Voices of the Present
Perspective: Part IV

Tough Love

Finding the kitchen wasn't hard at all given the variety of aromas wafting from it. Tamao came into the well-lit room, which was also western-style if a bit outdated. The appliances were all modern, however. Not surprising given Hisoka-senpai lives here and how much she appears to enjoy cooking.

What happened next was a surprise, however. A moment after entering the room, she felt herself pulled into Nagisa's...dammit, no, Hiromi's...arms. Tamao looked into eyes...and found herself falling. Hiromi was surprisingly strong for someone essentially Tamao's size, and the redhead's left arm and hand held her firm. Hiromi's right arm also enveloped her and those fingertips began softly, barely drifting along a thin spot in her Miator uniform's fabric she never realized was there before. She couldn't move. Her heart raced and her mouth went dry. Thought fled her mind. Nothing existed but those eyes and the sensation of being held. The eyes came closer and Tamao melted. Breath smelling faintly of strawberries replaced the kitchen smells which had previously been so distinct. A vanishing voice in the back of her mind was crying, "This is wrong. That's not Nagisa." I don't care! was the last remnant of coherent, semi-conscious thought as her eyes closed and she desperately awaited the touch of lips on her own.

But the touch never came. Instead she felt herself turned around, arms enfolding her chastely from behind, and a face buried in her hair. "Dear heart, that is what Nagisa feels in Shizuma's arms. You have a taste of why, when Shizuma selfishly forced the issue in front of the whole world, my niece had to go her. I am sure to go to Hell for what I just did, but you had to understand. This was also the only way anything between us would be normal, tonight or ever. I'm not Nagisa. If anything I'm Shizuma. I could even be your Shizuma, Tamao. I could have you. Your desire is there and I can easily see why Nagisa is smitten with you. But I don't think that's what you really need, and unlike Shizuma today, unlike the me of ten years ago, I care about that."

Hiromi squeezed the embrace around Tamao briefly. "Please forgive my niece, please forgive me, and most of all, find it in your heart to forgive Shizuma."

Hiromi disengaged and walked back to the counter full of prepared dishes and tableware. "I'll carry what I can in the first run and wait with the other girls until you're ready to join us. They know what just happened, but I'll be clear they passionately disagreed with my method. If Hisoka was any more mobile, I think she would have slapped me when I told her my intention. If you feel my presence will interfere with your enjoyment of the rest of the evening, I will leave you with Hisoka and Keiko. I have a car and can stay in a hotel tonight." She then picked up some glasses and two bottles of wine and went to walk out of the kitchen. She paused briefly as she passed Tamao, but Tamao remained frozen in body and mind, unmoving since she had resigned herself to Hiromi's kiss. Hiromi continued on, leaving Tamao to find herself again.

Hard Understanding

Tamao was lost in her own mind. Despite the Taiko drum that was her heart beating out time if she cared to keep it, time stood still. Part of her wanted to break down in hysterics and run fleeing from this damned place. The second time in twelve hours she'd felt this way, but for oh such different reasons.

Are my feelings for Nagisa just an echo of what I could feel for Hiromi, or are my feelings for Nagisa true and Hiromi is just cruelly pulling those heartstrings? Is this really how Nagisa feels when Shizuma looks in her eyes? Damn all three of them to Hell.

Hiromi. Is she right? Is she my Shizuma? I wanted her...no...I still want her. She's right that I'd be hers in a heartbeat if she took me again. I'm primed for her to paint herself into my heart. To just surrender and stop having to be the responsible one, to have someone reach for me...hold me...and not the other way around. It would be so much easier.

That's my hurt talking, and Hiromi preyed on that.

Would I have felt the way I feel for Nagisa for any girl who showed up to fill my room...and by extension my heart? I have been telling myself Nagisa and I are bound by fate, but maybe my feelings are just desperation.

If I don't leave, can I really go back to being a child tomorrow? Keiko sounded so confident, but I feel a million years old right now. Oh, Hiromi, it may be already too late.

I am standing within a true wonder of Strawberry Hall. If I leave, I'm sure there will never be another chance at this. This lightening will never strike twice. These women have my answers, and those they don't have I stand the best chance of finding through them. Hiromi's right, I don't understand Shizuma. I don't understand Nagisa. And I damn well don't understand myself.

Tamao's mind continued running in so many different directions her consciousness ceased to be able to keep up with it all. Only when she became aware that she couldn't feel her heart racing anymore did she enter the world again.

Deep breath.

Tamao shook herself, stretched and took in the room again. Everything was as Hiromi said she'd leave it, so it appeared she was true to her word and hadn't returned while Tamao was lost in thought.

I'm a big girl and I'm still standing. I'm not going to lose to Shizuma again, even when she wears Nagisa's...dear Nagisa's...eyes.

I'm staying.

Tamao went and grabbed two prepared plates and the readied western tableware. I'm not hungry and Hiromi can get her own damned food.

