Fate's Decree
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed and Gundam Seed Destiny.
It had been mere seconds but for them it was like the world stopped the moment they saw each other. Neither of them could utter a word. Silence—that was the only thing they could hear as his deep emerald orbs met her amber ones in an entrancing stare.
"Athrun," he heard the girl behind him speak as he was pulled back to reality. He turned to look at Nicola who was rushing her way to him. "My lord, I apologize for stalling you from your escort but I wish to talk to-."
"Ms. Rochefort. Commander Zala." Athrun turned to look at the blonde woman descending the stairs with a small smile on her face.
She's like an angel. She was a natural beauty, Athrun very well knew that, but the things she was wearing including that display of grace and power even as she walked emphasized her superiority amongst the women in the room and that made the blue-haired commander stare in awe at the dazzling sight approaching him. She wore a strapless light blue gown that reached the floor; the folds and shape of which showed her curves. Her gown was more revealing than what she would usually wear (if she did wear dresses) four years ago, her chest showing a bit of cleavage reminding him of how she had developed physically over the years he had not seen her. Luckily, it was hidden by twelve long feather-like designs which were lined with gold that was the main accent of her gown. Her hair was a bit longer than when he last saw her but was still only reaching her shoulders and as usual, the ones on each side of her face were tied neatly by a blue green ribbon. Her neck was bare and the only jewelry she wore were a pair of earrings and bangles which tinkled in her wrists. Athrun realized how much she had grown from the cute tomboy he once, is still, and perhaps forever will be in love with. Now, she was a woman who is a part of adult society.
"Good evening Ms. Attha."
"You look lovely tonight Madame."
"Greetings, Lady Attha."
Athrun could hear the other guests crowding to her as she reached the foot of the stairs. She would smile at them and reply with a simple "Good evening as well," or, "Thank you for the compliment." Cagalli wasn't just the leader of Orb. After the war, she along with Lacus, became one of the most influential people in the world working hard to erase the line that separates Coordinators and Naturals.
"Good evening Ms. Nicola, Athrun," she said after the crowd was done greeting her and had resumed with their earlier activities. "How have you been?"
Nicola managed a smile. "I am doing quite well Ms. Attha. In fact I feel as if I have never been better all my life."
"I see. I am happy that you are enjoying in my brother and my best friend's engagement ball. This is indeed a night of rejoicing for everyone," the blonde countered managing to take a quick peek at Athrun from the corner of her eye. "However, if you don't mind me asking, why is that?"
Athrun was frozen solid in the spot. He couldn't believe it. He was now mere inches away from the woman he had tried so hard to forget all these four years. Why?
Nicola, didn't notice his dumbstruck face since she was preoccupied talking to Cagalli. "Well Ms. Cagalli, for one thing, I am happy for my father. I suppose he will be receiving a plaque one of these days for his hard work in promoting peace between France and the other Earth Alliance countries as well as Orb and PLANTS. You can say that I am indeed proud of him," she said with pride. "However, as you can see Ms. Cagalli, it delights me very much to be able to meet and befriend no less than the Athrun Zala himself," she replied proudly gesturing at Athrun with a sly smile.
Cagalli looked at her former lover and said, "Long time no see Athrun." She smiled the usual smile she always gave him. It was different from the ones she would show people even to the one she gave Nicola. It was somehow more natural.
And with that, the coldness and tension that Athrun felt earlier disappeared like vapor and he felt lighter and happier. He knew this feeling of course. He had hoped that it would disappear by locking away his heart but in the end, it was actually just hidden and showed itself again when she graced him with her smile. Deep inside he knew that he just wanted to catch her at that moment and embrace her tightly but he knew better than to make a scene when there were so many important people around them.
"It has been a long time, hasn't it, Cagalli?" he replied with a smirk.
"Indeed, four years is indeed a very long time." With those words, Athrun couldn't help but feel as if Cagalli meant something else. Did she miss him as well?
