DHMB: Hello, thanks to all the encouraging reviews. I'm glad many of you find this as hilarious as me and my friends do. Funny thing is, some of this stuff we really did when we were in school, just without the magic of course. And to all flamers, you're still gettin publicly posted. I apologize to anyone who was upset by the fact that I removed anyon. reviews but it cut down on this one particular loser or group of losers who really need to get laid and/or have mommy revoke thier computer privlages. I realize there is probably alot of typos. I have fake nails on now and it makes typing a challenge and I don't have a beta. I did but they seem to have dropped of the face of the earth. I did kinda overwork her since I had alot of back-up work but que sera sera. Anyone who wants to beta for me, message me!

"And I want a pony, and a computer, and a new broom since Jael crashed my last one into a wall. Oh and a puppy!" Lulu demanded from her perch on Dumbledore's lap.

"Ms. Bolt, you are going to miss the Hogwarts train home," Dumbledore said.

109. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.

Jael sighed as Snape began to explain the properties of wormwood to the class. She already knew this.

"Hey, Lulu," she hissed.

"What?" Lulu asked.

"Let's play hangman," Jael suggested.

"Jael, I'm taking notes," Lulu snapped. "Not everyone is ahead of the class like you are."

Jael glared but turned to Felina.

"Don't even think about it," the red-haired girl said, not even looking up from her notebook. Jael sighed and twirled her wand between her fingers. She glanced over at Felina and grinned, inching it over towards the girls face before subtly using it to pick her nose.

"Stop it!" Felina growled, swatting the other girl away. Jael pouted and looked down at her desk. She began drumming her wand on the desk, tapping out the tune to Queen's 'We are the Champions'.

"Ms. Gibran, cease that retched noise immediately," Snape barked.

"Yes, sir," Jael sighed. Snape went back to his lecture. Jael looked around the class, bored again. She pointed her wand at her paper, turning it into a set of 6 red balls. With a grin, she used her wand to line up a shot and hit one ball, rocketing it into the back of a student's head where it bounced off and knocked over a full cauldron.

111. A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.

Felina stood on the staff table, wand in hand. She cast Sonorous on her throat and leaned down to turn on the portable CD player. The music filled the Great Hall piping the curiosity of the students. In groups of two and three they wandered into the Hall to see what was going on.

"Sweat baby sweat baby

Sex is a Texas drop me

Can you do the kind of stuff that only friends would sing about?

So put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts

Yes I'm Sisco, Yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up

You've had enough of two hand touch

You want it rough you're out of bounds," Felina sang, dancing along the stage. Some students looked shocked by the lyrics she was singing while others couldn't stop laughing. In front of the tale Jael and Lulu were dancing along with the song, making rude gestures to accompany the lyrics.

"I want you smothered want you covered

Like my waffle house hash browns

Come quick like fed ex

Irridgenate like fex

Just like cuticle cost stock

You are inclined to make me rise an hour early

Just like day light savings time," Felina continued.

"MS. ACCIUS!"

123. There is no "open-mike night" at Hogwarts.

Harry pressed himself as close as he could to Draco, while still trying to tear the other boy's shirt open. His mouth was crushed to the young Malfoy's as he seemingly tried to devour said boys face. Draco gripped the dark haired boy's waist, returning the fervent kiss.

Harry pulled away with a gasp, trying to tear Draco's clothes from his body.

"Need you," he gasped out.

"Yes," Draco hissed. Someone suddenly grabbed Harry and hauled him off Draco. The blonde boy whimpered at the loss and looked behind Harry. Snape had a firm grip on the boys arm and was trying to get him to drink a potion. Harry fought his Professor and continued to try and get to Draco.

"Hey," Draco protested. "Let him go." Snape leveled the Slytherin with a glare and continued trying to force feed his student. Harry broke free of Snape's grip and tried to run to Draco, but he tripped over an empty discarded potion's vile. The remaining trickle of pink liquid from the potion had spilt on the floor, making the vile all but rocket out from under Harry's foot as he stepped on it. Harry fell back into Snape's waiting arms. The Potions Master grabbed the boy about his waist and threw him to the floor. He then straddled his student and attempted to force his mouth open.

