Peach's Toad Brigade lead the way to the area where Peach was to be tested...the Mostly Harmless Forest. It was an a very small forest, only a few acres wide, and it was inhabited by some hostile, but fairly weak creatures. The worst thing one could run into would be a grumpy Koopa Troopa, but there wasn't anything that couldn't be handled with a punch or a kick.
"Okay, princess!" Mario announced. "Just show us that you can walk through the forest! We'll be waiting on the other side!"
"This'll be no problem," chuckled Peach. "I'll see you all in a few minutes!"
With that, Peach marched into the woods, happy and proud. The trail was well-lit and most of the creatures hid from her in the bushes. A few Goombas charged her, but she calmly batted them away.
Above everyone, a single smiling cloud floated in the blue sky. But this was no ordinary smiling cloud...it was a Lakitu's cloud! And this was no ordinary Lakitu's cloud...Kamek and Bowser were hiding in it!
"Magikoopa in this cloud," whispered Bowser, "cast a spell and make me proud!"
"You know, your orders really don't need to rhyme," muttered Kamek.
"It's more fun this way!" Bowser argued. "Now cast your spell!"
"Alright," said Kamek, raising his wand. "I believe I shall transform the harmless Goombas and Troopas inside into hideous abominations. Any specifications?"
"Eh, lava and monsters, whatever you think would be effective," said Bowser. "I'm giving you creative control over this one. I'm just in a good mood today, ya know? Must be the weather."
Raising his wand, Kamek zapped the forest with his weird circle-triangle-square spell.
While the exterior of the forest remained the same, the groves inside immediately became darker. Eyes poked out of each corner, glaring at Peach. She gulped a little and continued walking. The exit wasn't that far away...
Suddenly, the grounds opened up! Peach found herself gazing down into an abyss of steaming lava.
For a second, Peach was too shocked to move. This had really come out of nowhere. Then, just as she was about to run, a huge face emerged from the lava! It was a Blargg, a lava-dwelling dragon. Not only were these creatures dangerous, but this was one of the biggest Blargg's that Peach had ever seen!
"Peeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaach..." it groaned, as its long neck stretched up to the top of the pit.
Peach screamed and dove out of the way as the huge beast took a bite out of the ground where the princess had just been standing. Angered, the Blargg roared as loud as he could, shaking the whole woods. Swoopers (the Mushroom Kingdom's answer to bats) few out of the trees.
Thinking quickly, Peach managed to snatch a few Swoopers by their feet and was lifted off the ground, out of the Blargg's reach. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned to see that the Swoopers all seemed to be heading towards a large, pale tree that seemed out of place, even in the darker version of the woods.
Suddenly, the tree began to morph! Where it once stood was now a huge ghost, the Atomic Boo! The ghoulish monster began to inhale all of the Swoopers heading its way. The bats did not resist a bit, but let themselves disappear into the darkness.
Peach screamed again (can you blame her?) and let go, landing on the soft dirt. Actually, her landing really hurt for a woodland floor. It was then that Peach realized that she had not landed on dirt or grass at all, but on gravel. What was gravel doing in the woods?
The ground rumbled and Peach was thrown off as the "floor" rose above her. She had been sitting on the back of a Whomp, a huge monster made of stone!
"AAAARRRRRGGGG!" yelled the Whomp, and threw himself on top of her.
...
From the skies, Bowser and Kamek watched the forest. Nothing seemed to be happening. It looked like a tranquil grove of trees, perfect for a picnic.
"What's going on?" whined Bowser. "How come I can't see anything?"
"My spell changed the inside of the forest," explained Kamek, "but the outside looks normal. After all, if Mario could see what was going on in there, he would rush in himself and save her."
"Think we're cool, then?" asked Bowser. "Let's go home."
"Don't you want to wait and see what happens?"
"Nah, I'm bored. Besides, if this fails, I'll just blame you."
Kamek gulped. "Er, we really should wait a while..."
"I said I'm BORED. You don't wanna go insulting the most powerful person in the kingdom!"
"But it we just waited another moment, we could..."
Bowser snarled and turned the cloud around back towards Darkland. Kamek looked back towards the woods with a worried expression.
...
The Whomp raised himself off the ground again to reveal a flattened Peach. Although she looked rather comical, it was also obvious to the creatures that she was in intense pain.
"Ooh, that almost worked," giggled the Atomic Boo.
"Gonna crush her again," grunted the Whomp.
"Peeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaach," groaned the Blarrg, looming over the princess.
"You no eat her!" shouted the Whomp, punching the Blarrg in the face. "Me crush her!"
The Atomic Boo laughed wildly as he watched the Whomp and Blargg fighting. "You morons! I know who's really gonna get her!"
The Whomp and Blarrg stopped fighting for a moment to see that a rocky hand had reached out of the ground and was clutching the limp princess. It was a Bouldergeist, a rock creature even more dangerous than a Whomp.
The Bouldergeist tossed Peach from hand to hand, as if contemplating what to do with her. Before he could really do any damage, the Whomp and the Blargg were upon him, beating the monster senseless.
The Atomic Boo rolled around in the air, cackling madly. Never before had he and his former Goomba and Troopa friends had this much fun! No longer were they victims! The laughter stopped when the ghost looked up to see that Peach had managed to crawl away from the battling beasts and was headed towards the woods' clearing.
"She's getting away!" shrieked the Atomic Boo. He turned back to his cohorts to see that they had defeated each other-Whomp broken in half, the Blargg was unconscious, and the Bouldergeist's rocky outer shell was nothing but rubble, revealing his true form...a small, red ghost that resembled a floating uvula with a smoggy head and glowing eyes.
"You buncha boobs!" cried the Atomic Boo, smacking what was left of the Bouldergeist. Racing as fast as he could, the Boo flew after Peach who was almost out!
Peach escaped just in time. As she weakly crawled out of the woods, the Atomic Boo dove to tackle her. However, Kamek's spell had only been for the woods. The second the Boo left the magic's boundaries, he turned into what he had been before, a harmless Goomba.
Mario gasped in terror at what he beheld. There was his beloved Princess Peach, being stomped on by a Goomba! With a cry of rage, Mario kicked the Goomba back into the woods and knelt over Peach, who had passed out.
"Poor Princess!" cried Toad.
"I should have seen this coming," Wooster said to himself.
"That settles it," said Mario. "I love Peach, but if she can't handle a Goomba, there's no way she can last while I'm gone."
"But wherever can we send her?" asked Toadsworth. "Most of our neighboring communities have problems of their own. Hyrule is out of the question, Dream Land is a bad idea, Kanto is..."
"I think that we should send her somewhere where people are used to defeating Bowser, too!" said Toad.
"Me and Luigi are already going to Yoshi's Island," began Mario.
"No, no, no!" Toad cut him off, jumping around excitedly. "You know those kids? The ones who can warp here through books or some other stuff like that? Why not send Peach there? They've beat Bowser so many times that he starts to look pathetic!"
"You really think that a few kids can protect Peach?" Mario asked.
Toad stopped jumping around and suddenly looked depressed. "Mario, they're pretty much the best chance you've got on short notice next to us."
Without saying another word, Mario picked up the unconscious Peach and set off towards the nearest warp pipe.
The Mostly Harmless Forest wasn't intended to be a "Hitchhiker's Guide" reference, but I guess the term "Mostly Harmless" was stuck in my subconscious or something and I only realized it after I had typed it.
While I'm neutral on Bouldergeist and Atomic Boo (also known as Big Boo), Blarggs and Whomps are two of my favorite Mario enemies.