I am in fact, alive. Went on a trip that was pretty alright except the no-civilazationnessness and no computer thing was gaytarded *shakes head* Anyway, chapter 18! I'm amazed at how far this thing has come! Its freaked me out ever time I've published a chapter with the number over like. 5.
Sorry it took forever! Thanks for reading. Reviews would be most welcome ^_^
"Before I go in, tell me one thing. If you don't, I'm never going to see him again." Sasuke's voice was even, his eyes still and steady. A threat. A threat he knew couldn't follow through on, but a threat all the same.
He and Kakashi stood outside of Naruto's hospital door facing each other. There was a tight silence while the boy let his request hang in the air. Kakashi nodded, watching him closely, his dark eye roaming the other's young face, making him a little uncomfortable. Sasuke pulled his gaze away but his eyes found their way back to the jounin's face again as he opened his mouth to speak again.
"Is there any way to reverse Naruto's memory loss?" Sasuke asked, trying not to twist his face into an anxious frown, trying to hide the way his stomach was churning.
"Sasuke..."
"I don't want any of that padding, just tell me. Yes or no, Kakashi?" Fists at both male's sides.
"Yes."
"How?" Voice nearly calm, a touch of desperation. Sasuke's reply was too quick. Kakashi noticed and sighed. Sasuke begged him silently to tell him. It was the only chance.
"The jutsu I used on him forces the mind itself to suppress all the memories. If forced to, it can also open up again and let the memories out."
"I see," said Sasuke slowly, his fingers trembled against his palm as he uncurled his fingers slightly. "So the memories aren't gone. Just... not accessible. I'd just have to find something strong enough to break the jutsu right?" Sasuke hated the note of nervous excitement in his voice that made him sound like a child, like a child who didn't understand the situation. But he did. He understood so well and that's why he had to find it, the way to bring Naruto back.
"Something like that. But Sasuke..." Kakashi fixed his stare on the boy, bringing the force of extreme caution down on Sasuke in his tone. "Naruto hasn't had the best life. All those memories coming back at once would be enough to break him. If you're even considering trying to do this, you need to be really careful. He could be in so much pain if he remembers it all in one go that he may just decide to stop breathing or Kyuubi could be released. If that happens you'll die. Everyone will. Are you really risking your life, the lives of so many people, for what you had?" Sasuke merely smirked, turning the idea of regaining Naruto's memories over in his head. Who better to do it than him?
"Risking Naruto's chance at being happy?" said Kakashi. Sasuke faltered. "Sasuke. What if you can't get him back? You'll only hurt yourself, you know how strong Naruto's will is."
"was," corrected Sasuke. Yes, was. And because of that 'was' he had to do it. 'Was'; a past tense participle that Sasuke couldn't handle, refused to accept, that made the distinction between who Naruto was then and who he had woken up as.
Sasuke breathed deep and met Kakashi's eye.
"I'll do it in small parts, I'll be gentle and he definitely won't break. But he will come back; I don't care about this 'chance at happiness'. I've already decided," Sasuke said with the familiar confidence that had evaded him since the festival night. Kakashi rubbed his bottom lip with the pad of his thumb through his mask, closing his eye and tilting his head back.
"That's really selfish Sasuke," he replied exasperatedly. Sasuke just continued to smirk.
"What about your other goal in life?" The smirk on Sasuke's face fell straight to the floor.
"...He can wait." Kakashi pulled his head forward until his eye levelled with Sasuke's again.
"Until you have Naruto back?"
"Yes."
"Why?" The question was accusing.
"... Our team isn't going anywhere without another member... that's all."
"Really?" The playful tone was back in Kakashi's voice, implying something more and Sasuke nearly frowned but then the man would know it was true. He kept his expression blank, his mask slipping easily over features as he considered his mentor. Either he had faith that Sasuke would be careful with Naruto or his attention span was much shorter than expected. It was always hard to tell anything with Kakashi. He was so cut up over the Naruto predicament and now he seemed fine. Maybe he was hiding it away and letting Sakura and even Sasuke cry enough for all three of them. In any case Sasuke allowed the teasing to slide.
