I'm lad you guys didn't die while waiting for that last chapter. So, for staying alive, I'm rewarding you with another chapter! Isn't being alive swell?

Chapter 17

Brennan had been crying for a little over an hour, when she realized that she would not be able to go through with her original plan. She lifted her head from the steering wheel, and wiped the tears away from her eyes and face with her fingers. She had noticed several women go in an out of the clinic she was parked in front of, like it was no big problem. She only wished that she could do that. Why couldn't she? It wasn't even a baby yet... she didn't even want it.

She reached into her purse that was currently occupying the passenger side, and pulled out the keys she had slipped into it. She put them in the ignition, and turned them to the right, only to be greeted by a sputtering noise.

Brennan felt her heart beat faster, was this really happening to her? She tried to start the car again, but she received the same result. Again. No change.

She really was going insane.

This only caused her to cry harder. She hid her face in her hands, wishing she had never even considered coming here in the first place. If only she had stayed at Booth's apartment. She could be cuddled in his comfy bed with the large comforter, sleeping her troubles away. She mentally cursed the scientific side of her, the one that wanted to rid herself of the baby. The one that had convinced herself it was a completely rational decision, when in reality, she loved her unborn child.

Then why did she hate it so much?

Her own thoughts were confusing her. She just couldn't decide. It wasn't that she wanted to kill the child, she knew that this wasn't murder. But Booth thought it was. This is exactly why she didn't believe in a god, it blurred her vision of the world the way she knew it. As a scientist. It just clouded judgment, got in the way, interfered. As did relationships. This is why she couldn't make the rational decision that she wanted to right now, because of relationships. Whether it was Booth, or her mother and father and brother, she just couldn't end up like her family. She had to keep it.

But she was terrified to.

It wasn't that she didn't want to be a mother, she wasn't scared of it. Or at least that's what she told herself. But what she feared most, was that she would have to relive her painful experience every time she looked at her child. He would bring back memories that she wished she could forget. He would carry a piece of her in him, but along with that came a piece of his father. A man who she wished to never see again. She wished she could forget his face. She wished she couldn't remember. She would never be able to forget with the child around. Especially for the first year. She recalled telling Booth that all babies looked like their fathers for the first year. How she wished that the baby she was carrying right now was Booth's. Not that she wanted to be in a relationship with him, but it would be so much better than what she was dealing with now.

She was still confused by the kiss she had shared with Booth the previous night. She willed that she could go back, and prevent it from happening at all. She knew Booth was sensitive about love, and that he didn't just toss it around. But it was obviously their hormones, right? Her being pregnant led her to feel something that wasn't usually there. Although Angela had hinted that Booth had deeper feeling for her than their strict 'Just Partners' relationship, she had never headed her warnings. Was she right? Did Booth feel something for her that she did not feel for him?

Her thoughts overwhelmed her.

Suddenly, a sharp sound pierced her thoughts. A loud ringing. Her cell phone. She reached over to her purse, and fumbled through her various belongings, looking for her phone which she desperately wished she had silenced. She found it just before it was about to go to voice mail, and quickly pushed the receive button and pressed it to the side of her head.

"Hello?"

"Bones, where are you?"

Brennan froze. How could he possibly know she was out? Did he know where she was? Had he come back from work early to check on her?

"Wh-What? Why?" She stuttered, keeping her voice steady despite the tears streaming down the sides of her face.

"I've been calling my apartment for the past hour! You didn't answer the fifth time, so I figured you left by yourself," She could hear the worry in his voice, but there was an anger behind it, which startled her slightly.

"I went out," She said, wiping her nose with her sleeve, trying to sound cheerful.

"Well, you could be a little more descriptive. You know I said not to go out alone. How'd you even get out of there? You didn't take a cab did you?" he asked.

"No. Well, yes. But I have my own car now," She said, looking out her windshield as she saw tiny snowflakes appear in the darkened sky.

"Where are you Bones?"

Brennan sniffled, trying not to let her sadness show, "Can you come pick me up? My car won't start," She said, getting annoyed with herself.

"Well, I can't pick you up unless I know where you are."

