I do not own the song lyrics I have included within this chapter. I wished I did it is such a beautiful song.
He took in a deep breath. "I didn't mean to cause all the…pain Torchwood gave you. If I'd have known that I wouldn't have recruited anyone all those years ago." He felt a hand on his arm.
"But Cardiff and the world need saving Jack. Who else would have done that?"
"Unit?" Jack tried to laugh but it felt wrong, he wasn't ready to be carefree yet.
Gwen gave him a look. "No, Jack we stayed to help you defend the Earth because we wanted to. As you said, we could have left at anytime, but we didn't."
"Yeah, and look where it got you all." Jack said through gritted teeth. "You're the only one left Gwen, how did-" He swallowed the lump in his throat to stop him from saying what he truly wanted to know but instead whispered. "Why did they have to die?"
Gwen couldn't answer. She had asked herself and Rhys the same question so many times. She wondered what would have happened if Tosh and Owen had been there when the 456 had taken over. They probably would have sorted it out quicker than they had done. But on the plus side they found out Jack could survive being blown apart. Gwen didn't want to think about how much pain her Captain had been in when his body was ripped apart.
But now she was staring at a broken man, whose heart had been torn to pieces as his lover died in his arms and she didn't know what to do. She was so used to seeing him full of energy, life and love but that had all but vanished. She wanted the old days back, where the entire Torchwood team was working hard solving a case underneath the Millennium Centre and she missed the times when Captain Jack Harkness would walk into the room and everyone would stare at me.
Sitting in the café that hadn't happened, yes people looked at them when they had entered but when they caught his eye and saw the sadness within them, they simply smiled weakly then turned back to their drinks. It wasn't right.
After a while Gwen noticed Jack was looking at her cup of rapidly cooling coffee and the guilty feeling sunk in as she realized what she had done.
-007-
Sat in the boardroom with his boots on the desk;Jack smiled at his team as they listened to Tosh presenting them with her latest ideas for the Hub's security system.
It was then the smell of coffee drifted through the open door of the room making Jack sigh then his body filled with joy at, not only the sight of coffee, but its carrier – Ianto Jones. Jack smiled again. This time showing his fondness for the Welshman but it was soon deflated by the evil glare Gwen shot at him.
A mug was placed in front of him and Jack watched the steam rise to disperse in the air. Then he looked up to see Ianto walking around the table to claim his seat. Once sat down, Jack nodded his thanks. Then thoughts of the previous night flooded his mind. Thoughts of how dominant and commanding Ianto had been. Secretly Jack loved it when his lover took charge.
It was then he realized he had missed what Toshiko had been saying. Damn, that Welshman was too distracting.
-007-
Jack laughed through his nose but it didn't meet his eyes. Gwen smiled sadly at him when he glanced up from his coffee. It was then she finally realized how he felt. She had felt like that when Rhys had died due to being stabbed by an old crazy bloke. But what Jack was feeling must be at least ten times worse because he had to live forever with the guilt of what happened on that tragic day.
He sighed and looked around the café, why had he come back here? The memories were still raw, still there and they would be there for a verylong time. Everywhere he looked he could see things which reminded him of the people he had lost; medicines, computers, especially coffee and suits. Tears built in his eyes. He blinked rapidly to clear them and then he froze.
In slow motion, walking past the window was Ianto. He was wearing Jack's favourite suit, the black one with the pin strips. The red shirt and patterned tie could easily be seen as it seemed to stand out against the rain clouds which hung over Cardiff. Slowly Ianto turned his head to look through the window of the café and straight into the teary eyes of Jack.
The Captain made to move but he felt the hand of Gwen, still on his arm, holding him back.
Then Ianto's voice filled his ears. 'Don't let go, never give up it's such a wonderful life…' Then the Welshman was gone, vanished into thin air, never to be seen again.
Heavy breaths escaped Jack's lips as huge droplets of salty water cascade down his cheeks. Warm arms made their way around him but they didn't comfort him, they weren't the arms he wanted to hold him tight, to tell it was going to be okay.
He tore himself away from Gwen, got up, grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and fled the café
He turned to walk in the direction of the water tower and to where he used to call home. People looked at him as he stumbled to his destination, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away the tears.
The water tower came into view and memories filled his head once more.
-007-
He held onto Ianto's hand stightly. "What happened?" He asked the man in front of him, but when he didn't say anything he turned to Tosh who gave him the answer he needed.
Then suddenly he had strong arms around him. "We thought we'd lost you." The Welsh vowels were filled with relief and happiness.
As he started to calm down, Jack held onto him as tight as he could. "You saved me." He whispered.
-007-
As the clouds released their contents and the rain was mixed with his tears, Jack smiled. Ianto had saved him. In fact Ianto hadn't just saved him from death. He had saved him from loneliness, showed him how to live and love again. Love. If only he had told him how he felt on that day instead of waiting six months to tell him only to loose the Welshman again. Why was life never fair? Why couldn't he have the chance to live a normal life or to have someone he loved to stay by his side forever?