"Lets go in," said Kakashi, moving aside to let Sasuke through first.
"Hn."
They slid the door open.
…
The hospital room was clinically white and Naruto, Iruka and another man who Sasuke didn't know were inside. The stranger was holding Naruto upside down by his ankles while the blonde laughed wildly.
"Jiraiya sama..." said Iruka uneasily and then shot a concerned glance in Kakashi's direction. From behind, Sasuke felt the other man smile in reply and Iruka's face fell in defeat. Kakashi offered no help and made no comment even as 'Jiraiya' began to swing Naruto back and forth, side to side, Naruto begging half heartedly to be let down through his mad giggles and childish grin of delight. Sasuke felt a pang of something at the sight of that wide smile. It took him a while to realize it was longing. Sasuke almost stuck his tongue out in the face of an emotion so pathetic.
"Lighten up Iruka!" Smiled Jiraiya, throwing Naruto high into the air, roughly catching him under the arms and then setting him down.
"The kid has no childhood, its fine to just play sometimes." Sasuke noticed how the man; Jiraiya, said "has no childhood" rather than "can't remember his childhood". He must be familiar with Naruto's story. The young Uchiha narrowed his eyes and searched the man for a Konoha forehead protector as he was lectured by the academy teacher about the possibility of Naruto's quick reactions not kicking in if he were dropped, but found none. Kakashi bent to his ear.
"He's Jiraiya, one of the three legendary sannin from Konoha," he murmured and Sasuke tried not to be impressed by the title. They listened to Iruka rant a bit longer. He really was quite protective of Naruto. But it was good; he was looking out for him.
"Sasuke." Kakashi's breath tickled his ear and he grunted uncomfortably, making it pass as a response
"Hn?"
"Don't look so sour. He won't trust you to take him places and tell him things to jog his memory if you're not even friends you know." Sasuke scowled and looked down. Friends..
"And how do I do that?"
"How about smiling a little?" The Uchiha was silent and Kakashi chuckled, laughing at his discomfort at the thought of being 'friendly' to Naruto when all they ever did was fight. There were always names and mock put downs even on a good day.
"I didn't have to before."
"This is different Sasuke. Team 7 might be off missions for a while until Hokage sama decides what to do with us, maybe even longer if you're seriously going to take on trying to get Naruto back, provided the Hokage approves, so you may have quite a bit of free time on your hands. Sometimes..." The man tugged Sasuke's hair from the back, making him raise his head to where Naruto, who still hadn't noticed them was trying to get Jiraiya to pick him up again. How young he looks, thought Sasuke.
"... its fine to just play," finished Kakashi.
"Alright! Uzumaki Naruto, discharging today!" The door opened and the blonde woman from the first visit entered. Sasuke and Kakashi made way as she clicked in her heels to the centre of the room.
"Baachan!" cried Naruto and everyone but Jiraiya blinked.
"Baa... chan...?"repeated the woman slowly.
"Tsunade sama, Sannin number two," muttered Kakashi under his breath.
"Jiraiya sama told me his age and that you're actually as old as he is!" said Naruto, his lips stretching into a Cheshire grin.
"Tsunade sama..."soothed Iruka. Tsunade shook her head once and muttered something before lifting her head and taking a breath.
"Did he tell you about he's actually nothing but a dirty pervert hermit, Naruto?" she asked, a pleasant smile gracing her thin lips and Sasuke, still unnoticed, flinched at the similarity it had to Sakura's smiling glare. Not that he'd ever felt the full force of it. Naruto of course missed that and instead widened his eyes at the comment. Triumph was spreading across Tsunade's face as she went on.
"If you're calling me that call him pervy Naruto, go on."
"Ero Sennin," conformed Naruto bluntly, turning to the white haired man, all awe stripped from his face. "I can't believe you're really just an old pervert." Kakashi, Iruka and Jiraiya all brought their palms to their foreheads and Iruka murmured something like "don't teach him things like that" as if Naruto were a small child or an untrained puppy.