"Of course!" Nicola interrupted them. "The two of you knew each other during the war if I am correct."
"Yes Ms. Nicola. In fact, Athrun was one of my close comrades during the great wars. He is also a good friend of mine even up to now."
"I see," she said with a sigh. "By the way, I am really sorry for taking your time my Lord. If I remember correctly, you have to meet with a friend."
The blue-haired Coordinator felt relieved. At least he will be able to escape this annoying woman. It was a shame he'd have to excuse himself from Cagalli too. With reluctance he answered, "There's no need to apologize my lady since-" Cagalli cut him off before he could finish. "Since I am already here."
Both Athrun and Nicola looked at Cagalli shock quite visible on their faces.
"Yes. Didn't Athrun tell you? This is my first time here in the Plants and I don't really know the place that's why I asked Athrun to be my tour guide," she said quite confidently. "He also promised to accompany me here in the ball."
She eyed Athrun signaling him to follow her lead. Athrun understood this but found it surprising that Cagalli did that.
He cleared his head and was able to formulate good excuses if she ever interrogated more. This was one of his good points that made him a brilliant commander and strategist-the ability to stay calm and composed even amidst complicated puzzles and death-encountering situations allowing him to think carefully and plan his next move.
"Yes that is true Ms. Nicola. You see, Cagalli here, had set her eyes on Plants for a while now and I thought it would make me earn her trust again after not being able to attend our group reunions for four years if I volunteered to escort her here in my homeland. Isn't that right Cagalli?" he said without even a slight indication of lying.
"You know, you won't get my forgiveness for skipping the reunions that easily," she said with a smile and a wink. Athrun felt his cheeks hot at what she just did. He tried hard to suppress it.
"Oh my, I'm really sorry that he had to be late from your rendezvous because of me," the red-head interrupted their friendly conversation.
"It's all right Ms. Rochefort," she said with an irritated smile. "In the meantime, will you excuse us for a bit? I'd like to send my greetings and regards to the engaged couple," she said eyeing Athrun again.
Without hesitation, Athrun offered his hand to the blonde. He felt a slight blush again as she placed her delicate hand on his. He remembered how he once held it almost every time he found an opportunity to be with her.
"Shall we?" she said to Athrun rather jokingly.
The two left after they gave Nicola a slight nod. Even when they were already a few meters away from the red-haired woman, Athrun could still feel the intensity of Nicola's fury at what happened. It was obvious actually that Nicola was a bit jealous. Every girl must be wishing to be Cagalli right now. Even during their conversation, the blue-haired Coordinator felt that the red-head was trying to compete with the blonde legend through wits and words. It seemed, however, that she lost the battle to Cagalli Yula Attha.
He lead her through a jungle of people some looking at them with shocked expressions. Haven't they seen two friends hold hands?
Cagalli was silently walking with her chin up and posture erect. He was no longer a princess but a regal queen who demanded respect even as she passed by.
After what Athrun estimated to be three minutes, she tilted her face to him and smiled saying, "So, how has it been after four years?"
The blue-haired bachelor felt awkward because of her question. He just couldn't say that it was fine since it really wasn't. "Good. I'm getting used to my work," he lied.
"I heard about your appointment as Supreme Commander of ZAFT. Congratulations Athrun," she said without a hint of awkwardness in her voice. "I knew you were cut out for the job. You must have worked really hard."
Athrun really wanted to tell her right there that she was the reason why he had buried himself in his work in the hopes that the hectic schedule will force him to not think of her. He had tried to engross himself on papers and meetings the whole day in order to minimize his free time which he was sure would just be another chance for him to reminisce old times. Athrun thought that when he would reach home, he'd be so tired that he'd eventually fall asleep therefore avoiding lingering thoughts and memories of her. He was so wrong. In the middle of the night he'd wake up full of sweat or tears because of a horrible nightmare usually that of Cagalli. It was quite an irony that he had spent the last four years trying to forget a certain young blonde and now, he was casually talking to the same woman, trying to respond to her statement about him.
