Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.

Note: Thank you for reading. Sorry it has taken this long. Also, if you're interested, I am posting a Jasper POV one-shot about the moment he saw Alice. Enjoy!

"Peter, Charlotte, and I spent our time here after they rescued me from Maria."

His voice reverberated through his chest, making the sound louder than it would have been if I wasn't pressed against him. I stared at the kitchen as I processed the information. Rescued; he never used that word before. All he said was that he followed the lead of Peter and Charlotte and left Maria. I remembered that tidbit of information like it was yesterday because, while I let myself lose memories of my past with my mother, I didn't let myself lose anything I learned about my husband.

"You followed..."

"Their lead, yes."

"But they..."

"Were there," he finished for me again. "They came back for me. I had already begun suffering from Maria's," he took an unnecessary breath, "power. I told you I was growing depressed. I couldn't continue to kill newborns anymore, yet I did. I did it because of her."

I pulled away from him and took a step back. He was staring at the unlit gas fireplace but wasn't seeing the logs sitting inside. His eyes were far away, remembering a past that was just as solid as this moment. I tried grasping onto it, but it wasn't real for me like it was for someone who lived through it. All I could do was see the fading pictures of my history textbook.

I reached for him, letting my fingers softly fall down his forearm before embracing his hand. Taking deliberately slow steps, I pulled Jasper to the brown leather couch. With my free hand, I lightly touched his jaw to bring his focus back to me.

He was ashamed. Not only could I see it in his posture, I could feel it whirl around me. I shook my head as a sheepish smile fell onto my lips. "You loved her."

Startled by my words, Jasper shook his head. "It wasn't love. I finally learned that when I met you."

"You are so cheesy," I joked, trying to lift up his spirits.

"It was manipulation and lust," he said, continuing on. "From the moment she sunk her teeth into me, she had me. I was just too stupid to see that until it was too late."

"But you got away," I said.

"Barely."

"Jasper," I sighed, "if it was barely, then we wouldn't be talking right now and you wouldn't have met the Cullens. And you most likely wouldn't have let Peter and Charlotte take you away."

Jasper sighed. "After Maria changed me, I tried to get a grip on what was happening. It wasn't working because a newborn cannot process much more than finding food and fighting to keep it when in the company of others. Do you want to know how I did overcome it?"

I nodded.

"About a year after I was changed there was a fight. I will not explain the details, but I will say I won it by ruthlessly killing twenty other newborns. Not only was I awarded with a fresh kill, I was awarded with sex. I later learned she had her eye on me from the moment she saw the blond human on the horse and was just waiting for the day when I showed her I was ready. The whole experience was different, but good. Never had I felt like that. After a couple of months of showing her all of my abilities, I was moved up to be by her side.

"I ran her newborn army the way a drill sergeant weeds out his new recruits, the only exception being human recruits don't get their necks snapped off and thrown in a pile of body parts to be burned.

"For decades, I stayed there. I helped her kill her fellow leaders. I helped her kill other leaders with newborn armies of their own. It was ever the same. Even when Peter, a vampire who was also picked by Maria to be a part of her special servants, started becoming disillusioned with the whole process, I continued to use what the devil gave me in order to help the power hungry succubus.

"Then Charlotte showed up and changed everything for Peter. She broke the spell of the newborn bloodlust in record time, one of the few I've seen do this, you included."

He stopped and squeezed my hand. I squeezed back and nodded for him to go on.

"Peter fell in love with her and began a relationship far different than mine. I understood the infatuation because it was the same for Maria and me. But I was wrong. When Peter started talking about leaving the army with Charlotte, I realized this.

"Before Charlotte, if someone asked me if Maria and I would still be the same without the army, I would have said yes. She respected me and I her. We talked about things, albeit they revolved around the army even if it was just something as simple as the weather, but I would have protested with falsities about how we cared for each other. After Charlotte, I saw that what Maria and I had was called convenience and lust. She had power over me in a way I was never going to crawl out from under.

"It was Peter's job to kill Charlotte when Maria saw how horrible the other woman was at fighting. They left that night after asking me to join them.

"I never told him how I could feel the last second realization and pain of a vampire's death, but Peter noticed. He saw how my job was slowly killing me. And it was. I can still feel them. Each individual emotion from each individual vampire. He wanted me to break my ties with Maria, but she held so much power over me I couldn't gather the courage, or, as Emmett would say, the balls, to leave.

"After that, Maria and I started drifting apart. She was more than a little upset by my inability to stop Peter from running away. It fueled her obsession for mayhem and power. I was no longer jaded. My fall back to reality hit me hard, and if Peter thought I was depressed before he left, he should have seen me then.

