Author'sNote:Thank you very much to everyone reading, and especially to my reviewers. You are keeping me on track.

Warning: Adult only 'Cherik' at the end of this chapter. But nothing too crazy.

WordCount: 3,734

ChapterEighteen: A Confession and A Revelation

Raven continued to cry, Charles looked completely shocked, and Erik didn't know what he was feeling. But he knew that his heart was hammering with what Erik could only describe as fear. He had almost walked out on Charles, and being confronted with what could have been reality, now that he had calmed down, made Erik realise how close he had come to losing something that was barely just beginning. He wondered if Charles could hear his panicked thoughts, or knew just how close they had come to a disaster? Charles' face didn't show any hint of sharing Erik's fear, as his eyes were fixed upon his sister with too much worry to consider anything else.

Slowly Raven walked towards Charles, hesitantly as if she had been waiting for permission. Her hands reached out for him, seeking for him to hold her as she dealt with the story that she had now discovered to be true. Charles didn't speak; just let Raven bury her face into his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her protectively, but gently as if he was scared of hurting her, and when she stayed and her sobs grew quieter, Charles closed his eyes.

The conversation of Raven being a mutant didn't need to be spoken of. There was nothing to be said after all that hadn't been obvious, Erik knew immediately that Charles had only kept her a secret because he was trying to keep her safe. Erik would have done the same thing, he wasn't exactly shouting about his own difference from the rooftops. He even understood why Raven had used her powers like she had; with Charles' face there would have been no need to keep up a charade. Erik tried to think back to what had been said between them, when he had thought he had been speaking to the real Charles. It was Raven who had been seeking out Shaw, looking for the truth. Instead she had found Erik, but the result had been the same. She'd inadvertently heard enough to convince her that Charles had been telling the truth.

"Raven, I will tell you whatever you want to know," Charles promised, his voice low and whispered into his sister's hair. "And you can judge me as I deserve."

Raven pulled away from him, her eyes searching his face. She wondered what more she could possibly need to know, but at the same time, it obviously meant a lot to Charles that he lay everything out in the open, perhaps it would be a kind of catharsis. She looked back around at Erik, the skin around her eyes red and blotchy from her tears, her hand shakily wiping another away, and she tried to smile.

"Yes, there are far too many secrets between us all," Raven said still looking at Erik. Her words were more loaded than they sounded, and in her eyes she told Erik that if he didn't repeat his confession to Charles, then she would. It was too heavy a secret to have upon her shoulders.

Recounting the story to Raven didn't take as long as Charles had expected it to. The more he told her, the more he realised what Erik had meant by him being a completely lost soul. He had no justification for how he had acted, for the choices he had made, or the way he had allowed himself to be treated. He knew that perhaps she thought the same as Erik, or had suspected all of this for a long time. She had lived his lonely life with him, so perhaps she understood his constant craving for attention, love and acceptance, as well as his fear of letting anyone close. She listened without interruption, her face holding the same expression throughout, a cross between alarm and an eagerness to hear more. Erik tried to fill in as many blanks as he could, when it seemed Charles was struggling to explain himself, and in the end they talked themselves into silence.

"You said that you have a plan to get him out of your life?" Raven asked once the story was over. "I am guessing that that plan didn't feature me."

"No, it didn't. It still doesn't," Charles admitted, but he said no more. It was clear that whatever he was planning, he wasn't willing to share. It was also clear that Erik didn't know any more than Raven did either. "But it will work, it has to."

"You wont tell me because it's dangerous isn't it? You're going to use your powers on him, aren't you?" Raven accused sharply. "Erik, are you OK with this? If something goes wrong Charles, I know you, you wont be able to live with yourself."

Erik didn't answer her. He was as intrigued as she was as to what Charles had planned for his tormentor, but he trusted Charles. This was his fight after all. To be honest, he didn't know what else to do. He had no other suggestions, and they had had this conversation before. Now that Raven was involved he realised it was even further out of his hands. Charles' first priority was Raven, and if he had to get hurt along the way to helping her, then Erik knew he would pay the price. Charles would see it as justice.

"Can you think of anything else? Charles has made it clear to Shaw that they are over. In response to this, Shaw targeted you Raven. Whatever his reasons, it all comes down to the fact that he hopes to hurt Charles. I don't know what he feels for you, I want to hope there is something good in him somewhere… but I just can't see it," Erik said, he looked at Charles, hoping that he was telling the truth about the strength of his plan. Personally he was risking everything on this, being involved with Charles could cost him everything.