"Actually, you've been working hard yourself." He quickly shifted the subject to her. "I've heard a lot about your achievements. You deserve more praise than me."
The blonde turned away from him. Even though she tried to hide it, it was obvious that she was blushing. He knew her too well to miss out the fact that Cagalli does not like to show her face when it's beet red.
He waited for her reply. She was thinking what to say.
"Kira!" Cagalli exclaimed walking hurriedly to Kira and embracing him tightly. Athrun didn't bother to hasten his pace. He smiled at this. Saved by the brother.
After they broke free, she then enclosed her arms on Lacus. Giggles could be heard from the two best friends.
"Congratulations!" the blonde greeted. "I was wondering when Kira would pop the question. It was a good thing he finally realized that he can't keep you waiting for too long."
"I'm sure I can wait a bit longer for him Cagalli," Lacus smiled. "In fact, I can wait for him forever."
"You two sure love each other deeply." The three looked at the blue-haired Coordinator. Lacus and Kira were speechless. They knew about Athrun and Cagalli's past and knew full well that the two tried hard to avoid each other. What will happen now that they've met yet again? What does fate have in mind?
Cagalli, sensing the silence, spoke, "What are you talking about Athrun? Everyone knows that they're madly in love it's just that Kira's such a slowpoke." She chuckled at this remark.
"I guess you're right about that."
The engaged couple could not believe their eyes or ears. They wondered how this two had come to be friends again though they were really glad for the two. This could perhaps be the start of their second chance for happiness.
"By the way Athrun, where will you be staying?" Lacus inquired. "I believe you don't have a house here in December City."
"Well yes." Athrun looked at Cagalli who seemed to not know about this. "I am currently staying in a hotel."
"I see," replied Lacus, her eyebrows furrowed and her blue orbs deep in thought. "How many days will you be staying here?"
"A month."
"A month?" the three said in unison. Athrun wanted to laugh at their expressions when he answered them.
"Athrun, don't you need to attend to some military and council affairs in Aprilius?" the honey-eyed blonde questioned.
"I've already appointed someone responsible to keep me in touch of things in the office and in the military bases and academy. As for paper work matters, I've asked Meyrin to forward them to the hotel where I am staying." Athrun paused for a while to look at the three. When he saw that they were still full of questions, he continued, "Besides, Kira and Lacus will be rushing the wedding so as best man, I should be with Kira to help in the preparations to the best of my ability."
"Yes but do you have to stay at the hotel for the whole month?" Lacus inquired. "Why don't you stay here with us?"
Athrun wanted to refuse the offer. He didn't feel shy around Kira and Lacus. They were close friends whom he could tell his secrets to. He just didn't want to intrude on their precious time together.
"I'd rather not. I wouldn't want to disturb you."
"But you won't be disturbing us Athrun. In fact, it would make us happy to have you here with us," Lacus said with her puppy-eyes. It was her secret move that made her close an argument in her favor. She wouldn't use this during council meetings though. During those times, she'd rely on her wits and charisma. She limited this move to close friends such as Kira, Athrun and Cagalli.
"I guess it would better to stay in a friend's house than in a hotel," Athrun smiled surrendering to the pink-haired princess' lonely-pitiful-cute-face act.
With this, Lacus clasped her hands and smiled widely. "Wonderful! Now, we have two guests to cater, Kira! This month will be fun!"
Athrun's eyes widened at her last statement. His eyebrows rose. Confusion must have really been apparent on the Supreme Commander's face because Lacus continued to explain, "Cagalli will also be staying with us here in PLANTS. She took a month's leave from work and will be spending it here to help with the preparations."
Athrun looked at the honey-eyed blonde who was obviously blushing.
"Oh, so who's the one who needs to attend to very important official matters?" he teased. He could see Cagalli's face redden more. He chuckled upon seeing this.
