Chapter Ten
Kagura was extremely curious at the method Sesshomaru would use to 'asses' Yukito. As far as she knew, the boy was partly youkai in third or fourth generation, the same as Rin. The inheritance showed in his ability to jump high and far. He was also an orphan and lived and helped out in the shrine. The shrine was located high in the mountains so villagers tolerated his presence. Yukito's parents weren't exactly welcomed in the village, seen as dangerous and violent, even if they were a very quiet couple. They died in an accident which could in reality be something different. Yukito had a strong constitution, so he survived in the mountain forests and then the priest in the shrine took him in since he was old and needed help with physical labor.
And that was basically all that Yukito told about himself. Kagura attempted to guess what Sesshomaru would do, maybe use some youkai method based on senses. However, after enthusiastic greeting from Rin, he suggested for them to accompany him on his trip, and to bring Rin's new friend with them. At first, Kagura was appalled by the idea – two women camping in the forest for who knows how long and with men no less – but then she saw through Sesshomaru's plan of isolation and openness at the same time, so Kagura agreed.
And so four of them, with Sesshomaru in the lead, Kagura and Rin in a closed-up wagon with two horses, started on the road around the Western Lands. During the walks between visits to the households of Rin's descendants, all kinds of conversations occurred mostly between Rin and Yukito who talked about all things under the Sun. Kagura watched the youngsters for any inappropriate behavior, but the major portion of her attention was consumed watching Sesshomaru. He rarely participated in discussions, so Kagura couldn't understand how he could form any opinion on Yukito without even talking to the boy. Some youkai method must've definitely been at work. While Kagura was contemplating taiyoukai's behavior she didn't know that she was the topic of the conversation held at the other part of the meadow where the group settled for a camp that day.
"You know, Rin-chan, I wanted to ask you something for quite some time."
"What is it, Yukito-kun?" Rin replied with a faint blush. Was it what she was thinking it was?
"Are Sesshomaru-sama and Kagura-san close?"
"Ha?"
"They don't act like a couple, but there is just something that indicates that they are certainly more than acquaintances."
"Something like what?" Rin asked totally flabbergasted but such development.
"I don't know. Soundless communication, exchange of glances. I admit I don't know much about such things, but something is surely in the air. I saw Kagura-san doing his hair the other day. That's an intimate gesture, however you look at it."
Rin glanced at her older companions. Sesshomaru was lounging against a tree and Kagura was steering something in a pot. There wasn't any tension that prompted them to ignore each other - they seemed to be at peace. "It seems rather unbelievable."
"Yours and mine existence is proof that youkai and human can coexist with each other."
"I doubt Sesshomaru-sama will allow himself to be in such a relationship with a human."
"But isn't going only halfway even more torturous?"
"This is not something I even want to think about, Yukito-kun. Because if you are right, something awful will happen."
Two days later they reached a rather large town where Tanaki's younger sister resided, married to a textile merchant.
"I was wondering," Kagura began in a low voice, after confirming that Rin and Yukito were far enough not to hear them, "did all the men went through your trial to marry girls of your pack?"
"No, I have no say in the choice of the life companion."
"Then what are you doing now is… what?"
"The boy picked my interest."
"Speaking in riddles again, Sesshomaru?"
"He has nothing to his name, not even a house of his own, but he is not angry at the world for not taking him in. He is a survivor, those are rare these days."
"You mean to say, Yukito resembles you? But you are not angry only because you've completely detached yourself from the world." Kagura wanted to add some more insight on Sesshomaru's personality, but her attention caught a stand with combs displayed on it. Her hair had grown below her waist already and it was a constant bother. She fought with it by fixing the long tresses with ribbons, but they were wearing out too quickly for her liking. If only she had something more solid… Before she could say anything, they were lost in the crowd which was unavoidable on a market day.
