the computer station where he was sitting. "I couldn't sleep and saw the light on in here and thought maybe Yugi was working all night again."

"Nope. He's been out since he went to take a nap this afternoon. I'm hoping he'll be more himself when he wakes up."

"So what are you doing up?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep either. I thought as long as I was awake, I'd check my e-mails or something, but Duke is crashing on my couch—again—so I came out here to use the library computer."

She came up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders. "No one's been sleeping right since the tombs were desecrated, have you noticed?"

"Yeah, I noticed. I was hoping it was just jetlag, and I guess it's only been two days, so that's gotta factor in. But still, I don't think it's just that. It seems to get worse every night instead of better."

"Well, at least we know it's not because of any Orichalcos stones. Not after scouring the place for them and coming up empty."

"Yeah, I know." He shook his head. "You know, maybe we're over-thinking this. It's probably just plain, old-fashioned grief, you know? I mean after what we saw—" He swallowed, unable to finish that thought, and turned back to face the computer monitor.

Serenity slipped her arms around him from behind, bending down so that her cheek was next to his. "I'm really sorry, Tristan. It must've been awful. Not just for Yugi, but for all of you."

He closed his eyes, settling back into his seat and into her embrace, letting himself enjoy this moment of closeness with her. He knew it probably wasn't the smartest thing; she'd made it clear she didn't want anything more than friendship, and he'd managed to get to the point where he was fine with that. This was pulling his emotions dangerously backwards toward that line, but he was weary and drained and it felt so good to be on the receiving end of the moral support for a change, especially after everything he'd seen in Atem's tomb. "Yeah. It was bad."

They stayed that way a moment longer, and then she released him and he allowed himself a pang of regret before taking a breath and letting it go.

She didn't go far, however; she pulled a nearby chair up right next to his and sat down beside him. "So whatcha looking at?"

"Just this e-mail from Paige."

"Oh." Her voice was uncharacteristically cool, and he looked at her, his eyebrow raised.

"You got a problem with Paige?"

Serenity avoided his gaze. "No, she's fine, I guess."

"But what?" And then a thought occurred to him. "Wait, you didn't get any weird vibes or anything?"

Her eyes widened. "Oh, no, nothing like that."

"Then what? You usually like everyone."

"I don't know. A bunch of little stupid things, I guess. She smokes an awful lot, for one thing. Doesn't that gross you out?"

Tristan shrugged. "Nah, it doesn't bug me. My mom smokes and about half the guys in my barracks smoked when I was in the army full-time. I'm used to it."

"And she's so… I don't know… overenthusiastic. All gushing over Yugi and Joey and everything like some lame fangirl."

"She wasn't gushing. She was enthusiastic, I'll give you that, but it's not like she was falling all over them or anything. She just hung out and talked with us like regular people after the initial reaction."

"She hung out and talked to you, you mean."

He offered her a sly grin. "You say that like it's a bad thing. I thought it was kinda nice, someone noticing me and not just Yugi and Joey 'cause they duel and I don't."

She chewed her lip a moment. "So you really like her then?"

"Well, I don't know about really liking her; we only got to talk for like an hour. But I do like her, yeah. She's nice, and pretty, and we seem to have a lot in common. What's not to like?"

She regarded him thoughtfully a moment. "You tell me. You sound like something is giving you pause."

"You mean besides the fact that she lives over five thousand miles away?"

"Yeah, besides that."

He sighed, leaning back in his chair and lacing his fingers together at his chest. "I dunno. I'm having a hard time figuring out what to write back to her. I think… I dunno. Maybe it's because I can't be totally honest about everything going on here. It's just frustrating, trying to get to know someone new. When we had to go to Egypt all of a sudden because of this huge awful thing that happened to someone important to us, I could only tell Paige vague half-truths. If I'd tried to explain about Atem, she would've written me off as a total nutjob." He looked over at Serenity. "Does that ever bother you, not being able to really talk to people who haven't been around a while?"

"I'm not really trying to get to know anyone new." She sounded oddly guarded. "I like things the way they are."

"Don't you ever wish you had someone who was more than a friend?"

She looked down, her hair falling around her face like a curtain. "I'm not ready for that."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "That's your brother talking. Don't listen to him—he's an idiot."

"Please, you think I don't know Joey's an idiot? He only thinks he has a say in what I do." She paused, her hair still hiding her face. "It's not him, it's me. I'm too young to fall in love."

"You're almost nineteen. Since when is that too young?"

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "My mother was eighteen when she met my father. She was young and stupid, or at least that's how she tells it, and she let love blind her, and look how that turned out."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. "Serenity, just because your mom made a mistake when she was your age doesn't mean you would make the same mistake. I know you. You wouldn't put up with that kinda crap from anyone. And you've got all your friends, too. We'd never let anyone treat you like your dad did. Besides," he said, a wide grin on his face, "no one who was that big of an asshole would bother sticking around long enough to get past Joey in the first place."

"This is true." She turned so that her hair fell away from her face as she gave him a small smile. It only lasted a moment before fading. "But I… I'm afraid of falling in love right now. There's so much going on, and so much I wanna do, like get my medical degree."