"Hey! I am not irresponsible you know! I took care of everything before I left!" she barked. Athrun's chuckled more. She hadn't changed at all. It was really fun to tease Cagalli. She'd blow up so easily. When they were younger, she was known as the repulsive and high-blooded princess of Orb because of her short temper. He thought that she'd change but that wasn't so. She was still the same Cagalli he loved.
He paused for a bit to smile at her and said, "I don't remember saying it was you."
She paused for a while and stared at him with utter annoyance in her eyes. He could feel her blood-boiling by the minute. "Why you—"
"Okay, okay you two," Lacus interrupted the two. She could sense the tension around the two so she stopped them immediately. If this would keep up, it could end with a serious quarrel which could ruin everything. She certainly wouldn't allow such a trivial thing to destroy their chance for happiness. "No need to fight. What's important is you're here now."
Cagalli turned down her head, look at Athrun then smiled, "You're right. I'm sorry for worrying you, Lacus. Athrun and I wouldn't want to destroy this lovely evening with our arguments."
The blue-haired Coordinator nodded telling them that he is with her on this. They wished only happiness for the engaged couple.
"Now that that's settled," Lacus said cheerfully, "Why don't you two enjoy yourselves? The night is still young after all."
"I agree with my fiancé," Kira spoke. "Dance, catch up with old friends, enjoy the night. The both of you have been working so hard that you need a breather."
"In the meantime, we shall excuse ourselves," Lacus smiled at the two and winked at Athrun.
Kira put his hand on his best friends shoulder and whispered quietly in order for his sister to not hear, "Good luck."
The brunette reached out his hand to his fiancé. Lacus turned to the two of them, "I'm really happy tonight. I hope you will be too." She graced the two with a smile and received the hand of her beloved.
Athrun and Cagalli watched the couple leave and disappear through the crowd.
-ooOoo-
It had seemed that time was running too slowly for the two of them. Not one of them could utter a word as the awkward atmosphere was increasing. The both of them were waiting for the other to have the guts to start.
Athrun thought that as a gentleman, it is only proper for him to start making friendly relations to a woman especially the woman he had hurt in the past. Without hesitation in his voice, he bowed low and reached out his left hand to the blonde. "May I have this dance?"
The honey-eyed princess was reluctant. She stared at those emerald green eyes with a bit of confusion and worry. Athrun studied the expressions of her eyes, something he was good at doing. It had been a few seconds before he saw the doubts in her fade and she smiled at him. She then gave him her right hand and let him lead her to the dance floor.
They situated themselves among the crowd of dancers. He gave a low bow and she returned with a curtsy. As the orchestra began to play the tune, he placed his hand on her waist and held her left hand with his right. She placed her right hand on his shoulder firmly and steadily and looked directly at those deep eyes the color a fathomless sea.
They started to move slowly at first going with the rhythm of the music. He led her through the jungle of swaying colors with his experienced feet. They were circling the dance floor, passing other pairs some of whom they recognized; others, they barely knew.
From the corner of his eyes, he spotted Dearka a few couples away from them. He was talking to a giggling Milly. Dearka was smiling and laughing as well. If Athrun knew him better, his comrade was flirting with his girlfriend and was probably throwing a joke at her. Athrun smirked while thinking that Milly was laughing not because of the joke but because of Dearka who he thought was probably looking stupid right now and was being way to cheesy.
Near the tanned Coordinator and his brunette partner were Shinn and Lunamaria. He could see that Luna's face was a bit grumpy and he immediately knew that the two had an argument earlier just like what he and Cagalli had a few moments ago. He chuckled a bit earning him a puzzled look from his partner. He realized, however, that it is through rough means that the two show their love for each other. It was predictable considering Shinn's a hot-head while Lunamaria was a slave-driver.
In the crowd of socializing people, he saw a streak of pink and knew immediately that it was Lacus. The two were now conversing with Yzak and Shiho. Athrun saw Lacus lean closer to Shiho's tummy and embrace it. The girls and Kira were laughing and Yzak was smiling. Those two will be good parents if only the grandmother wouldn't intervene.