"No!" Draco cried. "Leave him alone!"

"Mr. Malfoy, you should know better than to take advantage of a student under the effects of a lust potion," Snape spat, finally forcing the potion down his students throat. Harry sputtered and coughed but eventually swallowed the potion. Snape sighed and stood, making his way over to his desk and pulling out a piece of parchment. On it, he wrote one simply thing before, tying the note to an owl's leg and sending it on it's way;

"Detention, Ms. Bolt, at 8:00."

136. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom.

"Ms. Gibran, what are you doing?" Snape asked.

"Adding another table in the Great Hall," Jael explained.

"And exactly why are you adding another table?" Snape inquired.

"All the houses need tables," Jael replied.

"Indeed, which brings me back to why you are placing a fifth table in the hall," Snape said.

"Five tables for five houses," Jael said.

"Ms. Gibran, there are only four houses," Snape pointed out.

"Nu-uh," Jael protested. "There's Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Accbolran."

"Accbolran?" Snape questioned.

"Yeah," Jael said.

"And when did this house come about?" Snape asked.

"About a week ago," Jael replied.

"And who is the founder of said house?" Snape queried.

"Me, Felina and Lulu," Jael answered with a smile. Snape clenched his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

151. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

Felina smiled, pocketing the decent chunk of change as she watched Crabbe and Goyle walk off with a piece of parchment covered in owl ink foot prints. She laughed as the two studied the parchment intently and turned to head back to her dorm, running smack into Professor Snape. The black haired man glared at her.

"Uhm…hi?" she tried with a guilty smile.

154. I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.

"Ms. Gibran, can you tell the class what 'Avada Kedavra' does?" Lupin asked, interrupting Jael's intense session of desk drumming.

"IT DOES DEATH!" Jael exclaimed, making the other students snicker.

177. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.

Fudge followed Dumbledore, accompanied by Lucius Malfoy and Dolores Umbridge.

"So glad you could find time to show us how things are going at this school," Fudge said.

"Of course," Dumbledore said. "We want to assure the Ministry that the appropriate measures are being taken to ensure the safety of the students and that said students are still getting a proper education and enjoying their time here," Dumbledore said, "even with the threat of Sirius Black. Wouldn't you agree, Severus?"

"Yes, Headmaster," Snape said.

"Very good then," Fudge said.

"I've heard you've had your hands full, Severus," Lucius said with a grin.

"Scandalous rumors and nothing more," Snape commented. Dumbledore stopped and turned to face the Ministry group.

"Our students may have limited privileges, but they still enjoy enough freedom to interact and socialize and we do try to keep the curriculum interesting," he said.

"Weeeeeee!" Lulu dashed by the group, stark naked and covered in war paint from head to toe.

"You shall not win!" Jael cried, following after the silver haired girl, naked as well. She too was coated with war paint on almost every available space on her body.

"You shall die!" Felina yelled, chasing after them, clothed in revealing armor and battle gear that consisted of an armored bikini top and bottom with leather straps, arm bands, knee high boots and a helmet, wielding a club.

The Ministry officials stared after the girls before turning wide eyes on the Headmaster who coughed to cover up a laugh.

"As I said we attempt to keep the curriculum interesting. It seems Ms. Accius, Ms. Bolt and Ms. Gibran have decided to reenact the goblin battle of 1675 for their History project," Dumbledore said, "though I must remind them that not all aspects of History are appropriate for them to reenact in the school halls."

"Quite," Fudge said, coughing.

178. Not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

Felina sighed as she glanced at the clock on the wall of the potions class. Twenty minutes left of class and she was bored. She had already finished her work. She glanced over to Lulu and realized the young girl had a blood pop sticking out of the robe of her pocket.

Reaching over, she carefully plucked it from her friends pocket and unwrapped it. She sucked on it, relishing in the sweet yet salty taste. Pulling it out of her mouth she licked a long strip up the sucker, then sucked it back into her mouth, moaning slightly. She darted her tongue out to catch some drool at the base of the pop. After sucking it a bit more, she pulled it out of her mouth and wrapped her tongue around it.

"MS. ACCIUS!"

179. I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Professor Snape's sight ever again.