Chapter Five: Confession

He didn't know what to do. He had no idea what to say, how to respond … he wasn't even sure if he should say anything or not.

Ashura …. Chaos. Fitting. Every time he heard that name, it seemed that there was chaos hidden behind Fai's eyes. Something stirring deep inside of his soul … like a caged animal, wanting more than anything to be set free.

And yet, Fai was more like a wounded bird who had lost it's will to fly. And so, Kurogane held him as he tried to pull himself together. Ashura … Of course Kurogane knew who Ashura was. He was the king of Fai's world, Celes… Fai had imprisoned him and now he was running, trying to get as far away as possible. Why? Nobody knew. The information that he had was simply bits and pieces that he had gathered from previous conversations.

For the first time, it really occurred to Kurogane that Ashura was real. He was very real, and Fai was very terrified. That much was obvious by the way the blonde still clung to Kurogane's robes, his knuckles turning even paler than normal, and his body trembling with a will of its own.

Kurogane tried to comfort him, somehow. He hadn't realized it until now, but … this was the moment that he was waiting for. Truly, somewhere deep in his heart, he had known it all alone … what he felt for Fai .. It went beyond the boundaries of friendship. It took the line between okay and awkward and picked it up, throwing it into the face of reality and reason. Because what Kurogane felt for Fai had no reason, made no sense, and yet it was the only thing he could see himself holding on to. It was amazing that it all fell into such a small category, such a small word.

Love.

Yes, Kurogane loved Fai, and it had taken him a little too long to realize it. Or had he realized before and simply been too afraid to admit it, even to himself? He didn't know. All he knew was that he was here, now, in the present, holding to himself the man that meant more to himself than anything, even his own life. Tomoyo. Ginryuu. None of that mattered if he could just have Fai. None.

He brought himself out of his reverie and realized that the mage was crying … No, he was sobbing, his small body heaving and seeming unable to control itself. This was bad. This was very bad, and Kurogane didn't even know why.

They stayed like that for what seemed to be hours, and eventually Fai's sobs quieted and he simply rested against the ninja, not wanting to pull back. He was embarrassed at the sudden outburst, angry at himself for letting Kurogane see him like this … But at the same time, it didn't seem to matter.

"Fai."

That voice. The ninja was speaking again … his voice taking on a tone that he didn't think he had ever used. So soft, somewhat soothing. It seemed almost impossible.

The vampire wiped his eye quickly and looked up at the other, blinking the soreness away. "Yes, Kurogane?"

"You … I …" Kurogane fumbled for a moment, his tongue tripping over the words as he fought with himself.

Fai shook his head, stopping the ninja mid-sentence, and the room fell silent. They sat there for at least a full minute or two, simply staring at one another.

Something inside of Fai had cracked, and now it was breaking. It was shattering and falling to the ground with a crash like glass, and only Fai and Kurogane could hear the shrill sounds. He cursed himself for letting his guard down, cursed himself for what he was about to say. But it was bound to happen … it was bound to happen from the first time he looked at him with those damn red eyes.

"I … want to talk," he said after a moment, his voice barely more than a whisper. He was almost surprised that it was coming from his own body, and Kurogane seemed just as surprised.

But then, something happened. A rare occurrence. Kurogane smiled. A small, soft smile, something that made Fai feel the tiniest bit of warmth in his soul. The ice was melting.

"I want to tell you," the blonde continued. "Not now, not here… but soon…. I want …" Kurogane silenced him by tightening his grip on the smaller man. Not a lot, for if he held him too tightly, it felt as though Fai would break.

"Okay."

The word was enough. They looked into one another's eyes again, there was a silence that hung in the air, and then it was as if they were acting as one.

Before either of them knew what was happening, they were moving forward, and their lips were connected. Both felt the lightning as it zipped down their spines, Fai giving a small shudder at the sensation.

Kurogane's only response was to pull him closer, and Fai's grip on his shirt slowly loosened just a bit, gripping onto the robes enough now just to pull the ninja down more.

His heart was exploding, and he couldn't fight it anymore. He was shattered. The mask, the guard, the ice, it was gone. All that he felt was warmth, and the only one that could supply this feeling was him … Kurogane.

They parted, and for a long moment it seemed as though there was nothing more to say. Then, Fai leaned his head gently against Kurogane's chest, and spoke the sweetest words that he had ever heard.

"… Kuro-pon? … I love you."