I promised a chapter on Tuesday. Well, it's Tuesday. So enjoy! :D

Chapter 8: The memory loss

"Lex, are you okay?" Meredith found Lexie in a supply closet sitting on the floor.

"The only thing that matters right now is that Mark is awake again." Lexie said without looking up from her lap, her fingers wrapped around a small object.

"Maybe the memory loss is only temporary. You know that this can happen."

"Yeah, maybe." When Lexie finally looked up Meredith could see that she didn't believe it. "Maybe you should give him the ring back." Lexie stretched her hand out and Meredith could see the velvet box in Lexie's hand..

"No, if someone gives him the ring back you should be the one." Meredith slid down until she was sitting directly beside her sister.

"I think it's not a good idea to confuse him even more right now. Don't tell him about me, Meredith." Lexie stated quietly.

"What? You can't be serious." Meredith said incredulously.

"Promise me. He has to struggle enough. He can't remember Sofia either. I think it's already too much for him to deal with the fact that he has a daughter with Callie. Have you seen his face when Callie told him? He lost his memory of the last four years, Meredith. I don't want to burden him with me in addition to everything else."

"You know that you are not a burden for him."

"But right now he can't remember that I'm his girlfriend. He can't remember me at all. Let's keep it that way until he feels a little better. Okay?" Lexie looked pleadingly into her eyes.

"It's your decision, Lexie." Meredith didn't know if this was the right decision. She thought that Mark had the right to know about them. But she wouldn't tell him. It should come from Lexie. But one look at Lexie's face told Meredith that it woulnd't happen in the near future and Lexie's next words confirmed her suspicion.

"And I decide to keep it from him. For now." Lexie stated determined.

~M&L~

"Dr. Sloan, how are you today?" Lexie entered his room without looking directly into his face. She couldn't stay away. She had to see him. When he would be discharged he would be back in his apartment and she would hardly see him.

"Call me Mark, Dr. Grey."

"But only if you call me Lexie."

"Okay, Lexie." Hearing him saying her name made her shiver but she suppressed it immediately. "So how are you?"

"Fine. I think. It's still a little weird that I can't remember the last four years but it's getting better." Mark replied.

"That's good to hear." Lexie studied his chart while Mark watched her from his bed and suddenly a strange feeling overcame him.

"Do I know you? Scratch that. Of course I should know you. You are working as a doctor here at the hospital. But something is … I don't know how to call it ... different?"

"Yes, we know each other." Lexie didn't look up. She didn't want to look into Mark's eyes.

"Did we have a lot of cases together?"

"Every now and then." Lexie didn't consider it a complete lie. Because it was true. They weren't working on cases together all the time, they had only spent every free minute of the last two months with each other.

When Lexie walked beside his bed to have a look at his scar Mark put a hand on her arm and a jolt went through Lexie. She snatched her arm away and when she looked into Mark's eyes she saw that he had felt it too. She needed to get out of his room. Immediately.

"I have to go. But Derek will be here any minute. He'll check the scar."

"Lexie, what just happened?" Mark sat up in his bed and tried to reach her to hold her back but she already retreated in the direction of the door.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

Lexie rushed out of his room and left a confused Mark behind. He had felt a sudden rush when he touched Lexie's arm. It was strange. He decided that he would talk to Derek about it. Maybe he could shed some light on this.

~M&L~

"Derek, I have to ask you something about Dr. Grey." Mark said while Derek lifted the bandage around his head to examine his scar.

"You mean Lexie?" Derek asked.

"Yes." Derek pulled a chair beside Mark's bed and sat down crossing his legs and folding his arms across his chest.

"Okay. Shoot."

"This sounds crazy, but … there is something between her and me. I can't describe it. When she is around I just feel … something. How good did I know her? Were we friends?"

"I won't call it friends." Derek knew that he wouldn't get away with it. Meredith promised Lexie to not tell Mark anything about them. But Lexie didn't talk to him and Mark was his best friend.

"So what was it, Derek?"

"How shall I put it?" Derek stalled.

"Spit it out." Mark replied impatiently.

"You were absolutely and head over heels in love with each other." Derek blurted out.

"What?" Mark's face went white and he clutched his hand around his sheet looking bewildered at Derek.

"Love. All-consuming, almost unbearable love with a lot of ripping off each other's clothes I imagine." Derek smirked when he remembered how often he had seen them coming out of an on call room or a supply closet.

"But I can't remember anything."