Raven shook her head, as if trying to shake away the images behind her eyes.

"The thought of anyone trying to hurt Charles makes me feel sick," Raven said with more venom than Erik was prepared to hear. "I never expected you to tell me every detail of your life," she added, this time speaking to Charles. "I don't blame you for not sharing all of this with me. I don't blame you ether for what Sebastian is doing, it's sick, wrong. Whatever you want me to do to help you Charles, I will, because this has to end. And this, whatever it is that you're doing with your life, has to change."

"It already has," Charles replied humbly. His gaze moved away from Raven and flicked across Erik briefly. Erik was watching him with the same non-judging expression that he always wore, which never ceased to make Charles feel ashamed of himself, and unworthy to have such a friend. He was not a bad person, but he had not tried very hard to be a good person either. Erik made Charles realise how empty his life had been, and could be again, should he ever leave.

It was obvious to Raven that Charles was referring to Erik. It seemed odd that Charles had ended up falling for someone he had known for so long, and of whom Raven knew so little. Again it was a part of Charles' struggle with himself that had kept the two from ever being in each other's company for very long. Erik was helping Charles heal, from a wound Raven had never known existed.

Raven left Charles and Erik sitting in the lounge, saying that she needed to lie down. There was far too much to think about, and come to terms with, and her mind just couldn't make sense of anything further. Learning that she as just a ruse for Shaw, a way of getting to Charles had been painful. There had been something so attractive about his confidence and the respectful way that he treated her that had had Raven imagining a future for them both. If Charles was right, she was on the only person of interest in Shaw's life, she was just one of many. Raven wondered what would have happened had she refused to meet him, or decided to call it quits. Would Shaw had threatened her? Stalked her? Hurt her? Maybe he would have done none of those things; maybe he wouldn't have even cared. He had only found her by chance after all. She closed the bedroom door behind her, knowing there was still a lot to be discussed.

But right now, it wasn't only Raven who was feeling drained. The tension that had held them all, now left, leaving them tired, and unable to think clearly. Charles blinked blearily. After he had left Shaw, he had barely stepped back into the room before Erik and Raven had arrived. Using his powers in such a secretive manner inside of Shaw's mind, had caused Charles to feel weakened. To then be thrown into another emotional and stressful conversation, on top of the one that had only just gone before, was almost too much. Following Raven's lead, Charles declared that he needed to rest. Erik watched him walk down the small hallway, and turn into the second bedroom, but unlike Raven he left the door open in invitation.

By the time Erik caught up, Charles was already lying on the bed. His face looked pale, and there were shadows forming under his closed eyes. With his complexion so pale, the haunted look on Charles' face made him look small and ill. Erik stepped inside and closed the door, the snap just loud enough to alert Charles to his presence. Slowly he crossed the room to the bed, and looked down upon his friend. Gently Erik removed Charles' shoes, dropping them on the carpeted floor. Charles responded with a small 'hmm' but didn't open his eyes.

Erik kicked off his own shoes with less care, and climbed on the bed beside Charles. As he lay beside him, Erik watched Charles' chest rise and fall with steady even breaths. It was too tempting not to touch him, the soft skin on the back on Charles' hand held Erik's attention for a while, before his own fingers reached out to trace the pale blue vein snaking it's way up and under the cuff of Charles' shirt. Charles' breathing hitched at Erik's touch, his heart jumping as Erik's touch slid over his stomach and crept up towards his heart.

"Charles," Erik whispered, before pressing a kiss into Charles' neck. Under his lips, Charles' skin felt warm and the faded smell of familiar cologne made Erik close his eyes also. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Yes?" Charles breathed. The places in which Erik had touched him were burning whilst the rest of him slept on, waiting to be woken. His heart was pounding a painful beat, skipping over its rhythm, and feeling too much.

"I wanted to say that I understand Shaw," Erik said, his fingers now deftly undoing the buttons of Charles' shirt, exposing him to the room's dim light and to Erik's eager eyes. "Because if I had you, I wouldn't want to let you go either. You are making me crazy. I'm destroying my life over you. I can't let you go. I don't want to. I never will."