He stopped observing the others and returned his gaze at his partner who was looking at him with a confused look.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said looking at the floor. "I was just wondering about what you are thinking."
His heart skipped a beat at her revelation. Deep inside, he knew that he was happy that she thought of him.
"Don't get me wrong Zala. It's just that I really don't know how to read you," she added trying to defend her previous remark.
Athrun merely gave her a sly smirk. He didn't care about her reasons. It was enough to heighten his spirits. Besides, she was trying to read him. It was a welcomed blessing.
"And why do you need to read my mind?" he asked curiously.
Cagalli turned away from him saying, "It's just a habit I learned while being Chief Representative okay!" she said with a higher tone.
The blue-haired Coordinator gave out a small chuckle, "Okay princess. Whatever you say."
With that, there was silence between them again. Athrun was thinking hard about what to say to ease the atmosphere between the two of them. Then he realized that he wanted to savor the moment. It was a gift that he was able to talk, laugh and even dance with the blonde he desperately loves. Yes. Athrun Zala just realized that no matter what he does, even if he goes to a self-proclaimed exile for a hundred years, his feelings for her will always come back out. He hoped that he could make amends to her and earn her forgiveness. He had made his resolve. He would get her back to him for only she could quench the hungry thirst he had inside of him. Only she could free him from the binds of sorrow and pain. Only Cagalli. No one else.
As they danced the night away, he placed himself in a place of calmness and peace and that was within their circle. He drifted his thoughts to the happy moments they once shared and imagined his life for a month being with Cagalli. He was thankful that Lacus and Kira support their relationship. The more allies, the better.
He wanted the dance to never end for he knew that when it does, they will have to part ways again. His grasp on her tightened and she could feel it.
"Athrun?" she asked after feeling his hold on her strengthen.
"It's nothing Cagalli. I'm sorry," he said till a bit distracted. Cagalli didn't believe him but she didn't want to cause another argument. It would be bad to provoke Athrun who she knew was a man with a secretive heart and not too many words. Besides, she had a slight idea of what happened. She knew Athrun enough. She had felt him do this countless of times before when they were still together usually after a failed assassination attempt on her, when she goes to battle or when he just sees another guy talk to her. He was that overprotective.
They passed by crowds of onlookers who, Athrun noticed, were whispering silently to each other every time.
"Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Attha?" he heard a woman exclaim from the group.
He didn't feel bothered by it though. It was normal that people would question the two of them when they had spent almost the entire evening together. The media will surely have a fiasco with this. It was a good thing that publicity was at least controlled in the event. What worried him was Cagalli's reaction to this. She wasn't just any woman. She's the leader of a strong and powerful nation. Her position was higher and more important than his. So if a controversy sparks with this, her reputation would be the one to take the full blow.
They have been dancing for almost ten minutes, finishing two musical pieces. Normally, they would be tired already but it seemed that their feet knew not exhaustion. At that moment they didn't care about anything else. The world was small and it consisted of only him and her.
He stared at her curiously. His deep emerald stare pierced those fierce honey-coated orbs. He could see his own reflection looking back at him from the translucent amber in front of him.
"Aren't you worried?" he asked.
"About what?" she replied.
"About the press," Athrun said gently so as not to make her misunderstand. They were very prone to that considering that Cagalli was repulsive and stubborn while Athrun was overprotective and easily jealous. "Won't this cause a ruckus?"
"It will," she said surely. "But I don't see the big deal. We're long time friends who just saw each other after the war. I think the world can understand that."
The statement hit him like a gong. It was as if his heart which was just mended had just been scraped and injured fatally again. He could not accept the truth. Circumstances allowed him to be demoted from Cagalli's lover/fiancé to just a friend. He couldn't blame Cagalli though. He had hurt her and they've broken up. He was lucky enough to have her talk to him after those four years of insensitive avoidance. He desperately wanted to engulf her at that moment. Tell her that he was sorry and that he wanted her back.
