Weakness of the Heart

Chapter 6

Posioned Mind

She knew he was there—following her, pursuing her. But she just did not give a damn at the moment.

She narrowed her eyes slightly, letting out an exasperated sigh. What the hell did he want from her anyways? She admitted that if she were in a fair mood, she probably would want him to pursue her.

But not now. Not when she was so irritated. Or was it deranged? She knew somehow it was most likely both.

She gritted her teeth angrily, not even turning to look at the irritating entourage following her. "Can I help you, Sasuke?"

He didn't say anything, and she was expecting he wouldn't; she just wanted to let him know that she wasn't exactly enjoying him trailing at her every step.

A puff of smoke appeared next to her, revealing a very disgruntled Sasuke. As the smoke dissipated around his figure, he turned to face her, a determined look pressed into his features.

"Hey, Sakura. You headed to Kakashi's apartment?" Sarcasm laced his prideful voice, making a wave of rage ripple through her body.

She darkened her eyes. "I don't really think it matters where I am going… does it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe… maybe not. Depends on why you would be headed there."

She ignored his comment, fighting back the urge to use her ninjutsu and disappear out of his sight. It would be the easy way out, she decided, and she didn't want to let him know that it bothered her when he made comments about her and Kakashi. Though, it did piss her off more than anything.

She scoffed under her breath, finally turning to face the dark-haired Uchiha. "Why the hell are you following me, Sasuke?"

"I'm not following you. I just happened to be going to the same destination as you."

She stopped in her tracks, crossing her arms defensively. "What makes you think we are going to the same place?"

"Well, because you are going to Kakashi-sensei's apartment… and so am I."

She sneered at him, turning her chin up towards him. "I never told you I was going there."

"Yeah, so. That's where you are going…. Right? It doesn't matter if you told me you were or not."

She raised a thin finger at him and shook it vigorously as if she were scolding him. "I am not going there, as a matter of fact."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets calmly, turning to face the infuriated pink-haired girl. "So, where are you going then?"

She gritted her teeth as a thick silence swallowed her. She couldn't say she was going home; that was on the other side of the village. She couldn't say she was headed to the store; she had already passed that part of the village up a few miles ago. Her mind reeled and reeled, searching for a clever, logical answer to uphold her cocky, determined attitude, but alas, nothing arose. Suddenly, her defiant composure dissolved as the silence consumed her. She tilted her head down in shame, inwardly knowing that the meddlesome boy had won the argument.

He smirked pompously at her withering composure. "That's what I thought…"

She shook her head at him slightly, knowing that his ego had most likely expanded ten-fold. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Sasuke was extremely talented and could win a battle in almost anything, even a petty argment. As a shinobi, he could mirror a jutsu in weeks or even days, and then, on top of that, he could execute it perfectly as if he had known it for years. In the past, his utter perfection as a shinobi always seemed to bring Sakura's confidence down. She felt as if she could never be at the same level as him—as if she was a worthless obstacle to him. Maybe she was; she never cared to ask.

"What were you doing earlier?" His deep, confident voice softened slightly, and it almost startled the pink-haired kunoichi. For some reason indescribable, a soft, pink blush crept up her face.

She knew what he was talking about. But it wasn't exactly something she wanted to talk about at the moment. Her meeting with Tsunade was shameful for her, and she definitely didn't want to share it with Sasuke, of all people. She suspected he would laugh at her, call her annoying, and frankly, make her feel like shit. So, she dodged the subject as best as she could.

"I don't know what you mean…" Her voice was shaky and timid, clearly alerting her true emotions. She often did that—wore her emotions on her sleeve. It was something she tried to avoid, but always failed miserably at.

He stepped closer to her, motioning her to continue. The warmth of his body seeped into her protective barrier, making her shudder in a strange mix of pleasure and fright. Slowly trailing her swirling emerald orbs up his face, she swallowed away the stinging sensation in her throat.

"It's nothing, Sasuke. It really doesn't matter, okay?"

She turned away from him, squeezing the surfacing tears back in her eyes. Why was she crying…? It didn't matter… did it? He grasped her hand softly and pulled her back towards him slowly. Her eyes widened as he locked his coal-colored eyes on her, searching for any miniscule hint of truth in her eyes.

"Why are you lying, Sakura?"

Her heart pounded furiously in her chest as she stared back at him, mouth agape. The red hue spreading across her face deepened as his eyes bore into hers. Nostalgia resurfaced in her mind as she scrambled to say something—anything—to break the familiar spell he was casting on her. After all of those years, she suddenly remembered why she liked Sasuke so much.