"The emotions I was getting from the newborns fueled the hatred I had for myself. I tried to be mad at Maria, but I couldn't. She never put on a different face for me. She was a manipulator, and she manipulated me. She had obsessions, and she shared them with me. She was domineering, and I was always her willing servant.

"I couldn't die, and it wasn't for a lack of trying. I never considered trying it by my own hand. Even though I was in Hell, I still thought my soul might find redemption, so I couldn't soil it more by committing suicide. I tried letting the newborns take over that job, but every time they came for me, my instincts took over and I stood victorious.

"Finally, thank God, I grew numb to all emotions. I thought I could do it after that. I thought life would be easier. It wasn't, of course. When my emotions went numb, everything slowed to a stop. I don't know how long I was there, going through motions without thinking, being with Maria without feeling the pleasurable end, and seeing Mexico in black and white.

"Peter found me near the Eastern Texas/Mexico border. Maria found another person to pleasure her once I started on an unchanging routine. Despite the state I was in, I knew my time with Maria was slowly coming to a close and soon I would get what I wanted. Although, I was sure she would keep me alive just to play with me."

He stopped talking. A small smirk appeared on his face, and I my eyebrows scrunched together. He shook his head. "I guess I still had hope. I hoped for Maria to bring me face to face with the elusive Death.

"That's how Peter found me. It was coincidental only in the fact that he thought I was still in Mexico. The words they spoke are not important to my story because I focused on their emotions. I grew sick. It was like a kid eating too much candy on Halloween. I couldn't take the positive, the sweet, the comforting. I lashed out at them. No, that's a lie. I lashed out at Charlotte. What should have been a death blow for going after someone's mate was only a hard punch that sent me skidding across the dirt."

This time Jasper smiled and leaned in to place a kiss on my forehead. He let go of my hand to pull me close to him. If crying was possible, I would have cried then. Instead, I moved onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me while I laid my head on his shoulder.

"He saved me. Moving when no humans would take notice of us, we fled up the Mississippi. We reached Canada within two weeks. Since escaping, Peter and Charlotte became nomads as many vampires were and still are. I persuaded them to stay at a cabin I found. It was," he squeezed me close to him, "inhabited by a family with small children."

"You didn't..." I whispered.

"I still hadn't become a vegetarian, Alice. At the time, I thought changing my scenery and getting away from Maria would rid me of the feelings I experienced when a person's final moments came. I was too hungry when we killed them to care about anything else. After that, I was too much wrapped up in getting used to my new life. I realize that is not an excuse for killing a child, but that's who I was. That's who you married."

"I understand," I said, swallowing back the disgust. His words were true, but whenever I pictured him before he came to live with the Cullens, I never thought of him killing innocent children.

"It only took Peter and Charlotte six months to get bored of the lifestyle I was gravitating toward," he continued, his arms still holding me tightly as if he was afraid of losing me over this information. "When they left, I was fine. When they came back for a visit a decade later, I was back in my depressed state.

"When they were gone, I killed for food like I usually did. I didn't count on feeling their last moments more than I ever felt the newborn's feelings. It could have been because the humans knew what was going on where as the newborns had another, more powerful, feeling overtaking them. I tried to do it in their sleep. Most of them woke up, and, if they didn't, their bodies knew instinctively how to react. It drove me mad, so much so that I stopped eating until my body couldn't take the craving. That was worse because then I went overboard.

"I was back in a stupid cycle. Peter saw this life was also not working well for me. First, he suggested getting a mate. After I scoffed at that, he told me about the Cullens, a family who fed on animals. I scoffed at that as well. We got into an argument that night, and he left.

"It took me five years to finally allow myself to consider the possibility that I could be happy. It was 1955 when I found the Cullens. They were living in Maine at the time. Esme took one look at me and smiled, and for the first time since I was changed, I felt I had come home. She still reminds me so much of my mother.

"She died five years before the start of the Civil War. I'm still surprised I can remember her with as much clarity as I have."

"Don't you feel better?" I asked, basking in the comfort of our embrace.

I could feel his lips brush the side of my head. "You're not scared of my past."

"No," I answered even though it was far from a question. "I feel closer to you because of it. So, where are Maria, Peter, and Charlotte now?"

"I don't know what has happened to Maria. I'd imagine, if she's still alive, she is continuing some sort of hope for war. One would think the Volturi put a stop to that years ago and finished her off. They don't appreciate it when humans find out about our existence, and that was where Maria was headed.

"As for Peter and Charlotte, they come by every now and then. They respect our vegetarian pact and stay away from the town when visiting.