With every declaration Erik found a new place of Charles to kiss, his lips leaving Charles' skin tingling. Goosebumps appeared on his arms, and he shivered. Charles raised himself onto his elbows, his eyes meeting Erik's for the first time since they'd been in this room, for once he didn't know what to do. Erik was climbing over him now, continuing to kiss his neck, his hands digging into the waistband of his trousers.

With his face flushed, and his breathing changing into something uncontrollable, Charles forced himself to find something to say. He was desperate to hear Erik say more, to say anything, to hear the approval he was always searching for.

"You have me now Erik, you can have everything," Charles promised, as he fell back into the bed under Erik's relentless attentions. His hands reached up to push Erik's jacket from his shoulders, but Erik caught his fingers, and prevented the action.

He sat up, leaning back on his heels, still straddling Charles. His hand reached into his jacket pocket, and to Charles' confusion he removed his wallet.

"You're ready to give me everything?" Erik asked. He placed the wallet on Charles' chest whilst he removed his jacket, and hastily did away with his own shirt.

Charles eyed the wallet suspiciously. Was Erik going to try and pay him? The confusion lasted until Erik removed not money, but a condom. He dropped that in place of the wallet onto Charles' chest, and tossed the wallet into the floor.

"Always be prepared right?" Erik added with a smirk.

Charles flushed even harder. The journey his mind that taken him on made him realise just how twisted he'd let his life become, and how he was so ready to presume the worst. Of course Erik had a condom in his wallet, where else would he keep one? Now Erik's intent couldn't be denied, and Charles found that he had no desire to run away this time. They had been waiting for this; it had been building for so long.

"Yes," Charles replied.

"Yes what?" Erik asked, he had resumed his kisses, travelling downwards from Charles' neck.

"Yes, I want to give you everything."

"It's not enough Charles," Erik replied, his grinning face looking up from where he was busy trying to wrestle Charles from the rest of his clothes. Charles didn't put up any resistance, but his own excitement was making him clumsy.

Charles looked at him confused, but didn't halt his movements; he was far too invested in the moment to think about quitting. His cool fingers found their way into Erik's pants, and wrapped around his length. The unexpected touch made Erik lose his composure, and as Charles' hand moved, Erik groaned and leaned in closer. Knowing that he'd surrendered power to Charles, and had no desire to take it back just yet, Erik allowed himself to be rolled over, letting Charles up from where he'd been pinned. As Erik shuffled back towards the pillows to rest against them, Charles dragged his pants further down before they too joined everything else on the floor. As Charles made his way back up, his fingers running the length of Erik's cock, Erik toed off his socks with the need of wanting as much skin as possible to be touching Charles.

The process of getting undressed seemed to take forever, and all the while Charles always seemed too far away, even when his hands were on Erik, and his kisses all over his chest. Erik's hands roamed over Charles' back, searching, pulling him close, and trying to tell him how much just holding him meant. It felt so right, everything about Charles being here with him, felt as if it was meant to be. He understood now why Charles had been so keen to wait until there had been nothing that needed to be held back.

Charles' hand moved up and down with the lazy stroke of someone who had complete confidence in what they were doing. It was that strange confidence that Erik found so alluring, and which seemed to sit juxtaposed to the rest of Charles' life. But right now, his inner monologue of diagnosis couldn't be continued, because Erik was desperate for Charles to take him in his mouth. The thought alone made his erection painful, and the more Charles looked at him with his blue eyes, the more Erik just wanted to grab hold of him, and push him down. He resisted out of respect, and wondered how many of Charles' previous lovers had given in.

"What do you mean, that isn't enough?" Charles asked, his touch changing, so that Erik had to fight to answer him. The smile on his face told Erik that Charles knew exactly what he was doing to him, and that he fully expected to get the answer he wanted.

"I. Mean…. " Erik hissed. His hand reached for Charles. If Charles was going to tease him, then at least Erik could return the favour, and take back the control. "I want this… always… more than… just now. Oh God … Charles, just get on with it!"

Charles pulled out of his grip, and before Erik could take his next breath, he felt he had been swallowed whole. He was right at the back of Charles' throat, the sensation almost tipping him over the edge before they had even begun. He knew Charles was no blushing virgin, his past experience he hadn't been shy about sharing, but Charles hadn't mentioned how God damn good he was. It made Erik feel ashamed of his lacklustre performance back at Charles' Oxford flat, where he had jokingly made Charles promise to repay him. Well, he was certainly getting what he'd asked for.

