Kirk is back on his own ship with a Spock that doesn't love him. ANGST (but it doesn't last too long.)

This chapter is very dialogue heavy, but you will see that there was no reall way around that.

Thanks to T'Arrah for her beta-ing skills and support.

I don't own Star Trek

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Kirk comes slowly back to consciousness to the sound of the beeps of his biobed and the hushed voices of McCoy and Spock. The pain is still there, but it is dulled by the meds Bones has him on and the calming presence of Spock. He goes to speak, but he can't seem to move his mouth. His eyes also refuse to open. He wonders if it is because of the medication or maybe it's a side-effect of the damaged bond. It doesn't really seem to matter because no matter what the cause, he is still unable to move. Since he has no choice to but to lay here, he might as well listen to see if he can find out what's going on. As he concentrates, the voices of the two men become clearer.

"Doctor, I only came down here to discover the Captain's condition, not get into an argument with you. Now that I know that he is in a satisfactory condition, I will return to my duties."

"I said stable condition, not satisfactory, you insensitive, green-blooded hobgoblin! How could anyone be 'satisfactory' after being stabbed, strangled, burned and electrocuted? Not to mention that something is going on in side his brain is causing him extreme amounts of pain. He is burning through the morphine like it's sugar water and the only relief he seems to get is when you are in the room. If you have any duties at the moment it is to help your captain."

Jim fears that they have left the room since the silence that follows stretches out for so long, but then Spock speaks.

"What would you have me do, Doctor? I am not a physician."

"Yeah, but you are a Vulcan and from what old man Selik told me after I described Jim's symptoms, the most likely cause is some sort of Vulcan mind voodoo. A mind-meld gone wrong, I think he said. You could use your telepathy on him and find out for sure."

"I am not a mind healer. It is best that we wait until we arrive on New Vulcan and allow professionals to treat the Captain."

Kirk is startled when he hears what he believes to be a bottle, smash against the wall.

"He's in pain, goddammit! And the pain is only getting worse. It will take us a week to reach New Vulcan even at maximum warp and by then he will have suffered irreversible brain damage. The human mid just can't deal with that sort of constant pressure. Just help him, Spock."

Jim inwardly holds his breath as he waits for Spock's response.

"I... I cannot. I might inadvertently do more harm than good. We must simply hope that the Captain will defy the odds like he has done in the past."

McCoy sighs. "Well, could you at least stay for a while? Like I said before, he is better when you're around."

"I am afraid not. Even if I were not on duty, for which I am, I am a newly wed and it is customary that my time be spent with my wife."

Kirk knew about this of course. Spock and Nyota had come to him themselves and told him that they were planning to get married when they arrived on Star Base 4. Uhura had seemed giddy, while Spock had appeared almost... regretful. He had refused to acknowledge his own feelings on the matter and had instead given them his blessing. He then proceeded to get blind drunk with Bones.

It is strange, because knowing that they would be married by the time he got back doesn't stop the feeling that someone has just placed his heart through a paper shredder. He has lost his bond-mate and now the only other man that could possibly fill that void is happily married and wants nothing to do with him, even when he is unreponsive.

"For fuck's sake Spock, I think that Nyota will let you off the hook for this. You are easing his discomfort, not sitting around watching football and downing a few cold ones."

Jim can hear someone moving away from him and from the increase in pain throughout his body, he is willing to bet that it is Spock.

"I am sorry, Doctor, but it is impossible. Now, if you will excuse me."

Kirk knows the exact moment when Spock exits the sickbay, because it is that moment when the white hot agony returns. The sensors above his biobed go crazy and McCoy rushes over to him and screams for help. "Chapel. I need more morphine right now. It's okay Jim. I'll fix this, just don't give up. Please don't give up."

Jim has lost all sense of what is going on around him. The only thing he can focus on besides the pain is one name: Spock. He is chanting it over and over again like a prayer with the hope that if he says it enough times, the man will magically appear by his side.

There is a sharp jab to his neck that he recognises as a hypospray injection and then sleep once again takes him.

