And here we go again…
Mahou Sensei Negima and all its characters belong to Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this fanfiction hasn't made any profits from it, nor will he ever do.
All other mentioned characters also belong to their respective copyright holders, and don't forget it.
No resemblance between the events, institutions and characters portrayed here and any real life people, situations or institutions, out of the legally allowed parody purposes, is intended.
This fanfic is part of the Negima 101 fanfiction pieces challenge at the TV Tropes Forums. Check it out of you can.
Thanks a lot to Shadow Crystal Mage, Ack Sed, Japanese Teeth and the rest of the gang for their inspiration and support.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CHAMO-KUN: PART 2
A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, long before Chamo became Negi's friend…
Jigglypuff
When Fate finally woke up, he found himself chained inside of a large lonely cell, surrounded by dozens and dozens of anti-magic wards, and handcuffed with the most powerful magic canceling bracelets he ever had seen. He could tell he had been subjected to some major spellwork before that, as well; he felt mostly numb and dulled down.
Most humbling of it all, he could feel the hardened ink of the doodles all over his face. They hadn't bothered to wipe them off.
Still, never losing his temper or his calm, he started to silently plan. He had so much to do. To start all over again. He would need to correct some mistakes this time.
For starters, he would need earplugs.
Nibbler
As soon as they were alone with the unconscious Negi, Chisame sighed in resignation and looked down at the small critter.
"Well, I suppose there's no point on delaying this anymore. Just draw the damn circle already."
Nibbler just stared blankly at her.
"The circle. The Pactio circle. To make the Provisional Contract," she said.
Nibbler only blinked, then looked around for something.
Sighing, the girl grabbed a piece of chalk from a nearby table and tossed it at him. "Looking for this?"
With an eager sound, the little weirdo in diapers jumped up and ate the chalk whole.
"Hey, don't do that!" Chisame told him. "It's for drawing! You must draw the circle with that!"
He made a strange sound, tilting his head aside.
"Here," Chisame handed him a marker down. "Use this instead."
Nibbler craned his short neck up and chomped the black marker right off her fingers.
"No, you stupid thing! It's not for eating! It's for drawing! Geez, I guess I'll have to wake the brat up. He's the only one who can command you around..."
Nibbler had just turned his back on her to begin munching on the carpet.
Then Haruna stormed back into the room, looking alarmed and shocked, closely followed by Chachamaru and Kazumi. A very confused Ayaka and Makie trailed right behind.
"Chiu-chan!" Paru gasped. "Oh God, you're okay...!"
"What?" Chisame had a bad feeling. "Why in the world are you here? Especially you, Chachamaru?"
"Chisame-san, it's... it's about Chao-san," the gynoid started. "She has— She has been—"
Then Nibbler burped, coughed, and loudly puked a white hair bun with some black strands still attached to it.
Horrified, Chisame backpedalled with the other girls.
Vanity Smurf
Asuna tapped with her foot on the ground. "Just get on with it already!"
"Just a smurf, please. I am not smurfing ready yet," the tiny blue man whined while continuing to pamper his face up, looking at it from several angles on the mirror he carried in his other hand.
"Vanity-kun, please..." Negi complained, his arms hanging down in a distressed posture. "We're kinda short in time..."
"I can't do this smurf if I'm unsmurf for it!" the blue thingy shook his head. "Why must you two be so uncaring about my smurfings? Can't you see the beauty of the circle depends on my own beauty? If I can't do it while looking nothing short of perfect, then the whole thing is smurfed!"
He kept on fixing his face as best as he could. Asuna kept on waiting for a few minutes more, but by the time he pulled the makeup kit out, she had enough. "Ehhhhh! How long are you going to take with that?"
"... I just want to define my eyes a bit more smurfingly, " Vanity defended himself.
"Just do it at once or you'll have two very well defined BLACK eyes!" the girl threatened.
Vanity sobbed. "You smurfette! Do you think it's easy, to keep my smurfs about myself with all of you smurfing around the place? All of you taller, curvier, rubbing your smurfness on my face... My poor self respect is smurfed! The current canons of beauty are all smurfed out! Why, in my days, when a Smurf wanted to Sm—"
Asuna just stepped on him, then grinded her foot down. Hard.
She tilted her head aside and yelled, "We need another Smurf!"
They tossed them another blue diminutive man from backstage.
This one grinned at them while holding a box with a large red bow on it up.
"Hee hee heeee!" he giggled madly. "Hello, my smurfs! I can say it's going to be a smurf to smurf with you!"
"Was that a come on?" Asuna doubted.
"Never smurf!" the Smurf said, offering them the gift. "Are you up for a little surprise to smurf the beginning of our partnership?"
