DHMB: Wh00t! Another chapter finished!
It has recently come to my attention that those who enjoy my storys and read when I post up the flames have taken to trolling the flammers accounts and I just want to say...I find this hilarious. I knew publicly posting flames was a good idea. Maybe it should cut down on the douche bags who apparently need to get laid since they literally have nothing better to do. Well, I hope you enjoy. And If I didn't say so be4fore, if you don't like this story, you are under no obligation to read it and can at any time hit the back button to escape it. Feel free to do so instead of posting a flame. I personally don't flame unless someone is just so big headed about their own "ability". Like, oh I'm such a good writer, everyone else is so bad, my stories rock, and everything they write is crap. No sug, you suck, get a pin to pop the big ass head of yours.
Anyway...onward!
"C'mon, get it!" Jael taunted.
"Ms. Gibran this is not appropriate behavior for a student to engage in with a teacher," Professor Flitwick said.
"Awe, C'mon!" Jael teased. "You can do it!"
"Ms. Gibran!" Flitwick snapped. Jael smirked and continued to dangle the Professor's wand over his head.
27. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
"Ms. Accius, what are you doing?" Snape asked, watching as the girl scribbled intently on her own arm.
"Drawing the new dark mark," the cat eared girl replied, holding up her arm to show a smiley face with an equally smiling snake wrapped around it. "Want one?"
Snape suppressed the urge to thump his own forehead with the heel of his palm.
38. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new Dark Mark.
"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"
"…"
"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"
"….."
"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"
"…"
"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"
"MS. BOLT!"
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
"Ms. Accius, you are wearing on my last nerve," Snape growled.
"You take yourself too seriously," Felina said, not looking up from her paper. When silence met her statement she peeked up at her head of house.
"Wow, Professor, your face is REALLY red!"
42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
"I challenge you!" Lulu declared, brandishing a sword at the Sytherin Prefect.
"Uhm.." the boy stared at her confused.
"I wish to defend Draco's honor! You will die!" she continued.
"Lulu!" Jael and Felina called, chasing after her.
"Stop watching Utena and getting drunk!" Felina snapped, trying to take the sword from the girl.
"But I must challenge the student council to win back Draco's honor!" Lulu cried. "Otherwise Harry will never want to date him!"
"Ms. Bolt!"
58. Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the prefects with a sword.
"…and that's when the goblin's began the war of 1576 which…" Professor Binns droned on.
"FOOD FIGHT!" Jael screamed and threw a pie at Oliver Wood.
69. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor
"Look at this!" Draco shrieked, motioning to his torn and bleached robes.
"What the hell happened?" Blaise demanded, looking down at his lime green robes.
"I think it's a nice change," Dumbledore commented, smiling at the students in their multicolored and bleached garbs. His own robes were magenta and sky blue.
76. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.
"Why Severus, that's a lovely shade of purple," Dumbledore commented.
77. -Or the teacher laundry.
Felina sat on the hospital bed looking sullen as Madame Pomfry pulled out salves and potions. Her one cheek and hands had scratch marks on them while the other cheek sported a small burn. Her right arm had a burn that extended to her shoulder and was black in some places. Her one eye had a shiner; her school robes were torn and singed and some of her hair had been burnt. She was covered in cat hair. Beside her Professor Snape looked slightly amused.
"It's not funny," she pouted.
"Perhaps not to you, Ms. Accius, but I assure you I find amusement in the fact that the predicament you find yourself in is caused by your own folly," the Potions Master said.
80. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.
"Ms. Bolt, what are you drinking?" Snape asked watching as Lulu stumbled down the hall, clutching a half full bottle to her chest.
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, do de do do, there they are all standing in a row!" she sang.
"Ms. Bolt!"
"Prof. Snape!" Lulu mocked.
"What is that?" Snape asked, pointing once again to the bottle clutched in Lulu's hand.
"Gryffindor courage," Lulu responded. Snape grabbed the bottle and read the label, scowling.
"Ms. Bolt!"
83. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled firewhiskey.
"Fine, fine!" Lulu exclaimed, pulling out her wand. She murmured something and a spark of light hit the label of the bottle.
"Ima sell it to the Hufflepuffs," the girl slurred, trying to snatch the bottle back from her Professor and failing. Snape glanced at the label as he lifted the bottle to a height Lulu was unable to reach.