He might not have noticed it because of his sullen and guilt-ridden thoughts, but Cagalli saw the utter look of disappointment in his eyes. She turned down from his gaze.
"Cagalli." It took the bachelor a few minutes before he could respond to her previous statement. He was full of unanswered questions and unfulfilled wishes.
"Hmm?" she looked at him again. "What is it Athrun?"
"If you don't mind me asking," he paused unsure whether to continue with his question or not. "Why are you talking to me now?"
She came to an abrupt halt. She looked down thinking for an answer. Her shoulder seemed to have lost its strength. Her slim and petite body was slouched against him. He noticed that her hands and limbs were shaking before she broke the hold he had on her and gave him a slight curtsy. She smiled before leaving him on the center of the ballroom utterly stunned and confused.
Athrun's POV
I watched her leave me and disappear through the crowds. I could only stand there asking myself, "Can I still be forgiven?"
The dance continued for the others but not for me. All the hopes I had a few moments ago seemed to have been shattered and broken to pieces. I wondered whether fate itself decreed this meeting in order to torment me for all the hurts I had caused to the only woman whom I love even more than myself.
Frozen—that was what I felt at that moment. I could hear the music slowly dissipate. Everything was a blur as I drifted to a maddening monologue with myself. A fool as always.
I wanted to punch myself at that. Why did I even ask her that? Anyone would feel offended with my statement especially Cagalli who had pride as high as Mt. Everest. It was a wrong move from me. I wouldn't deny though, that Cagalli is the only reason I lose my concentration. I have never done that to an acquaintance or an opponent before. She had the ability to make me panic and lose control of my rational thinking. What should I do?
Before I knew it, I dashed out of the dance floor ignoring the gasps and whispers of the onlookers as I passed. I didn't care the least bit about them. I searched the room for any visage of her. My eyes were alert in spotting women with short blonde hair but I'd stop when I realize that they weren't the same shade as hers which were golden like the sun. I was frantic.
"Athrun!" I heard a woman call out to me.
"Meyrin?" I said looking at the red-head.
"What happened to you? You seem flustered." she inquired.
"Meyrin, have you perhaps seen Cagalli?"
"Attha-san? Yes. I saw her go out the balcony—must be heading to the garden. I think she—"
I didn't let her finish for that was the only information I needed. My feet carried me to the veranda in a fast pace hoping that I'd find her there and ask for an explanation. True enough, I saw her in the garden sitting in the fountain looking at the moon. Again, I found myself awestruck at the sight of her. The wind blew past us making the lower portion of her gown sway with her hair. She was looking intently at the heavens. She really was still the same Cagalli I adored.
When we were still living together in the Attha mansion, it was our hobby to stay out after dinner gazing idly at the stars. It was something we looked forward to after a long day's work. We would roll on the grass of the Attha gardens, relax, close our eyes and say our wishes often selfish ones. Then we would talk about our day. We'd laugh out loud and make petty jokes about Yuna Roma Seiran—how much of an idiot he was and how we both could not stand the sight of him. It was during those memorable evenings that Cagalli would tell me how much she loves me, away from the pestering ears of servants and media. It was a reassurance for me since our relationship was secret, a fact I accepted but really could not understand.
She must have been fixated because she didn't hear me go down the stairs of the balcony.
"Cagalli." She turned from her gaze and met my gleeful eyes. I could not help but feel defeated at the sight of those soft but fierce orbs.
"Athrun." She said her amber eyes full of hesitation and confusion. She then continued her solemn conversation with the sky. Closing her eyes and inhaling the fresh night's air, she looked like a goddess who had just descended from the heavens.
"I'm sorry," she started still not looking at me. I didn't know whether she was talking to me or to herself. I really could not understand her.
"Excuse me?"
"I said I'm sorry," she said with more power in her voice. She turned to me and came closer. "I am really sorry Athrun for leaving you there."
Her words struck me with all the questions I could think of. She was apologizing for a very trivial thing, something she wouldn't do. On top of that, I could sense that she wanted to apologize for something else, something bigger.
