Apologises for the long wait (Gibbs would really hurt me, if he read this!) But I don't know what happened to me this night, but I just got inspired and wrote a lot. Thanks to everybody who has stuck to this story and keep leaving reviews. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NCIS

My First Lifetime:

"This is where Mommy used to work." Ziva murmured as tucked Rylin in softly.

The now, five week old infant, was looking more and more like her mother, which let Ziva, breathe a sigh of relief.

Two weeks.

Fourteen days.

Three-hundred and thirty-six hours.

Twenty-thousand, one hundred and sixty minutes of just pure, normalness, to say the least.

Gibbs had found a nice condominium, which was fairly close to a daycare, himself, and NCIS.

If she wanted to return.

Ziva had not filled out the birth certificate, yet, she says.

But most importantly, Ziva's flashbacks had somewhat subsided, but not completely.

But she had also made some breakthroughs on her own, even though she had not been aware of it. Tony, who often stopped over after work to make sure everything was okay, even though Ziva was often at times asleep by that time, he would simply stand in her doorway and watch her sleep.

But, two days ago, when he came in he heard a small whimper and it did not sound like one of Rylin's cries for food. He had slowly made his way to Ziva's bedroom where she was curled up in a ball with tears streaming down her cheek.

He had to think as to what he should do, he knew touching her was absolutely out of the question, talking was a different situation.

"Zi, Ziva." Tony murmured as he sat at the end table. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, "Leave me alone Tony. Just leave me alone." She breathed.

"What's wrong?" he asked again. She wiped her face with her hand before pausing and the answering,

"Nightmare." She muttered. "A horrible, horrible one."

Tony nodded, "'Nuff said."

He bit his lip, "I'm sorry."

Ziva shook her head, "It is…not your fault. Now, I have some cleaning to finish." She said as she stood up and started walking toward the door, without warning Tony quickly and lightly grabbed her arm.

She turned and looked at him, "Tony."

"It is my fault. And I'm sorry…"

Ziva gave a small smile before he let go and she left. She made the whole team dinner that night, and her nightmare was not spoken of since.

"Now, if Aunt Abby seems a little…excited that is entirely normal…okay?"

Rylin smiled in her sleep which triggered Ziva to wonder what her child could possibly dream about at such a young age.

Ziva lightly ran her fingers through Rylin's curly locks before the elevator doors opened and she picked up the carrier.

"Hello," Ziva said as she entered the bull pen.

"Ziva, hey, how are you?" McGee asked as he looked up from his case report.

"Fine, thank you McGee. We were bored, so I decided a field trip would be nice." Ziva said before placing Rylin's carrier on Tony's desk and then hugged McGee lightly.

"Um, Ziva, this is Agent Fillmore…"McGee said in direction to the woman who now occupied Ziva's desk.

"Um, hello." Ziva said as she stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you."

The younger agent gave a fake smile and nodded.

"You too, I'm going to go file those reports Agent McGee." She said, and with that she was gone.

"She's getting big." McGee commented as Ziva removed Rylin's hat from her head just as Tony walked into the bull pen.

"AH! R.J!" He shouted excitedly.

Rylin did not cry when she was awoken by Tony's shout. She simply stared up at her mother almost as if saying, "Why did you bring me here, again?"

"Hey, baby girl." Tony said as he took the small infant into his arms causing Ziva to smile.

"R.J. Little Robbie Wagner." He cooed as he bounced the girl. "You know, she kinda looks like him."

"Can I get a hello?" Ziva asked with a hint of a smile.

Tony gave a quick grin at her, "Hey."

"How, is it, that Rylin gets more attention, than me?"

Tony blinked at her, "What? I haven't seen in her like, what-"

Ziva checked her watch, "Four hours, twenty minutes. Nineteen Seconds. Oops, Twenty."

She smirked and he rolled his eyes.

"Ha-ha, very funny." Tony teased as Rylin began reaching up at his scruffy cheek. Tony grinned and lightly bit down on her tiny fingers, Rylin giggled.

"Yeah, that's funny. I'm a funny guy." Tony murmured just as Agent Fillmore returned, slamming a stack of papers on the desk.

"My resignation." She growled.

"Uh…It's pretty long." McGee said, flipping through all the pages.

"I had a hard time choosing the right, adjectives. I couldn't decide between childish, juvenile and just plain old annoying."

Tony placed a hand on his heart, shifting Rylin in the other, "Hurtful."

McGee laughed, but Agent Fillmore turned and started to chew him out and spit him out like an old rib bone, "And you. You know better. Your just so busy playing the faithful sidekick, you go along for the ride."

Tony spat a laugh as McGee opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off once more, "Make sure Agent Gibbs gets that." She uttered before grabbing her jacket, she turned and looked at Ziva, "Good Luck."

"Aw, come on, you're upsetting the kid." Tony stated as she started to leave, gesturing to the now frowning baby in his arms.

Agent Fillmore turned and glared at him, "I'd wish her some too. Being around you for the rest of her life. Some father you are."

Ziva raised her eyebrows and smiled, just as Agent Fillmore made her final exit, before she doubled over laughing. Tony frowned down at her, before bouncing the long-faced Rylin in his arms, "See, mommy's just as silly as da-…Uncle Tony."