The next time Jim wakes, he can feel that someone is grasping his hand. At first he believes it to be Spock because the familiar warmth of his presence is once again blanketing his mind and muting the pain, but the fingers are too slight, too feminine. It can't be him.

"I don't understand why you are so unwilling to help, Spock. I'm not his biggest fan, not by a long shot, but even I can't bare to see him in this amount of pain."

It is Uhura. She is the one caressing his hand. Jim doesn't know what he should think about that. This Nyota has always been so cold towards him, but he has been witness to her softer side on a few occasions. Maybe he is just overdue for some of that sweetness to be sent his way. Too bad he can't show her that he is aware and thankful for her kindness. She may not be Spock, but comfort is still comfort.

"You do not now what you ask of me, Nyota."

"Look, I know that melds are...intimate to your people. God, we haven't even melded and I'm married to you, but surely you can't deny Kirk this, knowing how much he is suffering. McCoy truly believes that you can help him and I won't mind if you do it."

Uhura squeezes Jim's hand as if ensuring that he is still actually there and then the pressure lessens, but doesn't disappear.

"Nyota, you are my wife and very soon you will be my bond-mate. I respect your opinion, but that does not mean that I must agree with it. Out of Doctor McCoy and myself, it is I that has a far deeper knowledge of Vulcan mind-melds and I do not believe it would be... logical to meld with the Captain. It would be best if we wait until a certified mind healer can diagnose and treat him."

Jim can feel tears slip past his closed eyelids.

'Am I that disgusting to him that he is not even willing to meld with me to save my life?'

"You must understand, he is my captain, nothing more. It is not my duty to heal him. My duty is to this ship, to it's crew and now to you as my wife. We must put our faith in our CMO and the medical team that is awaiting us on New Vulcan. There is nothing else I can do, Nyota."

The hand is gone and Jim can hear the shuffle of feet. They must be getting ready to leave. He doesn't really care though because he is to busy trying to stop his soul from collapsing in on itself. The tears are still streaming down his face, unnoticed by the two other people in the room.

'If they won't send me back to my mate, then they might as well let me die. Listening to Spock reject me in a million different ways is the worst form of torture anyone could inflict upon me. I just want it to stop hurting.'

The pain is back, which means that Spock is gone. It is even worse than before, as if Spock constant spurn is actually feeding it. Jim's body start to convulse. Uhura's hand is once again surrounding his and her panicked voice fills the room, which is quickly followed by the medical alert alarm.

"Oh my god, Kirk! Someone please help!"

It is not long before McCoy rushes in, followed by a group of nurses.

"What the hell happened? His reading are all over the goddamn place."

Uhura's hand disappear, only to be replaced by multiple hands as they hold Jim's flailing body down to the bed.

"I.. I don't know. I was talking to Spock and a few moments after he left, Kirk started seizing."

Kirk's body calms after Bones gives him a set of hypos and the medical alarms stop blaring. His whole body is still hurting, but he is almost accustom to it now. However, it does not stop him wishing for the end.

"Tell your goddamn husband to stay the fuck away from Jim. He is obviously still not willing to help him and every time he leaves after one of his visits, Jim always seems to get worse. If I didn't know any better, I would say that the green-blooded hobgoblin is killing him."

"That's not fair, Leonard. Spock is just-"

Another sharp sting to the neck and Jim knows that he is seconds away from falling to sleep, if the the way McCoy's voice is beginning to sound distant is any indication.

"Save it, Nyota. I don't give a shit about Spock motivations or justifications. All I care about is getting Jim better and if that means keeping the walking computer out of my sickbay, then so be it."

Kirk wonders if he should be pissed or thankful to Bones. He is under before he can come to a decision.

Jim once again is roused from his sleep, but this time by a warm pressure at his side. He is so busy snuggling into that warmth that it takes him a moment to notice two important things. The biobed had been switched off and more importantly, he feel no pain. His eyes shoot open as he makes that realization. He is also shocked to discover that with the pain gone, he now has control over his body.

