I think I have to warn you beforehand. I'm an angst fan. A big, big angst fan. I never intended to take the story in this direction but my muse decided that we should take that road and believe me you can't argue with her. I always have to go with the flow. :D
Chapter 6: The right moment
He bought it the day after he had kissed her in Joe's bar. He thought they finally were able to leave everything behind them. To start over. He was wrong. His own slip with Callie destroyed everything. She was gone the second he told her about the baby and the year after that was hell. There was no other word to describe it. Of course he was happy with Sofia. How could he not be? She was after all his daughter but he never was completely happy. Not without Lexie.
Mark turned the ring between his fingers. Watching the light sparkling in the diamond. Should he buy a new one? After all it symbolized everything they were trying to forget. But he bought it in a moment of true happiness. He even got it engraved. Convincing the engraver to do it the same day. It had cost a fortune but he didn't care.
YATOWPMBT
Nine letters. These nine words meant a lot to him when he had said them to her after he stopped another of her ramblings. She was so beautiful that day. So unsure if he wanted to continue the relationship. He got into a fight with Derek because of her. And she was telling him something about their surviving rate. He didn't know where it came from but suddenly the words were out.
You are the one who put me back together.
Standing in the jewelry store he remembered these words and thought they would be perfect for the engagement ring. But he never could ask her. Never got the chance. Now that they were together again the ring was burning a hole in his pocket. His feelings didn't change since that day. But was Lexie ready to take the next step? Or would he scare her away again if he would ask her to marry him?
His brooding was interrupted by a knock on his office door and without waiting for his answer Derek walked in. Stopping immediately when he saw the ring in Mark's hand.
"You are going to propose?" Derek asked without preamble. He knew that Mark wanted nothing more than to marry Lexie. So he wasn't surprised that he bought an engagement ring for her.
"I was going to propose." Mark's gaze returned to the ring. "A year ago."
It took Derek a few seconds before he realized what Mark was referring to. So Mark had hold onto the ring over a year. Derek never knew that Mark bought an engagement ring after Lexie and he got together for this short period last year. Not sure what to say he took a few steps forward closing the door behind him and stretched out his hand. "Can I see it?"
Mark handed the ring over to Derek. It was beautiful. Beautiful in its simplicity. He would bet that it was platinum. Mark would never buy something less for Lexie. And the one diamond was just perfect. Derek was sure Lexie would love the ring. But one look into Mark's face made it clear that there was the possibility that Lexie would never see the ring.
"And now? Are you going to ask her?" Derek asked cautiously.
"I don't know, Derek." Mark replied after a few seconds of silence. "I'm not sure what her answer will be. I don't want to screw it up this time."
"I understand. But you never looked happier than this last month. Both of you."
"I am happy. We are happy. But I know that Lexie has big plans regarding her surgical career and that talking about marriage now might be too soon for her."
"What do you want, Mark?"
"I?" Mark stared blankly out of the window before he turned his gaze back to Derek. "I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to grow old with her. Want to have a family with her." Restlessly Mark got up from his chair and walked from one end of the room to the other. "I want everything. As long as she is with me. Nothing else matters. So if I'm honest with myself then ... Yes, I want to marry her. I want to have kids with her. But if she doesn't want these things I would give it up for her. I would give up almost everything for her."
"You are in love with her." Derek stated.
"So much that it hurts sometimes to only look at her." Mark slumped back into the chair burying his face in his hands. Derek walked over to Mark putting a hand on his shoulder squeezing it slightly.
"But you shouldn't give up everything for her, Mark. That's not love. Love is all about compromises. Not about giving up yourself. Lexie fell in love with you. Not the person you want to change into because you think it's what she wants." Derek explained.
"When did you become such a smart ass?" Mark mumbled into his hands.
"I've always been one but you never wanted to listen." Derek joked earning a slight chuckle from Mark.
"Okay then. Share your wisdom with me, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Mark deadpanned.
"Are you sure that you are ready for some Jedi trick?" Derek asked innocently.
"Bring it on, Master." Mark replied.