Negi smiled while crouching down to accept the gift. "Thank you! You're very kind!" Then, despite Asuna's visible reservations, he opened it up...
Luckily for him, his cute Shotaro face was covered by quite an extensive insurance.
The Liquidator
"Thirsty for the wonders of a world beyond the paltry limits of your everyday reality?"
"I am!" Haruna jumped up.
"Yearning for the forbidden appeal of a secret romance only seen in the likes of trashy prose novels?"
"Y-Y-Y-Yes!" Nodoka nodded with a full body blush.
"Willing to invest for the future with a developing young promise guaranteed to grow up into the man of your life?"
"Oh, hell yes!" Misa put her hands together.
"Deeply, secretly attracted by the black allure of a taboo passionate relationship with the relative you grew up in awe of his many manly prowesses?"
"... You're a damn good salesman," Chao had to admit, her eyebrows quivering around and her legs discreetly rubbing against each other.
"Itching for a good rumble both at the battlefield and under the covers?"
"Of course-aru!" Ku Fei pumped her arms up.
The large dog made of water laughed. "Then look no further! Because I, the always amazing Li-qui-dator, have come to quench your need for an oasis in the middle of a desert devoid of any male companionship! Yes, behold, as I give you our newest sensation, in all his refreshing flavors! THE NEGI!" He grandly gestured towards the shyly shrinking boy on the seat next to him. "And he can be all yours only for the meager price of a Provisional Contract! But of course, true connoisseurs will go for the improved taste of the slightly pricier Permanent Contract! Our operators are standing by! "
Ayaka jumped up and down. "I'll give you a blank check! Fill it with any cipher you can think of!"
Takane sneered while watching from the sidelines. "A true pyramid scheme in the process, don't you think, Mei-chan?"
"... I just bought us two tickets," Mei muttered in embarrassment.
Takane only grunted. "Just remember your Sempai always goes first."
A Tribble
When it all was over, Ala Alba stood all panting and covered in blood over a landscape full of dead little furry critters. The whole of Mahora was literally blanketed by them, up until the lowest branches of the World Tree.
Asuna put her sword down, wheezing heavily, then shot Negi an icy glare. "I told you not to bring it to Satsuki's place..."
He lowered his head in shame. "Sorry."
Grimlock
"Me Grimlock! Me Aniki's sidekick, and leader of Dinobots!" the towering robot dinosaur introduced himself to the girls not in the know yet. "Me make Pactio circle so you kiss Aniki! Then, power!"
Class 2-A stood dumbfounded for a few moments.
Okay, a lot of moments.
"Fine," Zazie finally said.
"Whatever you're going to do, do it quick!" Kazumi pointed at the incoming demon horde. "They are about to break through the barrier!"
Yes, this scene takes place in the final battle of the first Negima anime series. No, I don't particularly care.
Anyway, Grimlock now was holding a tiny piece of chalk in a gigantic (yet diminutive compared to the rest of his body) dinosaur hand.
"Me do circle now! Girls pucker up! Aniki too! Grimlock done in a second!"
Then he leaned forward only to find his tiny T-rex-like limbs couldn't reach the ground.
Undaunted, he just tossed himself down to reach the floor, causing a small earthquake and snapping the chalk by half.
"Me fail! Me broke chalk! Now we can do no Pactio!"
"Ummm..." Nodoka shyly offered him a hand. "... Need help getting up?"
After she lifted him up, Grimlock turned around and began stomping towards the demons.
"You wait here. Grimlock have things to do."
A brief symphony of horrible screams and deafening sounds of violence, not to mention a few scenes that traumatized Fumika for life, later, Grimlock returned to the group fully bathed on demon blood.
"Grimlock do good! Optimus be proud!" he enthused.
"... Can we go home now?" Yuuna pleaded.
Hiraga Saito
"You must be joking," Asuna's voice came out in a throaty growl as she looked at the boy before them.
"I... don't think so, Asuna-san," Next to her, Negi was looking at the boy with a more even mixture of disbelief and sympathy. "I can feel he's being dead serious..."
"I am!" the older boy passionately claimed. "Please, I beg you, just give me a chance! I have lots of experience dealing with magic and helping mages! I'll do anything you want! I only want something to give a new meaning to my life! Since I lost Louise, I've wandered around lost and broken!"
"Yeah, well, sorry, but we only take animals for this kind of job," Asuna dryly insisted.
"But I'm a dog! Louise said it all the time!" Saito fell down to his hands and knees and starting crawling all across the floor. "See? I'm a dirty idiotic but loyal dog! Woof! Woof!"
"My God, you're pathetic!" the girl slammed the palm of her right hand on her face.
"Yeah. That's what Louise used to say, too..." the young man lowered his head sadly.
