So here it is. This chapter has a lot of angst, but non of it really has anything to do with douche Spock... at least not yet.
Thank you to T'Arrah for beta-ing. She does a great job. The reason my work is usually still ridlled with mistakes is because I always add a lot after I get it back.
Star Trek isn't mine.
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The soft press of lips at the back of his ear and the hand working lazy circles on his abdomen is what finally pulls Jim from his sleep. He pushes back into Spock, trying to bury himself in the warmth and encourage more kissing. He groans in disappointment when the hand at his stomach stops moving and the neck kissing ceases.
"I am sorry I woke you, Ashayam, but it I could not stop myself from touching you. Especially when you kept murmuring my name in your sleep."
Jim blushes, embarrassed by the fact that Spock caught him while he was dreaming about him, but then he remembers that this man is his husband. Kirk doesn't have to hide his desire from thisSpock.
A hand is on Jim's shoulder and it is gently pushing him so that he is laying on his back. Spock is resting on one elbow, looking down at Kirk earnestly.
"You do not have to hide anything from me, James. Particularly not if it is your desire for me. It is extremely pleasing to me knowing that you find me arousing."
The Vulcan leans down and places a chaste kiss on his bond-mate's lips. Jim wraps his arms around Spock's neck trying to deepen the kiss, but Spock pulls free, using his superior strength. Kirk pouts as he watches Spock elegantly climb out of the bed and start dressing himself.
"I am sorry to, as you would say, 'pull the pin' on our activities, but you should spend the remainder of your time contacting the individuals you wish to say good-bye to, and pack what you wish to take with you."
Jim can't keep the whine from his voice, as his bottom lip juts out further.
"Sex won't take that long. I can be quick."
Spock rolls his eyes in mock exasperation and smiles.
"That is one activity that we participate in which I never wish to rush. We will have plenty of time for intercourse once we return to the other universe."
Jim huffs sullenly.
"Fine, I guess sex can wait, but I expect you to make it up to me."
Spock's face disappears for a moment as he puts on his black under shirt, but when it reappears, Jim can see that the Vulcan is trying to hold back his laughter. Spock gives a little cough, obviously trying to regain control before he speaks again.
"That will not be a chore, t'hy'la. Now, I will leave you to your calls. I am going to venture down to sickbay and retrieve your medical information from Doctor McCoy. It will hopefully not take too long. Comm me if you need me."
Kirk sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed, nodding while he stretches.
"Sounds like a plan."
Spock walks to the door, but then spins to face Jim once more. Kirk's eyebrows shoot up in question. Spock actually looks worried.
"If I do not return in 30 minutes it means that Doctor McCoy has killed me. As my bond-mate, it will be your job to care for my corpse and avenge my death."
Jim throws his head back and laughs.
"Thanks for telling me, but I'm sure you'll be fine. Just don't look directly into his eyes and if he starts to get agitated, just offer him a tumbler of brandy or a serving of grits."
Spock solemnly bows his head in acknowledgement, but the effect is ruined by the slight tilt of his lips.
"I am appreciative of you advice, t'hy'la. Farewell and pray for me."
Spock is gone and Jim is left chuckling to himself as he makes his way over to the comm unit on his desk.
Jim dials in Sam's code for his home on Ganjitsu, where he lives with his fiancée Aurelan. He is slightly confused when he gets feedback telling him that the comm code he is using is incorrect. Kirk shrugs it off and decides to contact Sam directly at his work, thinking that Sam must have changed his code and forgotten to tell him. He types in the second code his brother gave him over two years ago and waits. A connection is made and a bored looking woman in her mid 30's appears on the screen.
"Ganjitsu Laboratories, micro-biology division. How my I help you?"
Jim clears his throat. "Uh yeah, hi. My name is Captain James T. Kirk. I was wondering if I could speak with my brother, George Samuel Kirk?"
The woman's bored expression turns to one of confusion as she stares at Jim. She glances away quickly, before her eyes once again fix on Kirk. She is now looking extremely uncomfortable.
