ChapterSix: What we are thinking?
The drive across town was the longest of Charles' life. The motion of the car, and the late hour was making it increasingly difficult for Charles to stay awake. As soon as Raven had jumped out of the taxi, Erik had fixed him with a stare that had made Charles shiver with anticipation. It had been silently established that Shaw did not know Charles lived with Erik, when Charles redirected the driver towards their flat, and Erik didn't protest. There was little point in worrying about the future, when today hadn't finished with them yet.
Charles felt his face heating up, a flush of colour crossing his cheeks. He wished that he could meet Erik's eye comfortably, but his own eyes felt heavy when he tried to lift them higher than Erik's collar. It was if he was caught in a dream, his heart beating wildly, and his mind filled with a fog he couldn't see through. His thoughts were no longer in any logical order, nor made any sense; he was completely out of control. Something he had been chasing for a long time, the something he had been looking for every weekend, was looking back at him. He was sure that his days of endless searching and wondering who he was, when he was being forced to hide his true self, were over.
"Charles?" Erik asked. He moved to the seat opposite Charles in order to try and meet his eye, tilting his head to try and get a better view of his friend's blushing face.
The gentle way in which Erik spoke his name made Charles forget his sudden embarrassment and finally lift his gaze.
"I want your phone number," Erik said frankly.
Erik saw a frown line appear between Charles' eyebrows, as he considered Erik's request. It seemed a little strange in view of all that had happened, that Charles would want to still keep something so small a secret, but maybe Charles was reading more in to the request than Erik had first thought. Erik held his phone out before him and waited.
"Type it in."
Charles' hand shook slightly as he took hold of the shiny black phone, and tapped his number on to the touch screen. It felt so odd that Erik didn't have his number already. They had wasted so much time by not being honest. And yet, the tension between them felt as if it had been building for much longer than just tonight. Perhaps it always had been there, with Charles just too blind to notice it until now. Had he opened his eyes six months ago, the whole Shaw episode would never have happened.
Charles handed back Erik's phone.
"Thank you," Erik said, as he checked the new addition to his phonebook.
Charles smiled and then turned to look out the window, trying to judge how close to home they were. He jumped slightly when his phone suddenly bleeped in his pocket. Charles stared at his text alert before opening it. The number was unknown, then he realised that it was from Erik.
'Tellmewhatthedriveristhinking'.
Charles' eyes widened and he quickly slid a look at the driver. His heart flipped, and he bit his bottom lip in unconscious nervousness. Erik was watching him intently, and unexpectedly Charles realised that having Erik's permission to use his powers, made the prospect more exciting than alarming. But this was not the only thing that was causing Charles' morals to be in conflict.
In Erik's company, Charles found his powers came to him easily. He'd barely had to think back at the club, it had just happened, almost without him meaning to use it. He'd been stunned that he'd achieved so much, with so little effort. Charles was starting to make a very strange connection, with himself and Erik. In his company, Charles didn't even have to try; he could feel his power just beneath the surface of his concentration. It flowed through him until he could hear everything around him. The sudden invasion pierced his head with an intense pain, and his hand reached up to his temple as he took a sharp intake of breath.
"Easy," Erik said, he touched Charles' knee gently, recalling Charles into the moment. "Just relax."
Charles looked up; he felt humbled that Erik was so trusting, and that he looked at him with such care. Erik should have been running away. Charles couldn't understand it.
There was a shiver across his skin as he concentrated, pulling his awareness back into the car, leaving the noise and the chaos of the outside world behind him. His mind brushed past Erik, who felt so welcoming and warm, that Charles was reluctant to leave him, and slowly moved towards the driver where he found the man's thoughts open to him also. There was none of the difficulty that he usually experienced.
As expected the driver was thinking about the journey.
"He's thinking this is the best fare he's had in a long time, and that we are very strange passengers," Charles said at length. He left out the man's more random thoughts about toy dog breeds, and that he really wanted a pizza. Charles knew that if he delved deeper, he could have seen everything, and known every little secret. But for once, the idea didn't make him cold or ill. He felt as if the blame of his powers was being shared between himself and Erik, and if Erik was happy, then so was Charles.
The slight smirk on Erik's face grew. Charles had been holding back for so long, perhaps all his life. It seemed the most tortuous thing possible to deny something that came so natural. But still, Erik wasn't quite ready to reveal his own hand just yet. This was all about Charles, and the serene expression he wore, when he connected his mind to another's.
"Now," Erik said leaning back against his seat and fixing Charles with an ardent stare. "Tell me what I am thinking."
Charles hesitated. The look on Erik's face could have told him all he needed to know, however as he reached for his powers again, they flared without any effort. It was if Charles simply reacted to Erik, hurrying towards him, his mind always ready. He could feel Erik's attraction to him before he heard him. Charles closed his eyes, he saw himself as Erik saw him.