"You don't need to ask for forgiveness Cagalli," I said not looking at her. I was ashamed that Cagalli was the one apologizing when it was I who sinned against her.
She moved her head sideways back and forth. "I must have humiliated you back there. I'm really sorry," she said with guilt in her eyes.
I made my way closer to her and sat on the space beside her. We were both looking at the moon and the stars now. The night was indeed beautiful. It wasn't the same night sky we saw in Orb but the stars were the same—still twinkling and sparkling. The moon was the same shining giant mass we saw on Earth but it seemed nearer and more magnificent. Again, we found ourselves unable to find the right words to say at that moment. I desperately wanted to tell her how I feel. I wanted to ask for forgiveness. I wanted redemption.
"About what you asked earlier," she said still not looking at him. "I'm sorry about that as well."
I stood up because of her statement and found my way in front of her kneeling and demanding an explanation. My heart and mind both agreed that they wanted the answer to the question I asked her a few moments ago. There was also the longing to comfort her like what I usually did. It pained me to hear her ask for forgiveness when she was free of fault.
"Athrun, please stand up." She placed both her hands on my shoulders and stood up making me stand erect as well. She took a moment's pause putting her right hand near her lips, a mannerism she always did when she was thinking hard. After a few seconds, she reached out her hand to me and smiled.
"Let's walk for a while Athrun," she said leading the way. We strolled down the garden lined with beautiful flowers and long properly trimmed hedges. Lights made the supposedly dark grounds look vibrant. Our silhouettes could be seen as we walk the stone pathway slowly. Behind us, we heard the gushing flow of the water fountain and the blaring commotions caused by the party slowly disappear. The Clyne mansion was restored to its original look before the war. It was now full of life and color just as I had remembered it. Everything, from the rose archway to the fireflies' sanctuary, was back in its place.
We continued our little soiree until the only things we could hear were our own footsteps and the sound of crickets and fireflies. No one spoke the whole time. I desperately wished to say everything I had on my mind but I, once again, wanted to savor the moment. It was my ardent want to stay forever in that paradise with Cagalli. The quiet night echoed the desires of my heart which was mostly to be forgiven and accepted again.
"Athrun," she started. "I asked you earlier about how you were during those four years."
I nodded slowly. Upon seeing this, she continued, "You said you were doing great." She paused for a while rethinking her words.
It was a few brief moments before she continued, "It was opposite for me Athrun."
We both stopped walking stopping near the river bank that housed dozens of glowing fireflies. Again, I found myself staring at the gentle and lovely figure beside me. I did not speak a word nor change my face's reaction. I would let her finish and hear her out but I cannot deny that I was very hopeful at that time. Was she thinking of me?
"I spent those four years doing my best for Orb, meditating on my past mistakes and mostly trying to forget you."
It hit me like lightning. We were the same.
"However, no matter what I did, I could not."
I felt all the uneasiness in me depart.
"It was when Lacus invited me for tonight that I realized that I don't need to forget you."
I fought the urge to embrace her and plant my lips on hers when she said that.
"I guess I was being such a child."
We both were.
"What we had was all in the past."
My spirit left my body when her words were inputted on my brain.
"I think the only way to start again is to accept the truth."
Truth? Of course. All I had were fantasies and reality was cruel.
"And to accept that truth is to be friends with you again."
She smiled at me and reached out her hand for a handshake. It was like my pulsating heart was slowly being squeezed tighter and tighter by the minute.
"What do you say? Friends?"
It seemed that all the weight of the world was thrown into my shoulders. Why did I love you so?
"Cagalli," I started. "I'm also sorry."
She gave me a puzzled look.
"...for everything I did to you."
She stood in front of my way and look at me with burning eyes.
"Athrun, you didn't do anything wrong."
