Weakness of the Heart
Chapter 5
Bearer of the News
It's funny how life works sometimes. One minute, you are completely sure you know what's going on, and the next minute, you feel like you have somehow entered an alternate dimension. The even more ironic part is that it happens so fast that you don't even realize the changes around you—like you get some sort of amnesia. Yet, still, there is a nagging feeling in the back of your mind, telling you that things definitely aren't what they used to be. But as a witless human, you push that nagging feeling away until a forced feeling of queer comfort washes over you.
At least, that's how Sakura felt.
She admitted she wasn't like any ordinary human, but she assumed most people reacted the same to drastic changes. So it was okay to act insensible about Sasuke re-entering her life… right? Maybe not… but that didn't stop her.
"What is with you?" A deep, bovine voice echoed in her ears, swallowing her in a painful embrace.
She glanced up at the dark-haired boy from beneath her rose-colored locks, her emerald eyes drowsy and listless. "Wha-… did you say something?"
He shook his head at her, narrowing his eyes slightly. An exasperating silence slipped between them as Sakura gazed off into the distance, her eyelids falling heavy over her glassy eyes.
They had been waiting for Kakashi for what seemed like hours. He had left them there in his living room alone… awkward… bored. Where he had gone? That was the pressing mystery.
Before slipping out the front door, he had called to Sakura in the other room and asked her to watch over Sasuke while he was gone. She laughed in his face at first, utterly amused by the idea. But once she peered up at him and registered his mirthless attitude, she swallowed her laughs away and nodded apprehensively in return. On the inside, however, she was laughing bitterly, unable to contain her amusement. It had to be a joke—how could someone like her guard someone like him? Even if he did try to leave, it's not like she could stop him.
Shaking her thoughts away, Sakura let her eyes drift over to the boy next to her, slumped in a very uncomfortable position. His arms were crossed as if he was trying to shield himself from something, and his bottom lip almost seemed to pucker in a fixed frown. She smirked slightly at the sight of him, erupting a soft giggle.
He glared at her. "What's so funny?"
She waved her hand at him in disregard, the smirk still plastered across her face. "Nothing…"
He was silent for a moment as he glared at her, his dark eyes boring into her emerald ones. The smug smirk on Sakura's face dissipated as she furrowed her brows in confusion. Did I say something wrong…?
He pulled his eyes away from her, then… "You're different."
She tilted her head curiously. "Oh? I guess this stiff boredom is getting to me."
"No. You just aren't the same as I remember you." His voice was stern and rigid, and it made Sakura shudder.
Was she? She couldn't quite seem to remember; she hadn't seen him in years when he showed up in Konoha. At first, the newfound existence of Sasuke in her life seemed to hurl a thorn into her daily life, but it had been weeks since he returned, and Sakura had molded her life around him. To her, it almost seemed like he had been there for years. Well, thanks to the help of Kakashi's extensive training.
She blushed as he stared back at her, impatiently awaiting a comment or defense. Words couldn't seem to formulate in her head, so she said the only thing that came to mind, "Oh? I wasn't aware of that."
"See. Right there." He pointed an accusing finger at her. "You're acting like Kakashi." The way he spoke reminded Sakura of Naruto, but she ignored it, tilting her head at him innocently.
Was she acting like Kakashi? She wasn't sure, but it didn't matter either way, because apparently Sasuke had noticed it. "What do you mean, Sasuke?"
He ignored her doting question. "And besides, don't you think you're spend a little too much time with him? I mean, he's your sensei…"
If Sakura wasn't totally thrown off, she could've sworn Sasuke was acting protective. Since when did he give a damn about the way she spent her time? She suddenly felt angry as she pondered that thought.
"What's it to you?" She glared at him through darkened eyes.
He growled. "I don't know! I just think it's strange! Ever since I came back you've been acting all distracted and absent-minded." He paused, scoffing under his breath. "Except when you are around Kakashi, of course."
That one stung. In fact, it stabbed so deep that Sakura's rage began boiling uncontrollably. She gritted her teeth at him, clenching her fists until her knuckles flushed white.
"I can't believe you! You're just upset because I don't hang on your every word anymore! What's the matter? Does that stab your massive pride!"
He bit his tongue indignantly until the foul, metallic taste of blood lingered in his mouth. He had never felt such a strange mix of rage and confusion. He had seen Sakura act this way, but never towards him, of course.
"Oh, please, don't flatter yourself too much."
Sakura trembled with fury as she narrowed her eyes at him sharply; it almost seemed like steam was pouring out her ears as she effortlessly contained her seething rage. She couldn't believe him, all those years she had spent following this arrogant boy—what was wrong with her? She was so damn dedicated, and thought she still was, but he had to go and cross the line.