"Okay you asked for it. So don't complain afterwards." They both smiled at each other after Mark's successful attempt to lighten the mood with this Star Wars analogy. But Derek knew that beyond all the joking Mark still needed to hear what the smart ass in him had to say.
"She loves you and you love her. As you already said. Nothing else matters. Now the only thing that matters is ..." Derek paused briefly to emphasize what he was going to say next. To give the words more meaning. "Do you trust her enough? Do you trust her that she won't break your heart again?" Mark looked up at him thoughtfully taking his time before he answered Derek sincerely.
"Can you ever be sure? Can you ever be sure that the love will last a life time? But I can't live without her. So yes, I'm ready to take the plunge and lay my heart into her hands once again in the hope that she won't crush it this time."
"So ask her! She deserves the proposal, Mark. You know that." Derek said determinedly.
"Yeah, I know."
"So, what are you waiting for?"
"The right moment?" Mark shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't wait too long. You never know what might get in the way this time." Derek turned around and walked to the door.
"Smart ass!" Mark shouted after him and before Derek closed the door Mark saw the big grin on Derek's face causing him to smirk himself. "But you might be right on this one." Mark mumbled into the empty room.
~M&L~
When Mark entered his apartment he heard a voice coming from the room he had rearranged to be Sofia's room. He was surprised to hear that it was Lexie's. Of course Lexie had made efforts over the last month to deal with the fact that he had a child now and that he was a package deal. But he didn't hear any other voices. As far as he knew Lexie hadn't been alone with Sofia until now. Curious to hear what she told his daughter when no one else was around he stopped in the kitchen.
Lexie stood in front of the dresser changing Sofia's diaper. Totally oblivious that someone just entered the apartment. Playing with Sofia's legs Lexie just chattered away. There was something comforting about talking to a baby. They weren't able to talk back and they would never tell someone what you told them.
"You know that you have the same smile as your dad, right? I pity the boys already. They won't have any chance to resist you. You will charm their pants off when you are older."
Hearing Lexie talk to his daughter like that made Mark smile broadly. He knew that you could get carried away sometimes talking to a baby.
"But your future boyfriends have to dress warmly when they'll meet your dad for the first time. But believe me he only wants to protect you. But you will have to fight some battles when you are starting dating. That's for sure." Lexie smiled down at Sofia and was rewarded with a smile from the child.
"But I hope I'll be there to hold him back a little bit. Because I love your dad and I really hope that I will be in both of your lives in about sixteen years. I don't think you 'll come anywhere near boys before that age. Your dad will scare them all away." Lexie chuckled slightly.
"Can I tell you a secret? But you can never tell your dad because I think his ego will blow out of proportion if he will ever know. Not that he don't know about this already. But to get to the point. He is very charming and every time he smiles at me my legs are turning to jelly. I can't resist his smile. And his body is just … wow. Aehmm, that is perhaps not appropriate considering that we are talking about your dad. I'm sure most of your friends in high school will have a secret crush on him. So don't worry. You will never have the problem to find a date for your prom. I can see that you have his charms. So what do you think? Am I able to be a mother for you? I'm not sure about that. To be honest I wanted that his next child would be with me. But you are just too cute and I love your father. You are now a big part of his life and I want to be a part of his life too. So we have to share him. There is no way around. You and me. We have to make it work. But I'm sure we are able to make him happy, right?" Sofia looked up at her with a grin. "Okay, we are all set now. Let's hope that your dad will be home soon. Because I'm sure you miss him already as much as I do."
Mark was stunned into complete silence. He would have never expected that. Lexie really wanted to be a step mom for his child and she wanted to share her life with him. Playing with the ring case in his pocket he wondered if this would be the right moment to propose to her. But before he could make a decision Lexie walked into the living room with Sofia in her arms. He could see her blushing when she saw him standing against the kitchen counter.
"How long are you standing there?" Mark decided to lie to her. He didn't want to embarrass her. Lexie clearly didn't want him to hear what she just told his daughter.
"Just got in. Why is Sofia here?" Mark asked nonchalantly.
"Arizona is at work and Callie got an emergency call. She came over to see if anyone was home to take care of Sofia. It's my day off today so I was glad to help out. We had a nice day. I told her about the broken penis incident." Lexie told Mark with a completely straight face.