The Point of No Return

Tamao returned to the main room to see Hisoka and Keiko watching her intently as she entered, Keiko nursing a glass of wine and Hisoka a glass of ice water come from heaven knows where. Hiromi was working the fire, adding a log and stoking it to keep it healthy. Healthy. They say she's a psychiatrist. What the Hell kind of therapy does she practice, anyway?

She said none of this, keeping her face impassive as she placed food before Keiko-chan and Hisoka-senpai. She looked at the surface Hiromi was likely expecting to also receive food, and saw a half-full glass of red wine next to a significantly drained bottle. Well, it's been long enough for her to drain more than half a bottle of wine so far. I guess something about me really did take something out of her. Half of me wishes her the worst hangover ever, the other half wants to be there with her in the morning to ease her through it.

Am I really ready for all this?

Too late now.

Tamao sat down, reached for the ready glass, and started sipping at her wine. It did taste fruity, although the aftertaste was bitter. She found sipping was more enjoyable than drinking anyway, so 'moderation' didn't seem too difficult.

Tamao watched as Hiromi made her way back to her chair. The redhead glanced at the table and didn't make any obvious notice of the lack of food on it. She picked up her glass, drank from it, and added her eyes to the other two pair already fixed to Tamao.

"Okay, Keiko-chan hooked me, Hisoka-senpai cooked me, and Hiromi just ate me up. If I wasn't satisfying enough, she's welcome to get her own damned plate." Tamao met eyes with Hiromi unsure what she was conveying or what the redhead was reciprocating. "Now what's so important for me to know that it was worth taking a battered childhood and a wounded heart, and breaking them both clean in half." Hiromi winced and looked down. Good.

It was Hisoka who next spoke. "I think it's best for us to start with our own story and then work our way from there. Hiromi-chan and I are Miator classmates, roommates from our first year. Our relationship was...unusual...to say the least, but I get ahead of myself. Nothing terribly atypical, at least not for Strawberry Hall, happened until we got our roomkeeper in our fourth year..."

*V*

The events described by Hisoka, Hiromi, and Keiko will be told in the separate story
Echoes of the Past, starting with the arc "The Roomkeeper" which I will begin this weekend.

Voices of the Present:Prologue will be become the first chapter of a new story,
Voices of the Present, and will continue while the past events unfold.
The next story arc in Voices of the Present will be "Waiting".

Sorry for any confusion this rearrangment causes.
It has become apparent that my first chapter, by itself, is an inadequate introduction to the story.
I can only beg your patience as the newb learns the ropes. ;-)

***Author Notes***

No, Hiromi and Tamao will not pair, but their relationship will likely be complicated. Rest assured, Nagisa and Tamao are my core characters for Voices of the Present and they have a lot of adventures ahead of them. Shizuma will certainly want to weigh in as well, of course. She has no intentions of ever giving Nagisa up, and she can be very persuasive. The original love triangle central to SP is alive and well in my mind.

I've come to realize Hiromi Aoi is resonating from my memories of a girlfriend from high school, my infamous "first". She was a sensual (and sexual) dynamo and I was completely clueless and innocent, and she claimed me in vaguely similar fashion to Shizuma and Hiromi- hypnotically like a snake. She was as screwed up as Shizuma, and yet I still love her to this day. No wonder I have such mixed feelings about Shizuma and difficulties with Hiromi- they dovetail with this girl I haven't seen in almost 25 years and who completely changed the course of my life.

I think ultimately Hiromi may have wanted Tamao to have her own counterweight to Nagisa's Shizuma. As we've already established, we're witnesses to Tamao learning perspective...and likely taking Nagisa and Shizuma along for the ride in the process. Hiromi isn't thrilled with her niece ending up with someone like herself, and perhaps this is her way of making Tamao aware in no uncertain terms what she's up against. Someday I may put the two of them, Hiromi and Shizuma, in the same room and watch the fur fly. I'll add that I think Hiromi's left a permanent mark on Tamao, much like the gf I mentioned did with me. It'll be interesting to see if Nagisa, or Shizuma, pick up on it (my wife certainly did back in the day)...and how Tamao handles it.

It's so annoying when characters hijack the story...

***Reviewer Responses***

kaizer20

As always, thank you for your kind comments. I'm glad you like my take on the characters. I'm having fun with minor or just referenced characters because they give me a lot more room to play with. To answer your question, I am a Sagittarius. For those Japanese out there, I'm type O+. I think that should cover it all. ;-)

And no, the three senpai are not a threesome, at least not in the amorous sense. They are extremely close friends bound by some amazing shared personal experiences, but Hisoka and Keiko are very much paired in a binary, death do us part fashion. That was not always the case, as we'll see the past here in a bit. They now live a low-key life that would cause Hiromi to gnaw her leg off at the knee to get out of the trap. She's too much the extrovert to handle her two dearest friends except in measured doses.

Everyone

I would very much appreciate feedback on this chapter. I feel like it doesn't quite flow right, but I can't figure out anything that can be changed without ruining the whole thing. I'm also still defining Aoi Hiromi, which could be part of the challenge.