A strange mix of insult and anger washed over her as she glared back at him, searching for some sort of comeback. And then, she said something that shouldn't have been brought up.
"What's your problem? You waltz back in Konoha and expect everyone to accept you the way they used to!" She turned her head away from him to hide the pain she was feeling deep inside. "Where were you anyways? You haven't told any of us what happened."
For a moment, Sasuke's coal-colored eyes darkened maliciously, emitting a chaotic storm of emotion. An icy chill traveled down Sakura's spine as she gazed back at him, utterly bemused by the change in his composure. An odd combination of guilt and fright echoed throughout her shuddering frame as she ducked away from him, awaiting the enraged dark-haired boy to lash out at her. But to her wonderment, he did not; he balled his hands into a tight fist and withdrew his emotions, letting his dark eyes wander away from her.
What just happened?
She stared back at him wide-eyed, unable to formulate coherent sentences. She suddenly wished she hadn't given him any attitude. Maybe he was best ignored and left alone.
Unable to stand the thickening silence suffocating her, she stood abruptly and waved a shaky hand at him. "Well, anyways, I-I just need to get some fresh air. I will be back in a moment."
Turning swiftly on her heel, she dashed out of Kakashi's apartment without looking back once. At that moment, she didn't give a damn what Kakashi would say to her about leaving Sasuke alone. She just wanted out, and as far away possible from the dark-haired Uchiha.
An image of Sasuke's raging emotion flooded her mind and she shivered, huddling her arms around her body to quell her shakiness. She had only seen Sasuke act that way a few times; and all times Orochimaru was involved. That thought frightened her so; she felt hollow and barren all the way to the marrow in her bones. Had she somehow awakened the curse?
Because, let's face it, nobody really knew what happened with that curse. In fact, nobody even knew what Sasuke had been through during the years after to Konoha. Had he killed Itachi like he had hoped? Had he become the successor to Orochimaru? Or did he even stay in contact with Orochimaru? For all she knew, he could have been living off on some deserted island like a savage. It was doubtful, but with the lack of information she had, it had a chance of being true.
She suddenly felt morally delinquent for pushing Sasuke the way she did. She had no idea how emotionally stable he was. After Orochimaru's curse… who knew? He could be like a raging wildfire waiting to be lit. But the worst part of it was—deep down inside, she didn't want to push Sasuke. She wanted to fall over him and yell "Sasuke-kun!", just like her former self. Because, despite how tough her exterior was around him, she still loved him. She still grew dizzy and flustered when she stood next to him. She still snuck in hidden stares whenever possible, and she still longed for him.
He was her hopes and dreams in the past, but now, he was a latent infatuation.
However, Kakashi's training had helped. She actually acted normal around him. She had learned to put up an apathetic façade around him; so much so, in fact, that she started convincing herself that she didn't love him. Though, deep down her heart was still aching.
The funny part was she had no idea how Kakashi's stamina training had helped to train her emotions. Too bad she was too credulous to realize it wasn't the stamina training that was helping her; it was simply Kakashi that enlightened her.
"Going somewhere?"
Sakura let out a shrill squeak at the sound of his voice. She turned abruptly to face him, a skittish look etched into her features. "K-kakashi-sensei! Back already…?"
He stepped towards the pink-haired girl, crossing his arms with dominance. "I thought I told you to watch Sasuke."
She chuckled nervously. "O-oh…. yeah! I am watching him! Y-you see, I just needed some fresh air, so I decided to, you know, s-step outside and-"
He had seen that act from her before. "What did you do, Sakura?"
She stared back at him flabbergasted. "I don't know what you are talking about, sensei. He's sitting inside. Last time I checked he was reading a book."
He raised a silver brow at her disbelievingly. "A… book? Right…" He sighed heavily, rubbing his temples in exasperation. "Sakura, I don't think you understand how much trouble I would get in if Sasuke went missing again. He is under my authority, and anything that he does is my fault."
Turning on his heel, the silver-haired man sighed, making his way towards the apartment. He hadn't given Sakura a chance to formulate a rebuttal, and, frankly, she was glad. She didn't have much to argue against because she was the one at fault. And besides—it's Kakashi—he always wins at arguments.
A wave of tension washed over Sakura as she followed closely behind the aggravated jounin. She really didn't want to go back in that apartment and face Sasuke, but it was an inevitable moment she just couldn't possibly avoid. She just hoped to god that Sasuke wasn't acting the way he was when she left the apartment, because if she noticed his strange eruption of emotion, then Kakashi would definitely notice it. And if Kakashi noticed it… well, she wasn't really sure what would happen. But it definitely wasn't something she wanted to think about.