"What?" Mark gaped at Lexie in disbelief.
"Just kidding. But the look on your face was just priceless." Lexie chuckled.
Looking at the love of his life holding his daughter in her arms took his breath away. They both wore big grins on their faces and he stepped forward to take them both into an embrace. Lexie was slightly surprised but immediately put her other arm around him.
"I've missed you." Mark mumbled into Lexie's hair.
"We've missed you, too." Lexie replied.
They stood there motionlessly. It was still somehow new. The feeling to be in each others' arms again. They could have stood there forever but Sofia decided that she had enough of the tight embrace and started to wiggle in Lexie's arms.
"I think she wants to tell us that it's now her time to be in her dad's arms."
"Okay then. Hand her over." Mark took Sofia out of her arms and grinned down at her. "Hey honey, I hope you had a nice day with Lexie. Another one who will certainly spoil you."
"I don't spoil her." Mark looked at her skeptically and Lexie smiled back at him. "Well, maybe a little." She stepped closer to them and trailed a finger down Sofia's cheek. "But who can resist her. She is just too cute."
"Of course. She is a Sloan." Mark said proudly.
"And that explains everything." Lexie scoffed.
"You couldn't resist the Sloan charm the first time. How do you think you can resist it the second time? Especially combined with her baby charm."
"You are right. I have no chance."
Mark smiling down at her, his daughter in his arms made her heart swell. That was it. She wanted this. Exactly this. She wanted Mark in her life. She wanted him to come home to her and their children every night. She was ready. Ready for marriage. Ready for children. Now the only question was if Mark was ready to trust her again. To trust her with his heart and his daughter.
~M&L~
Lexie woke up well rested. They had spent a quiet evening at home with Sofia. Callie came back around nine o'clock to take Sofia back to their apartment and Lexie fell asleep in Mark's arms on the couch. She woke up when he carried her into bed two hours later. When he put her down on the bed she pulled him down with her and they made love before they fell asleep in each others' arms. Lexie could remember when Mark kissed her good-bye this morning. She turned around and looked at the clock. She still had two hours until she had to be at the hospital. But maybe if she arrived earlier she had the chance to see Mark and have a little make-out session with him in his office.
The moment Lexie stepped into the hospital an uneasiness overwhelmed her. She didn't know where it came from but something drew her towards the emergency room. She entered through the doors and saw Meredith and Derek who rushed inside with a gurney. Meredith looked up and spotted Lexie. She turned around and talked to Derek for a few seconds before she walked towards Lexie. Lexie's gaze snapped back to the gurney before Meredith blocked her vision.
"What's going on?" Lexie asked with a slight quiver in her voice.
"Lexie, ..." Lexie tried to push Meredith aside. Something was wrong. She could see it in Meredith's face. But Meredith hold her back. "Stop, Lexie!"
"What? What happened?" Lexie glanced back at the gurney having a better look now at the patient that was laying on it. "Oh my god. Is this Mark? It's Mark. Oh my god. What happened?"
"He was in a car accident." Meredith grabbed her shoulders trying to calm Lexie down. But the moment Lexie fully comprehend that Mark was laying on the gurney she tried to rush forward. Meredith tightened her grip but Lexie fought against her in a desperate attempt to get to Mark.
"Let me go, Meredith. Let me go. I need to be with him." Lexie shouted at her sister.
"No."
But Meredith wasn't able to hold Lexie back. She got out of her grip and ran towards the trauma room. Pushing the door open Lexie locked eyes with Derek before she rushed to the gurney. When she looked at Mark's shattered body laying on the gurney she took in a sharp breath before she looked up at Derek clutching the metal rails of the gurney so hard that her knuckles went white.
"Derek, I need him. I can't lose him. I just got him back. Please, Derek. You have to save him. Please." Lexie pleaded with a trembling voice the first tears forming in her eyes.
Derek caught Meredith's eyes and nodded silently towards the door. Meredith understood his silent request instantly and took Lexie out of the room surprisingly without any resistance on her part. Meredith knew that Derek needed her but she couldn't leave Lexie alone. As she spotted Alex at the other end of the emergency room she shouted.