"Sorry, sir, but that is not possible. Dr Kirk and his wife don't work here any more. They left for Deneva 6 months ago."
Kirk blushes embarrassment. A total stranger has had to tell him that his own bother not only got married, but moved to another planet without telling him. Not a single word. He sits up a little straighter in his chair and and tries to grasp what is left of his dignity. He needs to wipe that pitying look off her face.
"Oh, that's right. I totally forgot. I don't know where my brain has been at the last couple of days. Sorry to have bothered you."
Jim disconnects the call before the woman can reply and he buries his face in his hands.
'He didn't even tell me about the wedding. Not inviting me is one thing, but not even fucking telling me! I know we aren't super close, but that is still something you tell your bother.'
He wallows in his anger and disappointment for a couple of minutes, but then shakes himself out of it... both figuratively and literally. He was not quite prepared for the dizziness that would ensue, and so has to wait another minute for that to pass before he comms his mother. Maybe she can shed some light on things with Sam.
Kirk knows that he will at least get through to her, because as a captain in Starfleet he can find out where anyone is stationed though the network... including his mother. He knows that she is currently on a 2 year mission on the USS Sentry as the chief engineer. Jim sighs. She has the position she always wanted, but it came at a price... her family. He quickly wipes the bitter look off his face as the call connects.
"Whoever this is, I have five minutes before I have to report for duty, so make it quick."
Jim rolls his eyes as he stares at the empty room on the comm screen.
'Typical mom. Too busy to even sit down and answer the comm properly.'
"Hey mom. You think you can actually sit down so your youngest son has a face to put to the voice?"
He hears a small groan and what sounds like his mother muttering "Always had to be the centre of attention." Winona slumps into the chair with a huff and looks at her son with a barely concealed put-upon expression.
"What is it Jimmy? I'm a little busy right now."
Funnily enough, Jim is used to this from his mother. She never had much time for him, and when she was with him it was always really evident to him that she would have preferred to be somewhere else. A lot of people would say that she was a bad mother, but not Jim. You had to actually be around to be considered a bad mother and she was rarely ever around.
"Well mom, I know that we haven't been real close, but I-"
Winona scowls at Kirk as she cuts him off angrily.
"Oh and I bet you are gonna blame me for that, aren't you, Jimmy? Someone had to work so that you could have a roof over your head and food on your plate. I did the best I could with what I had and if that makes me the monster you like to paint me then fine. I can't believe you called me to bring this up... again!"
Jim doesn't understand how this got so messed up so quickly. He just wanted to say good-bye, not dredge up the past that he knows is better left alone. He jumps in quickly to try and salvage the conversation.
"I wasn't going to say anything of the sort, mom. I just-"
She cuts him off again, venom dripping from every word.
"You never do, do you, Jim. But somehow you still always manage to get your message across. You are so skilled at making people feel guilty for things with just a few choice words. No wonder your brother didn't invite you to the wedding."
Jim reels back in his seat as if the older woman had reached through the screen and slapped him.
"You knew about the wedding and you didn't' think it strange that you other son wasn't there?"
Winona sighs and shakes her head.
"Jim, where ever you go, chaos always follows. Do you really blame Sam for wanting his special day to be free of that?"
Kirk uses all his willpower to fight back the tears that are threatening to fall as hears what his family actually thinks of him. He knows that he wasn't perfect in the past, but he is pretty sure that saving the Earth and becoming a captain of a star ship shows that he has matured. He coughs to clear the lump in his throat and to ensure that his voice doesn't crack when he speaks again.
"No, I guess I don't. I have gotten better though, mom. I'm actually bonded to a-"
Jim wants to scream as his mother talks over him yet again, her voice now condescending.
"Look, Jimmy. I don't really have time for 'let's deal with Jim Kirk's emotional issues' right now. I have a job to do, and now thanks to you, I am gonna be late. I'll comm you when I have some free time. Love you."
Before Jim can even open his mouth to reply, the screen in front of him goes black. He stares at it in shock. A broken sob escapes his lips, and the tears he has been trying to hold back finally fall. His elbows rest on the desk and he covers his face with his hands, crying almost hysterically.