"Anyway, enough of that!" Tsunade said clapping her hands together and then taking Naruto by the shoulders, steering him to face her. "Any pain at all? Discomfort?" She didn't wait for answers and lifted the blonde's shirt, her crème burlee eyes sharp and quick. She fingered the patch of skin where Naruto's tattoo that had disappeared overnight should have been. Tsunade turned to Kakashi.
"It only shows when there's been recent activity?" she asked, not unsurely, just making sure. Kakashi confirmed with a curt nod.
"So we probably won't see it again?"
"Probably not." Naruto's face fell a little at the news that his tattoo would not be making an appearance any time soon and then twisted his face around to the window, complaining quietly to himself about his body being too weird.
"So you don't feel strange at all Naruto?" asked Tsunade.
"Nope," Naruto replied, popping the 'p' and moving his body away and into a position where he finally spotted Sasuke amongst the small crowd of "familiar" faces. The blonde waved and grinned as Tsunade took his temperature to be safe. Sasuke offered a half smile in return, the corner of his mouth quirking awkwardly but Naruto seemed happy with it because his smile grew bolder and he flushed a healthy pink. Sasuke moved his jaw back to bite his lip but stopped halfway.
"if you're not even friends..."
He and Naruto had been rivals first, then teammates, then bestfriends and more recently something that resembled a pair of individuals who happened to be the object of each others 'affection'. If that's what it was called between two who fought so constantly, who disagreed on a regular basis. They had formed their feelings for one another through hate. Hate and love grew very close to each other for them; it brought them to where they were. But love is never far from danger. That had brought them to the present situation.
"if you're not even friends..."
Rivals to companions of a different kind. Hate to love. Could they do it the normal way? This thing called friendship?
Doubt was making its way up the walls of Sasuke's throat, choking him a bit. He moved his jaw forward and sealed his lips, clenched his teeth. They had to try. He; Sasuke, had to try. Who better to do it, who better to be with Naruto and help him remember, who better than Uchiha Sasuke? Right?
…
Outside of the hospital, with his hands in his pockets the dark haired boy watched the other walk in front of him with his arms spread out.
"It's so nice to be outside!" said Naruto, pivoting on one foot to face Sasuke and walking backwards long enough to flash a grin. A grin to show Sasuke he knew he was there, to acknowledge his presence, to be polite.
"I mean, Iruka san is so sticky with me and Jira- Ero Sennin is fun but he always came through the window which kinda made me wanna go out even more."
Naruto was chatty just like he always used to be but Sasuke, who knew his behaviour, his patterns that had remained the same in this case, knew. He was nervous and babbly, avoiding important topics and rambling without any real point to what he was saying. Just mindless, meaningless nothings because Naruto had never liked silences. The only acceptable silence was Team 7 silence or Sasuke and Naruto sleepy bedroom silence, tall grass silence, star gazing silence, silence from before when they knew each other. But for Naruto, silence with a stranger was something he couldn't do and that's what they were when it came down to it; strangers.
"Naruto." The blonde moved his eyes, his eyes that moved steady and smooth without skittering or flashing, to his escort.
"Want me to show you Konoha?"
A smile flourished on his sun kissed face and despite Sasuke's feeling that this was a new person, the warmth behind it knocked him breathless. Without restraint he thought, it's not fair that I'm the only one who feels this way. He didn't like the thought very much and tried to dismiss it but it came again when Naruto said, "Thanks."
"No problem," Sasuke replied softly. They walked a bit. Three seconds Sasuke counted before he took a deep breath.
"And Naruto?" Voice rising as he steeled himself.
"Yes?" Polite "yes", not "yeah". It was hard not to notice everything.
"Sasuke is fine."
Blink, blink, and then a small smile.
"Sasuke san?" Still 'san', still strangers. Another half smile thrown uneasily as an offering.
"I guess."
…
Sasuke took Naruto all around the village pointing out everything of interest and everything not of interest because Naruto wanted to see everything and know everything about his home. Sasuke hadn't talked so much about that many trivial things in a long time. The tour took forever. By the time they were done with just the central village part it was past lunchtime and well into the afternoon. Sasuke was tired but the heavy late day sun didn't seem to make Naruto sluggish at all. Still way too much energy for his own good.