'I can move! Thank fuck for that!'

Kirk glances about the room, which is now dark and it's only source of light coming from some medical machinery by one of the far walls. He turns his head to investigate what is nestled against him and he comes face to face with Spock. He knows immediately that it is his Spock.

"Hello, t'hy'la."

Spock's voice is barely above a whisper, but Jim is sure that it echoes through the silent room. He holds his gaze on his bond-mate for a few beats before he chuckles. Spock is now staring at him as though he has gone mad.

"Oh, I get it. I'm dead and this is heaven."

Spock's eyebrow goes up and his frowns slightly.

"I did not realise that your idea of heaven was to lay injured in Sickbay. I was always led to believe that heaven was meant to be pleasurable."

Now that he thinks about it, Kirk can feel the slight ache at his side where he was stabbed and the tenderness around his throat from where he was strangled. He is pretty sure that if he was dead, all those aches injuries would cease to bother him. That means that Spock is really there with him... in his universe... in his bed. It is the last thought that has him rolling over on his side, ignoring the pain that action causes, and smiling ecstatically at the Vulcan.

"You're really here."

He has barely gotten the words out before he is pulling Spock into a desperate kiss. The contact causes the bond Kirk's head to hum in delight. He moans against his lover's warm lips.

'I can't believe you came for me.'

As they continue to kiss, one of Spock's hands begins brushing through Jim's blond hair, while the other is laid gently on the Human's hip.

'I will always come for you. You are my mate and where you go, I must follow.'

They both slowly pull away, just far enough so they can get their breath back. Jim is still panting as he rests his forehead against Spock's.

"How did you know? How did you do it? How did you get here?"

Spock presses a light kiss against Kirk's nose and smiles at the rush of questions that leave his mate's beautiful mouth.

"You plan worked. The Romulan ship was destroyed, but we were unable to transport you back on board. At first, I thought that you had died. The pain I felt backed up this hypothosis, but when I investigated further, I discovered that the bond was still whole, which meant you were still alive. I asked ensign Chekov to review our scans of the enemy ship seconds during the explosion and he discovered that you were transported out."

Jim nods, showing that he is following so far.

I came to the realisation that if the Mr Scott of our universe had come up with a way to send you back, then it was probably that his counterpart in your universe had come up with a way to bring you back."

Jim is now staring at Spock with a look of confusion. "Okay, you guys figured out what happened to me, but that doesn't explain how you are here."

Spock's lips turn up in a sly grin.

"As you remember, it was I that made sure that Mr Scott's formula to send you back never succeeded. I simply stopped sabotaging it and used it on myself. As you can see, it worked."

Jim wraps his arm around the smug Vulcan's neck and lays back down on his back. Spock has his hands pressed against the matress on either side of Kirk and is looking down upon him with pure adoration. Jim gently pulls at Spock's neck so that their lips brush.

"Impressive, but what is even more impressive is that you were able to do anything while our bond was blocked. I couldn't even move because the pain was so intense. It was like my brain shut down all none essential functions just so I could keep breathing."

Spock frowns apologetically. "That is essentially what it did. You are psi-null, James. Your brain had no other way of coping with the pain except by shutting itself down. I also experienced immense pain while separated from you, but I was able to compartmentalise it through practices I learned when undergoing my telepathic training and I functioned resonably well because of that."

Kirk smiles fondly at his lover. "My little trouper."

Spock's face scrunches in mock disgust.

"I am by no means lit-"

Kirk cuts him off with another kiss. He closes his eyes and tries to savor the sensation. He wants to drown in this man above him. However, he doesn't get the chance because Spock's lips have left his and quite suddenly, too. Jim goes to object, but when he opens his eyes he is nearly blinded by the bright light that fills the room.

'When did the lights come on? Are they on a timer?'