Finally giving in to his intense stare, Sakura sighed, pulling her arm away from him. "Fine, if you want to know that much, I guess I will tell you."

He stepped away from her slowly, stuffing his hands in his pockets to recuperate his apathetic stance. She sighed softly, letting her breath carry away her apprehensive thoughts.

"I was in a meeting with Tsunade… and… she…" She paused, letting her eyes drift to the ground in shame. "She told me that my training with her would be suspended for a few months." The words drifted off her tongue and fell to the ground with a clattering sound. She felt crestfallen repeating the very words that upset her moments ago, and she suddenly remembered why she didn't want to tell Sasuke in the first place.

He was silent as he stared back at her. An indifferent look graced his face, and it almost made Sakura feel angry. There she was, pouring out her shameful regrets to him and he was just… staring at her! What the hell?

She narrowed her eyes slightly. "What? Does it make you happy that I failed again?"

He shrugged. "Well, how do you know you failed?"

She shot him a confused glare. "What? Well, maybe because she told me she didn't want to train me anymore!"

"So. That doesn't mean you failed. Maybe as Hokage, she has other important things to do. It doesn't automatically mean it's about you."

Her jaw dropped as a strange, foreign emotion surged throughout her body. Was he mocking her? Or was he just being blatantly obvious? Either way, it was pissing Sakura off.

She glowered at him before turning away from him. She wasn't about to put up with his ego boost at the cost of her shame. "Whatever, Sasuke, just because you don't have anything important to you doesn't mean you can insult the things I live for."

Without a word, she quickly formulated a few hand signs and disappeared, leaving a puff of fluttering flower petals.

Sasuke's eyes trailed over to the showering petals, a strange look pressed into his features. Everything inside of him was struggling to be mad at the hot-headed kunoichi, but for some reason all he could feel was…

Confusion.

Kakashi sighed lightly, pulling of his hitai-ate and letting it drift to the floor with a clattering sound. He shut his eyes tightly, and laid back on his bed, the soft, tingling feeling of comfort spreading across his lethargic body. He wasn't sure why, but he was really damn tired.

Maybe putting up with Sakura's explosive emotions and Sasuke's bitter tongue was a bit too much for the copy-ninja. Whatever the reason, he wanted nothing more than to drift into slumber. Only for a few hours, he thought to himself…

But before he had a chance to repress his alert mind, he felt it—that familiar, ardent feeling of her chakra. And from the sensation of it, he could tell she was upset—very upset.

He squeezed his eyes tightly, letting out a sigh of annoyance. All he wanted to do was sleep, but he should've known she would come back. Sakura was very malleable, and if her heart or pride needing mending, she would fix it as soon as possible, usually at the cost of his time or amusement. Most of the time, he didn't mind at all. But not today; not when he was so… damn… tired.

He heard the door of his bedroom creak open as a wave of her erratic chakra flooded the room. He laid there very, very still… hoping… praying… she would turn around and leave. But to his dismay, she stepped in slowly, shutting the door behind her quietly.

She glanced at his sleeping form apprehensively, fighting back the urge to turn around and leave. But for some queer, unfathomed reason, she pressed on, tip-toeing towards his bed slowly. She knew he would be furious if she woke him in his slumber, but the curiosity inside of her was taking over, pushing her closer and closer to him.

Finally reaching the edge of his bed, Sakura peered at him timidly, suddenly aware that, for once in her life, she was gazing at a Kakashi with his guard down.

No way.

Moments like this never come to people like Sakura. She couldn't believe it. He had to be awake… either that, or dead. But considering his peaceful composure, she figured he was most likely not dead.

A devilish thought entered her mind as she peered down at his lifeless figure—she had never seen behind his mask. Could it be? Now was her chance to finally get a peek…

A sly smirk curled on her lips as she slowly reached forward, determined to see what was hiding behind that mask. She suddenly felt like a childish school-girl getting a thrill from breaking the rules. At the moment, she knew the dangerous consequences, but she didn't give a damn—the thrill of toying with the perfect copy-ninja was just too rewarding.

But just as she was about to lace her fingers underneath the mask, a strong hand reached up swiftly and grasped her wrist tightly. She squeaked slightly as he opened his eyes slowly and peered up at the mischievous kunoichi, a disgruntled look washing over his features.

"Can I… help you with something?"

She chuckled uneasily, attempting to disguise her previous intentions. "Oh… I was just… uh-… I was…"

He smirked at her nervous composure. "There are only two people that can see behind my mask—the first one… is me. The second one… is my lover." He paused, noting the discomforted look on her face. "Now, I know you aren't me… but tell me, Sakura… are you my lover?"