Kakashi pressed the front door open with a sigh, immediately laying eyes on the dark-haired Uchiha. He was simply… sitting. His arms were crossed across his chest as he slumped in the couch rigidly. His fixed gaze was apathetic and disinterested as the two shinobi entered the apartment. Not exactly an action Kakashi expected; or Sakura either, for that matter.
Sakura relaxed her tense muscles as a look of bewilderment washed over her. She wasn't expecting him to be sitting in the same position she had left him. She was at least expecting him to be a flaming ball of rage and fury, but to her bafflement—he was not. He was composing himself as if nothing had happened.
His dark eyes trailed over to the silver-haired figure. "Where the hell have you been?"
He shrugged idly. "Does it matter?"
"Yes. It does. What makes you think you can keep me cooped up in your apartment while you are off doing whatever the hell you want?"
"If you didn't like it that much why didn't you just leave?"
Sakura stifled a chuckle behind a crooked smile. Watching Sasuke and Kakashi bicker like a married couple was wildly entertaining. She had never seen Sasuke act so… defensive.
The dark-haired boy stood abruptly. "Whatever. You can stay with her in your stuffy apartment if you want, but I'd rather not…" As he stepped towards the front door, hands shoved apathetically in his pockets, he turned his narrowed eyes towards his sensei. "I'm sure you want to anyways."
Sakura crinkled her brows furiously. Why was he always addressing her like that—never saying her name; she was always just her to him, never Sakura.
Kakashi shrugged as the dark-haired boy pushed past him. Sakura watched in wonderment at the sight before her. He was just letting Sasuke leave! After that whole spew about 'anything he does is my fault'! What was wrong with this picture?
"Wait Sas-"
Kakashi cut the fumbling pink-haired girl off, holding his gloved hand to her mouth. She shuddered as his warm fingers brushed against her cheek, causing an obscure sensation to quake throughout her body.
"Let him go…"
His smooth voice swallowed her in a numbing disablement. She watched unwillingly as Sasuke closed the door behind him, his dark eyes never leaving hers until the opening in the door converged, leaving Sakura in silence. Kakashi's hand remained compressed to Sakura's reddened face as the stiff silence consumed them.
Before Sakura had a chance to speak up, Kakashi's voice arose, distinguishing the questions in her mind. "He'll be fine. He won't go anywhere. He knows the consequences."
Finally peeling his hand away from her mouth slowly, Sakura gasped, the open air leaving her skin tingling. He gazed down at her lazily, somewhat amused behind his dark mask. He had successfully made her nervous once again.
Suddenly aware of the ability to use her mouth again, Sakura stammered, attempting to ignore the shaken discomfort in her demeanor. "B-but… what about…"
She wasn't sure what she was trying to say, so she shut up, letting her eyes drift to the floor. In fact, she wasn't even sure what she was feeling. She was being torn between many emotions—confusion, calamity, guilt. And not all of them had to do with Sasuke; something about the feel of Kakashi's hand on her skin disturbed her all the way to the pit of her stomach.
"If you were wondering where I was, I was with Tsunade in a meeting."
She glanced up at him, disturbance still etched in her features. "Oh?..."
"She told me to tell you that she wants to speak with you as soon as possible."
Sakura's heart caught in her throat as her eyes widened. What had she done wrong? She had to admit she had been distracted lately, but did that mean Tsunade was resigning her? That was the last thing that she wanted to happen. She didn't want to give up being a medic-nin, it was the only thing keeping her motivated as a weak shinobi.
Her voice cracked slightly as she gazed up at Kakashi with worried eyes. "W-what did she… say to you?"
An impartial emotion flickered in Kakashi's eyes momentarily. "Don't worry. It's nothing you have to worry about."
She nodded apprehensively, unable to comfort herself with his words. A thought of Sasuke flashed in her mind, causing her heart to twinge with pain. He was always doing this to her—he was always bringing her down, making her weak.
"… I am destroying you and you don't even know it…"
Thoughts of her dream continued to haunt her each day. Fortunately for her, she actually hadn't dreamt that nightmare since the night Kakashi agreed to train her. But, still, it weakened her heart every time she looked at Sasuke because all she could see was that damned dream: the faceless Sasuke, the manic Sasuke. Was it some kind of message she was failing to decipher? She wasn't sure, but all she was thinking was—am I giving up my shinobi path for my weakness for Sasuke?
Noting the perplexed look on her face, Kakashi leaned forward, forcing her troubled emerald eyes onto him. "I told you; you don't have to worry about it."
She nodded, forcing a manufactured smile. "I know… I know. I better get going then if she wants to speak with me."
Kakashi nodded silently, stepping away from her. She sent him a concise look of regard as she stepped towards the front door.