Suddenly Charles' mouth was gone, and his hand was back. As the stars faded from Erik's eyes, he realised he wouldn't have been able to hold out much longer, and he also remembered that he wasn't being very kind. He'd left Charles to tend to himself, although watching Charles touch himself suddenly seemed like a very good idea. Charles gasped, his eyes fluttering, his touch on Erik faltering and Erik knew he wanted to hear Charles gasp again, only this time, he wanted it to be caused by him.

Charles didn't fight him as he pressed him back into the bed, and looked up at him with a trust Erik wondered what he'd done to deserve. He wanted to think he had helped Charles to stop trying to hide from himself, but really all he'd succeeded in doing was outing Charles to his students, his mother, Raven and convinced him to stop being ashamed of his mutant powers. If Raven turned out to be right, and something when wrong, it wouldn't only be Charles who wouldn't be able to live with himself. Erik would have had a hand in his destruction too.

Erik felt he was moving in a dream like state, his hands couldn't seem to touch enough of Charles, and his mind couldn't focus on anything clear. All he knew for sure was that Charles was lying beneath him now, his lips against his neck, his breathing hard. Erik could feel himself pressing into Charles, could hear him moan as he pressed further, harder, but still Erik felt he was losing his mind somewhere. He couldn't control himself, this fever was taking him over, and Erik realised with every movement that was bringing them closer together, that he was slowly becoming a part of Charles.

His mind exploded with images, memories, thoughts, and sounds, that didn't belong to him. It was clear he had been caught in the madness of Charles' power, as he slowly broke down all of Charles' careful defences and pushed him to the edge. Erik knew also that Charles had lost control over himself, he wasn't trying to show Erik anything in particular, or at least the collection of images rushed by too quick to be understood. But the visions Erik witnessed changed their frantic lovemaking into something more poignant and deep. He saw himself smiling at Charles, felt what Charles felt when he held him. But most of all, the overwhelming feeling he gleaned from Charles was safety, which from a man who had lived so precariously and trusted no one, meant a lot and made Erik's heart swell.

He pulled out of Charles, knowing that he was bringing him close to his end, the tension in Charles' body, building to its highest point. Erik pushed back in roughly, causing Charles to cry out and dig his fingernails deep into Erik's back. Erik knew he couldn't hold back much longer, and the words on his lips fell out in a rush, along with his stumbling breaths.

"Just tell me Charles," he breathed heavily, his pace quickening, the gasps from Charles growing frantic, his cries louder. "Tell what you're trying to show me."

Charles opened his eyes, his gaze blurred full of the haze of desire. He couldn't concentrate, he tried to reach down and touch himself, knowing he was close, but his hand was swatted away by Erik, who gifted him with histouch instead. Charles tried to hold Erik's gaze, but he couldn't, his eyes fluttered closed and his back arched, as Erik brought him to his breaking point, and beyond. Erik didn't slow, once Charles was finished he allowed himself to take what he needed, as Charles' body tightened around him and relaxed, giving him sensations of pleasure that were so close to painful, that Erik barely realised Charles was speaking.

"I was … trying to tell you … Erik, … that I … love you," Charles said, the words gasped out in a breathless whisper. The words hit Erik and stunned him, the moment caused him to shudder, unable to hold back, and he pushed hard into Charles one last time before he came. He collapsed against Charles feeling overwhelmed, unable to breathe, unable to feel where he ended and Charles began.

Slowly Erik came back to himself, and lazily forced himself to move, rolling off Charles and lazily dropping the condom into the wastepaper bin beside the bed. He'd deal with real life later, right now, his mind was racing with stupid thoughts. As he turned to look at Charles, and pulled the duvet over them both, he saw Charles smile. His eyes were closed again, and his expression peaceful, the upturned tug of his mouth made Erik want to kiss him again.

Iwonteverletyougo.Charles had heard Erik's mind say. Iloveyoutoomuch.

"Erik, you know you said that you thought I was lost?" Charles asked, opening his eyes and looking at Erik. His hand reached over for his, and linked their fingers tightly.

"Yes?" Erik asked.

"I don't think I was. I was there all along. I just needed to find you."