He doesn't hear the door open and close, or the rushed footsteps, but he feels the hands on his upper arms as they pull him to a standing position. He is turned around, and pulling into his bond-mate's comforting embrace.
'It is okay to cry, James. You are hurt and need to work through your pain. I am here with you. Lean on me.'
Jim's arms come up around Spock's waist, and he burrows his face further into the Vulcan's neck. The sobbing continues as Spock rubs his husband's back. He whispers words of comfort that Kirk can't quite make out, and begins stepping back towards the bed. Spock sits on the edge of the mattress and gently guides Jim onto his lap. He lightly rocks the Human as the tears slowly subside. Jim mumbles something against Spock's neck as he begins to regain his breath.
"What was that, t'hy'la? I did not hear you."
Jim lifts his head and his red rimmed eyes meet Spock's concerned ones.
"How did you know?"
Spock brushes a thumb against Kirk's cheek, wiping away a stray tear.
"The bond. I tried to give you some privacy, but your pain broke through all of my shields. I could feel it as though it was my own, and I knew that you needed me. I ran as fast as I could. Doctor McCoy must think that I am quite mad after I dashed out of sickbay while we were in the middle of a conversation."
Jim doesn't say anything. He doesn't even laugh about the thing with Bones. He just nods and drops his head back to Spock's shoulder and takes a few shuddering deep breaths. He had always had a rocky relationship with his family, but this conversation has shown him exactly how bad it is. It had never been that vicious before. It is possible that his mother had said those harsh words because she was tired and stressed, but the feelings behind those words had to have come from somewhere.
'Maybe she's right.'
Jim is pulled tighter against Spock, and he can not only hear the growl that escapes the Vulcan, but can also feel it.
'She was not! Whatever you may have done in the past, you did not deserve anything she said to you. Your brother also was unnecessarily cruel. They will both come to know what they have lost with time.'
Kirk takes one last deep, soothing breath and breaks away from Spock's grasp. He gets to his feet and holds his hand out to Spock. The Vulcan takes it, and they are both standing facing each other. Jim rubs his fingers over the back of Spock's hand and smiles slightly when Spock's breath hitches.
"I guess they both made it easier for me to leave. I should be thankful for that."
Before Spock can reply, Jim lets go of his hand and shrugs his shoulders. He steps away from his bond-mate and walks back over to the comm unit. Spock just watches, puzzled.
"What are you doing, ashayam?"
Kirk begins typing in a code, his eyes fixed to the screen. His whole body is tense. After the last two phone calls he has made he figures that it is better to be prepared for a really shitty outcome. It doesn't hurt less if you know the pain is coming, but it is easier to manage once it comes.
"I'm finishing my good-byes. Pike is next."
Spock grabs the seat from next to the bed and places it just behind and to the left of the blond. He wants anyone else that Jim contacts to know that he has back-up. It takes him very little effort to look intimidating.
It only takes a couple of seconds before Christopher Pike's face fills the comm screen.
"Oh Jim, it is so good to see that you are up and around. First you disappear to god-knows-where, and then when you do get brought back you fall into a coma. You are going to send me to an early grave, son."
Jim ducks his head sheepishly.
"Sorry, Chris. I didn't mean to worry you. It was all sort of out of my control."
Kirk nearly jumps when Spock places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes it, trying to give Jim his silent support. Pike is waving his hand and shaking his head at Jim's comment, so he doesn't see the gesture at first.
"Of you didn't mean for any of it to happen, Jim. I don't bla-"
Spock and Jim know that it is at that moment that Chris has seen the intimacy between them. The Admiral's eyebrows shoot up.
"I see that you and your first officer are finally getting along. I don't need to know the details though."
Kirk shifts awkwardly.
"Yeah... this isn't exactly myfirst officer."
Pike's brow farrows in confusion for a moment, but then realisation hits and he groans.
"Jim, are you starting a collection or something? Normally I wouldn't dissuade anyone from taking up a hobby, but don't you think this universe has enough Spock's in it already?"