"Ms. Bolt…" he sighed.
84. -Charming the label does not change anything.
Felina peered it to her cauldron and smiled. It was the exact shade of green indicated on the board. She banked the fire and sat down in her chair, pleased with herself.
'This deserves a treat," she thought and dug in her bag, pulling out a chocolate frog. She popped off the box lid and tried to grab the frog that hopped on the desk. It dodged her attempt and hopped along the floor.
"Ms. Accius!" Snape bellowed.
85. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class.
"But, I'm hungry!" Felina complained.
"So are the other student's I'm sure," Snape sneered.
"I have more!" Felina said.
86. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.
Felina grabbed her bag and moved to the front of the classroom. She upended her bag over
Snape's desk, causing the contents of said bag to crash into the wood and push other objects on the desk to the floor. As well as her school books and papers, fifty boxes of chocolate frogs spilled from the depths of Felina's school bag, some springing open when they hit the solid surface, releasing the charmed snack inside. The chocolate frogs jumped around the room, ribbiting.
Snape's face turned an alarming shade of red and he gripped the edge of his desk so hard it looked as if he may break it off.
87. -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behavior.
"Ms. Gibran, can you come here please?" McGonagall called out in the Transfiguration class room. Jael stood up
and made her way to the front of the classroom.
"Ms. Gibran, I wanted to speak with you about-…"
"I have it on good authority you have no evidence!" Jael cried.
"Ms. Gibran!"
95. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."
Felina ran forward and grabbed Professor Snape's hands, holding them to her chest.
"Who was it that thus cried? Why, worthy thane, you do unbend your noble strength, to think so brainsickly of things," she cried. She dropped his hands and moved to his side, grabbing his arm and making to guide him somewhere. "Go get some water, and wash this filthy witness from your hand. Why did you bring these daggers from the place? They must lie there: go carry them; and smear the sleepy grooms with blood."
"Ms. Accius, this is not appropriate," Snape said, glaring.
"Infirm of purpose!" Felina continued. "Give me the daggers: the sleeping and the dead are but as pictures: 'tis the eye of childhood that fears a painted devil. If he do bleed, I'll gild the faces of the rooms withal; For it must seem their guilt." Felina then stood on her tip-toes and planted a chaste kiss on Snapes mouth.
97. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth.
"You're such a slut," Sytherin Amanda Greengrass sneered at Lulu.
"And if you opened a book as much as you open your legs you'd be pretty damn smart!" Lulu sneered. Amanda flushed an ugly shade of red as the student's behind her laughed and mocked her.
"I bet you don't even wear underwear!" Amanda accused.
"Oh yeah!" Lulu challenged, gathering up her robe and skirt and pulling them up to expose her lower half.
99. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent.
"Lulu, you're not wearing panties!" Felina shrieked, trying to tug the girls skirt down.
"Oh yeah," Lulu said. "I ran out and was waiting for the elves to do the laundry."
100. -Especially if I can't.
"Ms. Accius, you and your friend's behavior these past few months has been atrocious," Snape said.
"I'm sorry, Snookums," Felina cooed.
103. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".
"Ms. Accius!" Snaped snarled.
"Felina, you know he hates that name," Lulu chastised. "Right, Snapey-poo?"
"Don't you mean 'Sev'," Jael asked.
"Let's call him Debbie!" Felina recommended.
"Debbie, are you okay?" Jael asked.
"Yeah, your face is really red," Lulu said.
104. -Neither does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".
"I want one 'Snape in red and gold boxers," Ron Weasly said.
"10 galleons," Felina said. The box handed over the money and Felina passed him a pictured of Snape in his quarters, wearing red and gold boxers.
"One 'Flitwick spying on McGonagall'," Clara Orba requested.
"Five Galleons," Felina said. Clara handed over the money and Felina gave her a picture of McGonagall's head and naked shoulders with Flitwick peeking in the window behind her.
"MS. ACCIUS!"
107. I am not authorized to sell incriminating pictures of the faculty to students.
"One 'Professor Lupin cos-playing as the big bad wolf and sneaking up on Snape'," Pavarti said.
"Here ya go!" Felina said. "No charge!"
"MS. ACCIUS!"
108. -Giving the same pictures out free of charge is also frowned upon.