She blushed a deep crimson hue as she stared back at him wide-eyed, unable to formulate coherent words in her mind. She opened her mouth to retaliate a definite NO, but the only thing that escaped her lips was a silent squeak. Her—his lover! That was so, so utterly wrong, she thought. She was his student and was practically half his age… what a derogatory thought! Sakura knew these things and complied to them, but for some formidable reason, the thought of Kakashi as her lover excited her at the same time.

Kakashi smirked, noting the flustered look on Sakura's face. He knew what he said would fuddle her… he liked watching her fidget. It was a strange comfort he had gained when he started training her. It was something he could never explain… something he would never admit to. But damn, it was really amusing.

Releasing the grip on her wrist, Kakashi sat up, running a hand through his disheveled silver locks. "So, I assume by elimination… you will never be able to see behind my mask."

She narrowed her eyes slightly, feeling a strange twinge of dejection. She would never admit to wanting to be close to Kakashi, but after he rejected her right to see behind his mask, she felt a little hurt. Would she ever get close to Kakashi? Or would he remain the mysterious copy-nin throughout the extent of their relationship? It was something she figured as a touchy issue, and there would only be one sure-fire answer—yes or no. And from the looks of it, she was heading towards a big fat no. Kakashi would remain Kakashi—mysterious, enigmatic, silent—regardless of the lapse of time they spend together.

She shook her head slightly, attempting to shake away her thoughts. She definitely didn't want Kakashi to see that she was offended by his comment, so she sighed, letting her mind shift to the reason why she came in the first place.

"I spoke with Tsunade-sama earlier…"

He nodded. "Ah…"

She let out a heavy, strained sigh as she plopped on his bed, ready to pour her heart out. Sasuke's arrogance hadn't helped her at all, so maybe Kakashi's heedful, parental ways could.

"She won't be training me anymore!" She released her words a little too quickly, and they seemed to blur together as a pathetic whine.

Kakashi smirked slightly, raising a silver brow at the juvenile kunoichi. Sakura was the brightest student in her day, and it always seemed to baffle Kakashi that she could act so immature when it came to her emotions.

"And…?"

Her jaw dropped in bewilderment. "What do you mean and? This is serious! I am no longer a potential shinobi in the Hokage's eyes!"

"Well… is that what she said?"

She stared back at him awe-struck. "What the hell do you mean?"

He shrugged. "Well, if that's not what she actually said to you, then you have no right to think that she doesn't think you are a good student anymore. Maybe she has something else important to do for a while."

Sakura felt like she had been slapped in the face. The conversation with Kakashi was suddenly beginning to feel reminiscent to the conversation with Sasuke. Was she the only one who viewed her situation as a serious matter?

She furrowed her brows at him. "That's what Sasuke said! How can you guys think this isn't serious?"

He sighed, shaking his head in annoyance. "I never said it wasn't serious Sakura. I just said that Tsunade still thinks you are a good student. You are blowing this way out of proportion."

She crossed her arms defensively. "Well, how do you know she still thinks I am a good student? Did you talk to her personally about this matter?"

He narrowed his eyes at her slightly as the twinge of irritation grew larger and larger in his mind. "Yes, actually. I did."

"Well, then... is that what she said?"

Kakashi sighed heavily. He was hoping he wouldn't have to resort to telling her the truth, but at the rate he was going, he would be arguing with her for years. And that was definitely something he did not want to put up with… ever. He may have been a man that could win just about any argument, but that didn't mean he enjoyed the process of it.

"If you want to know the truth, I asked Tsunade-sama to take a break from training you for a few months."

Her jaw dropped so far it felt like it was getting ready detach itself from her skull. As she stared back at him wide-eyed, her mind plummeted to a state of panicking frenzy. His words swished in her ears mockingly but she just could not believe them; what the hell was his problem?

She had never felt such a strong fusion of rage and bewilderment. She wanted to be mad at him for taking her life into his hands, but her confusion was fuddling all of her thoughts. She attempted to formulate something… anything… to express how she felt, but everything in her head seemed to contradict itself, so, she did the only possible thing she could do at the moment—remained silent.

He sat up to face the dazed kunoichi. "She thought it was best for you, anyways. We both decided that, to become an efficient medic-ninja, you needed to work on your physical and emotional strength, and she just didn't have time, so the job was assigned to me."

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, knowing that she had to say something. Trying her best to push away her emotions, she sighed, taking a handful of Kakashi's shuriken decorated comforter. "Why…?"

"Well, because I was already training you, and I know all of your strengths and weaknesses."