Kirk chuckles. Pike is truly awesome. His smile drops as his brain quickly informs him that this will probably be the last time he gets to talk to the man who is as close to a father as he is ever going to get. Pike picks up the change in Jim and sobers, waiting patiently for him to talk. It demonstrates yet again that this man has always been able to read Jim. It feels nice to know that has someone besides Bones, and now his Spock, who can do that.
"Don't worry, Pike. It will all be sorted in no time. I didn't actually call because of ships business. I wanted a personal chat. I feel it is past time that I told you how I feel. You have been like a father to me. Without your support and your faith in me I could never have accomplished what I have. I would still be in Iowa drinking myself stupid if it wasn't for you. Thanks for seeing me and not just my father's son."
Chris Pike's face shows signs of panic as he leans closer to the screen. His gazes shoots over to Spock before coming back to rest on Jim.
"That sounded suspiciously like good-bye, son. Your aren't planning on doing anything stupid, are you?"
Jim tries not to fidget under Pike's hard stare. He plasters on his best reassuring smile. He wants to tell Pike the truth, but he knows that the Admiral will find a way to get him to stay. He can't risk it. He will settle for half truths.
"Of course not, Admiral. I just felt that after everything I have recently gone through that you should know how important you are to me, just in case something happens again and I don't come back from it. That's all."
Pike's eyes narrow as he scans Kirk's face. Jim has never been more happy for his weekly poker games with Scotty, Chekov and Sulu, because they have helped him improve his acting immensely.
Chris leans back in his chair and nods.
"Well if that is the case, then thank you. It is good to know that you see me as more than a man that knew your father. Your like a son to me and it pleases me to know that I have been able to demonstrate that to you. I'll talk to you soon, Jim. Bye... other Spock. Have a safe journey."
Spock nods, while Jim carefully picks his parting words. He decides that simple and casual is best. Pike is just too smart for his own good for Jim to risk getting too deep.
"Bye, Chris. Thanks again."
Kirk scrambles for the disconnect button before Pike can see the tears that are starting to form. Strong arms encircle him and Spock's chin rests on his shoulder.
"It seems that Christopher Pike is a good man in any universe. I am sorry that you will lose him. Hopefully Doctor McCoy will explain to him what has happened to you, so that his grief will be lessened once he finds out we have gone."
Jim is about to tell Spock that that will probably be the first thing Bones will do, but suddenly his focus is back on the comm unit, as a constant beeping emanates from it. He turns it on and is slightly taken back by the angry face staring back at him. Not that someone being angry at him is much of a surprise, but the fact that the someone is Selik.
Kirk can sense Spock's whole body go taut against him before the Vulcan lets him go, and sits more fully in his seat. He pulls his seat closer to Jim and is now directly next to him. Jim wants to find out what is up now with his Spock, but decides that he should deal with the angrier looking Vulcan still glaring at him from the screen.
"You are a fool, James T. Kirk! Did you truly believe that I would not find out about your plan?"
Kirk shakes his head. "I was just about to call-"
"I have not finished speaking, Jim. I just got off the comm with my younger counter-part, who told me everything. I am not pleased."
Spock growls at the older Vulcan, while Jim's eyes narrow in anger. He loves Selik, but he is beginning to lose his patience.
"I bet he didn't tell you everything.There are things I'm sure he left out."
Selik's rage seems to be rising along with Jim's. His next words are almost snarled.
"You cannot possibly be contemplating leaving your rightful t'hy'la, to go gallivanting over to another universe with a Vulcan who is plainly the most selfish creature in all existence?"
Red fills Kirk's vision and his slams his fists on the desk. Both Spock's look at him in shock.
"Don't speak about my bond-mate that way! You don't know anything about him."
Selik's eyes go wide.
"You have bonded?"
Through all the anger still bubbling inside of him, Jim can feel some self-satisfaction begin to form at the fact that his first officer obviously did leave some things out when explaining the situation to Selik.
"Okay, so you listened to my XO's side of the story. Now it's time for you to hear mine."