Without hesitation, I engulfed her in my embrace feeling her soft body collide against mine. I smelled the sweet scent of her hair. The familiar feeling of having Cagalli to touch and embrace made me the happiest after four years of forced personal mental and emotional torture. I wanted time to stop. I wanted to treasure the moment. I wanted her.
"I did Cagalli. I made too many mistakes in the past and even now I still feel that I am continuing to make more mistakes."
Her body stiffened, too shock to utter a word or even move a muscle. I waited patiently for her reply as I closed my eyes, my arms still embracing her soft frame.
Slowly, she moved her arms and slowly placed her hands on my back patting it slowly. She settled her head on my shoulders closing her eyes and I felt her body go calmer and gentler. I heard her give a soft but audible sigh.
For the first time in four years, I felt peace envelope me. It took me a long time to realize that Cagalli had always been my ray of hope, the bonfire that kept me warm when everything around me was cold. And what was crucial was that I realized that fact after I lost her. Regret—something that only happens when you have already paid the price.
It took me back to the time when everything was still simple, the time when we only had each other. This was the special bond that we shared. We always felt at home with each other willing to cry our hearts out in front of the other. She'd complain about meetings and disagreeable emirs while I would listen to her often giving her advice and reassurance. She'd laugh out loud when I would slowly ask her about an emir who was staring blankly at her with lovesick eyes or about Yuna Roma Seiran who was constantly putting his arms around Cagalli like his life depended on it. I would feel my temper rise and would punch the air every time the memory seeped in. Cagalli would embrace me from behind and tell me that I didn't need to worry slowly coaxing me with her words. We would stay that way forgetting all the worries and problems we were feeling and thinking. It was our xanadu.
"Athrun, it's all right," she said still patting me. Her voice wasn't as deep as her usual tone when facing politicians during a debate or when complaining to Myrna about her dress. She was speaking to me just like when she would pacify a child from the orphanage. The mere sound of her voice was a sweet tune to listen to. "It's going to be all right. We both made a lot of mistakes in the past. Don't think about it anymore. We were given a second chance during the war. I think it would be best to use that opportunity to move on and not dwell on past grievances."
I thought about her words. They were true and pure offered only by a person with a sincere heart like Cagalli.
"Athrun, if you ever did make wrong decisions in the past, know that I have forgiven you. I hope that you forgive me as well and become my friend once again."
My head left her shoulder to look at her, my hands still clinging to her waist. She was giving me a friendly smile.
"You don't have to ask it twice Cagalli. I would gladly receive your friendship," I assured her. Her smile broadened. I had just realized that we have been so close to each other the whole time that I could smell her even breaths. Noticing this, she broke free from my hold on her backing a few steps away. She looked away from me trying to hide her obviously flushed face. I started to chuckle because of this.
Hearing my audible laughter, she looked at me with annoyed eyes but then smirked offering her hand again for a shake. I stopped laughing and smiled at her gladly receiving her hand signaling the beginning of our renewed friendship.
At that moment I could care less about whether she still loved me or if we can start over again as lovers. I loved Cagalli too much to break the resolve she just realized so easily by asking her what she strove hard to move on from. What if I hurt her again? No. I wouldn't do the same mistake again. But I plan to let fate do its bidding. If fate wishes for us to be together then I will always find my way back to her. I thought that if I should want to be with her again then I would have to prove myself to her all over again just like when I first courted her when we were sixteen. I will make her accept my feelings again but for now, I shall have to start from scratch.
That sweet and eventful evening, we enjoyed the company of the other as we watched the midnight blue heavens sprinkled with dozens of bright glimmering stars and a smiling full moon.
-ooOoo-
Sorry for the late update. I was busy with a few matters and exams are also approaching. Anyways, as any normal author would pray for, I also hope that you liked the first two chapters of my first fic. I would really appreciate your comments and suggestions so please review.
Special thanks to the first five people who reviewed-Yennefer, nicil, AnimeHuntress, Jodeist and falconrukichi. Thanks also to my dear friend Earvin Empaces who helped me edit the fic.
Till the next chap!
-maiatong