"Listen, it's just wrong. We can't do it," she said. "It's bad enough we have to share our room with a boy; adding another one, and this one well past puberty, is just—"
"Oh, you don't need to fear!" he quickly replied. "Louise kicked my crotch so many times I've been declared officially—"
"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Negi and Asuna chorused.
"Sorry..." he sighed. "But you won't regret having me around! I'll clean your apartment! Wash your panties! Kill your local dragons! Please! I don't have... anywhere else to go...!"
He started to cry several streams of Pure Manly Tears.
Negi blinked several times, then turned a pleading glare up towards Asuna.
His roommate grumbled while massaging her temples. "I know I'm going to regret this...!"
However, much to her surprise, she had been wrong about it. Saito had proved to be a rather decent asset to their lives. He was polite and humble, as well as useful in fights, and despite having a worrying tendency to accidentally stumble into the breasts of Chizuru, Kaede, Mana and Kazumi, he didn't feel like a load. True, the fact he had started to caught the attention of a few of the students had introduced Negi to the strange and mysterious world of jealousy, a world he never even knew existed before, but all in all, Asuna felt rather happy of counting him as her friend.
However, Saito still wasn't happy.
One night, he told them, "I want to leave."
Asuna was shocked. "You'll leave us? But why? Don't you like being here? Have we treated you badly? I thought we were getting along very well!"
"It isn't that..." Saito sulked with embarrassment. "You two and Konoka-san have been excellent with me. You're the best friends I ever had. It's just... I lack something. You are so good with me... It's exactly that what stresses me! I miss life with Louise! I miss being put down, insulted and oppressed! I can't get that here! Even Evangeline-sama will only sneer at me! I need to look for my own path in life. One where I can, hopefully, duplicate the happiness of those days. Sorry."
"Ahhh...?" Asuna's eyes had become tiny points.
Negi, however, smirked, his hair falling over his forehead obscuring his face. He chuckled in a rather unsettling fashion before saying,
"I see... So, Saito-kun... If I give you a clue of where to find such a life, would you go there and leave Mahora...?"
"Of course I'd do it!" the taller boy perked up. "Sensei! Would you do that for me?"
"Yes" Negi nodded. "Yes, for you, I would..."
One month later, at London.
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" Anya Cocolova was rubbing her wet red hair with a towel, stepping out of the shower wearing only a pink bathrobe and bunny slippers. "Sheesh, this better be good! These aren't hours to visit!"
She pulled the front door open, scowling at the visitor. "Yes? Who are you?"
The black haired boy wearing jeans and a blue and white sweater smiled at her. "Hello! My name is Saito. I'd like to know you better."
Then he accidentally stumbled ahead and fell on top of her.
Motsu and Shichimi
"I'm sorry," Akamatsu-sensei shook his head sparsely.
"What do you mean with 'I'm sorry'?" the frog-like thing asked.
"I don't mean to offend, but I don't believe you are what we are looking for in our franchise's pet, " the mangaka politely said. "I'm sure you two have talent, but I don't think it leans in the direction we are aiming for. My apologies. If you want, I can arrange an appointment with Kumeta-sensei for you."
"SHOCK!" Motsu screamed in exaggerated Engrish. "We've been insulted! You'll hear from our lawyers! You have just discriminated us! You said our talent wasn't good enough for you!"
"Let it go, mya!" the cute fluffy kitty thingy next to him waved its tail around. "I'm sure he has his reasons, mya..."
Motsu shook a scrawny fist around. "This won't end here, Akamatsu Ken! In the end, we'll star in this show, one way or another! You haven't heard the last of us! Someday, we'll steal the spotlight away from whoever you choose for this paltry job, and then we'll see who has the last laugh! In a good way!"
Assistant Amagasaki Chigusa cringed as the sound of the door being slammed shook the whole room, then turned her head towards Akamatsu. "Do you think he has the connections to make good on that threat?"
He laughed it off. "Don't be silly. Who would ever think putting them in a show could be a good idea?"
Hobbes
"And then Hobbes will finish drawing the Pactio circle, we'll kiss in the, um, mouth, and you'll be granted fantastic magical powers," Negi uneasily said. "I know it's, ahhh, very awkward, but I'm afraid it's the only way we have to beat Evangeline-san..."
Asuna fixed a stunned glare on him, then looked at the still, completely silent stuffed tiger sitting at his right.
She slapped Negi and turned around, stomping away while huffing angrily.
Negi whimpered in pain and looked aside at Hobbes. "Why won't you ever talk to them...?"
The tiger shrugged his shoulders. "For some reason I always get stage fright at the last moment. Why don't we try with Nodoka again? Maybe she won't faint this time."