Dear mom,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed me to be. I wanted to; I wanted to make you happy, but, for me, it was a choice between living as myself or not living at all.
Do you remember the night I told you? You were so upset. I know that, later, you came to accept it, accept me, but I wonder if that night was your true reaction, your most honest response. Do you remember what you said? You told me I'd killed your daughter, that I'd killed Rachel Berry.
You were right, mom, and that's why I'm sorry. There was nothing wrong with Rachel Berry. You loved her. You were the best parents anyone could ever ask for, and she had the best life. But she just wasn't me, mom. I couldn't live like that.
Later, when I was eighteen, you told me how much you missed my singing voice. When my voice changed, I couldn't reach the high notes I used to; I couldn't sing for you like I used to. I know I gave up so much, mom, and I'm so sorry I had to take it from you, too.
I'm happy now, mom. I know you were worried that I wouldn't be, that I wouldn't be okay. I am. Leroy is better than anything I could ever have hoped for. We're having a child together, mom. A little girl.
I know what you're thinking. How is that possible, right?
We've hired a surrogate, a young girl who's happy to carry our baby. We interviewed so many girls, and some of them seemed just fine to me, but Leroy wasn't happy. Eventually, after we found her, he told me what he was looking for.
"I wanted her to look like you," he said. Since the baby can't have my genes, my DNA, he wanted someone who looked like me, so the baby would look like both of us. The baby would be ours either way, of course she would be, but I love him so much for thinking of that. It wasn't just for me, mom. It was for you.
Leroy told me that he wanted to take my surname, for himself and for the baby. I wish you could see our family, mom, I know it would make you smile. I miss your smile.
The baby's due in December. I already have her name picked out. We're calling her Rachel. Rachel Berry. I think she'll be the right person to bear that name.
I love you, mom.
Your son,
Hiram
Author's Note;
Leroy and Hiram are Rachel's two dads. In this story, I have envisioned Hiram, her Jewish father, as being transgendered, that is, born into a female body. I do not suggest that this interpretation is canon, although it is not impossible. Assuming that Leroy is mixed race, it is fully possible for Rachel to be his daughter, and still 'pass' as white Jewish, especially since she so strongly takes after Shelby.
I am aware that, in some countries, being gay is considered a crime, and is punishable by death. In these countries, many people who would otherwise identify as gay instead identify as transgender, allowing them to live in a way slightly closer to their reality, with slightly less risk. It is a poor compromise, and not one I am espousing in this story.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. There's nothing wrong with being transgendered, either. I simply liked this idea, that Rachel, rather than being named after a character from Friends, was instead given the name of someone that her father deeply cared for, but, ultimately, could not live with.
This story was inspired by two things; firstly, the realisation that, although Rachel herself claims that she was named Rachel due to her dads being big fans of Friends, this is unlikely. Friends first aired in September of 1994, while Rachel was born in the December. That's not enough time to build up a large enough love of the show to name your only daughter after, is it? My interpretation, as regards this story is that Rachel believes everything she was told, but she was not told the entire truth.
My second inspiration came from the story of Sam and Even, which was recently televised in the UK. Both are young men, who were, unfortunately, born into female bodies. They were fortunate enough to find and love one another, and I wish them every happiness.
I would very much appreciate it if you were to take time from your day to share your thoughts in a review. I will shortly continue work on my other Glee fanfiction, Bloodstains, in which Finn is arrested after police officers find traces of Rachel's blood in his car. He is innocent, but that is the only spoiler you're getting.:)