Author's Note: Disclaimer: I do not own Wizard101 or any spells or enemies mentioned here. Miguel Spellblade, Talon Skullflame, and Kane Darksword are my characters. Rowan Skulldreamer is my fiancee's character.
This piece is not even a story really, but more of a collection of witty comebacks to the intimidating or down-right ridiculous statements made by the Game's bosses. Not all lines seen here will be used in the stories of the Adventurum, though I may use them in the future if I feel like it. This is entirely for the laughs.
I may hold another Wizardly Wit in the future with more of the game bosses.
Enjoy, and don't hesitate to review. Thank you.
Wizardly Wit
Alicane Swiftarrow: Don't you know it's rude to interrupt a performance? Well, you're just in time, wizard. This is your final act!
Miguel Spellblade: But I haven't even rehearsed yet. Hardly seems fair.
Ata Karanahn: Who are you? I was about to deliver this pitiful Mander to the master so if you are here to rescue this slimy little trespasser, think again!
Kane Darksword: My name is Kane Darksword, and I'm not here to rescue a Mander; I'm here to kick your ass.
Black Widow: The power of my venom will overtake you. Verily, you will become a tasty morsel for my children!
Talon Skullflame: Verily? Did you seriously just say 'verily'? Who says that these days? Is it even a word?
Clanker: Prepare to be broken, kid!
Miguel: You first, señor.
Dr. Von Katzenstein: I'ves got ze brainz an' ze brawnz. You stand no chance!
Miguel: Bronze in what, exactly? Olympic ballet?
Talon: Umm, Doc… you got a little something there, on your jacket.
Ember Everburn: Have you come to challenge me, young Wizard?
Talon: Actually I came to roast marshmallows, if you don't mind much.
Gearhead Destroyer: You will not have this one, wiz-ard. We must return with him to our mas-ter. Resistance is futile!
Miguel: And here I thought I escaped the Borg…
Avalanche: Grrrr... Break your bones with fists like stone!
Miguel: *claps* A poet and you didn't know it.
Flamebringer: Is that a human? One still remains? It must have been overlooked. No matter... it will not be here for long.
Talon: Umm, HELLO! I can hear you, ya know!
Erling the Unready: Have you come to show me the ways of battle? I am ready to learn!
Kane: Your name suggests otherwise…
Eyus Maximus: Intruder! You think you can sneak by unseen because I've only got one eye?
Talon: Actually… yes. I figured it would at least be a bit easier, at any rate.
Eyus Maximus: I'll pound you into putty!
Talon: Figured you'd say that.
Foulgaze: Fool, you dare to defy Foulgaze? As you drift off into the darkness, your last sight will be my face! So be it!
Kane: Considering you don't have one, I doubt it.
Freddy Nine Lives: So, your master sent you to me? All right, then... time to do the dance.
Rowan Skulldreamer: Which dance? Tango? Hokey-pokey?
Freddy Nine Lives: You got lucky. Let's go again!
Rowan: Are you serious?
Freddy Nine Lives: I'll get closer next time...
Rowan: The 'Nine Lives' in your name isn't a play on words, is it?
Freddy Nine Lives: Mylucky coin didn't work this time.
Rowan: Welcome to every gambler's worst nightmare. Are we done here?
Freddy Nine Lives: I won't give up, you got lucky.
Rowan: Determination only goes so far before it becomes a vice, you know.
Freddy Nine Lives: Do you have a rabbit's foot with you? You're awfully lucky.
Rowan: There's a rather thick line between luck and skill. You're missing it.
Freddy Nine Lives: I've had it! You're going down this time.
Rowan: *sigh* Good luck with that, kitten.
Freddy Nine Lives: I need some more Catnip.
Rowan: By all means, go get some. I'll be right here waiting to fight you, again…
Freddy Nine Lives: I shall never surrender.
Rowan: I noticed… After your third loss.
Freddy Nine Lives: Well, I'll be darned... You've done it!
Rowan: Have I, really? Hmm, just when I was starting to get used to it.
Freddy Nine Lives: You're pretty good. That was quite a challenge. Return this coin to your master. You've earned it.
Rowan: I damn well better have, after kicking the catnip out of you nine bloody times. Goodbye and good riddance!
Haru: So you need a key to get through the gate? You'll never take mine!
Talon: Could I have a copy, perhaps?