"I know." Derek's smile faltered when he saw the confusion on Mark's face.

"She never said anything."

"She didn't want to upset you. She thought Sofia was already a big enough surprise."

"So she never intended to tell me?" Mark asked slightly peeved.

"She wanted to wait until you are better." Derek defended Lexie's decision.

"But it might be that I'll never remember her."

"That might be the reason why she hesitated. I shouldn't have said anything. But I was there. The whole time, Mark. I saw all the ups and downs of your relationship and you two are meant for each other. You drive each other crazy. You fight, you shout at each other but … She is the love of your life and you are hers. You are both miserable when you are apart from each other. You can't live without each other." Derek explained.

"Then how could I forget her?" Mark asked with disbelief in his voice. He was clearly upset about the fact that he apparently didn't remember the love of his life.

"I don't know. But don't tell her that you know, Mark. She's been through a lot lately. She doesn't deserve that you are with her out of a false sense of obligation. When you go back to her you should go back to her because you love her. I don't mean that you must wait until you get your memories back but she deserves to be loved. If you can't remember her, Mark, you just have to make new memories. You fell in love with her once even though everything was against you two at the time. There is no reason that it won't happen again. You are still the same person. Even though you can't remember loving her right now you still love her. I'm not sure if this makes sense."

"No. I understand. I think. So you mean that some part of me, maybe my soul, is still in love with her, that only my brain isn't remembering her?" Mark asked a little disbelievingly.

"Yeah, something like that."

"So I just need to connect both parts again?" Mark asked uncertainly.

"We sound crazy, aren't we?" Derek shook his head chuckling slightly.

"A little I guess. But something in me is clearly remembering her. I felt it, Derek." Mark told him.

"You two just need some time. Take her out on a date when you are out of here. Take small steps. It will work out eventually."

~M&L~

"Lexie, I'll be discharged today." Mark informed Lexie the moment she entered the room.

"I know." Lexie replied quietly.

"So I need to ask you something." Mark stated eagerly.

"Of course." Lexie closed his chart and looked up at him waiting for his question.

"Will you go out on a date with me?" Mark blurted out.

"A date?" Lexie asked.

"I think there is definitely chemistry between us. So I think we should give it a shot. Or are you seeing someone currently?" Mark felt strange talking to Lexie like that. After talking to Derek it felt ridiculous. He knew that she wasn't seeing anyone because she was his own girlfriend. But he promised Derek that he wouldn't tell Lexie that he knew about that fact.

"No. I'm not seeing someone currently." Lexie replied.

"So you will go out on a drink with me?" Lexie studied Mark's face and saw that he apparently really wanted to go out on a date with her and she missed him so much the last weeks so she gave in.

"Yeah, why not?" Lexie answered him.

"Nine o'clock? Joe's bar?"

"I'll be there." Lexie smiled.

"Looking forward to it." Mark smirked.

~M&L~

This evening reminded Lexie a lot of the evening where she was sitting at the bar after she refused to scrub in on Mark's surgery because she helped out George. They were even talking about her photographic memory. Lexie just joked that it was sometimes a little crowded in her head with all this information when Mark's smile faltered and he furrowed his brows.

"What is it, Mark?" Lexie asked quickly. "Do you have a headache? We can go if you don't feel good. Better let's go have Derek check it."

"No. I'm fine. I just had a strange sense of déjà vu. Did we have this conversation before?" Mark looked questioningly in Lexie's eyes and Lexie had to hold her breath. Did he remember something?

"Yeah, we talked about my photographic memory before." Lexie stated.

"Periodic table!" Mark suddenly shouted.

"What?" Lexie replied confused.

"I did ask you to recite the periodic table." Mark stated happily.

"Yes, you did. Do you remember anything else?" Lexie asked excitedly.

Mark furrowed his brows in concentration and Lexie balled her hands into fists in anticipation but then Mark looked up at her and shook his head.

"No. I'm sorry, Lexie." Mark answered disappointed.

"Don't worry. Let's just have some drinks together and talk." Lexie smiled shakily.

The rest of the evening was somehow strained. They talked about nothing and everything and he enjoyed it but something was off. So he decided to end the charade when they stepped out of the bar into the cold night. Mark stopped Lexie with a hand on her arm and pulled her to the side of the boardwalk to gave them some privacy.

"Why are you doing this, Lexie?" Mark asked softly.

"What do yo mean?" Lexie replied questioningly.

"Why don't you tell me?" Mark stated exasperatedly.