They were welcomed in Sayuki and her husband's house with bowing from both parties, except for Sesshomaru of course. They were visiting the fifth household so far, and Kagura noted the same tendency in all of them. Sesshomaru was treated with utmost respect, Rin was a relative, Yukito was seen as Rin's suitor with women's giggles covered with their hands, even if the youngsters didn't act like that, and Kagura… She was like a stray dog, nobody knew how to deal with her. And that attitude began to get on Kagura's nerves. But when it came down to it, she couldn't determine her role in the group either. Rin was old enough not to have a guardian anymore, but diminishing from a mother figure to a mere friend was more than disconcerting.
Kagura was quite depressed the whole day, so when she and Rin went to bath, as they did on every opportunity, she didn't hear Rin asking a question that would sore her mood even more.
"Ha?" Kagura uttered, taken back from her land of thoughts by Rin's probing finger.
"I said, I wanted to ask you something, Oka-san."
"Ask away," Kagura responded half-heartedly. Answering questions was the last thing she wanted to do, but she couldn't say no to kawaii Rin.
"What do you feel towards Sesshomaru-sama?"
"What?" Kagura screeched, sinking deeper into the bath, as if that could cover her true feelings.
"It is just you both seem so detached. When we walk or camp, you two always are far from each other, but not on the opposite ends, as if you are keeping certain distance between each other. At the same time, there is no animosity between you."
"We just ignore each other, that's all," Kagura responded with scorn.
"But you do Sesshomaru-sama's hair. When I was little, he let me play with his hair, but when I got ten, forbade it."
"I am sure that if you ask now, he will allow you. He trusts you after all."
"Does that mean he trusts you too?"
"Well, it doesn't mean we can't ignore each other," Kagura grumbled. Sesshomaru's trust was meaningless. Even if she had it, she wasn't treated anyhow special. "Why all these questions all of the sudden?"
"Well, I kinda thought that," Rin started hesitantly, drawing figures on the water, "that you could help me to understand what I feel for Yukito. Compare, you know."
"There is nothing to compare, Rin. Sesshomaru and I… don't have anything, moreover any mutual feelings of that sort," Kagura stated with affected confidence; her words sounded empty, there were no resolution behind them.
"But you must feel something! You are still a man and a woman after all!"
"I'll tell you this then, Rin. If you ever meet a man like Sesshomaru, run! Run for your life, because such a man will never make a woman happy."
"Why don't you run then, Oka-san?"
That simple question of an inexperienced girl kept bothering Kagura till she reached her bedroom. When she entered a whole lot of other unsolved mysteries hit her. On the futon lay three ivory combs, two small and one large, elaborately decorated with crystals, or were they gemstones?
'How could he possibly notice my attention towards that particular stand? And in a crowd no less? Was he listening to me so intently that he turned his head to check why I stopped talking? Is this the reason why I stay by his side or rather am kept there?' Kagura asked herself with a small smile, examining the combs. Beautiful indeed, they will complement her ebony hair perfectly. "Should I ask him to do my hair and put these there? As a sign of my trust?" she said, chuckling under her breath.
"So you trust a youkai now?" came a male voice that made Kagura drop the comb out of surprise.
"You startled me," she muttered in response. "No man can enter a woman's bedroom at night, if he is not her husband. Doesn't this rule apply to you too? Or don't you even consider me a woman?" Kagura shot offended by Sesshomaru's doing as he pleased once again. The next moment however Kagura's eyes widened in quite a comical way when she witnessed Sesshomaru backing out of the room and remaining on the doorstep.
"You haven't answered."
Kagura blinked several times to regain any trace of coherent thought. "What was it you said?"
"Do you trust a youkai now? Or maybe I should rephrase. Do you trust this Sesshomaru now?"
"Well, I will be quite alright if you chop my hair off," Kagura drawled, her eyes looking anywhere but at the youkai in question. She started trusting him a long time ago, it came kinda naturally with everything they've been through. But admitting it to him, seemed like crashing a barrier of some sort. A wall between them.