Sasuke then he took him to the further out parts of Konoha, training grounds and such. At the mountain where the Hokage's faces were carved Sasuke stood and gazed at it. Naruto asked if before he lost his memories if he had liked this place. Sasuke said no even though Naruto must have liked that mountain side a lot. The place where his stupid, Usuratonkachi face would have been carved one day if Naruto had his way, if he had got his dream. But not anymore. No said Sasuke, not really.
Coming back into the heart of the ever busy village Sasuke sensed two people heading their way. Someone called Naruto's name and both boys stopped to wait for whoever was seeking out the blonde.
"Naruto wait up!" Inuzuka Kiba was eagerly making his way through the crowd with Hyuuga Hinata in tow close behind. As the approached Kiba reached out and clapped a hand onto Naruto's shoulder.
"How are you?" he asked but before Naruto could answer the slightly taller boy stepped back laughing. "Oh right! Right, you don't know who I am." He grinned unconcernedly. Naruto smiled politely but Sasuke could tell he was taken by Kiba's energy and friendly touch after spending the majority of the day with Sasuke who despite his best efforts, couldn't touch his friend or bring himself to be out of character friendly.
"Inuzuka Kiba, Konoha Genin, Team Kurenai," said Kiba proudly and inclining his hooded head slightly.
"And this, is Akamaru," he continued when his always constant pup was revealed with the bow. The small white dog, just in Sasuke's eyesight but not in Naruto's, perched atop Kiba's head yapped loudly in greeting making Naruto jump and then rise onto the balls of his feet to get closer to the noisy creature. Kiba grinned as Naruto marvelled. He then flicked his sharp canine eyes over his shoulder to Hinata who was standing near him; one step back and another in behind.
"Hyuuga Hinata, same rank, same team," Kiba said, jerking a thumb casually at the quiet girl who didn't seem to mind the gesture that Sasuke would have found somewhat rude if it had been him.
"Naruto kun, Sasuke san." She bowed her head low, shuffled her feet and blushed when Naruto looked at her.
Two new friends for Naruto. He barely even needs me, thought Sasuke as the small group moved out of the coming and goings of the street. Kiba and Naruto stood together while the Inuzuka boy told Naruto of how the two knew each other and the mischief they plus Nara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji had gotten into in their academy days. Hinata and Sasuke stood side by side observing Naruto revel in the details that the ones close to him hadn't been able to bring up. The blonde was a puppy, lapping up all Kiba could give. Sasuke watched them with annoying, ugly jealousy.
"Pal-y aren't they?" commented Sasuke flatly and Hinata jumped at the sound of his voice.
"Y-yes," she agreed, turning her body towards the conversation. Sasuke continued to frown darkly at Naruto and Kiba in particular, both who saw nothing.
"Why is that?" he asked her without trying to hide the bitter ring to his tone. Hinata was quiet and safe. She wouldn't judge him and with those eyes of hers...She kind of gave the impression that she saw everything. He didn't hide because she would see it anyway. A safe stranger. With her being strangers was good. They may never talk again but for now she could see and hear all and wouldn't tell. Safe.
"Why...?" Sasuke repeated.
Sensing it was a question he wanted an answer to, Hinata loosen the arms crossed over her body and opened her mouth; herself. They were safe together.
"In the academy Naruto kun and Kiba kun were friends but once we all left you kind of took over all the friendship positions. Naruto kun has no memories and I think Kiba kun might be trying to take his chance to have Naruto kun as a friend before you and him grow close again," she explained, stuttering in several places but not too badly. Sasuke was silent and Kiba and Naruto kept on talking, blissfully unaware of the cold in Sasuke's dark eyes.
"So Naruto kun doesn't remember that he likes Sakura san..." mumbled Hinata quietly, clearly not realizing she had spoken aloud. The safety shattered when she smiled a tiny smile and Sasuke read beneath it.
"So Naruto kun doesn't remember the he likes Sakura san..."
"So Naruto doesn't know who he likes..."