"Tell you what?" Lexie still had no clue what he was talking about.

"Lexie, don't! You know what I mean." It took her a few moments before she realized that someone obviously told him.

"Who told you?"

"Derek."

Lexie looked in the blue eyes of the man she loved more than anything else in her life and was overwhelmed by a sudden rush of sadness. He was right. It hadn't been fair. Nothing had been fair and everything she suppressed over the last few weeks came to the surface when she exploded into his face.

"What do you expect me to say, Mark? That it feels like my heart gets ripped out every time I see you because you can't remember us. Is that what you want to hear? Sometimes it feels like I can't breathe. Even though you are standing right in front of me you are not here. I love you, Mark. But you don't remember loving me and I don't know how long I can take it seeing you every day and not being able to touch you, kiss you. I … I just can't do this, Mark." Lexie's eyes glossed over with tears.

"Can't do what?" Mark asked softly.

"Pretending that I don't know you. It's killing me, Mark. I … I have to go." Lexie turned around whipping the tears away that were streaming down her cheeks.

"Lexie, stop." Mark pleaded.

"No, Mark. Please. Let me go. I can't talk to you right now. It hurts too much." Lexie chocked out between sobs.

Reluctantly Mark let go of Lexie's arm and gazed after her while she hurried away from him. Hearing her words and seeing her tears had ripped his heart out too. He wanted to remember her. He had to remember her. He wouldn't accept that he had to let her walk away. He wanted his memories back.

~M&L~

"You can't force it, Mark." Derek stated quietly.

"Derek, you didn't see her. She was so hurt. I can't live with the fact that I'm the reason she is so devastated. I need to remember, Derek." Mark replied desperately.

"Mark, I understand that ..." Derek began but was interrupted by Mark's angry voice.

"No. You don't understand. You can't. You have no idea what it feels like to know that you forgot the love of your life. That it's like she never existed." Mark shouted. "You said that we can't live without each other. How can she go on with her life when you are right, Derek? How can I go on with my life knowing what could have been if I would only remember?"

Derek could see the tears forming in Mark's eyes. His best friend wasn't very emotional. He couldn't remember the last time he saw him cry. But he couldn't help him. He couldn't bring his memories back. He wasn't god.

"I don't know, Mark. But I'm here for you." Derek told him.

"I know. Thank you, Derek." Mark replied quietly.

~M&L~

"I have to move on, Meredith." Lexie said determined.

"Are you crazy, Lexie?" Meredith asked totally surprised.

"I can't do it. I can't see him every day. I just can't. I asked for a transfer to Boston." Lexie told her sister.

"Lexie, you can't give up. Mark needs you." Meredith tried to reason with Lexie.

"That's the point, Meredith. He doesn't need me. He doesn't know who I am. Maybe I am a coward. But every time I see him it cuts me up inside. I can't live like that." Meredith could see the deep dark circles under Lexie's eyes. The red rims that told her that Lexie had cried all night long.

"I can't convince you?" Meredith tried to change her mind. She wasn't sure if it would really help Lexie to run away from Mark. He would be still in her heart.

"No, Meredith. I made my decision. I have to go." Meredith had to give up. Lexie wouldn't change her mind. She was stubborn like hell and Meredith could see how much the whole situation took a toll on her sister. She had to let her go.

"I'm going to miss you little sis." Meredith said softly.

"I'll miss you too." Lexie replied.

Lexie hugged Meredith tightly before she turned around and walked away. Meredith stood stock still following her with her eyes. Suddenly Derek appeared by her side.

"What was that about?" Derek asked curiously.

"What I was fearing from the beginning." Meredith wrapped her arm around Derek and buried her head into his chest.

"And that was?"

"She is devastated, Derek." Meredith stated sadly.

"Because of Mark." Derek didn't word it like a question. He saw Mark just a minute ago. He knew what happened yesterday after their date.

"She is transferring to Boston." Meredith told her husband.

"What? She is moving away?" Derek asked surprised.

"Maybe it's for the best. Look at her. She can't go on like that." Meredith said.

"How should I tell Mark?"

"You don't."

"But he is my best friend."

"No, Derek. This time we have to let Lexie decide for herself when she wants to tell him. If she is going to tell him at all. We interfered enough. It's up to them now."

I wish you all a great ep on Thursday. Let's keep all our fingers crossed and everything else that is able to be crossed that we'll get a J/L break-up scene. I want Jackson gone. He was in the way long enough. LOL. See you hopefully soon.