His eyes soon adjust and he looks above him to find Spock glaring angrily over his shoulder. Kirk pushes up onto his elbows and gazes over into the direction Spock is focused on. To say that he is surprised is an understatement when he spots the Spock of this universe standing at the door with a phaser aimed at the Spock on top of him. He looks like he did all those long months ago on the bridge when he nearly killed Jim with his own bare hands. He is furious.

"Get off my captain right this minute, or I'll be forced to shoot you."

Spock turns to give one last small kiss on Kirk's lips and then climbs off the bed. Jim takes this opportunity to sit up more fully against the pillows that are piled near the wall, only wincing once when his stitches pull. His gaze bounces between the two Spock's. Their physical appearances are identical in every way, yet it is extremely easy to tell them apart. The bond helps, but even if he wasn't bonded to one of the Spocks, he would still be able to see the difference between the two. The Vulcan he is bonded to is standing with his hands by his side and his hip slightly cocked. He has a small, cocky smirk on his lips (the one that Kirk has come to know very well). He is letting his human side shine through and is not the least bit ashamed of that. On the other hand, the first officer of this ship is standing ram-rod straight, with both hands clutching the phaser. His lips are in a tight line and his jaw is clenched. He is the epitome of Vulcan suppression.

Kirk is startled out of his comparisons when his Spock's condescending voice breaks the silence.

"I wish to inform you that I am only following your instructions because I fear that you may inadvertedly hit James if you fire that weapon, not because you have any true authority over me. Know that neither you, nor anyone else will keep me from my bond-mate."

The Spock near the door falters as he hears this. His eyes snap toward Jim and they practically beg for clarification.

"You are bonded?"

The blond swallows the lump in his throat and then nods. "Ah yeah, it's true. I bonded with him while I was in the other dimension. That's why I was so sick when I came back here. The bond didn't sever, but it was just stretched and then blocked by the invisible walls that separate our two universes. Apparently Vulcan mating bonds don't like that very much."

The phaser drops to the Vulcan's side as he stares disbelievingly (and with a tinge of anger) at the Human in the bed.

"Why would you do this? Why would you bond with him?"

The other Spock answers before Jim has a chance to.

"We are t'hy'la. The question you should be asking is: why would we not bond?"

A set of brown eyes narrow and the phaser is once again lifted.

"You had no right. He is not of your universe and thus not yours to claim. He does not belong with you."

Before Jim can even blink, his XO is pressed against the wall, his phaser skidding across the floor, and the Spock he is linked to has his hands around his counterpart's neck.

"The James T. Kirk of my universe was lost at birth, so when your captain appeared on my ship and I discovered that he was t'hy'la to me, I did everything in my power to ensure that he became my mate. He was un-bonded, which made him fair game."

The Spock against the wall growls, but the pressure around his throat makes it sound more like a gargle.

"You are angry I did this. You believe I was acting selfishly, that I did not think of James when I did this. Would you have preferred me to send him back to this universe, where his t'hy'la dismisses him, denies him..." His angry gaze travels to the hand grasping at his own, seeking release, and his glare hardens further. "... and marries another? You are a fool. He might not have originally belonged to me, but he is mine now and I will kill anyone who stands between me and my mate, even if it is myself."

To make his point hit home, Spock's fingers tighten around a green flushed neck.

Jim whips the covers off his body and is just about to jump out of bed to break this up, when McCoy comes stomping through the door and quickly takes in the scene around him. His eyes settle on the two Spock's and he scowls.

"What the hell do you two think you are doing? This is a hospital. A place for healing, not a fucking wrestling ring. Now step away from each other and act like the Starfleet officers you are."

Kirk is seriously impressed when, not only do the two Spock's move away from each other, but they also drop their gazes to the floor, embarrassed. Jim's Spock makes his way over to his bed and takes the Human's hand in his. Kirk is about to swing his legs around so that he can sit on the edge of the bed, but the doctor spins to him and points a finger at his friend.

"Don't even think about getting up, you dumbass. Just lay yourself right back down and tell me why we have yet another goddamn hobgoblin in this universe. As if two weren't bad enough."

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Hope you liked it. Next chapter will be up in a weeks time.