Ziva finally stood up and wiped a tear from her eye, "Oh," she breathed. "How many is that, now?"

McGee shrugged as he read through the long resignation, "Nineteen."

" Twenty-three." Tony corrected as Rylin did not cheer up. "Come on, Ry, bear. Don't be sad. She was a mean, old bi-"

"Hey!" Ziva shouted, cutting him off.

"Right, sorry." Tony muttered.

Ziva reached into her book bag style diaper bag and handed him a tiny pair of socks, with an elephant on one foot and a monkey on the other, filled with many tiny beads.

"Rattle socks." She said to the reaction on his face.

He still looked unsure and she smiled, "She loves them. Trust me."

"Alrighty, then." Tony said as he set Rylin back in the carrier and slid on one sock before glancing up at her, "Oh yeah. Abby wanted to see you, if you came by today."

Ziva placed her hands on her hips, "And I'm just now hearing this?"

"Sorry." Tony muttered as he lifted Rylin up again. The baby girl still frowned until Tony lightly tickled her feet and shook the rattles, she erupted with giggles.

Her mother smiled and placed a kiss on Rylin's cheek.

"I'll be right back, princess." She murmured before kissing one of Rylin's tiny fingers. "Promise."

As soon as she stepped out of the elevator, she knew she was in for trouble.

Abby's music was blaring, so loudly, she was thankful that she had not brought Rylin down there, the baby would have for sure, had a meltdown.

She was cautious herself to walk into the lab, but she had to.

She swallowed hard before uttering, "Hello, Abby."

The Goth gave her a grave-rattling glare before shutting off the music; she was not prepared for what was to come next.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW COULD YOU HAVE DOUBTED TONY? AFTER ALL THAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER! DO YOU REALLY THINK HE KILLED RIVKIN OUT OF JELOUSY? YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU WEREN'T THINKING! AND THEN TO TELL GIBBS YOU DIDN'T TRUST HIM! Which I guess I could also understand, because I guess he did just shoot your boyfriend. In your living room. To death. All right, I'll give you that one, but this is Tony we're talking about here! ALL SOFT AND GOOFY ON THE OUTSIDE AND 100% ROCK ON THE INSIDE! AND THEN, AFTER ALL THAT YOU ACCRUSED HIM OF HIS RISKED HIS LIFE FOR YOU! AND YOUR DAUGHTER! OF WHICH HE GAVE HER A NAME! HE'S HELPED YOU THROUGH IT ALL! HE MAKES YOU SMILE! HE MAKES HER SMILE-"

"I understand that Abby. I do. But, the past cannot be changed, I was held captive for a long period of time, rescued, but, is it too late?"

"Nothing is too late! How can you doubt yourself?" Abby screeched. "IF they had brought you back pregnant, what would have been different? Explain that to me. Ziva, I understand that, and I love Rylin to death. But if you had come back pregnant, she would not be here. There would be too many complications. I'm sorry to point this out to you, but, there aren't that many options. They could have brought you back, not pregnant. Not raped. Nothing, but would you be as strong? Would be able to think the way you are, right now? Or they could have brought you like they had done. A beautiful baby. Who adores you and everybody else. You do not appreciate people or what they do for you."

"I-"

"OR THEY COULD HAVE BROUGHT YOU BACK IN A BODY BAG."

Ziva frowned, "Can I talk?"

Abby frowned but nodded, "Sure."

Ziva folded her hands and leaned against the evidence table, "You do not know…you do not know, how it feels to be…used…or the fear…for not just me…my child. Just the feeling of having something inside of me, it gave me a little hope. Not much. Just a smudge."

Flashback: November 12th

She sat against the wall. Her large rounded belly keeping her comfort. She smiled as she felt the baby kick. She placed her hand on the radiating spot, "I am sorry. For you to be born like this." She murmured as her captor leaned against the doorframe.

"I do not see a problem with this, the women who give birth to my children do not complain."

Ziva turned and looked at him. "I am different." She stated simply.

Saleem smiled and chuckled, "That you are. None of my women have ever run away before, or made one of my sons vanish." Saleem frowned at the thought.

"What did happen toy my son?" he asked, his face serious.

"I do not know."

Saleem walked over to her and forced her up, her took her chin and rubbed it with his thumb, "You were the only one with him. The only one. Something. Had to happen to him. Did he die? Was it your milk? I should have known," he shoved her forcefully against the wall. "I should have known," he looked up and down. "A mutt like you would not have milk worthy of my son."

He pointed to her protruding belly, "You will not be nursing that child. I cannot afford another failure from you."

"I have every right to do with what I want with my child. I will nurse her." Ziva responded angrily before Saleem raced up to her grabbing her face in his hand and squeezing it painfully, "DO NOT CALL MY SON A SHE. IT IS A BOY."

Ziva spat, "You cannot control the human body."

Saleem rammed his fist into the wall; he pulled it back, bloody.

"NO! IT IS NOT!" he shouted.