"So Naruto doesn't have someone he has feelings for right now..."
"Who gets Naruto...?"
Automatically Sasuke curled his fingers inward and grit his teeth.
Me. I get Naruto.
He glanced up to see Kiba with his arm over Naruto's shoulders. An innocent enough action that sent a sick wave of envy that Sasuke was unaccustomed to washing over his subtly trembling body. His thoughts were wild and raw now that the one who could always read him, the one who he now had to smile and act for wasn't watching him, knowing exactly what was on his mind. Three words had made Sasuke possessive and angry. No, not just three words, words were barely anything, just sounds without real form. Not just those three words alone. Three words and a fatal night, a fatal... kiss. He struggled for his mask, his perfect porcelain mask. Finding it just in time he took a moment to try and right himself. It wasn't happening, the world shook slightly, his hands still trembled. He took another moment, until he could be sure that it would be quiet words that would leave his mouth. His hands still trembled.
"If Naruto fell for someone before he's going to fall again. He's still Naruto," managed Sasuke bluntly. Hinata, becoming conscious of her mistake, flushed a deep shade of red and seemed to be fighting back tears of embarrassment. Sasuke nearly apologized but the he could taste blood in his mouth.
"Naruto."
The blonde turned head and when their eyes met Kiba and Hinata were gone but the hotness on the palms of Sasuke's trembling hands remained, the horrible swoon of his insides. His heart raced and then, he ran with it. He swung around and without warning ran, looking into Naruto's eyes as long as he could. To say goodbye or beckon him after him, Sasuke didn't know. He seemed to be running a lot lately. Naruto followed him and another sick angry wave crashed over Sasuke as Naruto yelled his name over and over.
"Sasuke san! Sasuke san! Sasuke san!"
Naruto chased him with the same determination he had always had and it only made Sasuke angrier, more hurt, sicker, pushed him further under the green waters.
"Sasuke san! Hey! Sasuke san! Where are you going? Sasuke san!"
That same determination. And it killed him.
They stopped breathlessly and Sasuke found himself outside of Naruto's room's building. With his hands on his knees he looked up at it. His nearly healed, nearly scarred wounds ached from his heaving back; he could feel the edges along each cut sting sharply, almost see their placement on his back in his mind.
Naruto's house... That little mini home up there... Where it all happened. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
"Sasuke san! What did you say to Hyuuga san? She looked like she was going to pass out any minute now!" called Naruto. Sasuke turned to look at him. He was standing a few paces away looking confused; the red from running on his face made his eyes a startling blue and his weird whiskers dark and vivid.
"Sasuke san? What's wrong. You look kind of..." He trailed off and broke eye contact.
In another world there would be no concern in the way Naruto said Sasuke's name. In another world Naruto grabbed him and shook the raven raggedly into telling him what was up. In another world Naruto called him 'Teme' and made a stupid remark to provoke him. In another world Naruto was rough and could read him. If Sasuke needed to talk about something it would be beaten out of him because he could never come out with it on his own. If Sasuke needed to just leave it, Naruto would be selfish and change the subject to himself or an insult would be thrown, leading them down a different path and just, leaving it. He just knew. They never told each other. Never asked to talk. It was a practiced habit.
In this world Naruto knew little to nothing. In this world he stood and waited. Patient. It was unnatural, infuriating.
A hot flush heightened Sasuke's senses and prickled heatedly at his shins, his neck, his palms.
"Sasuke san?"
Lines and times from when they were Sasuke and Naruto clenched around Sasuke's bone white knuckles.
"Sasuke san?" Too much. The concern was too unsettling. The unhidden worry was so... wrong... so raw, like salt on an open cut, like salt on his open cuts, a pain that carried through to his chest, his laboured breath refusing to slow. It was so... not Naruto.
"Ok Sasuke san, what's with you? Really I-"
A coil inside Sasuke snapped.
He punched him. Squarely in the jaw and sent the blonde boy stumbling backwards. He punched him.
The coil unwound slowly.
Sasuke stood stock still. Deathly still. Ninja still
Shit.
He'd punched him.