"It's not like you have to get married tomorrow or anything. You could just date, you know?"

She looked away from him again. "But if there were… someone special, if there was really something there, I'm afraid… I don't think I could just do things halfway. I think… I think if I really fell in love with someone, that would be it. And that scares me." Her voice sounded small, and he looked at her with concern.

"I wouldn't mind being in love, but you can't really get close to anyone when you can't share about what's going on in your life."

"Maybe you're better off not trying to get together with girls you don't know."

"Yeah, well the girls I do know aren't an option for me," he said pointedly.

She looked down at her hands in her lap. Speaking so softly he almost didn't hear her, she said, "Why can't everything just stay the same between us?"

His eyes widened. "What 'us'? There is no 'us' because you didn't want there to be an 'us,' remember?"

"I'm talking about Paige, okay?" The intensity of her answer came out of nowhere, startling him. "I don't want everything to change because of her!"

He gaped at her, dumbfounded. "What?"

He could tell she immediately regretted her outburst when she turned away from him. "It's nothing. Forget I said anything."

"No, now wait a second, I wanna know what you're talking about. What is going on with you?"

She turned back to face him. "You're like one of my closest friends, okay? And I don't want that to change." She sighed, tilting her head back slightly to look up at the ceiling. "People in relationships get so wrapped up, you know? You wouldn't have time to hang out with me anymore. And there'd be this whole thing about not wanting to be too close so she doesn't get the wrong idea. Everything would change, and I just don't want anything to change between us."

A part of him was flattered that she was this possessive of their friendship, but he was a little annoyed by it, too. "So, what, I'm not supposed to go out with anyone 'cause it might change our friendship? That's not really fair. I wanna date, okay? Even if it's someone thousands of miles away. And what about Duke? He's gone out with lots of girls, and that hasn't affected your friendship with him."

"Duke." She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "He was never interested in me, not really. He just wanted to one-up you, that's all."

Tristan stared at her, his temper rising. "Oh, I get it now. Duke wasn't totally into you and you alone, so he can do what he wants, but me, I really liked you, so even though you're not interested in me, I'm not supposed to like anyone else 'cause then I wouldn't be hung up on you anymore, and it's kinda nice having someone on a string like that, is that it? It's okay for Duke and Joey and Yugi to have relationships, but not me. No, I'm supposed to sit around and pine after you. That's just great, Serenity, thanks a lot!"

Her eyes widened in horror, and her mouth dropped. "What? I… no, that's not what I meant!"

"Then what did you mean?"

"I… I…" She looked panicky. "I can't…"

"You can't what, Serenity? You can't let me move on? Why the hell not? You don't want me!"

"I do want you, that's just it!"

This completely caught him off guard. "You…? Wait. What?"

"You are exactly what I'm afraid of, don't you get it? You are so… everything… and I could so… but I can't, I just—"

He moved forward suddenly, his lips capturing hers and cutting her off. She went rigid for an instant, her hands flying to his shoulders as if to push him back, but instead she leaned into the kiss, setting fire to whatever remained of the barrier he'd built around his feelings for her and burning it to ashes. He pulled her closer, losing himself in her, but then she jerked away. "I can't…."

Very slowly, as if she were a frightened animal that might bolt, he reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand. "Serenity, I'm not your dad. I'm so not your dad that I'm the guy your brother's enlisted over the last seven years to keep him from becoming your dad, so I know what I'm talking about when I say I am nothing like him."

She met his gaze, her eyes large and sad. "I know."

"I would never hurt you."

"I know. It's not that."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"I told you." Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. "I'm afraid everything will change and I'm not ready for it to. Not yet."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. Her breath caught and she closed her eyes, and he had to swallow hard to fight back the urge to kiss her again. He licked his lips, still tasting her there. "Serenity, everything changes. No matter what we do, something's gonna change. I really like you. I could totally—" He shifted in his seat. "I really like you. If you… if you don't wanna be with me, I can live with that, I can. We can be friends and I'll get over it. But if you do… if you have feelings… then I want us to be together. It doesn't have to be serious or anything, just sort of see what happens. But the thing is, either way, things are gonna change. Because if you don't wanna try, if you don't wanna be with me, whatever the reason, I can't stay in this place."

Her eyes flew open. "What are you saying?"

He let his hand fall from her cheek to her shoulder. "I'm not saying we won't still be friends. You're too important to me to not be friends. But I can't stay hung up on someone just because there might be a possibility of maybe someday. That isn't a healthy place for me to be. So we can try or we can forget it, that's up to you, but if you don't wanna try, then I'm gonna see other people. And I don't mean that to sound like a threat or an ultimatum. It's just the way it is. I like Paige, okay? Not like I like you, 'cause I don't know her like I know you. But I think maybe there could be something there, in spite of the distance, and I'd like to find out what that could be. Unless you give me a reason not to."

She closed her eyes once more and tears trickled down her cheeks. "I can't." She was so quiet he almost couldn't hear her. Almost. But he did hear her, and his heart sunk as she repeated her refusal. "I'm sorry, Tristan, I just can't."

He lowered his head and let his hand drop away from her shoulder. "Yeah, me too. I'm sorry too."