"Alex! Come over here. I need you."
Alex only took one look at their faces and without any question pushed the chart of his current patient into April's hands barking out that she should take care of him. When he reached them Meredith pulled away from Lexie so that she could look into her sister's face.
"I need to help Derek. We will do everything to save him. You are not able to help him right now. Let me do it for you." Lexie nodded slightly and Meredith looked up into Alex's confused face.
"Take care of her, Alex." Alex wrapped his arm around Lexie and pulled her into him even though he had still no idea what was going on.
"It's Mark." Meredith didn't need to elaborate. Alex understood immediately and his grip tightened around Lexie's shoulder.
"Go. I'm staying with her."
~M&L~
It took hours until Meredith and Derek walked towards them. It wasn't a good sign. Lexie knew that her sister would have come out sooner to inform her about Mark's status. The fact that she didn't made Lexie's stomach flip and the earnest look on both of their faces told her that she should expect the worse. Lexie stood up on shaky legs gripping Alex's arm for support. As Derek and Meredith stopped in front of her she didn't let them say a word.
"Is he ..." But Lexie couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't want to say it out loud.
"He is stable, Lexie. But his injuries are severe. Multiple internal bleedings. We were able to stop them all. But there was also a bleeding in his brain." Derek paused and averted his gaze to the floor.
Lexie watched Derek's face intently. He was holding back something. She could see it.
"I'm not a normal family member, Derek. What are you not telling me?" Lexie asked her fingers digging deeper into Alex's flesh.
"He is in a coma, Lexie." Without Alex holding her up Lexie would have fallen to the floor.
"What are the odds, Derek?" Lexie whispered barely audible.
"You know that I can't say anything about it. We can just wait and hope."
"Derek, don't talk to me like that. You're a world class neurosurgeon. You have experienced like what … five hundred cases like this. What are the odds that he will wake up without any brain damage?" Lexie's voice got louder with every word.
"I'm sorry, Lexie. I..." As Lexie saw the shaking of Derek's hands she gulped hard. Derek looked up at her with tired eyes before he took in a deep breath. "Fifty-fifty."
"Fifty-fifty?" Lexie exhaled the breath she was holding.
"Fifty-fifty that he will wake up, Lexie. I really can't tell you if there will be any brain damage. I'm sorry."
Derek wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. Meredith could see that Lexie was only seconds away from a total break-down. After Derek left to check on Mark she pulled an arm around her sister and walked towards the next on call room with her. Remembering Alex Meredith turned her head and whispered a thank you in his direction but Alex only waved her off.
In the moment Meredith closed the door behind them Lexie slipped down to the floor and her whole body started shaking with sobs. Meredith didn't bother to pull her up but only sank to the floor beside her sister wrapping her arms around her in the futile attempt to stop the shaking. It almost broke her heart to hear her sister crying her heart out. She mumbled nonsense in her ear rubbing over her back until the sobbing subsided.
As Lexie raised her head Meredith was slightly shocked by the forlorn expression on Lexie's face. It seemed she already lost all hope.
"Meredith, what should I do without him? I can't live without him. Even as we were not together he was still there. Even though I wasn't with him he was still there. I could see him every day if I want to. But … but if he dies." Lexie stuttered out between the sobs that she apparently couldn't control.
"Lexie, don't."
"But ... I saw Derek's face. You saw it too. He isn't sure that Mark will make it."
"He said fifty-fifty." Meredith said reassuringly.
"No, Meredith. You saw him. It's bad. Really bad." Lexie bit down on her lips trying to suppress the sobs that started to raise in her throat again but failed miserably. She broke down into Meredith's arms. Meredith knew that she wasn't able to give Lexie any comfort other than to be there for her. But if Mark wouldn't make it being there for Lexie might not be enough. Lexie would never forgive herself that she walked away from him a year ago. She would never forgive herself that she had only a month with him. She would break and no one would be able to help her. No one would be able to help her get over the loss of the love of her life.
Very depressing. I know. Sorry. But my muse insisted to go down this angst path and who am I to disobey. :D So are you all excited to see episode 7. I know I am. The press release totally made my day.