"Your hair is in its right place. Shortening it will make the combs useless."
"Yeah, thank you for these. But you shouldn't have bothered. I was planning to go there tomorrow morning."
"It was not a bother. You still haven't said if you trust me, Kagura."
"What will it change?" she suddenly blew up, frustrated by the pointless pressure on Sesshomaru's part. "Will you boss me around less if I say that I trust you? Or treat me like an equal? I highly doubt that!"
"You can never be equal to this Sesshomaru."
"Of course, I can't. I am just a human woman, but my lack of physical strength doesn't make me worthless. I have my strengths and if I hadn't, you would've never placed Rin under my care. This much is obvious."
"Indeed."
Kagura's eyes almost popped out once more. Was the great taiyoukai conceding? "Trust doesn't mean respect. So even if I admit to trusting you not kill me in my sleep, it doesn't mean I respect your way of life or your decisions," Kagura proclaimed with a huff. For some reason she wanted to nettle him in any way possible. Her feelings were hurt and she was out for blood.
"This Sesshomaru lost respect even for his father."
"When he fell in love with Inuyasha's mother? Well, I am not even planning to gain your respect, what for? Not to mention I don't have an eternity, and even if I had had one, I wouldn't have wasted it on you," Kagura tormented her offender. Her spirits lifted considerably, so she was on a row and could've said a lot more, if her throat wasn't suddenly squeezed by Sesshomaru who also pinned her down. "What now?" she whizzed, not even attempting to struggle against his hold. She felt no fear, even looking into his screwed eyes that were shining with rage. "Gonna rape me as all other men I encountered? I actually trust you enough not to succumb to that level."
The pressure on Kagura's neck was lifted, but the infuriated gaze was still piercing her. Surprisingly she found it quite attractive, comparing to his usual endlessly empty golden pools.
"You are the most insolent woman I've ever met in my whole existence," Sesshomaru rasped out, breathing heavily. Yes, he looked angry, but Kagura wasn't sure if it was with her or with himself. "I would've killed you long ago without regret, if only your scent-"
"What about my scent? Does it resemble hers?" Kagura asked bitterly.
"It is impossible for two beings to have the same scent." Sesshomaru leaped back and was by the door in a moment.
"Now wait a moment, dammit! What about my scent?" Kagura demanded, jumping up to chase after him and receive her answer whatever the cost. Her oxygen deprived brain thought otherwise however, and she would've hit the floor the world swinging around her, but ended in Sesshomaru's arms, who was quick to come to her aid. "Tell me," Kagura uttered softly, childishly pulling onto his robes. "What is my scent like?"
Sesshomaru placed Kagura onto the futon and waited for her to fall asleep, but it was in vain. She was still pulling on his clothes, this time on his hakami.
"Your scent… is almost perfect. Even if everything you went through: the rapings, the beatings, the loneliness, the strife for bringing Rin up right, your scent doesn't have any stench of hate, disgust, despair or fear. Your strength to overcome hardships is admirable."
"Is this the reason, you despise me? That I am at peace with myself and you are not? Because you don't know anymore why you exist?" Kagura asked with a yawn.
"I don't despise you."
"So you admire me for my strength, but don't respect me?"
"I've never said I don't respect you."
That instantly lifted Kagura's sleepiness. "Have you just admitted your respect for me?" she asked, lifting herself on her elbow to see his face in the darkness. For some reason, she believed she knew Sesshomaru well enough to read his face when he was lying.
"Believe what you want, woman," he threw, heading towards the door.
"Does that mean, you will do my hair tomorrow?" Kagura asked impishly, bathing in the feeling of victory. His assault awhile earlier didn't hurt Kagura in the slightest. She even praised herself for making the great Sesshomaru lose control, even if just for a moment.
"Then I'll chop it off for sure."
Even after Sesshomaru departed, Kagura kept smiling at his little joke.