"I will be back in a little bit."
She wasn't sure why she said that to him. She definitely didn't need to come back to his apartment afterwards, but she had found she had been doing that lately—making excuses to spend time in his quiet apartment. In fact, she spent very little time at home, unable to fight the loneliness it illustrated. Somber thoughts of her deceased parents always seemed to attack her when she was the most vulnerable to loneliness, and apparently, Kakashi's apartment had somehow prevented that to happen.
Without a word, she exited his apartment, intent on discovering the news Tsunade was about to bear upon her. For a moment, the dread inside her was quelled by one single thought—Kakashi.
He would be there when she got back, and, if she needed it, comfort would be waiting as well.
"You had to see this mission! It was unbelievable! I kicked so much butt!"
Naruto's sharp, distinct voice echoed in his ears, causing him to shudder in disgust. Really… how had he ended up here?
He had left Kakashi's apartment for repose, not annoyance. Yet, somehow, he ended up at the Ramen stand with the kyuubi-bearer and all his stupid friends. How exciting…
"I'm sure it was boring…" Shikamaru responded lazily, slouching over the counter of the ramen stand.
"Hell no! Those Mist ninja had no idea what was coming!"
Shikamaru scoffed sourly, completely uninterested in the blonde-haired boy's 'exciting' mission.
"That's right, Naruto! Don't ever give up!" Rock Lee stood abruptly, voicing his advice to the vain boy next to him.
Sasuke rolled his eyes partially at Lee. As much as his Taijutsu impressed him, he was still really, really… damn annoying.
Droning out of their useless conversation, Sasuke narrowed his eyes as thoughts of Sakura filled his brain. He wondered what the hell about her was bothering him so much lately. He admitted he hadn't really left on good terms with her when he sought after Itachi, but he wasn't expecting her to be so different when he came back. And he definitely wasn't expecting to be so ruffled by it. Why did she seem so… close to Kakashi? And why in the hell did that thought infuriate him? Both Sakura and Kakashi were their own people; they had every right to do what they wanted, right? That's what the old Sasuke would've thought, but the new Sasuke wasn't sure what he thought.
"Sasuke! What's your problem! I was talking to you!"
Naruto's irate voice rang in his ears, causing him to narrow his eyes as a simple response.
"It's not like whatever you had to say was important…"
Naruto growled, attempting to lunge towards the dark-haired boy, but, to his dismay, Shikamaru grasped the back of his coat tightly, keeping him in a fixed position.
"Naruto has a point, Sasuke. You're acting like more of an ass than usual. What's your problem?" Shikamaru's reserved voice questioned his silent barrier.
He furrowed his brows, slipping into an angry silence. So maybe he did have a problem, but it's not like he was going to spill it to them, or so he thought.
"Has anybody noticed how weird Sakura is acting?" Lee's voice vocalized his thoughts for him, and Sasuke inwardly sighed in relief. He didn't particularly like attention to be turned towards him.
Shikamaru released the grip on Naruto's coat as they all turned their attention towards the fumbling pink-haired girl making her way down the street. She seemed so lost in thought, so withdrawn from the outside world.
Naruto piped up, determined to figure out what was wrong with her. "What do you mean? I haven't seen her lately…" A hint of sorrow laced his voice as he softened his eyes at her. He really did miss her…
"That's the point. She has been spending an awful lot of time with Kakashi-sensei. Is she training for something?" Lee inquired, turning to face the blonde-headed boy.
Sasuke snorted at his comment, attempting to stifle his arising laughter. "Yeah… training. Good call fuzzy-brows."
The bowl-headed boy tilted his head at him. "What are you saying? My cherry blossom is cheating on me! No! Say it isn't so!"
"Shut up, brows. She isn't your girlfriend."
"It's not like you have much to say either, Naruto! You haven't gotten as far as I have with her!"
"Guys, please… this is pointless. Sakura's life is her life. Not yours. She can do what she wants." Shikamaru waved a hand at the two bickering boys, a tired look washing over him.
They nodded at their friend, letting their eyes drift over to the retreating pink-haired girl. Both of them seemed concerned for her… and their chances. Was she really… interested in Kakashi? Sasuke's comment had inferred that she was, but he didn't directly say what he meant.
"Say, Sasuke… what did you mean by that?" Naruto's voice seemed soft and troubled.
He scoffed, shaking his head as he stood solemnly. "Nothing, nevermind…"
Without a word, he turned away from the confused group of shinobi, making his way towards the kunoichi in the distance. He didn't care what they thought of Sakura, or him for that matter.
He was hell-bent on one thing only—deciphering the actions of the pink-haired girl who was slowly unsettling him more and more as the minutes passed.