The artificial lights from outside illuminated his face, and then plunged him into shadow, over and over as they drove past them. His eyes were closed, and his posture perfectly still and composed. He saw his own chest rise and fall, and felt Erik's eyes sweep over him, travelling down the length of his leg, and back up over his thighs, over his hand resting on them, up his chest, lingering on his neck, a small amount of skin exposed behind undone buttons. He felt Erik's breath hitch as he watched himself opened his eyes, felt Erik's heart skip it's beat as he returned his gaze.
"Tell me Erik," Charles said. He continued to watch himself through Erik's eyes. His own gaze was piercing and hypnotic. Erik couldn't have escaped had he wanted to. Tellmeeverything.
You already know.
"I want you to tell me."
Charles felt Erik shiver under his look, and in return, Charles felt his own body react in a way he couldn't control. He knew they were pushing each other towards a point of frustration, which was unlikely to be quickly resolved. The spark had been building, and would continue to push them both until they had nowhere to go but towards each other. But it was far too soon. Charles was worried that something would end up broken between them, a path once walked, couldn't be undone. They couldn't walk back now, but Charles wondered how far they could and would go.
You'rethemostintriguingmanIhaveevermet.Erik thought, his words flowing through Charles, filling him entirely until he could no longer recognise himself. You'vebeentheonlythingIhavewantedforsolong.Icannotremembereverwantinganythingelse.
"I never realised that you thought about me," Charles replied, shifting in his seat. He suddenly needed to move, craving sensation of any kind. His blood didn't know where to rush to first, and he was desperately trying to fight the fact that being in Erik's mind was making him increasingly aroused. He didn't dare try to discover if Erik were feeling the same, it would have been the surrendering of the last remnants of his control if he had.
Every day. I think about you everyday.
"Erik, you know I come here for you…" Charles said, detaching himself from Erik's mind. He immediately felt the loss, and suddenly only hearing his own thoughts, and feeling his own heart beating, was inadequate. The sensation of loss remained with every passing second, and refused to lessen. "I just never dared to say."
"I dare," Erik said. The fact that he spoke, told Charles that Erik had felt his presence within him, and had felt it's loss too. He wasn't just some ghost, or invader; he had been welcomed, and noticed. "I dare to say it right now. Come closer Charles."
Charles couldn't move, his body felt frozen. He doubted his shaking legs could support his weight any more, even if he tried. He simply stared at Erik with longing, and wished that he could have had more control over himself. As Erik patted the seat next to him, Charles eagerly watched the movement of his hand, as it returned to Erik's lap and lay on his thigh. Without thinking, Charles crossed the space between them, and sat next to Erik. His eyes determinedly fixed upon Erik's hand, not daring to look up. He could feel Erik's eyes upon him, and then his hand moved, gently touching Charles' chin, tilting his head towards him.
"I told you to relax," Erik instructed, as his fingers touched along Charles' cheek. Erik could see apprehension in Charles' eyes. He knew he was hurrying him, pushing for more than he should, but he couldn't stop. He'd wanted Charles for so long, right now he was ready to risk everything for just one taste.
Charles' eyes fluttered closed, but he held steady. His lips slightly apart, his fast and shallow breath touching Erik, as he leant in. Their lips touched for the briefest of seconds before Erik pulled back.
"My God Charles, just thinking about you has made me crazy. All the things I imagined you doing… there has to be something wrong with me," Erik confessed. He felt shame for what he'd imagined Charles to be, and yet, the idea still haunted him.
Torn between feeling excited and disgusted by his own imaginings, Erik lowered his gaze to find Charles still had his eyes closed. It looked as if he was succumbed to the luxury of being held by another, and the motion of the car, dozing and unable to hear Erik's torment. Or simply too tired to reply. They were almost home, and as the taxi halted abruptly, Charles sat alert instantly, and seemed alarmed to find himself still in the car.
The driver shouted the price of the journey through the plastic divider and Erik winced. But Charles paid the fare without question, and then opened the door. The cold air sobered Erik in a second, but Charles looked as if he were near collapse. He followed Erik with a weary expression on his face, already shrugging out of his jacket as they waited for the lift to take them to the third floor.
"Thank you Erik," Charles said, after spending the remainder of the journey from lift to his bedroom door in silence. "For not being afraid of me."
Charles remained half in his room, half out, as if he didn't know which way to turn. Erik didn't reply, just watched Charles walk into his room, the door left open behind him. Unsure what he was supposed to do, Erik followed after a few moments of deliberation. Charles didn't appear to be in any fit state to continue what they had started in the car, and yet, his reluctance to shut Erik out spoke more than either one of them could put into words right now.
Erik pushed Charles' door open slowly, and saw what he had expected to see. Charles had kicked his shoes off near the window, and scattered his clothes on the way to climbing into bed. He was clearly already asleep, as he made no moment to suggest he was aware of Erik standing at the foot of his bed.
"Why would anyone be afraid of you Charles? I am the dangerous one, you just don't know it yet," Erik whispered, as he watched Charles sleep for a few moments.
Returning to the lounge, Erik softly closed Charles' door. There was one more thing he needed to do before he could call it a night, and that was boot up the computer and do a search for Professor Charles Xavier. That was one mystery, he could solve.