Secrets We Keep Chapter 2, an o.c. fanfic

Part II

Alex woke up with her head throbbing. She reached for her mobile phone which was ringing non-stop. It made her head hurt a little more.

"Shit." She muttered on the pillow.

"Hello?" She answered with an angry tone evident in her voice.

Hangover again?

"Good morning to you too Bianca…" Alex rolled out of bed standing up.

She slowly walked towards the bathroom. In desperate need of an aspirin for her head splitting headache.

You didn't meet up with Jodie and Summer last night. You drank, shit knows how much. Are you trying to kill yourself before you even see her?

Bianca angrily snapped. Alex was like this since she got back from London. And it worried her. Vodka, Rum, Tequila, it didn't really matter. Alex drank them till she passed out.

"I'm sorry. I just… I can't take the pain…" Alex mumbled clearing out the medicine cabinet in frustration.

If you can't then why are you doing this Alex? Why would you look for her if it only hurts you?

Bianca wanted Alex to be with Marissa. But the time her friend spent in frustration was not getting the best out of Alex. It was taking the worse. The once revered female athlete was now a loner, an alcoholic, with a temper that flares at the slightest provocation.

Alex was silent on the other end of the line. She rested the side of her head on the bathroom wall, sighing deeply.

I don't know how long I can wait Marissa. I have to find you. I think I'm going out of my mind.

Alex closed her eyes and thought of Marissa's smile.

I'd give anything to see you again.

----

Marissa stirred on her bed and opened her eyes. She stared at the clock at her night stand which read 10AM. She grumbled knowing she was off to work in a few hours with tons of chores to do on the way. She rolled and stared at the ceiling.

Morning Alex.

Guess what… I have work today. You know who's playing at the bar? Rachel Yamagata. Ever heard of her? Don't really know if she's famous there in Europe. But she's good Alex. And with the types of music I remember you listening to, she fits your CD collection.

I miss you.

I say it every day. Here in my head.

But it's true.

I miss you.

Marissa raised her hand. She held on to the heart necklace she had been holding all night.

"You have my heart Alex. I hope I still have yours." Marissa smiled and sat up.

She wore the necklace before standing up.

----

The day turned into night. Alex had grown weary once more, searching Newport business centers for a chance to find Marissa. It was her first instinct to find Marissa in an office environment. Alex thought Marissa was too picky to apply for simpler jobs. She sat on the couch in her rented apartment with a frown on her face and a heavy heart. She sighed as she stood to find an alcoholic-free fridge.

"I need to get out…" Alex turned around and took her jacket.

The Bait Shop is just around the pier. The place was alright.

Alex was about to go out the door when Summer appeared with her hand ready to knock. Alex grew wide-eyed.

Oh brother…

"ALEX COHEN! YOU TWIT! YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT DRINKING AGAIN! SERIOUSLY!" Summer swatted Alex with her bag making Alex back down.

"Hi… Summer… Jodie…" Alex greeted while defending herself from Summer.

"She's uptight today. You didn't really look good last night." Jodie chuckled pulling her girlfriend away from her best friend.

"I swear Cohen… You get wasted like that again. I'll… I'll…" Summer pointed at Alex but the blonde just laughed at her friend.

"She's just going to carry you again then… You can ruin her Armani pants with your vomit." Jodie laughed but stopped with a glare from Summer.

Alex just smiled at her friends as they started to bicker. She thought of Marissa as she turned her back on them.

I guess my drink will have to wait. Marissa, even their presence can't take the pain away.

They make me miss you more.

Summer just got married to Jodie when I got back. You were gone. They wanted to wait for you. But couldn't.

Where are you?

----

"Marissa Cohen, take a break girl. You work too hard." The manager smiled as she gave Marissa a pat on the back.

Marissa smiled back.

Took up your surname honey... Hope you don't mind… I know we're not married but… I like it… I love you…

They were nice enough not to check on me… They gave me the job when I begged them. But I work really hard you see? And it makes my boss happy. I'm learning honey. I'm learning how to work things out like you did back then. With the farm and stuff… Alex…

"How about you take the rest of the day off Cohen? You come in really early everyday and you're really giving me my money's worth." Jean, the manager smiled sweeping the floor.

"It's fine. I like Rachael Yamagata too. I mean… I would love to stay and help."

If I try hard enough would I see you again? I miss you… I'll earn a little more and I'll go there to find you. Hope you at least read one of my letters. I won't stop trying Alex…

I'll find you.

----

Alex took a walk at the pier and breathed out. She rested her arm on the railing and stayed there for a while. She looked out into the ocean and sighed.

Another day is almost going to end and I still can't find you.

Where are you?

Alex turned around and walked towards the Bait Shop.

I just have to get myself wasted so I can fall asleep.

She opened the doors of the club and a sultry voice was singing. She looked down and saw Rachael Yamagata. Alex didn't know who she was though. She just stood there for a while and listened. The lyrics where slowly being written in her head.

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend our days traveling'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes
You can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

Marissa was behind the bar, sitting on at stool. She had taken a break and was watching Rachael sing. She turned her head towards the crowd below. Her head silently sang with the soulful singer. Marissa closed her eyes and gazed towards the piano. Her heart has never felt this heavy.

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio
And I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

The two girls didn't know they were at the same place and at the same time. They didn't know their hearts were calling out for each other. They thought the love they had was long forgotten by the other. Little did they know that they will find that love again. But it won't be easy.

So, steal the show
And do your best to cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind
But you only showed me the door

The song ended and Marissa stood up to get some air. Tears brimming in her eyes. She walked out the back door. And started to cry.

"You miss her don't you…"

Marissa turned and found her Jean behind her.

"I'm sorry. I'll just be a minute…" Marissa hurriedly wiped her tears.

"It's ok. Take your time." The older girl smiled and went back inside.

Alex made her way down the winding staircase. She walked straight to the bar and took a stool.

"Just give me vodka. And keep them coming." Alex told the bartender.

Alex was ready to drown herself with alcohol again. The pain was just too great.