Did he really? Sometimes she wondered, but he obviously hadn't realized that she would be upset if he suspended her training with Tsunade…

Sakura stared back at him, finally noting his crimson red sharingan eye. For some reason, despite how long they had been conversing, she hadn't noticed that his hitai-ate was misplaced. She felt a strange sensation wash over her as she peered back at the deviant Kakashi in front of her. She had seen him without his hitai-ate before, but had never really looked at him this way. It was as if he was accepting her in a new light… and it excited her present mood a bit. She felt as if all of her anger and confusion slipped away in one single moment.

Finally realizing the loop-hole in his barrier that Sakura had weaned her way through, Kakashi reached down and picked up his hitai-ate. But as he reached up to return it to its usual position, a small, timid hand reached forward and pulled it down into his lap. He glanced up at her, a confused look in his eyes.

Her heart pounded insensibly as Inner Sakura screamed at her: What the hell are you doing? Leave him alone!

She swallowed away the lump in her throat, clobbering Inner Sakura in the back of her mind. The familiar crimson hue crept up her face as she stared back at him, taken aback by her very own actions. And then, she said something she wasn't intending on voicing:

"Why do you always hide things from me?"

An unknown emotion flashed in Kakashi's eyes momentarily as he backed away from the prying kunoichi. He let his eyes wander away as he attempted to maintain his apathetic exterior. "I hide things from everyone Sakura. It is just the way of life I choose."

A twinge of pain struck her heart, and she wasn't quite sure why. For some reason, at that moment, she wanted him to let her in. But she should've known; it was just how Kakashi was. He didn't share much with people. Yet still, something inside of her was hoping that he would accept at least her—his student and friend.

She nodded solemnly, knowing that breeching the subject anymore would be foolish. She would gain nothing out of it, and it was a path that did not need to be tread upon at the moment.

As a thick silence flooded the room, Sakura shuddered, knowing that nothing else needed to be said at the moment. She had no reason to sit next to Kakashi anymore; he had answered her questions about Tsunade's decision, and that was the sole reason she came in the first place. Therefore, she felt it was her time to leave. Besides she needed time to think—to sort her thoughts.

She stood up shakily, tilting her head down as a respectful gesture. "Thank you sensei. I know now that I do not need to be upset about Tsunade's decision."

She turned to leave silently, keeping her eyes peeled away from the silver-haired man. He nodded in regard, knowing that he would finally be getting what he wanted—time alone. But for some reason, there was something unsettling in the pit of his stomach as he watched the retreating kunoichi.

She exited his apartment promptly, maintaining the silent aura around her. She knew she had no reason to feel confused about her visit to Kakashi's, but there were so many recent, anonymous emotions that were nagging at her. In the past, she had never really cared to know about his mysterious ways. But now that she was closer to him, she felt almost hurt that he didn't want to share things with her. Why? She wondered…

Why do I give a damn?

The things she had encountered that day were so queer… so out of place. First, Sasuke exploded in storm of scary emotions when she asked him what happened after he left Konoha. Then, even more strangely, he followed her, and actually seemed concerned and interested in what was going on her life. That could've been the icing on the cake… but to top it off even more, her conversation with Kakashi had aroused so many bizarre thoughts and emotions. She was caught between many dissimilar thoughts and feelings that were all sustained by one common emotion—confusion.

So many questions attacked her mind—why? How? What was really going on? She was even astounding herself. Somehow, she had actually obtained the ability to talk back to Sasuke, and, even more amazingly, be annoyed by his presence. Did the day he left Konoha scar her more than she thought? Apparently so…

Whatever the reason, she had a newfound battle going through her head every time she was near him. Every sensible piece inside of her was telling her to give up on him, but nostalgia always kicked into gear and aroused the very emotions she tried to push away.

She was hurting herself more than she was years ago when she fell in love with him in the first place.

When Sakura got home that night, she sat aloof in her lonely apartment, the quiet sounds of the outside village surrounding her. Everything inside of her was struggling to drift into slumber, but no matter how hard she tried… she just couldn't. She tossed and turned, disheveling her blankets and sheets, but alas, sleep denied her as struggling thoughts attacked her lethargic mind.

She wanted to know—to understand—the strange emotional phase she was going through. What would come of her extended training with Kakashi? Would she be able to contain the strange, new way she perceived him? And Sasuke—would she be able to control her emotions around him and, eventually, push away her childhood love for him?

Well, the only thing she knew for sure was—her mind was poisoned. And if she didn't discover a cure for it soon…

She would be headed down a path that should never be traveled on.