Ziva frowned, "Why don't you find out then…"

Saleem shouted at the top of his lungs before he started walking over to the door, but Ziva's 'win' was short-lived. Her breath staggered and she crumbled to the floor, gripping her stomach.

Saleem turned and walked over to her. He forced her up once more and she leaned against a wall, panting.

"Please. Get some help." She breathed.

Saleem smiled, "Oh now, you want my help. You know what begging gets you." He said as he reached for her top.

Ziva shook her head weakly, "No. No. You cannot. It's too early. The baby, it cannot come. It cannot. If, if you…" she swallowed as tears of pain began to fall, "If you hurt me. There could be an infection. The baby will not live. I need a doctor. Get me a doctor."

Saleem frowned at the thought of losing another son, "I will find her."

She didn't have to ask who, her, was, she just wanted a doctor.

As Saleem stood near the door he said something that sent chills down her and probably the baby's spine, "Remember my promise. A boy, will save your life. A girl, and I will end both."

"Hurry." Ziva cried.

Saleem gave a sly smile, "Happy Birthday."

Ziva swallowed and licked her lips, "They were able to stop the contractions, but still, when Rylin was born I was scared. I will admit. I was terrified, not for myself, for my child. I knew from the look on his face it was not what he was looking for. He immediately reached for his knife. I told him, not to, I begged him not to kill her. I was already practically naked and he and his men…seized the opportunity. That is the only reason she is still alive."

Ziva's face turned to anger and she jabbed a finger in Abby's face, "SO DO NOT DARE SAY THAT I DO NOT APPRECHIATE PEOPLE! OF COURSE I DO! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR MY DAUGHTER! ANYTHING!" she heaved. Her breaths were heavy and tears were starting to spill over.

"Ziva…"

Ziva held up a hand and wiped her tears, "I just…I want my daughter to be happy. To always smile. To have a family that loves her. Sometimes, I-I think…I…I do not know if I-"

Abby stopped her, "No. No. No Ziva. You cannot give her up. Sure, there are tons of people who want to adopt kids, but Rylin loves you too much for you to do that. You've worked hard to get her here and you been a damn good mother so far. Don't give up. Tony, sure didn't give up when we lost you. He thought about you every second. It was his idea to go to Africa. It was his idea to track down the Damocles. He's…he's like your guardian angel, Ziva, you just can't do that to him."

Her arms were now around the sobbing mother, "You can't do that to them."

"She is a-"

Abby shook her head, "No. She's not. She's your child. Nobody else's. She's my niece. McGee's niece. Ducky's granddaughter. Palmer's cousin. Gibbs's granddaughter…more importantly, Tony's daughter."

Ziva looked at her and wiped her face, she shook her head, "No. She is not. She is some man's child. I never learned any of their names. Tony just happened to step into a father's shoes."

"So?" Abby wiped a tear for her. "Tony always sends me pictures of Rylin, whenever he's with her. A father does that. Tony always talks about Rylin, always. A father does that. A father is a person who a little girl or a little boy can look up to and talk to. To take them to their first baseball game. To show them the best basketball moves. Put together their first playscape. Teach them how to throw a baseball. Who's a good girlfriend or boyfriend-"

"Whoa. Whoa." Ziva said, holding up her hands. "To far…I do not want to think that far."

Abby smiled and handed Ziva a tissue, "She's gonna be a pretty little girl though." Abby added.

Ziva nodded, "I just don't wanna remember…any of that."

Abby shrugged, "Maybe you should talk to somebody. Like…"

"Who? I have no friends."

"You could make some; maybe go to a Mommy and Me class."

Ziva smirked, "Tony already suggested that."

"And did you say?"

"To shove it up his hairy-"

"Okay, I think I can finish that sentence. Now, why, why wouldn't you like to go?" Abby asked.

"I do not know what they do at those classes. And I…Rylin is not a morning person."

"Didn't you call me a couple weeks ago, at four in the morning, and Rylin was already up and super excited for no reason?"

Ziva sighed, "I do not want to go. I…I am fine. I do not want to work out."

Abby pursed her lips and sighed, "Fine."

Ziva's new phone, that Gibbs had bought her, began ringing and she pulled it from her pocket and answered it quickly.

"Hello…Yes, Tony…Um…Okay…I'll-no…I'll be right there…I am going to teach you how to...no, Tony, it was a jo-. Fine…I promise. Okay, bye."

She ended the call.

She opened her mouth and looked at Abby, "Rylin is hungry and fussy, I have too-"

Abby pulled her into a bone crushing hug, rubbing her friend's back slowly, "Go be a mom, with dad."

Ziva smiled, "I think Breastfeeding is the right word, but uh…thank you, Abby. It feels somewhat better, to get some things…off my chest." She murmured, almost ashamed. "Not everything, I want to, talk about, right now. But things…being bottled up…"

Abby smiled, "You know where to find me." She said as she let go.

She smiled once more before turning and left for the door before Abby called, "Ziva. You're boobs. They're really big."

"Should I be insulted or complimented?"

Abby shrugged, "Ask Daddy."

I would love at least ten reviews!

And please, if you ever been to a Mommy and Me class (or something similar) can you tell me your experience? I've never really been to one, except for the ones I've seen in movies.