"And this place is the second cabin to be placed on this spot. I had it built two years after the first one burned down. I come out here at least twice a year. I haven't told anyone about it, and if Edward has gotten the knowledge about where this place is from Peter or Charlotte, he hasn't let me know."

"So, he could know where are."

"Most likely, but once Rosalie and Emmett get back to them, I'm hoping he'll realize we need to be alone."

"I...hope..." My words started to fade from my lips as I caught the sound of a motor. It was a decent distance away from the cabin, but I could hear it as clear as if it was coming from the front yard. For the second time since we sat on the couch, Jasper squeezed me to him.

Snowmobile. It was a snowmobile driven by a human with warm blood I could now smell. I closed my eyes and let out an excited growl for what was obviously coming my way.

"Alice, you're going to have to stop thinking about it," said Jasper loud and clear behind me.

"I can't," I said, opening up my eyes and realizing I wasn't going to pass this test. I already tasted the liquid my body craved.

"You can because you're better than me. I'm going to let go, so I can tell Martha to leave. You're going to do whatever it takes to stay inside and away from her. If you can't, go out the back and find an animal. Do you understand?"

"Martha?"

"Alice, do you understand?"

"Yes, but—"

"She cleans the place. I forgot to tell her we'd be coming."

"Oh."

Jasper took that moment to let me go. I stood up and walked to the back door as he walked out of the front, just in case. Before Jasper could say a word, my instincts took over and a large breath brought Martha's sweet blood taste over my tongue. I was surprised how my body responded to hers compared to an animal. I could already tell it was going to be smoother, the skin around it saltier, the whole experience better than anything I ever had before and will have again.

A foot stepped toward the front door and my hands flew up to my mouth and nose simultaneously. I wasn't going to let this bloodlust take over. I wasn't going to become what Jasper hated, or, at least, I wasn't going to become something Jasper might have to kill. I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn't do that to him.

My other foot stepped forward, and I shook my head. I couldn't believe how hard it was to fight for control over my body. The pull to become the vampire I was supposed to be was so great, I could think of nothing but blood and see nothing but red.

"Jasper," I barely whispered as I tried not breathing. It was too late, though; the scent was already in every vampiric cell. "I'm not going to make it."

My feet rushed toward the front door. I saw it open and Jasper's emotionless face. I heard the snowmobile start. Not even trying to stop myself, I ran into Jasper's chest. It sounded as if a bat was cracking against a baseball, but it was louder than the crack of thunder.

"Don't hate me," I said, my voice muffled by my hands.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me while he shuffled us back inside. "I could never hate you even if this moment took a turn for the worse."

"That was worse."

He just held me and continued to chuckle.

8888888888

A month passed by before I knew it. During that time, Jasper and I got used to each other. He learned to accept that I could be whiny and then manipulative when I didn't get what I wanted. I learned he needed a couple of hours a day in silence or else he'd become cranky. We both stayed away from town, and I went out almost every day to feed to make sure I stayed me. Jasper told me I didn't need to go out that much, but then I whined and he gave up.

We both kept working on my ability until the day came when I didn't get a headache from focusing on one subject for too long. That day I saw Jasper in town talking on a pay phone.

"Don't tell her about Martha please."

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up from his book.

"You're going to be on the phone in a couple of days and," — I paused to see Bella sitting in Edward's room — "yeah, Bella will be there. So, don't tell her about Martha."

"You didn't do anything to talk about."

"We both know that isn't true."

"You're not going to be there?" he asked, changing the subject.

"No. I'm not strong enough. You'd have to kill me to stop me, but you won't. You've made that decision already and you'll never change it."

He looked back at me with sad eyes that were stuck in a scenario we both never wanted to happen. "I can't."

"I know," I said, smiling.

The next month slowly passed by once I found myself making a decision to go into town with Jasper. It was hard, but when I stepped close enough for my vampire senses to start going crazy, Jasper grabbed onto my hand. From there until we got to the pay phone, our steps moved in a tolerable pace and my mind was occupied more with thoughts of home than the humans surrounding us.

At the pay phone, we continued to stay near to each other as Jasper talked with Esme and Emmett. Then it was time. Finally, after months of only being able to see Bella, I was going to hear her.

"Why don't you ask her yourself," he said once Bella picked up the phone at the Cullen's.

I took the phone from him. Last time Jasper talked to her, he said she missed me. Did she change her mind? Did she lie to him? Was I going to get reamed for not contacting her before now? Did she hate me for starting on eternity without her?

"Bella," I said, giggling her nervousness away.

"Alice, is that really you?"

And just like that, everything fell into place again.