Helios: I have known an eternity of flame! I am a child of the Sun, and will never bow before a mere mortal!
Miguel: I'm curious; can you bow? That twister of fire doesn't seem very flexible.
Itennu Sokkwi: Begone, little Wizard! You do not belong here; I only fight real warriors. I am a Krok Champion, not a babysitter...
Talon: Well, you have to admit you are fit for the part. All those wrappings would make good diapers…
Ideyoshi: Breaking your spirit will give me more pleasure than breaking your wand!
Kane: Aim for the wand, porky; baby steps.
Hingen: Lili Ma did really well in setting up this ambush. You will not survive this.
Kane: Usually you don't address your victim when you ambush them. Kind of ruins the surprise aspect necessary for an ambush, doesn't it?
Halfang Bristleback: Who break my silent time? Halfang happy to share his misery!
Talon: An emo warthog… What's the matter? Your mud-hole dry up or something? I can get you new mud really easily you know. Don't cry over dried mud.
Jacques the Scratcher: Prepare to be scratched out of existence, Wizard!
Miguel: Qué? You going to give me cat-scratch fever?
Jacques the Scratcher: You, again? Can't believe you found me.
Miguel: En serio, it wasn't that hard pussycat. The evidence practically put a neon sign on your door.
Jacques the Scratcher: Doesn't matter, you'll soon be my next victim!
Miguel: Meirda, here we go again. Don't you learn the first time?
Ivan Soulsinger: The flesh is weak, young Wizard! But don't worry! When I've taken residence in your body, I'll take good care of it. I'll even come to visit you now and again! Ha ha ha!
Rowan Skulldreamer: You, sir, are disturbed. Sick, twisted, disturbed, and perverted. Even for a necromancer. I date men; I don't share bodies with them.
Kanago: Ha! We are prepared! My little piggies warned me that you were coming, Wizard.
Talon: Did they go to the market for their information? Thought I saw one crying…
Kanago: You will never have the Jade Scepter while I still stand!
Talon: I suppose it would be too much to ask for you to sit, then?
Katsumori: You have shown skill to reach me, but this is where your luck runs out...
Miguel: If I got here with skill, why would lack of luck matter?
Khai Amahte the Great: I am the undefeated one, the only, Khai Amahte.
Talon: I could've sworn you had a twin.
King Shemet Djeserit: You must be mad to challenge someone as great as me!
Miguel: Good thing, too, or else it might not work.
Kraysys: Thessse cryssstalsss belongsss to Kraysssysss! Sssecretsss of dragonriding are mine to ussse!
Kane: You're a Draconian. You have wings. What the hell do you need the secrets of dragonriding for? Tips?
Kurogaso: Mandrake roots? You came here for that? I am trying to wage war and create chaos and you want roots!
Kane: I know, right? It's completely ridiculous and pointless; a total time-waster. But I need it for my next spell lesson.
Kurogaso: I'll teach you a lesson...
Kane: Will you now? That'll be a first.
Melweena Smite: A student Wizard wants to try to teach me a thing or two? Ha! Prepare to be schooled!
Talon: Wow, I haven't heard that since kindergarten. Get with the times, ma'am.
Lothin Doombringer: This is no place for the living... You will join me in the darkness of the afterlife!
Kane: Then explain all the rather lively looking Forgotten Clansmen wandering about, please.
Lord Graustark: Is it time already for my afternoon snack? I don't remember placing an order for Wizard, but you'll do!
Talon: Hope you like spicy food; just warning ya.
Maito: In what world do you think you can take me on? Not this one, Wizard.
Miguel: Shall we take this to Marleybone then, señor?
Maglump: Who you be? You not welcome down here! My fish-bots weak, but Maglump no weak! Maglump strong!
Kane: Maglump strong in fish-bot. But Maglump weak minded, and glass breaks easily…
Luska Charmbreak: Don't think you can mess with our gravy train and get away with it, little Wizards!
Talon, Miguel, and Kane: Gravy train? Umm… yeah…
Talon: Do squid even like gravy?
Miguel: Wouldn't it just diffuse through the water anyways?
Luska Charmbreak: You won't leave here alive!
Kane: You don't deserve to be alive, using phrases like 'gravy train'. Seriously, who says that with the expectation to be taken seriously?
Talon and Miguel: I agree!