It takes half an hour for Jim to explain to Selik what had been happening with the other universe, bonding with his Spock, returning to this universe, the big decision he faced, and his first officer's not-so-generous offer. Selik's face revealed very little emotion until the last part of Kirk's speech and then there was no hiding the shock and anger.
"I am truly disgusted with my counter-part's behaviour. Even desperation is no excuse for what he has said to you, Jim. I am sorry that I jumped to conclusions. I am afraid that in my old age I have let my emotions get the best of me."
Spock was the first to address the reproachful old Vulcan.
"You are not at fault, Elder. The Spock of this universe seems to be an adept at manipulation. He knew how much my bond-mate respects you and tried to take advantage of that fact. He was unsuccessful in convincing James to stay and most probably thought you would have better luck."
Selik tilts and stares at Spock with what looks like admiration and a touch of pride.
"That is a very logical hypothesis and is what I believe to be correct."
Spock bows his head. "Thank you. I am honoured you think so, Elder."
Jim watches the whole exchange with a small smile on his lips. He is happy to see at least two Spock's finally getting along. It took meeting four of them for it to happen, but he eventually got to see it. He decides to cut in on this little love fest and do what he needs to do.
"Hey Selik, now that we have all the misunderstandings cleared up, maybe I can get on with what I was going to call you about."
Selik's eyebrow goes up questioningly and his lips tilt up in a minute smile.
"And what would that be, Jim?"
Kirk takes a deep breath as he prepares himself for the emotions that are bound to be released. Spock takes his and squeezes it as a sign of support.
"Good-bye. As you know, I am going back with my bond-mate to the other universe... and it looks like it won't be possible for me to come back. Once I go that's it, but I can't go until I have said good-bye to you, my friend. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank the powers that be for putting me on that ice planet and allowing me to meet you. You gave me the confidence to become the captain you believed me to be and made me believe in such a thing as destiny."
Jim glances at a Spock with an expression just shy of worship, before he turns back to Selik, who is looking at the pair with contentment shining in his eyes.
"No thanks is necessary, Jim. You are t'hy'la, I had to do what I could to ensure your happiness. You found that happiness in a different place then I thought you would, but I should not be surprised that you discovered it by walking the road less travelled. I am saddened that this is good-bye, but I am comforted by the fact that you will be with, who I now believe to be, you true t'hy'la."
Jim swallows down the sob that is trying to escape and gives the old man a watery smile.
"Thanks, Selik. Don't be too hard on my first officer when I'm gone. Yes, he is a douche of the highest order, but he is still Spock, and god help me, I have a soft spot for Vulcans with that name."
Selik actually laughs, and over to Jim's side Spock also releases a small chuckle.
"Do not worry. I believe that my younger self will be 'kicking himself' enough for the both of us. I promise that I will try to help him through the pain of losing you, but when necessary I might have to remind him that is was of his own doing. Now I will leave you, because you no doubt have many things to do before your journey. Live a long and happy life, Jim. I will miss you greatly."
Jim manages to croak out a response, as he places his hand on the screen, wishing he could touch Selik's face.
"Love you, Spock."
Jim feels that if this is the last time he is going to say the elderly Vulcan's name then it should be his real one. The joyous smile that graces Selik's face tells him that he made the right call.
The old Vulcan reaches out and then the screen goes black. Jim doesn't waste a second. He launches himself at Spock, once again burying his face into the Vulcan's warm shoulder and cries.
"I have never cried this much in my life."
Spock does not respond to the murmured statement. He just holds Kirk closer, running his hands through his husbands short blond hair and sending waves of love through their bond until the tear finally stop.
/
Sam actually did work or study on Ganjitsu (in TOS canon) and the ship Winona is on is real too.
Hopefully I will have the next chapter up in a weeks time, but it might be a little longer. I haven't even started on it, which is rare for me. It doesnt help that I have recently become obsessed with Iron man/Captain America fanfiction, which is taking up all my time. I still love Kirk/Spock, but when a new obsession hits me, it hits me hard.
I promise I won't leave you hanging too long.