"I'm at that clinic downtown."

"Clinic? Are you okay? Did something happen with the baby?"

"No, the abortion clinic," She whined. She hated how she had to tell him.

She heard no sound for a few seconds. After a long pause of silence, she thought they had been disconnected.

"Booth?"

"I'm on my way."

Click. She was listening to dead air.

How she wished her damn car would just have started. It was bad enough having a breakdown at the clinic, now she had to confront Booth? Her day just got abetter and better.

After about 20 minutes of waiting, she saw the familiar black SUV pull into the parking lot. Booth stepped out of it a few seconds afterward, he hadn't even bothered to find a parking space. He had just stopped in the middle of the lot.

Brennan opened her door, and slowly got out, closing it behind her. She turned, to see Booth walking briskly towards her. She stood still, next to the front of her car. He slowed his pace as he got a few yards away from her, going to a walk. He eventually stopped, near the trunk of her car. She just looked at hi, not really sure of what to do.

After what she felt was enough time to wait, she ran into his arms. She couldn't ignore her pain any longer, it was too much to bear. She rested her head underneath his chin, rubbing his neck with the back of her head. Her arms wrapped around his torso, her fingers cold from the snow that nipped at her exposed skin. She felt comfort when he hugged her back. She squeezed her tight, as if he never wanted to let go.

"I couldn't do it, Booth," She sobbed into his chest.

She could have sworn she heard a sigh of relief from him, but she ignored it. She didn't care if Booth wanted the baby. She didn't. If he wanted it so bad, he could help her raise it all he wanted. Because she would never have the courage to give it away.

Line Break

Once she was back at Booth's place, she immediately felt better, though only slightly. She had been crying silently the whole way home, wiping away tears as soon as they left her eyes. She hated crying in front of people, especially Booth. It was embarrassing. She didn't like showing the vulnerable side of herself to others, it let them know she wasn't all science. Although, she doubted anyone that really knew her even thought that.

She knew Booth wouldn't be going back to work any time today, or at least she hoped he wasn't needed back at the lab or his office. She didn't feel safe being alone right now, especially when it was so gloomy and dark outside.

"We need to talk about what happened, Booth," Said Brennan as she took a hesitant seat on his couch.

"Yeah we need to talk about what happened!" Brennan flinched at his harsh tone, "I can't believe you went there, by yourself! You know I didn't want you wandering about alone, plus your car wouldn't start, and-"

"No Booth!," She said, matching her tone to his loud one, "I mean last night."

She could see the realization in Booth's eyes, as he walked towards her.

"You mean the kiss?" He asked, his head tilted down to the floor.

"Yes," She said, letting her voice trail of at the end of the word.

Neither of them spoke for quite some time. Booth shifted his eyes around the room awkwardly, while Brennan wiggled her feet back and forth along the floor. Just as Brennan thought Booth was about to say something, she jumped to it before he could.

"It obviously shouldn't have happened," She blurted out, pretending to be interested in her hands.

"What?" Booth asked, looking up from the floor.

"I mean, it was just our hormones. We were intoxicated by the situation. It wasn't something that would normally happen, right?"

It took longer than it should have for Booth to respond, or at least she thought so.

"Right," he said, looking down at his feet once more.

Another awkward silence filled the air. It was thicker than fabric, or so it felt. She wasn't sure why it was so hard to talk to him about these things, when they really needed to address it. When she tilted her head up at Booth, he was still staring at the ground. But he seemed to be thinking about something. It surprised her when his eyes flashed up to meet hers, she had been caught off guard.

"Thanks Booth. For everything," She said quietly, but seriously.

"You're not in this alone Bones, you know that," His smile grew genuinely.

"I know."

When Booth sat down beside her and flipped on the T.V., she rested her head against his shoulder, nuzzling his neck like she had done so many times before.

"My back hurts," She said softly, feeling her eyes begin to drift shut.

"You can take the bed again," She felt his left arm wrap around her shoulder.

Booth mentioned something else about work, but Brennan didn't hear. For she was fast asleep, snuggled into Booth.

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